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CaringandReal -> RE: Does Surrender Require Mutual Consent? (5/20/2010 3:31:59 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lovingpet
....HOW does one BE a slave to someone who has not chosen to own them yet without crossing into yappy dog territory? Sorry if this winds up a hijack, but I think it is vital to the OP actually because it is an ackward phase a lot of people run into. Do I do a little something to show my interest and intent or do I just sit here quietly and hope I'm the one picked? I don't know. Someone please explain what dominant consent IS and HOW it is obtained and maybe these ackward moments can be avoided by a great many in the future.
I think I tried to answer this in the other thread, the one started by you. Perhaps I didn't do such a good job--my brain was a bit bemused that day. I'll try again.
From what you've said about this situation, I think your master is already aware of your interest and intent regarding slavery. You have talked to him about your feelings about this matter, right? If so, then he knows what you want and he chooses not to give it to you. Masters do that, you know, they don't give us everything we want, and they have every right to do so with their slaves, no matter what the slave may feel about it.
I know this situation sucks for you, but it would suck less if you could cultivate a higher tolerance for ambiguity. Learn how to do this: there's plenty of books on the subject. Watch and wait. Patience is your best friend. Rome wasn't built... etc. Act naturally, showing interest in being owned is fine if that is what is natural for you. But don't complain about it unnecessarily. Remember that he is aware of your desire. Think, in non-negative terms, about the fact that he chooses not to give it to you at this time, and aquiese to his will. This will make you a better slave, and ultimately the issue of who invites whom to dance will start to matter less to you. Do what you want within the sphere of freedom you are given, including asking for more control, if you don't feel controlled enough. Make your requests specific, such as "I'm having trouble sleeping, very bad insomnia. Could you help by getting me to bed at a decent hour?"
Work with what you've got and be grateful for it, if possible. Think of how much worse it could be. Remember all the starving single subs on collarme personals who have nobody to control them. ;) Seriously, a lot of submissives and women desiring of slavery would give everything they had to be controlled as much as you are, they wouldn't exactly care about the finer points such as acknowledgement of ownership. Many slaves undergo far more trying circumstances than not having their master acknowledge his ownership of them. You have it rather good, m'dear, at least from my perspective.
As for the orders you are under, obey them to a fault, consistently. I don't mean a perfect record of performance--that is unrealistic as shit happens, and anyone intelligent knows that. I mean if you think you might not be able to follow an order for a good reason, ask ahead about it; if it's something unpredictable, be sure to explain the circumstances in detail. Don't slack off on doing what you're told for trivial reasons (merely not wanting to is trivial). Sometimes you may disobey because you feel so badly about certain circumstances, like this ownership/claiming issue. If you do that sort of disobedience (I call it acting out), give full disclousure immediately afterwards. Explain the emotional state that led up to the disobedience and why it seemed emotionally logical at the time, but do not expect anything from such disclosure, just accept what's given to you in response, whether it be punishment, comfort, or other things. (Especially do not expect to get your way, to prove to him by this that you deserve better treatment. You've been disobedient, after all, and shouldn't be rewarded for it.)
You may wonder why I seem to be giving you the Submissive 101 course? I know you know most of this but, but I'm repeating it because it's easy, during a time of distraction, to lose sight of the fact that these things (1) bring you comfort and reassurance all by themselves and (2) make you more of the sort of person you want to be: his slave. And your merit (although probably already quite high) will only increase in his eyes. Will you eventually get what you want? I don't know. But I do believe it will begin to matter less to you, the more you do the acts of servitude that you can (are allowed) to do.
Remember that you wouldn't be with this dominant if you didn't initially judge him to be intelligent and perceptive. You probably wouldn't be with him if you initial assessment of the way he approaches control wasn't extremely positive. Trust those initial insticts. (His personality hasn't radically changed, has it?) Trust him to know what is best for both of you (and in a master-slave relationship, often what is best for both of you is what is best for him. Tis the nature of the beast. Slaves are there to be used, after all, not the other way around.)
You want something badly right now, that seems clear from what you say about it. But an essential part of the reality of slavery is that you don't always get what you want. What you get is what pleases your master to give you. Your master has chosen to give you this... ambigious situation. Some masters choose other things for their slaves that are much harder to bear. And some slaves have it easier than you. None of that matters. All that matters is how you process and deal with what you have been given. The best thing to do, I believe firmly, is to acquiese and accept what you are given, whatever it may be and be grateful and happy for the parts that are very good. He's expressing his will quite clearly, you know. If he's a dominant he is quite capable of doing things regarding this matter in a different way but he chooses not to. That's his right as the master. So just give in and accept his will. Even if eventually a relationship like this goes to hell or self-destructs, you will feel better for having behaved as a good slave should, and will have no regrets or doubts about your own behavior or ability to be a good servant.
I also know very well how easy it is to fool oneself that, due to the nature of a specfic desire, it is somehow magically exempt from the general category of putting your will before your master's. But it's not. It's still just you wanting to have your way more than you want your master to have his way. That is the essential fact of this situation. It's actually very simple. And this fact, that you are willful in this area, is what has to change if you want to be an obedient slave. It's not an easy change--at all--which is why you run into many more submissives than slaves, and also slaves who are such in (their own) name only.
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