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ORIGINAL: slavejali

..she would have been through exactly what you had, she would have lived through it with you, so you would probably find you were both a little less energetic than usual...and both have to be supportive of each other. You would probably find that you both had to make extra effort to have fun times and develop goals and dreams together to carry you both through this period.

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ORIGINAL: feastie

No one can be "on" all the time.  It's ridiculous to think so.  People, dominant and submissive, have lives outside their personal relationships with many influencing factors, such as jobs, hurricanes (my home wasn't taken, thank God...I'm sorry to hear yours was, Level), aging parents, teenagers, children...the list is endless.  The relationship, in its most natural state, is the same as any other.  Each does what it takes to manage life.  Does it mean that the partners are not currently dominant and submissive?  Of course not.  The submissive will do what pleases her dominant naturally.  She'll bring that beer or whatever little things he enjoys.  He will, naturally, thank her and tell her she's a good girl.  That's all it takes to maintain the perspective. He doesn't have to walk around dressed in his leathers with his whip on his belt and she wearing her skin and precious little else and on her knees.  (Think of the callouses!)  Personally, I don't think the kids ought to be privy to that anyway ;)

It boils down to common sense and acceptance that while the D/s (or M/s or whatever) relationship has differences from the normal vanilla, they also have common ground.  Being D/s doesn't mean we are exclusive from the same life experiences as anyone else. 

Hello, neighbor *smiles*.........I think there's lots of wisdom in what you posted. I'm glad you didn't lose your home, as well. And hey, I wanted to move anyway .........

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ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

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ORIGINAL: tears4him

So if i'm reading you right. Because I am single, i'm not a submissive? What I feel isn't submission? What I seek isn't to be dominated? What am I and what am I seeking then, if i'm not a submissive because of being single? If what I am reading is correct from you.

You read incorrectly, that is NOT what I said at all, quite the contrary. If you are submissive or Dominant that does NOT go away just because outside circumstances change your active role.

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

I won’t argue that one Coyote, as long as we agree that you are referring exclusively to M/s Masters and not including Gorean Masters. If you are however, I’d ask you to define “Active”

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Thank you for clarifying without the snide remarks ScooterTrash.

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ORIGINAL: MrMister

This statement is absolutely correct - "No one can be on all the time". However, there seems to be those who tend to believe otherwise. It has been my personal experience - being kind and considerate of others at all times - that I am misjudged by others as being someone incapable of properly handling my affairs as they revolve around dominating another. Of course to each their own perception, as this is something I will waste an extraordinary little amount of time attempting to prove otherwise simply because past experiences have proven to be futile. It has been my experience that these particular submissives generally live in some 'fantasy camp', which by the way seems to be running rampant on the internet for obvious reasons. So yes, just because of our personal choices and preferences to be who we truly are in life, whether that is mean and nasty 24/7, or have a genuine propensity to care and help others, we are often mistaken or misunderstood by others within this lifestyle. But those times of respite (from welding the whips and chains) we tend to experience simply because that is part of living life sometimes should not and do not define who we are. Kinda sad that is the case at times though.

On a side note, my heart does indeed go out to you Level, even though you have asked that we not make a big deal of such. But you most definitely have the right approach and attitude. Things will be better, and soon. Just know that someone is thinking good thoughts and warm wishes.

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ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

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ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

The tops I know just dominate during a sceen and are back to everyday life the next day.  There is no "air" about them that causes that instant recognition.  Often, I have noticed that they are distinctly different from the natural dominants listed above, most often in the manners department.  Tops often just get mad and frustrated when things don't go their way, losing their tempers.  These distinctions can often be witnessed on these boards.

I'll prove your point.

One of the biggest problems I find with doms is that they have little patience for reflection. They will happily lead you towards a fire rather than away from one rather than admit they don't know something. They have a natural sense of power and often misinterpret that for wisdom and knowledge.

The amount of times I've sat in a meeting and heard someone with a natural air of authority spout off about plans and strategy based on personal prejudice without any reflection on the facts is too numerous to count. But what pisses me off most, is that when the shit hits the fan they blame other people for not doing their job properly when the initial strategy was fatally flawed. Even worse, when a flawed plan is made to work by others who see the fatal flaw and corrupt the strategy to make it work, the natural dom takes the credit, even amongst the sniggers of others because they are blind to everything but their own sense of rightness. 

