RE: kink talk among vanillas

RE: kink talk among vanillas (Full Version)

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GreedyTop -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 12:54:29 AM)
~FR~ if someone brings up the topic, and directly addresses ME, I will ask them.. "do you REALLY WANT TO KNOW my opinion". My family (I am not close, and never have been to most of them)already knows that they had best be honest in how they answer that question. My friends already know the answer.. even if they choose to 'sweep it under the carpet'.

SailingBum -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 1:12:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010 How do you handle it (or how do you think you would) if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking. Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened, I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto. How would you discuss someone calling Catholic priest "little boy fuckers"? Id ignore it. It is not my goal in life to "educate" the morons of the world. Typically it's a waste of breath. BadOne

lally2 -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 1:23:46 AM)
if people want to know about something they can find out for themselves - if it isnt important enough to them to find out then im not going to try and rescue them from their ignorance on the topic. i hear people cracking jokes the whole time - more so as BDSM features more and more in the media. usually we are made out to be depraved and sick - one programme was all about saving this poor little submissive from her mind-bending Master - in the face of that level of ignorance i leave them to it

SocratesNot -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 6:20:00 AM)
In my country people tend to be very judging about alternative sexual practice and I talked to them several times about these things, but, since I haven't officially started to be involved in BDSM , and since I am quite young, I tended to fall easily under their influence and even internalize their judgements. Interestingly, as I seemed to attack BDSM and some aspects of it on this site, when talking to them, I tried to defend it and try to explain it to them and bring them to some understanding. But, nevertheless, I somewhat fell under their influence. The same way I am falling under your influence now. I am bothered when I have two opposing attitudes or opinions about some thing in my mind at the same time, yet both of these opinions seem perfectly logical. This makes chaos and confusion in my head. I understand your arguments that kink and BDSM is perfectly OK, and I have some real kinky desires, while at the same time when I encounter criticism of the BDSM and talk to vanilla people, all their objections and negative attitudes seem perfectly logical to me. So in the end, I end up confused. I try to ease this confusion by trying to bring these two opposing opinions closer to one another. That's why I try to really explain and defend world of kink and BDSM to vanilla folks, and at the same time I bring up these objections that they usually have on sites like this, where it seems then that I am attacking the lifestyle.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 6:37:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot I am bothered when I have two opposing attitudes or opinions about some thing in my mind at the same time, yet both of these opinions seem perfectly logical. This makes chaos and confusion in my head. I understand your arguments that kink and BDSM is perfectly OK, and I have some real kinky desires, while at the same time when I encounter criticism of the BDSM and talk to vanilla people, all their objections and negative attitudes seem perfectly logical to me. So in the end, I end up confused.... Dude, you have to figure out what decision you need to make "for yourself". In many regards you can take things from both sides and come up with a balanced view for yourself. There are differences in matters amoung people here in Kinkland even. There are differences in vanilla land as well. Everybody has their own views and morals about things. Probally the number one thing that many people new to BDSM don't understand is that "realism" applies. There's a certain reality of day to day life that's unvoidable. There are so many topics in life that people are divided upon at times, it ain't funny. What's important is your own critical thinking skills and knowing yourself. Not matter where you go, or what you do, you will be there. There's no escape from yourself is what I'm trying to express to you. Yeah, the notebook was an awesome movie! I'll raise you too, "Sweet November" unexpectedly struck me as deeply moving movie, it shocked me because it was Keanu Reeves movie. Go figure.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 6:40:37 AM)
One of the best tricks I will use is turning the tables back at these people. It is amazing how offended they get when I begin to pass judgment on their personal life and comment on how boring it is to have no sense of exploring diversity in their private lives. When they protest I counter with well that's what you've done to me so turn abouts fair play. You get what you give.

leadership527 -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 7:21:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SocratesNot Interestingly, as I seemed to attack BDSM and some aspects of it on this site, when talking to them, I tried to defend it and try to explain it to them and bring them to some understanding. But, nevertheless, I somewhat fell under their influence. The same way I am falling under your influence now. Here's a thought... are you CLEAR on what yardstick you use to evaluate things. When I'm looking at anything in the relationship space, I'm looking at whether this thing is harmful or helpful to the people involved. I am not looking at whether or not the bible thinks it's good. I am not looking at whether Joe Bob over there thinks it's good.

