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How do you...? - 5/11/2010 8:45:37 PM   
bluefireeyez


Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		Hello all,

I recently found out that I have to have (yet) another surgery very soon. The doctor will be removing my entire right ovary due to complications. While I don't necessarily want kids right now and Master hasn't quite made up his mind if he ever would, I feel like the potential complications from this just add to my list of ailments. Although I am overall healthy, I have Herrington Rods which can cause really bad back pain and limit what I can do. To top it off, I was in the hospital twice this past year due to psychiatric reasons.

Master says that He just wants me healthy and has even stated that these things do not bother him. When I am sick, He pulls back on His expectations until I am better. For instance, W/we want to go and have fun when He visits next. He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. He also knows if I am overly stressed and will not push me in the way that He normally would (whether it be physically or mentally).

I know that people aren't perfect and bodies fail. However, I feel like bits and pieces of me are falling off. I'm only 25, there is no reason for it.

How do you feel comfortable belonging to Your Dominant or Master if/when You have an ongoing illness or serious injury? How do you manage to balance your illness/injury with your Dominant or Master's wants/needs? For instance, if you suffer from migrane headaches or severe back pain at the same time that He had scheduled or wanted to do a session?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 8:55:23 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Okay, so he's perfect? 


How you manage it is by deep sixing your guilt.


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(in reply to bluefireeyez)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 9:01:18 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. I know how tough it can be to not be up to the kinds of activities you wish you were. I had surgery for cervical cancer earlier this year and couldn't have sex for a month. Well, couldn't have vaginal sex--everything else was ok, so we just did everything else for a month. Right after my surgery, I really couldn't do anything but sleep for a few days, and Master let me, but it was hard on me psychologically and emotionally to not be available to him the way I wanted to be. Like your Master, mine said he understood that I couldn't do anything but sleep. He took excellent care of me--but it was hard to let him. I was a horrible patient for him, to the point where he had to command me to shut up and let him take care of me.

My guess is that your Master accepts your limitations better than you do. He has told you he just wants you to be healthy and your limitations don't bother him. Believe him and quit beating yourself up about it. It doesn't matter that you're only 25 and hate that this is happening to you. It IS happening to you and it seems you don't have much control over your health, so quit feeling bad about it. It's not your fault. Your Master knows that.

Your job is to take care of yourself when you're not well so that you can get well and be available to your Master.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 9:03:38 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		What you have going on is real life. Sometimes it's great and sometimes we get more than our share of misery. your Master seems to understand this and accepts you for who you are. I know your upset at all this but just hold on and get past it. On the other side you'll be a stronger person and you and your Master will have grown closer because of the patience and caring you've had for each other during this trying time. Please let us know how your feeling after your surgery.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 9:04:48 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bluefireeyez
How do you manage to balance your illness/injury with your Dominant or Master's wants/needs? For instance, if you suffer from migrane headaches or severe back pain at the same time that He had scheduled or wanted to do a session?

Welcome to the world of men!  Even dominants have "performance anxiety."  Let me tell you, I can't come as easily as I could when I was 19.  In 2008, I was dating a 25-year-old, and part of the reason we broke up is that she wanted to feel me come inside of her.  She had a sense that it bonded us closer spiritually.  (Hippie chicks rock!)  Anyway, I can come, but not necessarily at the same time she does, or with just vaginal stimulation, etc.  Maybe if I had been 25 too, instead of 13 years older, I could have accommodated her.  Oh well.

My advice: figure out ways to mitigate the problem.  Ever since I started doing lots of cardio, I've been able to keep an erection that outlasts every woman I've been with.  Ejaculation still takes work, but blood flow is not an issue.  Take the same approach.  Do everything in your power to de-migrainize, and try to figure out ways to please him even if your body isn't doing exactly what you wish it would.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 9:34:39 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Blue, this is like lamenting because your period started.....you don't do that anymore do you? We cannot control the things we cannot control. Let it go and enjoy the time you have together until you are healed. You're 25! You have TONS of time...it doesn't all have to happen right this minute. It's comforting you have someone that's understanding to be with you through it all, take solace in that and let go of the guilt.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 9:37:03 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		My late husband had health issues.  He chose to be depressed about them.  He would only focus on those things he could not do anymore rather than on the wonderful things he could still enjoy.  He wasn't much fun to be with as he sat in a chair in the house rather than enjoying the sun or going for a walk or even talking to his friends. 

