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is it that difficult? - 5/23/2010 11:20:48 PM

nevaehangel

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/4/2008
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Is it honestly that difficult to be honest with someone about what you truly desire? Why lead someone on into thinking something is possible to happen when its not? I don't mean for this to be a direct jab at anyone I just need to get things off my chest and I need to express myself and I am sorry if its outside the box so to speak and if I seem to come off as bitchy but... I guess what is leading this question is I've been doing alot of thinking lately and for some reason I am quite an emotional mess...I keep wondering what lays ahead of me and what is out there for me to find...I guess I'm terrifed of the unknown but in all honesty who isn't? its a rush its a mystery and all I want is what I desire to become a reality. I honestly wonder at times if everyone is fake...if I only see things thru rose colored glasses because I am afraid to see whats really there....I miss certian things so much....I miss certian touches so much...I am honestly begining to wonder if.....just if....I'm guessing I should probably stop writing this while I can still somewhat see the screen clearly thru the tears...but before I do...let me say, I feel as though my life is in shambles and I guess I desire someone who can just put their hands on me and tell me it will be alright and honestly mean it....someone who's not afraid to just let me cry when I need to, I'm confused, I'm lost, I'm just a big ball of emotion as I said....maybe it will all change and get better one day, I'll continue to hope for it...*le sigh* and on that note I am closing out this entry...as the screen has now become a blur

Post #: 1

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/23/2010 11:31:55 PM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline

Greetings nevaehangel.....

You sound like someone who just got dumped by someone you thought you had...or had you as the case may be. No, everyone isn't a fake and yes, there is, somewhere, someone for everyone. The problem is telling the good fakes from the real people. Or, even worse, the people who are real but chicken out when it comes time to do and be. They are great in theory and really want something with someone but can not take the final step to whatever.

Ove the years I have told many a would be slave that finding a Master is easy. Finding a good Master is hard. Finding a good Master with experience is very hard. Finding a good Master with experience who wants you is almost impossible. Some times you have to work you way up the chain to the perfect and final one for you. Sometimes you get lucky and find it right away. It all depends on what you are really looking for. It sounds like you are in the proverbial position of looking up at the horse you just fell off of. Are you going to get up, dust off and ride or just lie there? Just remember, if you decide to ride you need to know where you are riding to. Do you?

Be well.....

Malkinius

_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com The goal is community.

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 2

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/23/2010 11:36:50 PM

nevaehangel

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline

I didn't just get dumped or whatever the case or terminology may be I am just doing alot of thinking and I feel all confused and conflicted inside and I am not liking this feeling at all, my daily life is hectic enough and then i sit and i think and i ponder and i wonder and i know what i want and i know what i desire....but i'm not going to bend and twist who i truely am to get what it is that I desire so much...because then that person wouldn't have the real me they would have some warped little version of what I am.....I'm sick of feeling empty and I just don't know anymore...i left the lifestyle behind for a good year or two because i needed to find ME and know who I AM and now....I feel like hell.....

(in reply to Malkinius)

Post #: 3

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 12:10:47 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Yeah....you're not feeling well....sorry for that, but you're going to have to actually formulate a rational thought and question if you want input. What's the problem? People asking you to be different than you are? How?.....

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 4

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 12:20:22 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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Is it honestly that difficult to avoid jerks, and to avoid letting people jerk you around?

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go on with your fabulous life. Learn new things about the world, and about yourself.

Get help where you need it, and turn your jerk detector dial to the "on" position.

_____________________________

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(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 5

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 1:02:04 AM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Well, OP, yes it's that difficult. Good things in life usually are, but then again they are so very worth it. I'd like to say something more encouraging, but really that is it. Patience and renew your hope. Nothing worthwhile has ever come easy.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 6

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 1:55:05 AM

kuppykake

Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

I feel you girlie, I really do.... can't really say much to help, but you're not alone!

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 7

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 2:20:13 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

Man or woman, Dom or Sub, trust me, we've all been there.
The only cure is to get back in the saddle and ride on.
It hurts, but it gets better.
Chocolate and wine help, but a new lover is the real cure.

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 8

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 3:00:39 AM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline

Greetings nevaehangel....

quote:

ORIGINAL: nevaehangel
I didn't just get dumped or whatever the case or terminology may be I am just doing alot of thinking and I feel all confused and conflicted inside and I am not liking this feeling at all, my daily life is hectic enough and then i sit and i think and i ponder and i wonder and i know what i want and i know what i desire....but i'm not going to bend and twist who i truely am to get what it is that I desire so much...because then that person wouldn't have the real me they would have some warped little version of what I am.....I'm sick of feeling empty and I just don't know anymore...i left the lifestyle behind for a good year or two because i needed to find ME and know who I AM and now....I feel like hell.....

You certainly sounded like it.

I am going to say this rather bluntly. You can get someone to accept you for what you are now. Any dominant who knows what they are doing will change you to be more of what they want. You WILL NOT stay the same. No one that I have ever heard of has found the perfect match the first time out. There has always been some change and yes, change on both parts before they truly mesh and perfectly complement each other. I am talking about any relationship, not just a D/s or M/s one. Like I said, what you desire in the end should not be the only thing you will accept or you will be waiting forever. The chances of you finding that perfect "ONE" and they are available and you are their perfect "ONE" are vanishingly small. Figure out what you can live and work with and go there. Otherwise you will just be miserable with never finding what you want and never being satisfied with what you have. If you have to, kiss a lot of frogs along the way until you find the magic prince you are looking for.

One last thing. The only ones who theoretically don't bend are the dominant types. The submissives are supposed to give in to what someone else wants....at least to some extent. When you forget that you will never be happy because you are going against your nature.

Be well....

Malkinius

_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com The goal is community.

