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RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 12:54:29 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~FR~

if someone brings up the topic, and directly addresses ME, I will ask them.. "do you REALLY WANT TO KNOW my opinion".

My family (I am not close, and never have been to most of them)already knows that they had best be honest in how they answer that question.  My friends already know the answer.. even if they choose to 'sweep it under the carpet'.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 1:12:50 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010

How do you handle it  (or how do you think you would)  if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family  talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking.
Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened,  I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto.



How would you discuss someone calling Catholic priest "little boy fuckers"? Id ignore it. It is not my goal in life to "educate" the morons of the world. Typically it's a waste of breath.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 1:23:46 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		if people want to know about something they can find out for themselves - if it isnt important enough to them to find out then im not going to try and rescue them from their ignorance on the topic.

i hear people cracking jokes the whole time - more so as BDSM features more and more in the media.  usually we are made out to be depraved and sick - one programme was all about saving this poor little submissive from her mind-bending Master - in the face of that level of ignorance i leave them to it



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 6:20:00 AM   
SocratesNot


Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline 		In my country people tend to be very judging about alternative sexual practice and I talked to them several times about these things, but, since I haven't officially started to be involved in BDSM , and since I am quite young, I tended to fall easily under their influence and even internalize their judgements.
Interestingly, as I seemed to attack BDSM and some aspects of it on this site, when talking to them, I tried to defend it and try to explain it to them and bring them to some understanding. But, nevertheless, I somewhat fell under their influence. The same way I am falling under your influence now.

I am bothered when I have two opposing attitudes or opinions about some thing in my mind at the same time, yet both of these opinions seem perfectly logical.
This makes chaos and confusion in my head.
I understand your arguments that kink and BDSM is perfectly OK, and I have some real kinky desires, while at the same time when I encounter criticism of the BDSM and talk to vanilla people, all their objections and negative attitudes seem perfectly logical to me.
So in the end, I end up confused.
I try to ease this confusion by trying to bring these two opposing opinions closer to one another. That's why I try to really explain and defend world of kink and BDSM to vanilla folks, and at the same time I bring up these objections that they usually have on sites like this, where it seems then that I am attacking the lifestyle.

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 6:37:08 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
I am bothered when I have two opposing attitudes or opinions about some thing in my mind at the same time, yet both of these opinions seem perfectly logical.
This makes chaos and confusion in my head.
I understand your arguments that kink and BDSM is perfectly OK, and I have some real kinky desires, while at the same time when I encounter criticism of the BDSM and talk to vanilla people, all their objections and negative attitudes seem perfectly logical to me.
So in the end, I end up confused....


Dude, you have to figure out what decision you need to make "for yourself". In many regards you can take things from both sides and come up with a balanced view for yourself. There are differences in matters amoung people here in Kinkland even. There are differences in vanilla land as well. Everybody has their own views and morals about things.

Probally the number one thing that many people new to BDSM don't understand is that "realism" applies. There's a certain reality of day to day life that's unvoidable.

There are so many topics in life that people are divided upon at times, it ain't funny. What's important is your own critical thinking skills and knowing yourself. Not matter where you go, or what you do, you will be there. There's no escape from yourself is what I'm trying to express to you.

Yeah, the notebook was an awesome movie! I'll raise you too, "Sweet November" unexpectedly struck me as deeply moving movie, it shocked me because it was Keanu Reeves movie. Go figure.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to SocratesNot)
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RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 6:40:37 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline 		One of the best tricks I will use is turning the tables back at these people. It is amazing how offended they get when I begin to pass judgment on their personal life and comment on how boring it is to have no sense of exploring diversity in their private lives.  When they protest I counter with well that's what you've done to me so turn abouts fair play. You get what you give.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 7:21:12 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
Interestingly, as I seemed to attack BDSM and some aspects of it on this site, when talking to them, I tried to defend it and try to explain it to them and bring them to some understanding. But, nevertheless, I somewhat fell under their influence. The same way I am falling under your influence now.

