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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 9:06:51 AM

subtee

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grammar

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 9:08:32 AM

Jeffff

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You will not break me!!!!!!

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 9:09:49 AM

subtee

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Awwww, put your anteater snout right between the bosoms and I'll pet you.

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 9:14:23 AM

Jeffff

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 9:15:27 AM

January

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quote:

still he says no; i don't need them unless we are "doing something" besides meeting

Just a "meeting" can be dangerous. Where are you meeting? In a public place? How long have you been interacting with this man? Do you know his real name? Google that name. Cyber-stalk the crap out of him. Does his electronic footprint add up? Is it consistent with what he's told you? Bring a friend with you to the meeting.

And finally, just say no.

January

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 9:21:12 AM

Jeffff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: January

quote:

still he says no; i don't need them unless we are "doing something" besides meeting

Just a "meeting" can be dangerous. Where are you meeting? In a public place? How long have you been interacting with this man? Do you know his real name? Google that name. Cyber-stalk the crap out of him. Does his electronic footprint add up? Is it consistent with what he's told you? Bring a friend with you to the meeting.

And finally, just say no.

January

If you jusy say no, how do you ever meet anyone?

I have no problem with bringing a friend, but what if I am on my best behavior and wait till the second date to fuck you up?

Sooner or later you have to trust your own judgment. We are not fucking special, we are kinky.

Why don't people get that?

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 5/18/2010 9:25:17 AM >

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 9:31:36 AM

domiguy

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If you are going to bring a friend she better be hot and love cock and pussy.

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 10:37:27 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I refuse to be dominated by outdated concepts like typing, spelling and gammar.

I am cutting egde!

You're on a slippery slope man, next you'll be telling us you've sold your soul to Santa.

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 10:45:58 AM

LadyPact

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The part where I do agree with the others is that you made an agreement with this person that he would provide references. When you asked him to live up to that, he failed. If this person can't even live up to something that he gave you his word on and you haven't even met yet, that doesn't sit well with Me.

What I don't agree with along with the majority here is that references are useless. I've brought people to the local munch for the first time and invited them to ask anyone in attendance anything they want to know about Me. I've walked people into major events and directed folks to the organizers so they could ask about Me. I've gone to clubs with someone who has never been there before, walked up to a member of the staff, and asked the person behind the counter to please direct the person in My company to anyone they have seen Me play with before to give them the opportunity to talk to them. I've done this when people were meeting Me for the first time from across town or from across the country. I've never had a problem with it.

The difference in this, of course, is that I'm talking about all public venues. I'm not offering up anyone's personal information up to a third party that I haven't even met. I can usually find something that is acceptable to everyone.

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 10:55:16 AM

crazyml

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To the OP

I'm with a number of the posters here in thinking that references are pretty pointless -> they're too easy to fake (I could just get another member of my cult to provide a reference).

That said, I've met, and made friends with, a few people who are active in the London munch scene and they've introduced me to people who otherwise may not have contacted me... so genuine friends in the scene can act as referees sometimes.

In terms of this case - the dude said he could provide them, and is now being evasive - that's the red flag (as others have pointed out).

I know it's difficult, especially in the early days, to feel you know/trust someone enough for that first meeting... over time you do develop a good nose, which means that in early emails you can weed out a greater proportion of the fakers/maddos... then there's talking on the phone which helps with another chunk.

My advice would be to assume he's coming to you (like DomiGuy says - you got the holes) or perhaps arrange to meet halfway?

Simple precautions would be knowing his landline telephone number, making sure people know you're meeting and where. I agree that a safe call isn't a guarantee of safety - but it would do no harm to call a friend when you get to the meeting and after an hour (although if you're that paranoid you may want to ask why you're meeting at all!).

The key is to turn your common sense to 10, but keep your paranoia at 6...

Good luck!

