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I need some advice - 5/21/2010 11:33:22 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

well the other day i was supposed to help my mistress move furniture and unfortunately i fell ill with the flu and mentioned that i shouldn't come. i decided on that because i didn't want my mistress getting sick with what i had so yeah. what happened was she told me that it's best that we end this relationship now because of my new job i have not been able to help out as much...because i've been working every day.

i don't think i deserve a second chance but i really don't want this to end, i really like being her submissive. should i try and work this out or just stop trying and make an attempt to move on my life? this is easier said than done though, since the only motivation i've had to make a good effort to improve my life was to make her happy and that kinda flew out of the window, since i'm a total fuck up.

i guess i don't deserve to have someone like her for a mistress or even for a friend and i guess i'll have to accept that.

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RE: I need some advice - 5/21/2010 11:41:35 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Okay, what? There is way more happening here than you've described, I think.

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Post #: 2

RE: I need some advice - 5/21/2010 11:48:22 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

i mentioned that i have a job now, i used to not have a job which i had a lot more time to do stuff. the thing is, my mother uses my truck for her job which is in the mornings and i work in the evenings and by the time i'm done it's getting late. i was going to help her move stuff thursday but i was not feeling well and said i couldn't make it. i've not been able to help as much as i should since i've been busy and she told me i should just focus more on my life rather than the lifestyle. i know that's nothing bad but i feel like i really let her down for not being more useful. so really i need advice on how to cope with the negative feelings my mind's telling me (pretty much telling me that i'm not good enough and never will be and all that) and also if i should try to see if i could do something to make up for my not being able to help as much...i know this is worded really poorly but i don't care about grammar at this moment.

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Post #: 3

RE: I need some advice - 5/21/2010 11:53:15 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow
i don't think i deserve a second chance

Why not?

quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow
the only motivation i've had to make a good effort to improve my life was to make her happy and that kinda flew out of the window, since i'm a total fuck up.

Are you a submissive, or a slave? You sound like a submissive.

If you are a fuck-up, it is because you have not been properly managed by a domme.
She only cared about your service to her and did not reciprocate by directing your life for the better? Methinks she neglected her responsibility.

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 4

RE: I need some advice - 5/21/2010 11:55:19 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow
she told me i should just focus more on my life rather than the lifestyle.

Obey your domme, silly.

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 5

RE: I need some advice - 5/21/2010 11:58:06 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

i guess i should just move on, i feel terrible for things turning out like this though but ultimately i'm the fool who caused this to happen. sorry i bothered you

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Post #: 6

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 3:12:11 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

Nobody here can tell you to just move on. We have no idea what your true situation is.

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 7

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 4:53:22 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You met her under one set of circumstances, and now have another one. She preferred the old you. Too bad - you need a job, just like we all do. (Congratulations on the job, BTW.)

Your last sentence in the OP sounds whiny. If you are like that regularly, that may have had a bearing on her decision as well.

She said it's over. DO NOT pester her now. Give it a few weeks. If then you want to stay in touch, contact her and simply ask her "How's it going?" Approach her as a casual friend and see if that works.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 8

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 5:17:46 AM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

Apparently your Domme wanted a service orientated slave. you are no longer able to fill that position in her life. She dismissed you with directions because your situation changed. you need to work because that is what functioning members of society do. Just because the needs of this relationship changed does not mean you can not find another Mistress to serve and she another slave to serve her. Both of you can now move on with your lives. Give yourself time to accept this change and then move on. you obviously had a great deal to offer your Mistress and will have another Mistress to serve one day soon. you just have to find one that is a good fit for you again.

Grats on getting a job is our difficult economy!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 5:21:07 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Shadow,

This doesn't read like you. You read like you badly need some sleep. Don't try to work out heavy things with a fatigued brain. Take a break from it!

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Post #: 10

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 11:19:10 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Okay, I don't know the type of relationship you had or what your goals were within it, but what the hell ever happened to vanilla life, life in general and we can't ignore life responsibilities? And why blame yourself because you have them?

Sure she may have wanted a service submissive/slave without a relationship and it sounds like that is what was going on. If that is the case, things changed and you couldn't provide what she wanted and there is still no fault on your part. I would think though, that you both would have known what was between you and what was going on and the direction you were taking. I find it very important to know that we each know where we are going and what we are doing to make sure there aren't periods of confusion that lead to situations like this. Think about it. What were you both doing? Did you talk about what you were doing or did you just do things and think whatever you would think?

If you were only a service submissive, did you know that? Or were you thinking you were more? What was said and agreed upon?

If you were service only, you still have an adult life to live, work and family and a human body that can get sick. These are considerations we have to think about in life no matter our relationship dynamic's.

As for beating yourself up, feeling you don't deserve a second chance and feeling as if you failed... you are being too hard on yourself if you think that work and illness made you less somehow. It isn't realistic to think that because of these things we are somehow less and faulty.

It's hard to break something off and you may feel a bit lost, but you don't need to complicate these natural feelings with self blame that might not be something you should blame yourself for. Hang in there and good luck!