Here's a thought... are you CLEAR on what yardstick you use to evaluate things. When I'm looking at anything in the relationship space, I'm looking at whether this thing is harmful or helpful to the people involved. I am not looking at whether or not the bible thinks it's good. I am not looking at whether Joe Bob over there thinks it's good.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 9:23:15 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		My vanilla friends all know what I'm into. My best friend had some issues with it at first, going so far as to call my relationship unhealthy, but eventually she calmed down enough to actually listen to what I was saying. I referred her to a kink site to read up on stuff, and now she's fine with it. She and her husband are bedroom kinksters, so I couldn't quite understand where her negativity was coming from.

Some of my family know, namely my cousins and sister, but not my parents. They've asked me on occasion where I'm going or what I got for my birthday, but I figured they didn't really want to know. I give purposefully vague answers, and they take the hint. If they pressed the issue, I'd tell them. I'm sure they suspect something given my overt interest awhile back in Lady Heather on CSI. *lol*

Strangers or co-workers are another story. I have no obligation to educate the masses. A simple "it's no one's business" will suffice, or if I'm feeling sassy, "sounds like fun to me!"

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to DarkEmpress2010)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 11:01:26 AM   
ReginaMirus


Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline 		You'd be SURPRISED just how many "vanillas" really aren't so vanilla. Spend some time on AdultFriendfinder and you'll see exactly what I 'm talking about.

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 3:15:17 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

if someone brings up the topic, and directly addresses ME, I will ask them.. "do you REALLY WANT TO KNOW my opinion".


There are 2 occasions where in response to a question my mother (who I love, adore and get along really well with) asked me, my response was: Do you want me to tell you the truth, or what you want to hear? And in both cases, she withdrew the question.

I'm sure that technique could work well in many situations.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 5:30:41 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		If people are talking to me and start to disparage BDSM, I pretend I think they must have actual experience.  I ask them, how many different people caned them, how often they took it up the ass, how long they swung from fish hooks, etc.

When they carefully explain how they never did any of that, I say "Ah.   Sorry, from the way you were talking I thought you had real knowledge, instead of just a bunch of half formed prejudices."


(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 6:21:49 PM   
kuppykake


Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I would tell them simply that ignorance is when someone is unwilling to learn about a subject, and before they  judge perhaps they should gain some more knowledge of it.  Everyone is different, but who is anyone to say what is "normal" and what isn't?

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 7:51:59 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I haven't seen that much in the way of kink bashing.  In the 21st century, you can see people tied up in soap ads and PVC corsets worn during a gum commercial.  Kink sells.  Gone are the days where some woman looks at a crop and whispers to her friend, "What is that".  Even grade-school kids now know what a flogger is.  Heck, today you are more apt to raise the hackles of vanilla society expressing your opinions about politics or religion rather than your proclivities towards ropes or chains.

(in reply to kuppykake)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 5/25/2010 7:58:18 PM   
forsaken555


Posts: 39
Joined: 12/2/2009
Status: offline 		I always stay on the neutral side. I mean, there are many parts of bdsm I don't get either. I don't understand why men wanna use women as their toilets and why some women allow themselves to be toilets. I don't understand why some wanna draw blood. But my rule of thumb is, whatever they are into, as long as both parties mutually agree and enjoy themselves mutually, then it's a good thing. 

(in reply to DarkEmpress2010)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 6/5/2010 4:26:05 PM   
silverosepetals


Posts: 16
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline 		all my friends are very vanilla, and i assume my family is also (but for obvious reasons we dont talk about that kind of thing)...i just "came out" to my best friend a few months ago about my full BDSM situation...she knew i was kinky and was most deff into subbing but i think that spanking, bonadage, and name calling was all she really thought i did...right after my current Master had trained me for days on end (and it was the deepest BDSM related stuff i have ever experienced) i finally just told her randomly one night over a glass of wine while playing Wii Golf...she was shocked, but she said "it all made sense", i submit only as a dog and i have natural "dog-qualities" in me...i NEVER thought she would have handled it so well, but i felt like someone had to know and im glad it was her...
i am a pretty open person, so i deff think i would defend BDSM if people were bad mouthing it and i think i would addmit to being into it so much as saying "im a closet freak" (which i have said before) but i doubt i would actually go into detail...i think that people accept bondage, hair pulling and spanking as just "spicing things up" but when it comes to eye contact/speech restriction, crawling, collars/leashes, being urinated on, begging, obedience training, etc. people arent going to be as open minded...though i do wear my collar in public with no shame...ive only ever had a couple people ask about it and the response "im making a statement" seemed to be good enough...luckily...

