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Slave and Submissive - 5/21/2010 1:20:31 AM

looking4realbdsm

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I have been on this website for a little while and i have seen some profiles with "Slave" written in them and some other with a "Submissive" and i have seen people asking for Slaves and some asking for Submissive .. so i was wondering what is the difference between the two terms ???

Thanks in Advance ..

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/21/2010 1:28:14 AM

hlen5

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Welcome to cm and the boards! If you look to the upper right corner of this page you will see (below Home and Log-in) a function called Search.You might want to use that for this question and many others you might have. This is a question that gets asked very frequently.

There are many interpretations of both terms. You won't get a concensus opinon for either of them.

Again, welcome!

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/21/2010 2:48:04 AM

looking4realbdsm

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Thanks so much hlen ..

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 1:01:22 AM

hlen5

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You're welcome!

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 6:34:34 AM

GraciousLady

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To me, it's all the same.

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 11:38:20 AM

lizi

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When I was looking and had people contact me asking which I was...sub or slave....I'd respond by asking what their definitions of each term was and then depending on what they said I was able to define myself. That method worked pretty well. There are general criteria that many seem to use for the terms but it can vary from person to person so I asked upfront for the individual interpretations.

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 1:54:34 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4realbdsm

I have been on this website for a little while and i have seen some profiles with "Slave" written in them and some other with a "Submissive" and i have seen people asking for Slaves and some asking for Submissive .. so i was wondering what is the difference between the two terms ???

Thanks in Advance ..

i have no clue what the difference is and i don't think there is general agreement on the difference like hlen5 says. All i know is, this one Guy that insisted i be a slave and started expecting me to have NO limits and do some really crazy shit (in my opinion). i will NEVER go THERE again!!

~sweetsub~

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 2:06:05 PM

lobodomslavery

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i know a slave spills water over Dommes and a submissive doesnt also slaves like ginger while submissives like peanut butter yummy yummy yummy
kevin

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 2:23:52 PM

leadership527

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As others have said, you won't find much consensus on those terms -- ESPECIALLY on the dating side. In general and in vastly big brush strokes "slave" means less limits than "sub" in some way or the other that seems meaningful to the person using the word. Take that statement with about 4 dozen grains of salt... but as a rough yardstick it's not too shabby in most cases. For the sake of replying to personals, I'd go ahead and read their profile and try to draw conclusions ignoring labels that they use.

In real life, there is no substitute for doing real communication. I like lizi's approach and use it myself. I generally refer to Carol and I as M/s, but if someone says, "That doesn't seem M/s to me" I'll ask "OK, what labels would you use?" then use those.

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 3:08:35 PM

PeonForHer

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If you don't much care one way or another how you identify yourself, I'd opt to tick the box 'submissive' rather than that of 'slave' on your profile. A while ago, I and some other submales tried swapping our profile identities from 'submissive' to 'slave' for a week or so. We all found that interest (as evidenced by the 'Who's Viewing Me' page on our profiles) dropped off quite a lot when we were 'slaves'.

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 4:29:19 PM

blackpearl81

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*FR*

I was actually speaking with someone about this the other day.

However, my opinon is this:

A slave is forced (after mutually agreeing with their Dom/me, and derives enjoyment/fulfillment from it) to give him/herself up.
A submissive offers it willingly.

Yes, both personality types *can* offer it willingly, (if you think about it) but a slave is more "forced" for lack of a better term.

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 4:43:39 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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Well I wish you would search for a better term than "forced" because what you are saying is just plain wrong. I haven't been "forced" by Master to do anything of the kind.

Both slaves and submissives submit willingly, we slaves aren't any less willing, that would be against the law

Eta: slave and submissive aren't personality types either. I suspect you are really having trouble expressing yourself.

< Message edited by zephyroftheNorth -- 5/22/2010 4:45:42 PM >

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 4:43:50 PM

PeonForHer

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Must admit, the only real difference that I've been able to work out is that a 'slave' is more submissive than a 'submissive'. He wants to 'go the whole hog'. But that's only vague and quite likely to be crap for many people. As someone who happily calls himself a submissive, I certainly couldn't be bothered to argue with a self-identifying 'slave' as to which of us is the more, or 'the truer', submissive. Who gives a rotating rat's arse, really?

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 5:27:42 PM

blackpearl81

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Well I wish you would search for a better term than "forced" because what you are saying is just plain wrong. I haven't been "forced" by Master to do anything of the kind.

Both slaves and submissives submit willingly, we slaves aren't any less willing, that would be against the law

Eta: slave and submissive aren't personality types either. I suspect you are really having trouble expressing yourself.

Prove to me that submissiveness isn't a personality trait. I mean, you're telling me that "slave and submissive aren't personality types either", so obviously you have something to back up both of those claims, right?

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 5:37:01 PM

laurell3

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Yes. Logic.

One can have a dominant personality type and still be a submissive. Think.

