RE: When did you realize your submissive nature?

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RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 7/6/2010 9:19:35 AM

lally2

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Joined: 4/16/2009
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i found out about myself on the net about ten or so years ago. id given up on men generally at that point, i knew there were things i wanted that i wasnt getting from them, not the kink so much, they were all kinky, it was the Ds i needed but had no idea existed in any dedicated way.

i think you can be submissive in nature and still hold youre own in the world. i think a submissive learns to get selective about who they give to. i went through a phase of holding back on all of that totally and it made me miserable and withdrawn, i became less myself and more unhappy as a result. eventually personal accountability, taught to me through learning about myself here, made it possible to start giving to people again, because i knew what it was in me that wanted to and that by going against my nature was doing me no good at all, so i took responsiblity for that and got pleasure from giving again but without any expectation of understanding or reciprocation.

as we all know being submissive doesnt mean youre weak or spineless, i am stronger than most of the vanilla women friends i have and they often remark on that - that they couldnt live my life.

personally i dont think the sub switch goes 'on' with a Dom and is otherwise dormant. - how can you stop being who you are. i think we simply learn to handle ourselves.

in fact ill even go further and say that many subs dont find their Dominant straight away, but they dont rush back to vanilla, they stand their ground, hold themselves and their lives together until their Dominant comes along. that takes strength and self identity and determination. ive read many posts where subs have said that theyd sooner be celibate than settle. ive spent a great deal of my life alone and it isnt easy and it gets lonely but i havent baled out. im strong enough to stand on my own but that doesnt make me vanilla or dominant.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 7/6/2010 10:08:15 AM >

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RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 7/6/2010 10:20:29 AM

oksubby

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Joined: 7/2/2010
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quote:

personally i dont think the sub switch goes 'on' with a Dom and is otherwise dormant. - how can you stop being who you are. i think we simply learn to handle ourselves.

I agree... I have to put on a persona, role-playing a dominant (though easy-going) person in the business world. Otherwise I'd be eaten alive, and wouldn't be able to provide for my family. It's one of those things; it's possible that in another life I could have been someone's utter slave and rejoiced in that. In this one, however, that's a luxury I can't afford. I can't just sit back and be provided for either; I have responsibilities that I chose to accept and I will see them through. It *is* wonderful though that I can take a break from that every now and then and just be... well, me. :)

Just re-read my own post and realized I might be sounding down on true slaves... I'm not! I think it's awesome that some people can do what you do. I may very well have at least tried to go down that path, had life presented other opportunities.

Still, on the whole, I'm very happy and satisfied with the life I've chosen.

< Message edited by oksubby -- 7/6/2010 10:59:10 AM >

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RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 7/7/2010 8:31:00 PM

PrettyJewel

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Joined: 5/18/2010
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I'm amazed at all the parallels in the stories here. The process of self-discovery as a submissive, for me, was accidental. Like several here, I made friends with someone online (via Twitter, in a writer's chat, of all places) and he started asking the most interesting questions. Things about submission, submitting to a man, what kind of relationships I'd been in (vanilla and bitter, stuck in a long marriage with an anything-but-dominant man). I started investigating what this submission thing was all about, and I KNEW I'd hit the right nail on the head. He became my first Dom, and although it didn't work out in the long run, I will always appreciate that it was he who said, "I'll break down your walls and show you the garden on the other side."

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RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 7/8/2010 5:10:05 AM

CaringandReal

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I was four or five and did something my father disapproved of. He punished me by forcing me to do something humiliating (not sexual), lengthy and physically taxing. I was intensely aroused by this, particularly the discomfort and forced service aspects. That's all I knew. I didn't know words like "submissive," but I knew then what thrilled me more than anything else. Children experiment a lot, try things out randomly. Most of the time the interests they try do not stick with them into adulthood. But craving and enjoying this sort of experience stuck with me. My experience parallels a lot of the accounts I have heard from fetishists who develop their fetish early in life. There's often a singular experience (or maybe a repetitive one, if the fetish comes from watching TV or hearing a song) in which the person realizes, "This is what I really like."

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RE: When did you realize your submissive nature? - 7/8/2010 9:35:16 AM

DarlingSavage

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When did you realize your submissive nature?

I was tested as a child and came up positive.

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