RE: So I'm curious (Full Version)

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SailingBum -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 11:04:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

yes,  but did it have a beat and make you wanna dance?


naaaa it makes you wanna fire up another one. Youtube Traffic listen to "walking in the wind" ehhh better yet listen to the entire album "Low spark of high heeled boys" You know some of th band mates. Steve Winwood, Dave Mason et al.

BadOne



SailingBum -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 11:32:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSpinner

Hell it's all a learning experience.

Personally I don't count the time I spent observing from the outside.  And I separate the time I spent actually being mentored in SM from my actual experience.  And more recently I add a different category all together.

So, I spent 6 months 2-3 hours a day 4-5 times a week being mentored.
I have been involved in the general BDSM culture in various locations, with varying experiences for the past 12 years.
And I've been involved in the Gay Leather culture for 2 years now.

Interestingly, for all it's own problems, the Gay Leather culture has been far more rewarding than the general BDSM communities I've been a part of.



That's interesting... having a distinction between the very different types of learning. Many years ago when I was a carpenter. Your employer would pay to send you to school one day a week the rest of the time you would be building stuff. The guys on the job would show you various tips and tricks.

To me that was all lumped into "experience" However if I was only reading about building a house without picking up a hammer I would have knowledge, but not exp. Once I pickup up the hammer Id have both.

BadOne




MasterSpinner -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 11:55:52 AM)

My mentorship would be analogous to an apprenticeship in a motorcycle shop.  First, you do the cat litter dance, then you put the tools away and pick out tools the mechanics need as they need them and watch and assist as needed, then you get to do an oil change, then a tire change, then a carb cleaning etc etc etc.

I for instance work on any motorcycle that comes in to my shop, I have to get the service manual if I've never worked on that era and model bike before, I study it, and then I apply my past experience and what I learned from the book to the real thing.  Hell I just pulled my first shovelhead engine out last night without any fuckups... that was one big learning experience.  Kinda a right of passage level thing for a bike mechanic.

It's a never ending cycle of learning.  I just list the different types of learning experiences because they are very different.

But I'll never fail to realize the importance of book learnin' even being over a decade into my BDSM journey.

Some of the greatest epiphanies about the life I've had have come from reading or listening to others rather than putting my hands on a toy or on skin.  And I think that's how it should be for anyone who isn't just in it for the play.



porcelaine -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 12:05:51 PM)

quote:

Since then I have met more people who had been in online relationships for years and while the behavior was not as extreme as the first guy, they did have some odd ideas about how a real life encounter might go.


I don't have an issue with someone that's done a little exploring online. I realize people find this path in varying ways. My concern rests when disclosures are never given or the experience cited fails to convey that it took place in a virtual setting. Everyone reads something different into that and I suspect the ambivalence some have about admitting it stems from this fact. They assume it will be discounted and place a greater emphasis on stats than honesty.

In terms of mentoring, I don't consider it experience. The years spent in that position were for developmental purposes. While my submission may benefit from what was gained, I was never on the kneel to that individual.

~porcelaine



ranja -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 12:20:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


That's interesting... having a distinction between the very different types of learning. Many years ago when I was a carpenter. Your employer would pay to send you to school one day a week the rest of the time you would be building stuff. The guys on the job would show you various tips and tricks.

To me that was all lumped into "experience" However if I was only reading about building a house without picking up a hammer I would have knowledge, but not exp. Once I pickup up the hammer Id have both.

BadOne



The thing is though that you might simply have an interest in carpeting but for what ever reason not really got into it... sometimes people just need a push
so then maybe you find yourself in a carpentry chatroom and a nice master carpenter takes a liking to you and gives you answers to your carpentry questions and starts encouraging you to take up the hammer and build yourself a bird house, so you make some designs, chat things through with the on-line master capenter, get some planks and tools and nails and after a few hours of sawdusty fun you send the master carpenter a photo of your creation...

is this real time experience? or should you discount this episode because it was inspired by an on-line master?