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 5:55:01 PM

PeonForHer

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I think Laurell's got a point there, BP. I mean, I'm a sub, but I dominate everyone else on this forum, no trouble.

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 6:02:43 PM

blackpearl81

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Yes. Logic.

One can have a dominant personality type and still be a submissive. Think.

All I'm saying is that "submissiveness" is a personality trait, as is dominance. Doesn't behavior influence personality, and vice versa? (ie: being an alpha male/female, etc)

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 6:19:20 PM

zephyroftheNorth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Well I wish you would search for a better term than "forced" because what you are saying is just plain wrong. I haven't been "forced" by Master to do anything of the kind.

Both slaves and submissives submit willingly, we slaves aren't any less willing, that would be against the law

Eta: slave and submissive aren't personality types either. I suspect you are really having trouble expressing yourself.

Prove to me that submissiveness isn't a personality trait. I mean, you're telling me that "slave and submissive aren't personality types either", so obviously you have something to back up both of those claims, right?

Look it up, personality type and personality trait aren't the same thing. I maintain, slave/sub aren't personality types

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 6:36:04 PM

blackpearl81

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Well I wish you would search for a better term than "forced" because what you are saying is just plain wrong. I haven't been "forced" by Master to do anything of the kind.

Both slaves and submissives submit willingly, we slaves aren't any less willing, that would be against the law

Eta: slave and submissive aren't personality types either. I suspect you are really having trouble expressing yourself.

Prove to me that submissiveness isn't a personality trait. I mean, you're telling me that "slave and submissive aren't personality types either", so obviously you have something to back up both of those claims, right?

Look it up, personality type and personality trait aren't the same thing. I maintain, slave/sub aren't personality types

Show me concrete proof that submissiveness isn't a personality *type*.

Because as far as I know, it can exist in either form - as a personality trait, OR as a personality type.

Edited to add:
A personality trait isn't as "strong" as a personality type, IMO.

< Message edited by blackpearl81 -- 5/22/2010 6:51:17 PM >

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RE: Slave and Submissive - 5/22/2010 6:42:05 PM

delicatelydirty

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This was a journal entry I wrote on this topic (from another site)

I have been talking to people and reading a few profiles and threads lately that got me thinking about this. What is slavery, what does in mean to be a slave, what is the differences between slavery and submission. The answers to any of these are purely subjective because every one will have different experiences which lead them to different definitions. So these ramblings are purely my own thoughts on the subject
In my profile I identify as a slave because to me I strive to be just that... a slave... my desire is to give all of my self to my Master . To me a slave is someone who has given up their choices within the power exchange, certainly they may offer an opinion but it is ultimately in the Masters hands what occurs.

So then people argue "oh but you always have a choice" yes of course you always have a choice but if you choose to be a slave you choose to give up that power and in my opinion the moment you decide to take the power of choice back, is when you lose the Master/slave dynamic. It may be temporary, it may be permanent and it can be caused by so many different things. Choice is also what I believe differentiates between a submissive and a slave, a submissive still has the choice to say whether they want something or not.

What I refer to here is not just what occurs in a scene or a play session, even a submissive may exhibit slave like tendencies there. I am talking about life in general, about TPE, knowing that my Master is in charge, that he is the head of the household, he is in charge of my body, my mind , my life, his say goes.... That seemingly on a whim my best laid plans may go out the window because he has a "better idea" and as a slave it is not my place to argue, pout or sulk.

Now let me elaborate further, I think many submissive/ slaves enter into a TPE too quickly, I know I have been guilty of doing just that, and I learned my lesson. To give myself over as a slave I need to know that my Masters ideals and beliefs match my own and to learn that and to gain a good understanding of each other takes time. I need to know that he loves me and that he is the type of man that respects and cares for his property. What do I mean by this, well an example is that once I belong completely to my Master then every part of myself is his for his use as and when he chooses, however I would need to know that he has the common sense, compassion and understanding to realise that I may be a slave but I am a human being first and with that comes things like illness, fatigue, anger , sadness , all these things can have a bearing on how well if at all I am able to perform my duties as a slave at a particular point in time. A Master who truly understand and respects his property will understand this and will make decisions based on knowing what his slave is capable of at the time.

The final thought I will note here about slaves is the misconception that slaves must be mindless drones who live only to serve their Master, who have no thoughts of their own betterment because their life is lived purely to serve "him". Each to their own I guess, although to me that type of relationship just doesn't seem healthy. For me although I wish to be my Masters slave I also wish to continue to better myself, to continue to be a strong capable independent woman and no I don't believe that conflicts with being a slave because I am slave only to him, to the rest of the world I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a worker, a student and in all those things I strive for improvement. So in the end the more fulfilled and happy I am as a person, the more fulfilled and happy I will be as a slave and it also works in reverse, when the slave girl in me is nurtured and loved then then that happiness just radiates from within in everything I do.

< Message edited by delicatelydirty -- 5/22/2010 6:43:10 PM >

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