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 10:57:32 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What I don't agree with along with the majority here is that references are useless. I've brought people to the local munch for the first time and invited them to ask anyone in attendance anything they want to know about Me. I've walked people into major events and directed folks to the organizers so they could ask about Me. I've gone to clubs with someone who has never been there before, walked up to a member of the staff, and asked the person behind the counter to please direct the person in My company to anyone they have seen Me play with before to give them the opportunity to talk to them. I've done this when people were meeting Me for the first time from across town or from across the country. I've never had a problem with it.

The difference in this, of course, is that I'm talking about all public venues. I'm not offering up anyone's personal information up to a third party that I haven't even met. I can usually find something that is acceptable to everyone.
[/color]

Completely agree - in the right context, having people who can vouch for you is useful.

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 10:59:31 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What I don't agree with along with the majority here is that references are useless. I've brought people to the local munch for the first time and invited them to ask anyone in attendance anything they want to know about Me. I've walked people into major events and directed folks to the organizers so they could ask about Me.

The problem with this is that unless I know the people providing the references, I can't evaluate their opinion. There are leaders of major events that are fucking nuts, the people who run munches are often nitwits, there are people who run groups who are dysfunctional as all hell.

There are people who run groups who will tell you that you would be lucky to be with me, there are other's who would tell you that you would be lucky to survive because I am crazy.

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:21:40 AM

DesFIP

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Yes, you are exhibiting red flags. You're demanding personal information about a person you may never meet, and not just his info but also to intrude into the life of his ex. He said that if after you've had coffee and decided there is sufficient chemistry to continue to meet, he would then be willing to give you this information.

However, a reference just says he was a safe casual player with the person who he gave as reference. It doesn't tell you if he's capable of committing or monogamy. And if he is someone who doesn't play casually but prefers to be inside a relationship then obviously his exwife is not the person to ask. Because if she still thought he was the hottest thing around she wouldn't be an ex.

For all he knows you propose to out him and all his references and ruin their lives and get him and them fired. How do you prove this isn't your intent?

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:21:53 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What I don't agree with along with the majority here is that references are useless. I've brought people to the local munch for the first time and invited them to ask anyone in attendance anything they want to know about Me. I've walked people into major events and directed folks to the organizers so they could ask about Me.

The problem with this is that unless I know the people providing the references, I can't evaluate their opinion. There are leaders of major events that are fucking nuts, the people who run munches are often nitwits, there are people who run groups who are dysfunctional as all hell.

There are people who run groups who will tell you that you would be lucky to be with me, there are other's who would tell you that you would be lucky to survive because I am crazy.

I have never promised that I am not crazy.

Yet, from all you know, would you not verify My name?

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:24:09 AM

Jeffff

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Personaly, I would tell people.."Pact seems quite sensible"

" Yeah, she's kinda a sick fuck, but isn't that the point?"

Fell free to use me.................... as a reference!

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:27:15 AM

LadyPact

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I promise that I will, the very next time I am in Chicago.

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:28:16 AM

Jeffff

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I'd meet you in a heartbeat!..... with a safe call... and a friend....

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:28:54 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I promise that I will, the very next time I am in Chicago.

They will show you the very finest dumpster Chicago has to offer!

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:32:54 AM

LadyPact

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I must admit, I would prefer a ride on the train.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Asking for references... - 5/18/2010 11:37:47 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What I don't agree with along with the majority here is that references are useless. I've brought people to the local munch for the first time and invited them to ask anyone in attendance anything they want to know about Me. I've walked people into major events and directed folks to the organizers so they could ask about Me.

The problem with this is that unless I know the people providing the references, I can't evaluate their opinion. There are leaders of major events that are fucking nuts, the people who run munches are often nitwits, there are people who run groups who are dysfunctional as all hell.

There are people who run groups who will tell you that you would be lucky to be with me, there are other's who would tell you that you would be lucky to survive because I am crazy.

I have never promised that I am not crazy.

Yet, from all you know, would you not verify My name?

Of course I would! However, there are playspaces in LA who would hear I recomended you and brand you "trouble" and other's who would say "then she must be hot" because I gave you a reference.

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