KnightofMists -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 12:25:58 PM)

Experience in What. I have many years of experience on Internet forums. But is that Experience in SM Scenes? For me I would say no. I have been to a few dozen experiences on lectures with regards to SM But is that experience in SM scenes. For me I would say no. To me... the experience is in the actual doing SM. I have many years of experience doing SM involving about dozen different people. The interest thing is that the experience of Internet forums and attending lectures and many other experience provide me Knowledge with regards to the activities of SM.

To put it another way.... I read Playboy and watched porn... that didn't make me experienced in Sex untill I had Sex. But, I did have some knowledge about sex before I actually experienced it. I would add that the experience of sex provided another avenue of Knowledge on the activity that I didn't get reading playboy or watching porn. In fact, the knowledged I gain from playboy and porn was rather um limited compared to the knowledged I gained from actually doing it. I would say Internet forums is not much different. VERY limited knowledge can be gained and doesn't compare to the actual doing of it.




SailingBum -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 12:51:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja



The thing is though that you might simply have an interest in carpeting but for what ever reason not really got into it... sometimes people just need a push
so then maybe you find yourself in a carpentry chatroom and a nice master carpenter takes a liking to you and gives you answers to your carpentry questions and starts encouraging you to take up the hammer and build yourself a bird house, so you make some designs, chat things through with the on-line master capenter, get some planks and tools and nails and after a few hours of sawdusty fun you send the master carpenter a photo of your creation...

is this real time experience? or should you discount this episode because it was inspired by an on-line master?




That is a valid point that I had not considered. Once I pick the hammer I have experience the fact that it's online or real life makes nary a difference. After thinking about it quite a few mainstream collages have online classes. My girl is attending a local univ and has had a couple online classes for her master deg.

BadOne



SailingBum -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 1:07:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSpinner

My mentorship would be analogous to an apprenticeship in a motorcycle shop.  First, you do the cat litter dance, then you put the tools away and pick out tools the mechanics need as they need them and watch and assist as needed, then you get to do an oil change, then a tire change, then a carb cleaning etc etc etc.

I for instance work on any motorcycle that comes in to my shop, I have to get the service manual if I've never worked on that era and model bike before, I study it, and then I apply my past experience and what I learned from the book to the real thing.  Hell I just pulled my first shovelhead engine out last night without any fuckups... that was one big learning experience.  Kinda a right of passage level thing for a bike mechanic.

It's a never ending cycle of learning.  I just list the different types of learning experiences because they are very different.

But I'll never fail to realize the importance of book learnin' even being over a decade into my BDSM journey.

Some of the greatest epiphanies about the life I've had have come from reading or listening to others rather than putting my hands on a toy or on skin.  And I think that's how it should be for anyone who isn't just in it for the play.



I never took BDSM that seriously to read up on it. My attitude was/is if I enjoi it do it and when it stops being fun move on to something else. It doesn't matter if it's BDSM, sailing, sports whatever. Id find a willing victim and try my deviant thoughts out. That has served me well through my lifetime.

BadOne



subtee -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 1:23:47 PM)

I don't actually find much occasion to refer to my experience level (? there are levels?)

As a wise man said, "My attitude was/is if I enjoi it do it and when it stops being fun move on to something else."



Level -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 3:50:02 PM)

tee, you suck up! [;)]

What I care about is control, and I have experience doing that throughout much of my life, including in relationships. I care very little, to nothing, about most of the activities associated with kink, but I have had some hands on experiences, but nothing that I would call sustained. So, I don't know how to categorize it, and I don't worry about it; as someone else said, the attitude, and common sense of the parties involved, that's the ticket.



subtee -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 3:58:01 PM)

Awwww...You're the only level I care about [;)]



Level -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 4:26:09 PM)

[8D] Me, you, and the beagles! That's the life!



sweetsub1957 -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 4:46:56 PM)

~Fast Reply~
i consider actual realtime encounters and/or realtime relationships experience. On the other hand i do consider on-line situations and reading as learning but not experience, because i haven't actually experienced those in realtime. Not that there's anything wrong w/ learning via on-line and reading. Just i don't call it experience when S/someone asks me about it.