Gary is just the opposite.  He has health issues that are much worse than my husband's problems.  Yet, he smiles every day and enjoys each and every day as each one is a blessing.  You see, he expected to die nearly 9 years ago.  He was so very lucky to get the lung transplant he wanted.  For him each day is another wonderful moment he didn't expect to be around to enjoy. 

Your attitude can make a difference as to how others see you.  Don't get down because you are not able to do everything that others can do.  Remember that you fill a very special and unique place in your Master's heart.  To him you are special.  So be happy with what you do have and what you can do.  That way you will always be a person others want to be around.

I'm sure your Master is an adult.  He is not a child who will throw a tantrum because he couldn't have a play session because you had to have surgery.  When I had my surgery Gary did the cooking and the cleaning.  My job was to heal and get well.  In March it was my turn to do the same for him.  It's called caring.  I get confused when people seem to take the caring out of all M/s and D/s relationships.  Masters are not spoiled children who will pout if they don't get their way all the time. 


< Message edited by peppermint -- 5/11/2010 9:44:59 PM >

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 9:45:58 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		I agree 100% with what peppermint said about the choice you have about how to deal with your health problems. Sharp advice.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 11:31:29 PM   
MrSexyDevilPants


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline 		1. Your Master has asked you to trust him and believe him. It may help you to think of it in those terms when he tells you it's okay.

2. Your duty was never to perform x,y,z tasks. It was and is to please your Master to the best of your ability. Being a good sub is about honest service, not being a double jointed gymnast with no gag reflex (not that thats a bad thing either).

(in reply to lucylucy)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/11/2010 11:36:00 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

Your duty was never to perform x,y,z tasks. It was and is to please your Master to the best of your ability.


You said it so simply, and yet this is so important. 

(in reply to MrSexyDevilPants)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 12:22:48 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I'm sorry but it's this mindset that I find somewhat disturbing in regards to some BDSM relationships. I can understand feeling frustrated at not being able to do the things you would like to be doing... but guilt????

If your dog gets sick, you take it to the vet, get the appropriate medication, settle it into it's bed and check on it frequently to make sure it's ok. You sure as hell don't expect it to jump up and start doing tricks because you're in the mood to be entertained. Why would you expect or give anything less as or to a s/s?

If the act of giving a little TLC when appropriate threatened his position of Dominance within the relationship, he wouldn't be man enough to be my Dominant partner.

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 5/12/2010 12:25:57 AM >

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I have an explosive personality...


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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 4:17:02 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. He also knows if I am overly stressed and will not push me in the way that He normally would (whether it be physically or mentally).


He's not going to visit and support you through this?

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 4:33:57 AM   
blueeyedbbwsub


Posts: 435
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline 		You are very lucky to have an understanding Dom. Please remember that. I've been with a few who didn't care enough to take into consideration that I was having health problems. I had to deal with their tantrums and poor behavior. It wasn't pleasant and didn't make the recovery go as well as it should have.

Everyone at one point or another in life is going to have to deal with the realities of life. Not everything is sunshine and roses at all times. It's the tough times that will make or break a relationship. Age has nothing to do with it. Take the time to heal and good luck.

_____________________________

fuzzballed goondorker

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 4:42:01 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. He also knows if I am overly stressed and will not push me in the way that He normally would (whether it be physically or mentally).


He's not going to visit and support you through this?


That. I mean if he isn't involved enough with you to come and do what even a close friend should do, I would perhaps not be so concerned about his feelings. That's just me but it seems a bit cold.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 6:34:38 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bluefireeyez
When I am sick, He pulls back on His expectations until I am better.


Masters expectations are realistic, so it isn't a case of pulling back on them.  I do not mean that to sound as harsh as it does in the written word, however if your Master is centred and realistic, he would not have to pull back.

quote:

For instance, W/we want to go and have fun when He visits next. He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. He also knows if I am overly stressed and will not push me in the way that He normally would (whether it be physically or mentally).