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Post #: 11

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 12:04:53 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It doesn't have anything to do with whether or not you deserve a second chance. Truthfully, if you want to have a pity party for yourself, I'm not going to stop you.

From what I've read, what happened in your situation was that the dynamic ended. That happens all of the time. Yes, it's disappointing. Yes, it can hurt. However, something wasn't working for at least one of you (which I'm thinking was her) and everybody is entitled to try to find the type of dynamic that is what they want in their life. There may have been an incompatibility between what she expected and what you could provide. Unless one or both of those things change, you will continue to have that area of incompatibility. More or less, that boils down to repeating trying the same thing that already didn't work the first time.

What I would suggest that you do is lick your wounds, get over the pain of losing the dynamic, and attempt to do well at your new job. When you have done those things, get back into meeting new people again to find an arrangement that works for your current, employed circumstances.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 12

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 12:09:34 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Okay, I don't know the type of relationship you had or what your goals were within it, but what the hell ever happened to vanilla life, life in general and we can't ignore life responsibilities? And why blame yourself because you have them?

Sure she may have wanted a service submissive/slave without a relationship and it sounds like that is what was going on. If that is the case, things changed and you couldn't provide what she wanted and there is still no fault on your part. I would think though, that you both would have known what was between you and what was going on and the direction you were taking. I find it very important to know that we each know where we are going and what we are doing to make sure there aren't periods of confusion that lead to situations like this. Think about it. What were you both doing? Did you talk about what you were doing or did you just do things and think whatever you would think?

If you were only a service submissive, did you know that? Or were you thinking you were more? What was said and agreed upon?

If you were service only, you still have an adult life to live, work and family and a human body that can get sick. These are considerations we have to think about in life no matter our relationship dynamic's.

As for beating yourself up, feeling you don't deserve a second chance and feeling as if you failed... you are being too hard on yourself if you think that work and illness made you less somehow. It isn't realistic to think that because of these things we are somehow less and faulty.

It's hard to break something off and you may feel a bit lost, but you don't need to complicate these natural feelings with self blame that might not be something you should blame yourself for. Hang in there and good luck!

this...

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Post #: 13

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 5:30:46 PM

flipnlovr

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/28/2010
Status: offline

Look sweetheart, the only way for the D/s relationship to grow is to communicate your feelings.BOTH of you. I don't need to read all these feeds to know that in my experience these relationships require a Lot of honest communication. Situations change as life changes. I have experienced this with both Master and submisive. Talk it through if you think the relationship is worth it and I think you do or you would not have posted. Be honest, open and humble!!! Take a minute to look at your priorities and set them on paper. If your Mistress is not number 1 tell her that. It just may be ok. She may understand. Most of us need to live in the real world and need that job. She probably wants to know that you are still hers. Be real with yourself first, take sometime to do some soul searching and then bring it to Her.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 14

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 6:18:54 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You met her under one set of circumstances, and now have another one. She preferred the old you. Too bad - you need a job, just like we all do. (Congratulations on the job, BTW.)

Your last sentence in the OP sounds whiny. If you are like that regularly, that may have had a bearing on her decision as well.

She said it's over. DO NOT pester her now. Give it a few weeks. If then you want to stay in touch, contact her and simply ask her "How's it going?" Approach her as a casual friend and see if that works.

i was sent a message by her last night and we talked things out, we agreed that i need some time away from the lifestyle so i can focus on my job and college. also thanks for congratulating me on my job.

this happened very quickly though and it overwhelmed me, and when i created this topic i was not in a good state of mind.

there's no real need for this thread anymore since i kinda got it under control now and i'd like to thank everyone who posted.

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Post #: 15

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 6:28:49 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

OK, Faded. Best foot forward - good luck!

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(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 16

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 11:05:30 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

i'm going to try my best, i was told i still have her support and she's proud of me for doing well at my job so it makes things easier for me. the kind of fellow i am i need to be reminded here and there that i'm doing well when i am and if i'm not to give me advice and instruction on how to improve what i am doing. so pretty much she'll still be there to support and motivate me and we're still going to be friends and well knowing that makes the hiatus from the lifestyle a lot easier to cope with

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Post #: 17

RE: I need some advice - 5/22/2010 11:31:45 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I'm really glad it's worked out so well and you were able to put a positive front on it and keep her as a friend. Good luck with the job and school!

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 18

RE: I need some advice - 5/23/2010 12:01:55 PM

DommeKeliDallas

Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

MOVE ON!
Put on your BIG BOY PANTS and go on.
She is a DOMME who wants man at her back and call.
You got a JOB and a COLD and were useless to her.

Sometimes a woman wants what she wants when she wants it, and if you can't provide it...NEXT!

Look around and find someone who is not as jaded as the last Domme.

Cheer up and go get a sno-cone!

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 19

RE: I need some advice - 5/23/2010 10:58:06 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I'm really glad it's worked out so well and you were able to put a positive front on it and keep her as a friend. Good luck with the job and school!

thanks and i'm glad we're friends. i think i was afraid mostly because our friendship was gonna end too but i'm thankful that it isn't. friendship to me is more important than the lifestyle

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your living nightmare

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Post #: 20

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