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Punishment - 4/8/2006 8:18:34 AM   
LadyWolfdreams


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline 		I started a thread similar to this one in the Ask a Mistress section, but thought I would ask for the sub/slave's perspective.

I have just finished drafting a set of rules for my slave that we have both reviewed and agree we can both live with. Now, I would like to begin setting specific punishments and/or corrections for breaking these rules.

What I would like to know is:

What have been the most effective punishments for you?

Thank you for your answers,
Lady Wolfdreams
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 8:30:54 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyWolfdreams

I started a thread similar to this one in the Ask a Mistress section, but thought I would ask for the sub/slave's perspective.

I have just finished drafting a set of rules for my slave that we have both reviewed and agree we can both live with. Now, I would like to begin setting specific punishments and/or corrections for breaking these rules.

What I would like to know is:

What have been the most effective punishments for you?

Thank you for your answers,
Lady Wolfdreams

DG set out the rules very clearly and specified what would be a punishable offense.  The actual penalty doesn't matter; if he felt the need to chastise me I would view it as a failure in my submission to him.  That feeling of failure is worse than anything he could do to me. 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 8:31:38 AM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		The hardest one for me was when Master put me over his knee..with a ton of toys in plain site....touched me gently with one and told me I couldn't have any of them or his attention...I was certainly sorry for what brought me to that point. I am far more likely to re-examine my behavior with an emotional punishment than with a physical one. Sometimes a physical punishment is more cathartic and helps me move past what I've done..but deep down change comes more from what I feel with my head and my heart.  

(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 9:07:13 AM   
Darkraven6


Posts: 26
Joined: 3/5/2006
Status: offline 		I must agree, Im a rather new sub, and my Master has recently denied me his attention, and it bothers me more then anything he could of done.  At least if he took his time to do something, be it a spanking or what not, thats still having what I desire, not so much the spanking, but his attention.  He has been kind enough to talk to me as to what I did that was wrong, and hes very kind and understanding as to the reason I failed him.   But the fact remains, I did fail.  Because I failed, I deserve a punnishment...and hes chosen to not show me his attention physically untill we next meet and I can show him I wont fail him agian.  I do not like being denied his touch, but, it allows me to realize what Im missing, it makes me frustrated by missing his touch, and gives me drive and more desire to please him this next time we meet.  So, even though I hate it...I must agree, its a good punnishment. 

(in reply to ChainedExistence)
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RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 9:19:39 AM   
Merritt27


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkraven6
 my Master has recently denied me his attention, and it bothers me more then anything he could of done.   So, even though I hate it...I must agree, its a good punnishment. 


i agree with darkraven here....anytime he has denied me his attention or being able to communicate with him it feels worse than any physical punishment ever could.  It has definately made me want to be on my best behaviour. 

_____________________________

Proud Partner to PlayfulOne

(in reply to Darkraven6)
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RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 9:26:43 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I find punishment to be a last resort when communication, reinforcement, and all other methods have been ignoerd.

90% of the time a sub disobeys due to some deeper problem.  Simply punishing the behavior does nothing about the source issue.

And I find that a lot of doms who use the "block communication" do so simply because they don't have the skills to work through the problem- it arises again and they go through their same pattern.

A lot of Ds and Ms relationships don't even employ punishment at all.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/8/2006 10:20:33 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 9:46:38 AM   
Merritt27


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
And I find that a lot of doms who use the "block communication" do so simply because they don't have the skills to work through the problem- it arises again and they go through their same pattern.


i think i understand what you are saying here....but his blocking communication was VERY effective....and in my opinion did not show lack of skill in working out the problem...it showed just how well he knows me.  i'm a talker....and love being able to talk to him about anything and everything.  He knew that by cutting that out it would get his point across faster than anything else.   Just my opinion. 

_____________________________

Proud Partner to PlayfulOne

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 10:48:33 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What have been the most effective punishments for you?


The one that was most effective for me was the one that was threatened, but will never be inflicted, because I will never again do the deed that would earn it.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 12:55:49 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Punishments shoudl be subjective based on both the nature of the offense and the reason behind it.  Beyond that, I'm at a loss for actual suggestions for you, because everyone reacts differently to different things.  Some people don't want to be lectured and some have no problems with it.  Chastising, spankings, it's all relative to the person being punished.

You're best bet, in my opinion, would be to have them suggest punishments based off of what they don't like.

Friend of mine who's a top has a submissive that used to lie repeatedly at the start of the relationship, simply because she didn't trust men.  Her last few relationships were beyond nasty and sometimes out and out abusive.  He simply told her that whenever he caught her in a lie, she would have to write out everything that she wanted to say to him.  After a few reams of paper, she started talking with him about the whole mess and while it is still a problem, it's more of a nuiscance to them now than what it used to be.

Might not be of any help, but I can always hope, right? :D

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 1:09:26 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have to say to be denied his attention would be the worst punishment.  Master said that would not work because not be able to see me would be a punishment for him too.  Knowing i displeased him is the worst punishment for me even more than the physical one (even though i don't like that much either).  He always talks to me first tells me why i am getting punished or discplined so i know.  I say let the punishment fit the "crime".

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Punishment - 4/8/2006 1:41:44 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I have been punished twice, both for lying. The first lies came before we were even together and to cleanse us of that ugliness he did punish me shortly after bringing me to our new home. I had to write a list of every lie and then I was put over the spanking bench and spanked with the back of a paddle hairbrush. Yeah it hurt like hell! But, not as bad as knowing I had brought this on myself because of my lack of trust. Not as bad as knowing and hearing the disappointment and anger in his voice. That was horrible!! But, it ended and he held me and forgave me.