(in reply to DarkEmpress2010)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 6/5/2010 10:21:51 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010

How do you handle it  (or how do you think you would)  if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family  talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking.
Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened,  I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto.



I have actually been in this situation on a number of different occassions. I don't necessarily "out" myself. Some of my friends know what I am into, some don't. But those situations have allowed the opportunity to discuss what they think is "sick and depraved" and what the people involved might be getting out of it. I've never had someone remain ignorant, but admit that many have said they just don't understand it. Same thing with conversations about gay people. That's the point where I remind them they don't need to "understand" it, as it isn't part of their lives, but that there are many things others might not "understand" about them as well. A spin on "to each his own."

(in reply to DarkEmpress2010)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 6/5/2010 11:37:13 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010

How do you handle it  (or how do you think you would)  if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family  talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking.
Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened,  I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto.



Similar applies to other situations such as Paganism or even sports. It's been my view that at least some of these mundane folk are possibly sending out "HELP" signals and have dark desires of their own so if you can identify this as the reason perhaps you could feel bound to take them by the hand, titts, penis or other appendage and joyfully lead them astray down the dark path of KINK and BDSM. If you are a male Dom you perhaps have a spare collar in your pants to use at the appropriate moment so no sub/slave/newby rustler can snazzle them  . Others are just mouthing off at what they don't understand and would possibly thank you should you edumicate them in the weird, wild wacky ways of KINK and BDSM. Who knows you may even have converts. With the rest why not take the line of early Christian Knights (Crusades) and give them the choice of converting and spending a year and a day as your dungeon lackey and play thing or suffer death?  If preferred you could declare a Jihad on the true non believers.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DarkEmpress2010)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 6/6/2010 12:01:30 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Personally I wouldn't have friends who thought that being kinky was sick, disgusting, or anything else negative. So that wouldn't happen.

And secondly, if it was peers, It's not my job to educate or preach or try to change notions of things, if not asked my opinion. I wouldn't say anything, but I would avoid that person as much as possible from then on.

Same as with family.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress2010

How do you handle it  (or how do you think you would)  if you overheard some of your vanilla friends or peers or family  talking about how sick or depraved kinksters are? I realize the answer may vary depending on who is doing the talking.
Would you defend, "come out" ignore ...? It happened,  I defended the " to each his own" sex life motto.


(in reply to DarkEmpress2010)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: kink talk among vanillas - 6/6/2010 4:49:15 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		People are entitled to their opinions and I certainly don't leap to defend something they feel may be depraved, sick, etc. However, I will attempt to communicate and ask questions why they feel a certain way (of course, it depends on the person).

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was dating a guy that appeared to enjoy doing something that's quite common for folks involved in BDSM or kink. She was scared and weirded out as to the best of my knowledge, she isn't kinky. I explained that people may do certain things to elicit an endorphin rush. She understood that, however, she mentioned other things that had occurred in the month or so they'd been dating. At that point, I had to agree that it might be best to distance herself.

I think we can do more harm than good if we automatically go on the defense.





< Message edited by sblady -- 6/6/2010 4:51:19 PM >

_____________________________

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama





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RE: kink talk among vanillas - 6/6/2010 8:32:05 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i hear people cracking jokes the whole time - more so as BDSM features more and more in the media.  usually we are made out to be depraved and sick - one programme was all about saving this poor little submissive from her mind-bending Master - in the face of that level of ignorance i leave them to it




At this time, I have had some small success in court helping to defend the right of people who are legally adult from the warped views of family who attempted to have their family member placed under psychiatric control in or out of an institution. In all cases the offending family members and their pet psych was given a court order to cease and desist and to keep a set distance from that person with a no contact order as part of this. In all three cases there was admittedly a personality disorder which is and has been easily resolved by good counselling techniques and in one case other therapies to seek the root of the issues. The kink offences ranger from a passionate love of Butt Plugs to a love of being restrained. hardly life threatening. We have had even grater sucess when defending adult pagan members from illegal activities of families to convert them to Christianity (Thanks to the Australian Constitution).


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 40
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