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LadyNTrainer -> RE: An interesting piece of advice - do you agree with it? (5/21/2010 5:15:58 PM)
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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
Of course there is more then one right way. There are hundreds of right ways. I am not telling people which way is right. I also expressed my opinion that one of those ways, the one that represents serious, long term, intimate relationship based exclusively on money or utility might be wrong.
The problem with assuming that *any* way of consensually running a human adult relationship might be wrong is that this also implies the assumption that there is such a thing as a right way. And that just ain't so, as much as some people would like to believe it and enforce that belief on others. I'm sure the religious right would like to see us all making heterosexual love in the dark in the missionary position, and in a lot of places, they've even succeeded in making that the law. Is that the kind of regime you want to encourage?
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I am 100% sure that there are a lot of people for whom this way is perfectly right, and for them, the only thing that I did by giving this advice is making a fool of myself.
I'm glad you're honestly and clearly aware of that, because it is unfortunately true.
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If we were so abso-fucking-lutely concerned about the fact that "Not everybody is wired the same way as me. " we could NEVER EVER give ANY advice to anyone. And also this would mean that there is no such thing as human nature, and that there are no things which are more or less in common FOR EVERYONE.
Giving advice to a good friend, a child, a loved one or a family member is one thing. You have the solid basis of knowing them and their situation. Giving advice to strangers about how to run their relationships is a lot more likely to a) blow up in your face and piss people off, and b) be wrong anyway.
There are a few things that most human beings do have in common, but even those rules have exceptions. And in this particular case, I think you're wrong about it even being a general rule. Human relationships work on reciprocity, and the medium of exchange can vary. There will always be idealists and romantics who insist that money should never be any part of this medium of exchange, or that it's always wrong to hit the people you love, or that homosexuality is sinful and evil. And I'm sorry, but people who do this are assholes. It is asshole behavior to run around telling other people what they "should" and "shouldn't" do in their adult relationships. It's rude and unpleasant and condescending in at least six different ways. If you do it, it will result in people thinking that you are an asshole and treating you accordingly.
I think it's been made fairly clear that almost everyone in this thread is perceiving your "advice" to be rude, condescending, preachy, one true way-ism, negatively judgmental, being a nosy-parker, butting unreasonably into the private lives of other adults, etc. Rather than blaming other people for being mean to you, might it not be wise to take a few minutes to think about what you might be doing to make people react in a consistently negative way?
If one person calls me an ass, I can shrug and laugh it off. If twenty people call me an ass, I had damn well better look behind me and check for ears and a tail, because it's a pretty good bet that I've been braying. In a situation like this, it's a good idea to take a personal reality check and think harder about how you have been talking to people. Unless you enjoy being seen as an ass, in which case, you don't need to do a thing. Social Darwinism will doubtless take care of the situation, though probably not to your personal betterment.
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