RE: So I'm curious (Full Version)

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crazyml -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 3:18:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I think the internet can teach some things about bdsm d/s in general, mainly how freaking goofy y'all are! [8D]


Grin!


On-line experience is valid - as online experience. I don't think online is less real than r/l - it's different real. That said, while many of the things you learn online may be useful to you in r/l it's not the same as r/l experience.

So, to me - both are valid in their own way.



DomImus -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 3:28:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
I was thinking more along the line of going to college to be whatever after you're in the work environment now you can say I have this much "actual experience" So the time "spent in school" is that "experience?


That's a very good analogy. I don't consider time spent online as experience per sé but you can learn much about all of this online from both philosophical and technical perspectives. I studied needle play solely online without ever having seen it done in person or without having any 'mentoring' from someone who had experience. My first foray into it garnered a compliment as to how I went about it like a veteran (not the military type). The net is a great resource.





SimplyMichael -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 3:28:33 PM)

Yep, just as learning to fly a 747 in real life as opposed to flying one in a flight sim.

Problem is, some people confuse the two which is why so many relationships crash and burn shortly after takeoff.



jbcurious -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 4:01:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3


quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Even if I was counting online time...what's that about 3 months? Most of that has been getting to know men from a vanilla aspect or here on the forums.

So I'm a newby in pretty much every way...except getting my toes wet several years ago.

Does enthusism count? [:)]





Yes because you're clearly not an idiot and have the ability to communicate in a mature manner. I don't know how far that goes with Dom/mes though....they could communicate like a pro and if they tell me I want to whip you and have never done it before, I'm still going to have a hell of a lot of questions before I consider it.



Thank you Lauren and Lady H. I appreciate that.

While a sub can get away with being somewhat inexperienced, I can't hurt anyone but myself. I definitely want experience in a Dom.



SweetNika -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 4:32:06 PM)

My time online can be educationional but IMO it doesn't qualify as experience UNLESS it is as experirience in typing, online relationships or things of the virtual nature.



littlewonder -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 4:38:27 PM)

I rarely ever speak of "experience". It's not all that important to me. Personality is.

The times when I do speak of experience though I'm talking of real life life experience, not how much time you spend on the net on porn sites.



OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 5:46:16 PM)

I'm more interested in someone's experiences in relationships in general, and in their life experiences, than I am in kinky skill sets.  So for me, time spent online doesn't weigh heavily as the kind of "experience" I value.

Even if I were interested in kink skill sets, though,  I doubt I'd take "online experience" very seriously.  Obviously it's possible to type lengthily, even eloquently, about elaborate forms of rope bondage without so much as being able to tie a knot.

I spend a fair amount of time during the winter posting on tennis boards, but my game only actually improves (and oh so slowly these days, at that) when I'm actually out playing.  The same can be said, I think, for all types of play.



forsaken555 -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 6:55:34 PM)

Experience for me is real physical play. Anything less than that is not considered experience. It's just speculation. 



FetishRose -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 7:01:25 PM)

I tend to categorize things into "knowledge" and "experience."  Of course, it is ideal, especially in this lifestyle, to have both in a certain area.  For me, knowledge is researching everything I can about...oh, needle play.  This is the online portion, workshops, etc.  But experience does not come until I've actually been out there inserting/having inserted needles into me.



Andalusite -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 7:05:33 PM)

I sometimes say that I have 16 years of experience with BDSM, but there were a few months here and there between relationships. Sometimes I played casually, other times, I was avoiding it entirely. If someone really wanted me to be that specific, I could tote up the exact length of each relationship: 5 years as a Domme, 3 years as a sub, a year and a half as a switch (mostly Top), 1 year as a bottom, etc., but it's easiest to use round numbers. I don't count online as experience or knowledge, and I don't do cybersex or online BDSM. I do enjoy discussing BDSM and D/s with people online, and I've often been inspired to explore something in person.