FlamingRedhead -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 9:23:15 AM)
My vanilla friends all know what I'm into. My best friend had some issues with it at first, going so far as to call my relationship unhealthy, but eventually she calmed down enough to actually listen to what I was saying. I referred her to a kink site to read up on stuff, and now she's fine with it. She and her husband are bedroom kinksters, so I couldn't quite understand where her negativity was coming from. Some of my family know, namely my cousins and sister, but not my parents. They've asked me on occasion where I'm going or what I got for my birthday, but I figured they didn't really want to know. I give purposefully vague answers, and they take the hint. If they pressed the issue, I'd tell them. I'm sure they suspect something given my overt interest awhile back in Lady Heather on CSI. lol Strangers or co-workers are another story. I have no obligation to educate the masses. A simple "it's no one's business" will suffice, or if I'm feeling sassy, "sounds like fun to me!"

ReginaMirus -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 11:01:26 AM)
You'd be SURPRISED just how many "vanillas" really aren't so vanilla. Spend some time on AdultFriendfinder and you'll see exactly what I 'm talking about.

LadyAngelika -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 3:15:17 PM)
quote: if someone brings up the topic, and directly addresses ME, I will ask them.. "do you REALLY WANT TO KNOW my opinion". There are 2 occasions where in response to a question my mother (who I love, adore and get along really well with) asked me, my response was: Do you want me to tell you the truth, or what you want to hear? And in both cases, she withdrew the question. I'm sure that technique could work well in many situations. - LA

StrongSpirit -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 5:30:41 PM)
If people are talking to me and start to disparage BDSM, I pretend I think they must have actual experience. I ask them, how many different people caned them, how often they took it up the ass, how long they swung from fish hooks, etc. When they carefully explain how they never did any of that, I say "Ah. Sorry, from the way you were talking I thought you had real knowledge, instead of just a bunch of half formed prejudices."

kuppykake -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 6:21:49 PM)
I would tell them simply that ignorance is when someone is unwilling to learn about a subject, and before they judge perhaps they should gain some more knowledge of it. Everyone is different, but who is anyone to say what is "normal" and what isn't?

Darkfeather -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 7:51:59 PM)
Personally, I haven't seen that much in the way of kink bashing. In the 21st century, you can see people tied up in soap ads and PVC corsets worn during a gum commercial. Kink sells. Gone are the days where some woman looks at a crop and whispers to her friend, "What is that". Even grade-school kids now know what a flogger is. Heck, today you are more apt to raise the hackles of vanilla society expressing your opinions about politics or religion rather than your proclivities towards ropes or chains.

forsaken555 -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (5/25/2010 7:58:18 PM)
I always stay on the neutral side. I mean, there are many parts of bdsm I don't get either. I don't understand why men wanna use women as their toilets and why some women allow themselves to be toilets. I don't understand why some wanna draw blood. But my rule of thumb is, whatever they are into, as long as both parties mutually agree and enjoy themselves mutually, then it's a good thing.

silverosepetals -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (6/5/2010 4:26:05 PM)
all my friends are very vanilla, and i assume my family is also (but for obvious reasons we dont talk about that kind of thing)...i just "came out" to my best friend a few months ago about my full BDSM situation...she knew i was kinky and was most deff into subbing but i think that spanking, bonadage, and name calling was all she really thought i did...right after my current Master had trained me for days on end (and it was the deepest BDSM related stuff i have ever experienced) i finally just told her randomly one night over a glass of wine while playing Wii Golf...she was shocked, but she said "it all made sense", i submit only as a dog and i have natural "dog-qualities" in me...i NEVER thought she would have handled it so well, but i felt like someone had to know and im glad it was her... i am a pretty open person, so i deff think i would defend BDSM if people were bad mouthing it and i think i would addmit to being into it so much as saying "im a closet freak" (which i have said before) but i doubt i would actually go into detail...i think that people accept bondage, hair pulling and spanking as just "spicing things up" but when it comes to eye contact/speech restriction, crawling, collars/leashes, being urinated on, begging, obedience training, etc. people arent going to be as open minded...though i do wear my collar in public with no shame...ive only ever had a couple people ask about it and the response "im making a statement" seemed to be good enough...luckily...

