Running Scared.

Running Scared. (Full Version)

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MissAsylum -> Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:07:47 PM)
a submissive on here was borederline chasing after me for a play session for months. i finally give him the opportunity to meet with me after i took off from work. the session was supposed to be just no strings attached house work and foot worship. 20 minutes before he was to arrive, he called expressing fear that i would harm him. he told me of a bad expirence with another domme that had tied him up to the point of giving him marks and her boyfriend abused him(no specifics were given). while i felt bad for him that he was traumatised, i told him that if he felt as though he were in any danger, he was free to leave and/or call the police. i also said if he didnt want to come, that was fine as well, but he BEGGED to come. when he arrived, he was very nervous. i suggested we take a casual walk to calm down. after an hour of me talking to him, he decided to come in. he bolted the SECOND he heard a creak from the house.i understood why he was scared, but why waste my time if he was so scared from the start?

mistoferin -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:11:02 PM)
Better question...why would you invite a quirky nutjob like that into your home?

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:13:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum i understood why he was scared, but why waste my time if he was so scared from the start? Has there ever been a time when you wanted to do something but when you actually did got scared and decided not to? If so thats why, he was wasting his time too, I expect he didn't know he would decide to leave, he explained he was afraid, you explained he could leave, he did.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:14:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Better question...why would you invite a quirky nutjob like that into your home? That's pretty much my question as well. Edited to say that his behaviour before getting to your house was a pretty good foreshadowing of how he was going to react. - LA

MissAsylum -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:17:50 PM)
it wasnt my home(sorry for not mentioning it)- i had purchased a space some time ago for a dungeon, but ended using it as storage.

MissAsylum -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:24:24 PM)
i have been scared like that before. but if i'm scared before anything happens and nothing can calm me down about it- i would remove myself instead of wasting my time. i cant assume everybody thinks the way i do- thats just foolish. but it didnt really add up as to why he would be on my ass for months then run at the last second on account of something that i had nothing to do with.

lally2 -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:24:37 PM)
its never happened to me but you do hear of people not showing up atall! - same thing id expect - at least he tried to get over his anxiety. i kinda feel for him in a way. he clearly wants to get over this to the point of meeting up but just cant get beyond what happened. or:.......... and this has just occurred to me - it was his fantasy all along. the whole fear thing, runing away from the big bad domme, escaping by the skin of his teeth from being tied up, abused and ravaged by you. just a thought.

GraciousLady -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:30:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum it wasnt my home(sorry for not mentioning it)- i had purchased a space some time ago for a dungeon, but ended using it as storage. No matter what the place why would you even entertain the though of dealing with this man?

lovingpet -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:33:27 PM)
It all seems very over the top to me. I nearly didn't show up for the first meeting with my now partner, but I still took a big, deep breath and pushed myself to go. I was nervous as hell, but that is not at all surprising given my temperament. I told myself how rude it was of me to waste both of our time and his funds (for his drive) by not bothering to show up and doing so on short or no notice. That kind of thing would just be plain unacceptable to me. I expect manners if nothing else...common courtesy. I have yet to allow my nerves to dictate whether or not I am going to at least do my best to be a polite person. One other thing, and I see it's been brought up already, why in the world were you inviting someone into your home whom you clearly didn't feel all that comfortable with? I can meet all sorts, but only those I trust are going to ever have my address or come inside my front door. Home is supposed to be my safe place. I am not going to do anything that might change that. lovingpet

mistoferin -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:33:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GraciousLady quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum it wasnt my home(sorry for not mentioning it)- i had purchased a space some time ago for a dungeon, but ended using it as storage. No matter what the place why would you even entertain the though of dealing with this man? Exactly! I'd dare to say that he wasn't exactly presenting a picture of stability.

LadyPact -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:33:57 PM)
I would have to ask you. You have been doing this for how many years as a pro? You've never run across folks who wanted to do this and then were too scared?

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:38:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum i have been scared like that before. but if i'm scared before anything happens and nothing can calm me down about it- i would remove myself instead of wasting my time. i cant assume everybody thinks the way i do- thats just foolish. but it didnt really add up as to why he would be on my ass for months then run at the last second on account of something that i had nothing to do with. I have an example not a BDSM one but a life one, I had to pass my driving test to keep my job, I was so scared I was literally shaking, I paid all the money and I went to the test, I started crying before I left the centre and I had to stop the test half way through because I couldn't do it, the next time, I couldn't even get in the car. I have for the moment given up trying. I practiced driving for about a year, I really wanted to take the test but I was so afraid, yes it is a different kind of fear, I wasn't afraid for my safety. I know people are saying this guy is a nut, but after any traumatic experience it takes a while to get over it, and often it is easier to imagine doing it than actually doing it.

MissAsylum -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:41:24 PM)
3 years. he wasnt going to be paying to clean my dungeon space. but i've never had a problem with those paying showing up- its only been the ones not paying that i have been having problems with. i would think it would be the other way around though.

domiguy -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:43:06 PM)
He might have thought you were creepy or kinda gross.

lovingpet -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:44:17 PM)
My concern personally is actually for the behavior displayed PRIOR to making the date. It sounds rather creepy and stalkerish to me. If I have misgivings before ever agreeing to meet someone, we probably won't be meeting and certainly not in a private space that belongs to me. At the very best, it will be public, nonsexual, and with a few other assurances in place. If the person wants more, they will have to manage to dispell the "creepy" label. Until then, they aren't getting me alone regardless of which side of things I happen to be on. PS: The info about the location was not up yet when I posted my last response, so my partial apologies to the OP. lovingpet

LadyAngelika -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 1:46:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAsylum it wasnt my home(sorry for not mentioning it)- i had purchased a space some time ago for a dungeon, but ended using it as storage. Ok, but the point isn't just your place of residence, but that you are one on one alone with a stranger. Also, didn't your instincts tell you that this guy was shifty? The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. - LA

MsAlisedeSade -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 3:34:27 PM)
I think you may want to have your next meeting at your local BDSM party, public dungeon or a munch. If they are as interested as they present themselves to be then they will oblige. If they do not show then maybe you will find someone else interesting there. It would serve as a way to seperate those who are serious from the wankers.

laurell3 -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 3:37:14 PM)
No offense, but your radar seems to be a bit off, this is the second wackjob story in less than a week where there were or should have been some clear indications that something was not right. You might want to slow down and really process the information you're getting when you start talking to these guys. Why would you deal with these people at all?

MissAsylum -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 4:59:27 PM)
been getting more free time lately so i've been trying to cram some meetings in while i have a chance.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Running Scared. (5/23/2010 5:16:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade I think you may want to have your next meeting at your local BDSM party, public dungeon or a munch. If they are as interested as they present themselves to be then they will oblige. If they do not show then maybe you will find someone else interesting there. It would serve as a way to seperate those who are serious from the wankers. I agree with this.

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