When I come across someone with an exaggerated air of authority my antenna go up and I analyse what they say. There is no way I'm going to be a lemming and follow one over the cliff.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me it's a wonderful level of intimacy when you can feel absolutely happy and serene when you're both just chilling out on the couch together on a lazy Sunday afternoon.  No sex, no play, no chores- just hanging out together.

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*laughs*........all right, let me be a bit more explicit. I don't just mean "I've had a rough day at work", though that can be part of the equation. And I did have myself in mind with the topic, at least to a degree.....over the last few months, I've had my home destroyed by hurricane Rita, lived in 6 different places before finding a new home, saw my best friend of over 25 years buried, had two other family members die, and am in the process of seeing my second closest friendship end. Add to that a stressful job, and taking care of an aging parent.....
 
Yes, many evenings, as of late, I come home and I am very tired.
 
Not being in a relationship, much of this is naturally hypothetical to me. I would not come home and pat my submissive on the head as I made my way to the bedroom, where I would lock the door and curl up in the fetal posistion lol. But, neither would I be swinging from the chandeliers, whip clenched between my teeth.
 
I don't want, or need, any pity parties, by the way. Things are looking up, and I'll be fine *smiles*. I'm one of those that always believes that the wheel will turn. Even if I bitch a bit LOL.
 
And I'm interested in your (and anyone else's) thoughts on how a dominant could potentially fail in regards to their responsibilities in such a situation.

 
Level

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ORIGINAL: feastie

No one can be "on" all the time.  It's ridiculous to think so.  People, dominant and submissive, have lives outside their personal relationships with many influencing factors, such as jobs, hurricanes (my home wasn't taken, thank God...I'm sorry to hear yours was, Level), aging parents, teenagers, children...the list is endless.  The relationship, in its most natural state, is the same as any other.  Each does what it takes to manage life.  Does it mean that the partners are not currently dominant and submissive?  Of course not.  The submissive will do what pleases her dominant naturally.  She'll bring that beer or whatever little things he enjoys.  He will, naturally, thank her and tell her she's a good girl.  That's all it takes to maintain the perspective. He doesn't have to walk around dressed in his leathers with his whip on his belt and she wearing her skin and precious little else and on her knees.  (Think of the callouses!)  Personally, I don't think the kids ought to be privy to that anyway ;)

It boils down to common sense and acceptance that while the D/s (or M/s or whatever) relationship has differences from the normal vanilla, they also have common ground.  Being D/s doesn't mean we are exclusive from the same life experiences as anyone else. 

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ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

Your reaction and the reaction of a few other dominants on this subject proves my point.  You and the others have notably TAKEN responsibility and can spot the frauds.  There is a difference between play acting and being dominant.

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ORIGINAL: CERCKL

If you go to the dictionary to 'dominant' (Merriam-Webster online) you can find  3 : of, relating to, or exerting ecological or genetic dominance ; so you look up dominance and you find  c : the influence or control over ecological communities exerted by a dominant ...now we aren't speaking strictly of ecological setings but in a way wa are, or at least a sociological, interpersonal setting...and I think the strongest term in this side trip is 'influence'...in a relationship, there is still my influence as well as hers...as her Master not only do I have certain expectations from her but I have quite a bit of expectations from me, regarding myself...from a recent email from her (we live close but not together at this time) she stated: "Everyday , even if you don't see it I am taken more and more with you. The thoughts and questions.... you have cared enough to look into in every single facet of intrests(sic) and questions I may have..."  That is part of what I feel being dominant is...I am not 'playing' per se but rather I am attentive; if I find an area where she can grow, or I desire to grow, I seek...when I teach, it can be through example, setting, parable...I must find out how...when I am not with another, these traits still exist but are focused only on my own self-control, growth, etc...
Walking downtown yesterday through Saturday Market, looking at the booths, checking out small shops, buying espresso...nothing overt, nothing demanding, just being but it was obvious in our interaction and energy with each other that she was owned by me...to others? Who gives a fuck?

C

Damn, I need to learn how to type...

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

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LOL C........aw, hell, you type ok, and your posts are always interesting. I still have to respond to a thread of yours also.....
 
Level

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ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

What we do (or don't do, in this case) does not define who we are.