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 9

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 3:16:52 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Malkinius

Any dominant who knows what they are doing will change you to be more of what they want.

I'm not sure I agree with this at all, I've no desire to "change a sub to be more of what I want", I'm happy to work with a sub to help her become more of what we want, however.

quote:

You WILL NOT stay the same. No one that I have ever heard of has found the perfect match the first time out. There has always been some change and yes, change on both parts before they truly mesh and perfectly complement each other. I am talking about any relationship, not just a D/s or M/s one. Like I said, what you desire in the end should not be the only thing you will accept or you will be waiting forever. The chances of you finding that perfect "ONE" and they are available and you are their perfect "ONE" are vanishingly small. Figure out what you can live and work with and go there. Otherwise you will just be miserable with never finding what you want and never being satisfied with what you have. If you have to, kiss a lot of frogs along the way until you find the magic prince you are looking for.

Yes, I agree with this - we all have to be willing to compromise/adapt/learn/grow as relationships evolve.

(in reply to Malkinius)

Post #: 10

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 3:19:49 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hey,

No, it shouldn't be "that difficult", but people often struggle to do it. A lot of people are here to explore fantasies, and a fair few get scared as things begin to become more "real".

Yes - this can all be a little scary, as you experience more of kink you discover things about yourself - that's part of the adventure.

I think a lot of us occasionally have the "is everyone fake" thought - there are certainly a lot of fakes, but over time you'll get much better at spotting them!

I can't put my hand on your shoulder, but I can say that it will be alright. It's perfectly normal to have doubts, and the occasional crisis. But you're hawt, kinky, pretty clear about what you want (although I can't help but pointing out that you're chatting to a "Dominant" not a "Dominate" <- the former is the noun, the latter a verb).

For what it's worth, take a breather - don't look for intensity, look for something more chilled at first.

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 11

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 3:29:26 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello angel,

quote:

Is it honestly that difficult to be honest with someone about what you truly desire? Why lead someone on into thinking something is possible to happen when its not?

Yes, sometimes it is. At some point in our lives, if we are lucky, we are able to find our own truth and to finally speak it. The need to be honest becomes greater than the need to be accepted... if we are lucky...

quote:

...I am quite an emotional mess...I keep wondering what lays ahead of me and what is out there for me to find...I guess I'm terrifed of the unknown but in all honesty who isn't? its a rush its a mystery and all I want is what I desire to become a reality.

You may be going through that struggle right now. Sure seems like it. The only way out is through... keep going.

I promise the other side means you don't have to be terrified of the unknown. In fact the unknown can become a wonderful, exciting surprise...

quote:

I desire someone who can just put their hands on me and tell me it will be alright and honestly mean it....

You are the only one who can do that. I can tell you that if you keep going and get to the other side, it will be all right. If you make that choice.

Good luck.
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 12

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 3:32:33 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

By the way, while I was typing this saying... yeah, I bet she's not 28 yet... I can tell. You are growing up. That's all. It beats the alternative. One day at a time.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 13

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 3:50:20 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm sorry that life's so difficult at times. You're young, and you sound like you're not 100% sure of just what you want yourself. You want to be Dominated, and you want tenderness and caring at the same time... there ARE lots of Doms out there who can give you that. Especially since you're hot as hell.

Good luck on your journey.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 14

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 4:25:01 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You're 24. Women mature faster than men, on the average. So the odds are the men of your age aren't interested in finding their one yet. Just date and enjoy yourself, make a list of things you enjoy and do them every week. Date yourself until you find someone else you prefer to date. Take yourself out to dinner, take yourself to the movies, and so on. Happy, satisfied people attract others who are also happy. Unhappy people attract others just like them. Which kind are you looking for?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 4:39:51 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nevaehangel

I didn't just get dumped or whatever the case or terminology may be I am just doing alot of thinking and I feel all confused and conflicted inside and I am not liking this feeling at all, my daily life is hectic enough and then i sit and i think and i ponder and i wonder and i know what i want and i know what i desire....but i'm not going to bend and twist who i truely am to get what it is that I desire so much...because then that person wouldn't have the real me they would have some warped little version of what I am.....I'm sick of feeling empty and I just don't know anymore...i left the lifestyle behind for a good year or two because i needed to find ME and know who I AM and now....I feel like hell.....

it does get frustrating - it really does - when youre open, honest, up front and clear about everything and about youreself and you just keep getting spun a line that ends up just a pile of spin.

dont despair is all i can say - it might take a while, but youll get there - most everyone on these boards knows what youre feeling and has been there at some point - think of it as part of youre journey and with every twist and turn you learn more about youreself and get clearer about what you dont want.

dont forget to enjoy the journey - the getting there is great of course, but the journey cant be bypassed. xx

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 16

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 5:58:40 AM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuppykake

I feel you girlie, I really do.... can't really say much to help, but you're not alone!

I echo this.

(in reply to kuppykake)

Post #: 17

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 6:17:59 AM

nevaehangel

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline

I must say thank you to everyone....no I am actually 25 been in the lifestyle since I was 17, this thought has been rattling around in my mind forever and with it on top of my daily stress of work made me blurt it all out, so, I just said it, I'm a blunt person and thats how I enjoy being, I won't sugar coat anything I just don't understand how people can lie and brush off normal common curtosy to just tell someone how they feel instead of saying what they think will make the other person happy.

(in reply to GraciousLady)

Post #: 18

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 6:42:00 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

*pssssssssssst.

Common courtesy isn't really all that common... *wink

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to nevaehangel)

Post #: 19

RE: is it that difficult? - 5/24/2010 6:47:01 AM

nevaehangel

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline

LOL I will have to agree unfortunatley! just as Common Sense isn't all that common either lol

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 20

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