Laurell and jb, I can understand wanting someone who has experience with the things they plan to do with you, especially if they are riskier! While I do have a lot of experience as a Top and as a Domme, I was in a monogamous relationship for 3 years as a submissive in my last relationship, so I got a bit rusty. My submissive playpartner has been very open to new things, or activities that I only did a couple of times, years ago, such as needles and fireplay. So, we took formal classes in those areas together, or worked with someone who *was* very experienced with it, rather than my experimenting on my own. I'm very safety-conscious, and I appreciate her willingness to explore with me. [:D]



Missokyst -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 7:12:10 PM)

All my online experience came after I was doing this for a decade. I don't count online as experience, I count it as interest. That said I find experience is not the be all end all of being a good partner. More important to me is a willingness to pay attention, the ability to hear and interpret, and the knowlege that even if you have done it 10 times before, each time stands on its own merit.
I don't choose a partner based on experience.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 8:54:21 PM)

Actually I was quite miffed when I realized after you got into college that no one cared about prior experience- I'd done event planning, peer mediation, government business, volunteer work out the wazoo, newspaper editing and more experienced skills than a heck of a lot of people out there by the time I was 18. But because it was when I was 18, no one really wanted to hear about it.



juliaoceania -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 9:09:49 PM)

I suppose it depends on the school, and how applied the program is



NuevaVida -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 9:14:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

When your referring to your experience level do you include the time you spent on the net on sites like this? Does time spent reading about it, or the online thing. Would you consider that a "experience factor"?

I'm not looking for the online vs RL debate. I was thinking more along the line of going to collage to be whatever after your in the work environment now you can say I have this much "actual experience" So the time "spent in school" is that "experience?

BadOne


Depends what "experience" you're talking about when you say "experience level."  Experience in what?  While online forums and conversations may broaden ones perspective, it does not give actual relationship and/or BDSM experience.

Personally speaking, when talking to he who owns me, I didn't care what his conversation/bdsm/scene experience was.  I wanted to know his moral character, why his past relationships failed, and what his accountability was in their failure.  I wanted to know how he handled anger, enthusiasm, frustration, and other key emotions, and what his relationship with his daughter was like, and did he get along with his mother.

In other words, life and relationship experience (and what is done with it) are higher priorities for me than bdsm experience, which is why I asked "experience in what?"



SailingBum -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 10:11:58 PM)

Hey NV

Your readingway to much into my OP. I was dealing strictly how ppl view experience. Since this is a BDSM thread I had hoped ppl would relate the experience factor in that light. Not how it relates in choosing a partner... tho I understand how ppl might want to take it to that lvl.

The topic was a random thought I had. BTW I have not had a relationship via meeting someone over the internet. So I don't have a "interview process".

BadOne



laurell3 -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 10:23:11 PM)

I'm unsure what you mean SM. Are you merely asking if people consider online interactions/forums as bdsm experience?



SassySarijane -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 10:39:30 PM)

If I refer to my experience, it is from when I first started exploring in person. Online and books taught me a few things, gave me some basics, but still didn't prepare me for the experience of seeing and doing. There's a huge difference between them in my own experience.



asiansubmissie -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 10:58:06 PM)

I don't count the online time at all. Never even thought of it. I only count the times from when I was introduced to what I think of as kink to now.



LadyPact -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 11:52:59 PM)

I actually look at My experience level in different ways.  I don't really count the online part except in one area.  That would be while clip was deployed.  Technically, we were 'online' for that period and some people wouldn't add that to the experience total for that reason.  I still do for the same reason that I still considered Myself married to My husband while he was stationed in Korea.  Plus, I was still involved with the local community as well as engaging in casual play.  My dynamic just happened to be spread out across the world.

What I don't count is the time period when I first met My husband and the beginning of our marriage, even though that happened after I got involved in BDSM.  We had a very vanilla relationship in the beginning, so there was no play, no munches, or anything else.  I still had the same amount of knowledge, but I don't count it because I wasn't doing anything in addition to what I already knew.

Taking that time out, it's been roughly ten years.



reynardfox -> RE: So I'm curious (5/12/2010 11:57:43 PM)

Reading about horses and watching the racing will not make you a jockey, - will it?



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