The second was for another lie that involved the first lies, which I hadn't come totally clean about. I was terrified because I had been told if I lie again he would release me. He didn't which I am still so grateful for. He told me the next day that my punishment would be to write a new mantra to a statement he had written for me. I added 4 lines to the two he wrote. I would then have to get naked and on my knees and read it to him. I have a very bad body image and rightly so, since I am over weight. I spent the day in absolute dread that he would make me do this. So much dread that I was completely withdrawn from him. He during lunch said that was enough and made me go into the bedroom so we could deal with it and get it over with. I broke down and cried and begged him not to make me get naked. He showed great compassion and mercy towards me and allowed me to kneel still wearing my top.

We have grown a lot together over these punishments. I have learned to trust more in myself and in my Dom. We now say the mantra we wrote every day together and plan on making them part of our vows when we have our permanent collaring ceremony next year.


_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Punishment - 4/9/2006 7:37:54 AM   
LadyWolfdreams


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Merritt27

his blocking communication was VERY effective....

i'm a talker....and love being able to talk to him about anything and everything.



This makes sense to me. My slave is very much the same. He is very social and talkative, so one of the things that would have a great effect on him would be if he were not allowed to talk to me.

(in reply to Merritt27)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Punishment - 4/9/2006 7:41:13 AM   
LadyWolfdreams


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I find punishment to be a last resort when communication, reinforcement, and all other methods have been ignoerd.

90% of the time a sub disobeys due to some deeper problem.  Simply punishing the behavior does nothing about the source issue.

And I find that a lot of doms who use the "block communication" do so simply because they don't have the skills to work through the problem- it arises again and they go through their same pattern.

A lot of Ds and Ms relationships don't even employ punishment at all.


I would love to get to a place where we can do without punishment of any sort, but we are both new at this, so there is a lot to work through. Right now, my main focus is on communication. We both have a natural tendency to try and hide our thoughts and emotions, so we're working on being more open with each other.

What I'm thinking of doing is setting up a system where when he breaks one of our set rules, I sit down with him and tell him what he did, why the rule was set, and find out how to make sure he doesn't break it again. If the problem continues I will still go through the steps of talking with him, but believe adding physical and psychological punishment may aid the learning process.

Lady Wolfdreams

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Punishment - 4/9/2006 7:46:02 AM   
LadyWolfdreams


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline 		I agree - different punishments have different effects on different people. Writing wouldn't bother my slave because he's a writer and has written 4 novels by hand. I'm going to try spanking, but haven't decided if this will stay a part of our punishment system. If he likes it, it'll have to go. I'm also working on a system of removing certain privileges like watching TV or using the computer. One very effective punishment I have found is to not allow him to serve me in certain ways for a period of time - for example, if he doesn't check on me periodically to make sure I have a drink and don't need anything from him, I tell him that I'll be getting my own drinks for the remainder of the day. Knowing that he's failed and that he won't be allowed to perform this task for me is one of the best punishments.

Lady Wolfdreams

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Punishment - 4/9/2006 8:12:41 AM   
ropesubby39


Posts: 112
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline 		For me when my Dom gives me the silent treatment and knowing i have disappointed Him, it is so hard, harder than getting caned or the rubber belt.

_____________________________

ropesubby

(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Punishment - 4/9/2006 7:55:43 PM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		His anger or disappointment with me. I've seen him truely angry with me twice in 13 years *quakes* it wasn't pretty. Disappointed a few more times, again not pretty because it wounded me so, knowing I had disappointed him.

For day to day deviltry I may be subjected to sour apple gum (which I despise) or an OTK which he truely enjoys, simply because I dislike the ignonimous flailing, out of control positioning of it *scowls* I do my best to avoid those, LOL. The gum I can't avoid *sigh* he LOVES seeing me make those faces while I dutifully chew. BLEH!


_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to ropesubby39)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Punishment - 4/9/2006 9:33:43 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		The most effective is knowing he is disappointed in me.  No, actually knowing he is angry at me is pretty bad, too!  i need cleansing of sort when i've blown it.  Must be the old catholic in me, i need penance.  However, whatever the corporal punishment may be to cleanse me, the most effective part of every punishment has been his requirement of me to write about it.  i must always analyze what occured, why it occured, why it should not occur, and what was jeopardized and effected by its occurance.  Then i must analyze what it means to me to have him as my Master, and to be his slave.  Learning the lesson is the most effective part. 

(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Punishment - 4/10/2006 3:21:56 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
That Avatar actually belongs to Texasmaam. (As much as things can belong to someone....)

(in reply to Merritt27)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Punishment - 4/10/2006 9:08:43 AM   
LadyWolfdreams


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Wyoming
Status: offline 		I just want to thank everyone who responded to this thread. It's helped me SO MUCH in the past few days.

Lady Wolfdreams

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Punishment - 4/10/2006 9:45:04 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		i have had many various punishments implemented. He does not use lack of communication because it is too much for me. it results in unstable mental states that neither of U/us want to deal with. I become overly emotional [i have a neglect thing]. I dont agree with this kind of punishment b/c i believe it to be detrimental to the psyche. we are all humans after all.

for things minor, it may be just a hand slap. for others i have to bend over the bed with the spreader on my wrists [as i grab for my ass when it hurts] and recieve punishment via crop.

when physical hasnt worked, essays seem to. maybe because i feel i have enough HW on my own w/o Him giving me anymore.

hope that helps

(in reply to LadyWolfdreams)
Profile   Post #: 20
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