~sweetsub~



NuevaVida -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 10:07:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Hey NV

Your readingway to much into my OP. I was dealing strictly how ppl view experience. Since this is a BDSM thread I had hoped ppl would relate the experience factor in that light. Not how it relates in choosing a partner... tho I understand how ppl might want to take it to that lvl.



Hey back atcha.  I get where you're coming from.  I just didn't care much about what BDSM experience he had, and I did meet him online. 

But I did say:  While online forums and conversations may broaden ones perspective, it does not give actual relationship and/or BDSM experience.  Hopefully that answered your question.



Silence8 -> RE: So I'm curious (5/13/2010 10:15:31 PM)

I don't want anyone too experienced.

Gross.

I find casual sex pretty repulsive as well. 'Market society.' [shudders]

Meat is cheap. Vegetables are expensive. (USA! USA!)

Maybe I should marry a tree. Take a photograph of myself beside her, wearing my Charlie Brown t-shirt.

Go fuck yourself. It's safer.



lucylucy -> RE: So I'm curious (5/14/2010 6:50:15 AM)

I think the most meaningful way to measure experience is qualitatively rather than quantitatively, but of course, it's a bitch to measure it qualitatively.

I still consider myself a newbie, 15 months in (that's 15 months in an actual real life relationship). I don't count reading The Story of O and waching porn as experience.

One thing I found out when I divorced is that even though I had 20 years experience being married, it didn't help me much when I was looking for a new relationship. I was an expert on my ex-husband but not on other men.



leadership527 -> RE: So I'm curious (5/14/2010 9:22:33 AM)

I don't think I've ever actually put any checklist things up. But when if I was going to, I would be counting the years that Carol has had a collar as "experience". If Carol died and I spent 2 years single, I probably would not count that as experience. I'd probably only count the time I actually had a collared slave cohabiting with me.



LadyPact -> RE: So I'm curious (5/14/2010 9:50:08 AM)

I do have to throw the question back to you, SB.  How literally did you mean it?

While many of the people responding have been talking about power dynamics, going by the original, I thought you were asking about bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism.  If someone is engaging in bondage every weekend, even though there's no dynamic involved, I'd certainly term that as experience.  In ways, I find that much more valuable than when there is no tangible interaction between two people.

I understand that a lot of folks are more concerned about the relationship, rather than the activity, but I don't think you can completely discount the experience of those who identify as top or bottom.



porcelaine -> RE: So I'm curious (5/14/2010 10:01:09 AM)

LadyPact,

quote:

I understand that a lot of folks are more concerned about the relationship, rather than the activity, but I don't think you can completely discount the experience of those who identify as top or bottom.


I think both are of equal merit and it really depends where the bulk of emphasis rests with each person. For some, the experience factor is null and void if the other person has zero relationship skills. On the other side, you have those that appreciate this but wouldn't dream of pairing with someone that didn't have some measure of experience. Which brings me back to the partnership and their original focus. In certain dynamics, hands on experience is a necessity. In others, maybe not so important. And then there's always the third option - casual play where no relationship exists or is desired.

~porcelaine



SailingBum -> RE: So I'm curious (5/14/2010 11:00:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I do have to throw the question back to you, SB.  How literally did you mean it?





Ahhh ok my turn I view experience as a combination of reading and time spent doing the task. As others have pointed out as it relates to BDSM when choosing a partner exp doesn't matter to me. Where experience does matter is in complex tasks.

To sail in some of the long distance races say over 150 miles. One of the many requirements is to have at least 2 crew members that have done the race before. Part of the thinking is safety of the crew. You want someone who knows what to do when someone falls in at 4 am. Typically there are no other boats around to help. That is where experience really really matters. Most times when someone ends up swimming the wind is howling and the waves are tall. Kinda like Gligan and the 3 hour cruise

BadOne



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