LafayetteLady -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (6/5/2010 10:21:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010 How do you handle it (or how do you think you would) if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking. Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened, I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto. I have actually been in this situation on a number of different occassions. I don't necessarily "out" myself. Some of my friends know what I am into, some don't. But those situations have allowed the opportunity to discuss what they think is "sick and depraved" and what the people involved might be getting out of it. I've never had someone remain ignorant, but admit that many have said they just don't understand it. Same thing with conversations about gay people. That's the point where I remind them they don't need to "understand" it, as it isn't part of their lives, but that there are many things others might not "understand" about them as well. A spin on "to each his own."

IronBear -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (6/5/2010 11:37:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010 How do you handle it (or how do you think you would) if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking. Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened, I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto. Similar applies to other situations such as Paganism or even sports. It's been my view that at least some of these mundane folk are possibly sending out "HELP" signals and have dark desires of their own so if you can identify this as the reason perhaps you could feel bound to take them by the hand, titts, penis or other appendage and joyfully lead them astray down the dark path of KINK and BDSM. If you are a male Dom you perhaps have a spare collar in your pants to use at the appropriate moment so no sub/slave/newby rustler can snazzle them [;)]. Others are just mouthing off at what they don't understand and would possibly thank you should you edumicate them in the weird, wild wacky ways of KINK and BDSM. Who knows you may even have converts. With the rest why not take the line of early Christian Knights (Crusades) and give them the choice of converting and spending a year and a day as your dungeon lackey and play thing or suffer death? If preferred you could declare a Jihad on the true non believers.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (6/6/2010 12:01:30 PM)
Personally I wouldn't have friends who thought that being kinky was sick, disgusting, or anything else negative. So that wouldn't happen. And secondly, if it was peers, It's not my job to educate or preach or try to change notions of things, if not asked my opinion. I wouldn't say anything, but I would avoid that person as much as possible from then on. Same as with family. quote: ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010 How do you handle it (or how do you think you would) if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking. Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened, I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto.

sblady -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (6/6/2010 4:49:15 PM)
People are entitled to their opinions and I certainly don't leap to defend something they feel may be depraved, sick, etc. However, I will attempt to communicate and ask questions why they feel a certain way (of course, it depends on the person). I recently had a conversation with a friend who was dating a guy that appeared to enjoy doing something that's quite common for folks involved in BDSM or kink. She was scared and weirded out as to the best of my knowledge, she isn't kinky. I explained that people may do certain things to elicit an endorphin rush. She understood that, however, she mentioned other things that had occurred in the month or so they'd been dating. At that point, I had to agree that it might be best to distance herself. I think we can do more harm than good if we automatically go on the defense.

IronBear -> RE: kink talk among vanillas (6/6/2010 8:32:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 i hear people cracking jokes the whole time - more so as BDSM features more and more in the media. usually we are made out to be depraved and sick - one programme was all about saving this poor little submissive from her mind-bending Master - in the face of that level of ignorance i leave them to it At this time, I have had some small success in court helping to defend the right of people who are legally adult from the warped views of family who attempted to have their family member placed under psychiatric control in or out of an institution. In all cases the offending family members and their pet psych was given a court order to cease and desist and to keep a set distance from that person with a no contact order as part of this. In all three cases there was admittedly a personality disorder which is and has been easily resolved by good counselling techniques and in one case other therapies to seek the root of the issues. The kink offences ranger from a passionate love of Butt Plugs to a love of being restrained. hardly life threatening. We have had even grater sucess when defending adult pagan members from illegal activities of families to convert them to Christianity (Thanks to the Australian Constitution).

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