The stubborn submissive (Full Version)

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domrader -> The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:14:47 PM)

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  



SassySarijane -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:23:24 PM)

You want to elaborate on that a little bit? What behaviors and such are leading you to this conclusion?



littlewonder -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:35:40 PM)

wanna elaborate?



OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:41:49 PM)

A popular technique seems to be to force her to post threads documenting her disobedience, airing every minor grievance, and then letting internet strangers fix things.  That's usually pretty effective.  If she refuses to do this, then you know she's difficult.



Level -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:50:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  


Either she doesn't want to obey you, or doesn't know how.

If it's the former, tell her to change, or tell her "bye bye".

If it's the latter, then lead her, and teach her.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:54:04 PM)

Oh Levelicious, there you go being all smart and stuff! [sm=hearts.gif]



reynardfox -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:57:36 PM)

Stop reading and get out there and get some experience.
You won't get that from a keyboard.



Level -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 4:59:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh Levelicious, there you go being all smart and stuff! [sm=hearts.gif]


Well, it had to happen sooner or later, Hibby [8D] plus having smart friends helps!



lovingpet -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 5:04:44 PM)

Just a stupid question.  Does this submissive meet your needs as a dominant as is?  If so, then why seek to change her?  If not, then have you considered basic compatability issues?  I am stubborn as hell, but my partner likes a bit of a challenge.  I am not flagrantly disobedient and disrespectful, but I do have to do a lot of thinking, freaking out, and plain arguing with myself and (politely in the spirit of understanding) him.  We fit each other well despite what some would call a stubborn streak.  Some wouldn't tolerate me.  Others couldn't handle me.  He both enjoys me and is able to subjugate my stubborness at any time he so desires.  The issue isn't with the submissive being stubborn necessarily, but whether that trait is functional within the relationship.

lovingpet



LadyAngelika -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 5:05:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Either she doesn't want to obey you, or doesn't know how.

If it's the former, tell her to change, or tell her "bye bye".

If it's the latter, then lead her, and teach her.


Right on the money!

quote:

ORIGINAL: reynardfox

Stop reading and get out there and get some experience.
You won't get that from a keyboard.


Seriously? If he wants to learn things he doesn't know, he has to ask questions. CM is a great place to do that and there are experienced people here who can help him get a head start.

____________

To the OP, I'll agree with the first few posts that says if you want to get some good advice, you might want to elaborate. Mind you, I'll repeat that Level is pretty bang on.

- LA



DarkSteven -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 5:25:03 PM)

Why do you think she is a sub?  Why do you think she is being stubborn?



divi -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 5:26:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  

My guess would be she doesnt like you very much



LadyPact -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 5:47:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  


Either she doesn't want to obey you, or doesn't know how.

If it's the former, tell her to change, or tell her "bye bye".

If it's the latter, then lead her, and teach her.

That, right there.

Other than that, OP, I really can't help you.  I don't do stubborn for stubborn's sake.



daddysprop247 -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/18/2010 5:55:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Why do you think she is a sub?  Why do you think she is being stubborn?


would be interested in hearing the OP's response to these questions.



lally2 -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/19/2010 3:08:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

A popular technique seems to be to force her to post threads documenting her disobedience, airing every minor grievance, and then letting internet strangers fix things.  That's usually pretty effective.  If she refuses to do this, then you know she's difficult.


oh please please please dont encourage them - [&:]



lally2 -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/19/2010 3:19:26 AM)

stubborn is so boring - .

in submission it tends to be an internal thing, as lovingpet has said, we subs might struggle internally over something but our final and ultimate course of action is to at least try to do our best and achieve what we are asked to achieve.  if that spirit of submission is lacking then youre really in a somewhat difficult position.

of course the other thing is that she's just acting up for a spanking (so much of that shit going on, thats boring too) - if thats the case then dont pander to it or youll find youreself in a never ending spiral of her acting up and you ending up as her whipping boy each time her masso needs get the better of her - in other words she's playing you and if you let her the whole thing will unravel slowly anyway.

so, my advice is to work out where this stubbornness is coming from, talk to her about it and then approach the S&m as a reward for good behaviour, not a reward for bad behaviour.  in other words, deny her massochistic needs each time she fecks about and when she's making an effort reward her massochistic needs and thus bypass the whole purile nonsense of 'ive been so naughty and now Master is going to spank me boo hoo' - ack!!



LittleBroken -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/19/2010 3:28:42 AM)

I use to be stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn.
Master use to get a vast sadistic kick out of breaking me down.
It was a sick little game we played with each other.
Who would give in first.
It was a game we both relished.

Maybe your girl is provoking you to use a firmer hand?
Maybe it's an attention seeking device?
Maybe it's time to up the force?
Pay her more attention and use a firmer hand....

If all else fails you can use the tried and trusted method of just asking her what the hell is up?



xxblushesxx -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/19/2010 3:33:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh Levelicious, there you go being all smart and stuff! [sm=hearts.gif]


Even a blind squirrell will find a nut once in a while! (just saying...) *g*



DesFIP -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/19/2010 4:28:27 AM)

She wouldn't be stubborn if you were asking her to do smart things. If you don't make smart decisions, then her best bet is to dig in her heels and refuse.

Now if you're talking about spanky spanky, then she's just acting up to give you an excuse to play. Which she wouldn't do if she got what she wanted without having to do this. Have you said that she can ask for play without acting out? And if so, do you keep your word or is it always "yeah, yeah but now I'm busy". People do what they must to get their needs met.



Wolf2Bear -> RE: The stubborn submissive (5/19/2010 5:01:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domrader

I have been reading around on the internet on this topic and I have seen a bit more of it around.  I believe I have one of these so called "stubborn submissives".  Anyone care to share their experiences on it?  Maybe even a little advice as to how one deals with it?  


Are you sure she/he is stubborn or simply has the ability to uphold her/his convictions and does so?

*looks at self* yes I am stubborn not for the sake of being stubborn but when I get a so called top who determines my limits are there to be broken when I say they are there for a reason. Yes I am labelled stubborn when I believe in a cause and stand up for my convictions despite the odds being stacked against me; yes that is being stubborn and an asset.



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