I can see why people seem to be jumping on your Master when I read this initially.  It reads more like 'He isn't coming because he can't get me to serve properly'.  I re-read it and I think you are saying (and correct me if I am incorrect) that he is holding off his visit so that you can enjoy whatever he had planned - something you could not do if you are feeling unwell.  Maybe his work or other commitments mean that his visits need to be planned and are restricted.  It's really easy for people to judge that he is being completely selfish at first read through.  We have no real comprehension of how far you live apart.

That said - when I was taken into hospital suddenly about three years ago, Master jumped into his car and took a 2-3 hour journey to be with me, staying until the hospital suggested he leave which was early morning and then drove home - slept a while - then drove all the way back to be there during visiting hours, slipping in a few hours work inbetween so as not to let down his company.  What I am trying to say is that sometimes 'enjoying' is as simple as being there for someone when they are unwell.

quote:

I know that people aren't perfect and bodies fail. However, I feel like bits and pieces of me are falling off. I'm only 25, there is no reason for it.

That is called life.  Things happen.  I had pneumonia at 23.  My friends have had arthritis or FM or ME and MS.  Age has nothing to do with it.

quote:

How do you feel comfortable belonging to Your Dominant or Master if/when You have an ongoing illness or serious injury?

If Master instructs it, I obey.
quote:

How do you manage to balance your illness/injury with your Dominant or Master's wants/needs? For instance, if you suffer from migrane headaches or severe back pain at the same time that He had scheduled or wanted to do a session?


I inform him how I am, how I am feeling and he decides the outcome.  He has the authority.  If he doesn't know - how can he make a decision?  I am not to make the decisions for him - that isn't the kind of relationship he wants.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 7:06:28 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...if you suffer from migrane headaches or severe back pain at the same time that He had scheduled or wanted to do a session?...


He banishes this slave to the "roundhouse" until she doesn't just lay there in a whining, crying, whimpering lump and can participate in whatever activity He has planned.

We live together, though...so our time together isn't restricted by it being a "visit".

(in reply to bluefireeyez)
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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 7:21:26 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		This is what I think....I think you should change your profile IMMEDIATELY!!!!! Why in the fuck would you list what you do in your profile? Lose it, now!!!!

Second, where exactly is mr Master? Don't confuse someone who doesn't want to come out when you are having surgery as showing concern for your welfare...I might avoid you because your lack of mobility is just a complete drag.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluefireeyez

Master says that He just wants me healthy and has even stated that these things do not bother him. When I am sick, He pulls back on His expectations until I am better. For instance, W/we want to go and have fun when He visits next. He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. He also knows if I am overly stressed and will not push me in the way that He normally would (whether it be physically or mentally).



Sounds like he is just avoiding you until you are better. Wouldn't someone that really cares be there when you need them most?



< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/12/2010 7:36:59 AM >

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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 7:37:47 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. He also knows if I am overly stressed and will not push me in the way that He normally would (whether it be physically or mentally).


He's not going to visit and support you through this?


That. I mean if he isn't involved enough with you to come and do what even a close friend should do, I would perhaps not be so concerned about his feelings. That's just me but it seems a bit cold.

i agree with Sunny and Aynne


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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 7:49:55 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

How do you feel comfortable belonging to Your Dominant or Master if/when You have an ongoing illness or serious injury? How do you manage to balance your illness/injury with your Dominant or Master's wants/needs?
i am in this position right now. I have a few injuries that are physically limiting.
I want to push myself and not allow these injuries to stop me from doing what i want to do. But he expects me to honor his main need, which is for me to recover.


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TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
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RE: How do you...? - 5/12/2010 9:45:06 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

W/we want to go and have fun when He visits next. He was supposed to come in June or July, but since I can't have my surgery until June 22 He may wait longer to visit. 


Reading the other posts reqarding this quote I'm wondering if I read it wrong.....I thought it meant that he'd delay his visit so he could be there for the surgery. Could be he can't take extra time off work.

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Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

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