Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The urge to self-destruct.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> The urge to self-destruct. Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 9:51:14 PM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline
So many times now I have seen it. Moderation! At times I have cried out in anguish over it, on others I have murmured blessings on the Mods. There may have been a time or two I walked away quickly from the whole conversation...

Why the urge among some, (and there is one in particular I'd much like to hear from) to go directly into the unwinnable fight? Is it the glory of leaving a memorable train wreck? Mindless rejection of authority? Sheer brattiness?

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 9:54:36 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic


Why the urge among some, (and there is one in particular I'd much like to hear from) to go directly into the unwinnable fight? Is it the glory of leaving a memorable train wreck? Mindless rejection of authority? Sheer brattiness?

The victimization culture of today's psychology has done a great disservice to too many people. Somewhere along the way, therapists forgot to teach their patients that the 'right to have your feelings' does not mean the right to act like a raging asshole.

I hope that helps. 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 9:55:29 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
I have no clue.  I have been modspanked a few times, but never decided that my rules trumped theirs...


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 9:59:17 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
Dunno....but we don't know what mail the mods are sending to other people to judge. Even in the iron fist days of moderation I took my lumps and ran whether I agreed or not (and most of the time I did know I had it coming)...and not because I can't pitch a bitch like anyone else, but because I know it takes them alot of time and effort and they get no compensation for that. Why add to their burden?

I do know VAA needs to read her damn mail though!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 10:38:01 PM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline
Good thing I didn't set this up as a poll. How did I leave out psychotic behavior and/or diagnosed craziness as a possible trigger?

Silly me.

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 11:03:02 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
I think some get caught up in the conviction that they must have the last word and that they are completely correct, if they say it loudly enough everyone will agree.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 11:13:29 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
I think some people suffer from poor self-esteem and become drama queens in order to garner attention - ANY attention is better than none, even if it's only online. They don't have the courage to do it with 'real' people, so online is the only outlet they have.

But I also believe that some people simply lack the intelligence and self-awareness to realise that they are phenomenally ignorant and ill-mannered.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 11:33:56 PM   
SocratesNot


Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline
Since I am quite sure that this thread is referring to me, among others. I would try to tell you my own opinion.

I do sometimes have some, I wouldn't say "urges to self-destruct" but rather "tilting at windmills syndrome".
Though, having in mind how much time I spent on this site in last few days instead of doing something more productive, even having some self-destructive urges is not very far away from the truth.

When it comes to mannerism, I think it is mostly culture based. In my country people do not care much about politeness and tend to be quite blunt.
When it comes to getting attention, it is true that it is pleasant when you get attention, but it is not true that I don't get any attention in my real life.
When it comes to my knowledge of BDSM, I admit it is mostly theoretical and quite limited.
When it comes to intelligence I could reveal your my IQ if you want, if not, I'll tell you just that it is above average, but I don't consider IQ to be accurate measure of someone's intelligence. So if you think that I am dumb, maybe you are right.


(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 11:45:58 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
Not much experience with people from Bosnia. But i can offer a suggestion. When the enviroment you find yourself in... meaning outside of Bosnia, as this site would represent... it might be a good idea to implement a certain measure of politeness.

Its called good manners.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/24/2010 11:51:50 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I think some people suffer from poor self-esteem and become drama queens in order to garner attention - ANY attention is better than none, even if it's only online. They don't have the courage to do it with 'real' people, so online is the only outlet they have.

But I also believe that some people simply lack the intelligence and self-awareness to realise that they are phenomenally ignorant and ill-mannered.


*adores the Boing Boing*

what she said....

(smooch)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 12:02:59 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot


When it comes to intelligence I could reveal your my IQ if you want, if not, I'll tell you just that it is above average, but I don't consider IQ to be accurate measure of someone's intelligence. So if you think that I am dumb, maybe you are right.




My post wasn't aimed at anyone in particular, SN...there are quite a few people on the boards at the moment who could have triggered this thread

I agree with you that IQ and intelligence are not the same things. I would make a loose analogy with someone who goes out and buys a complete set of woodworking tools...does that make him a master craftsman? You can have all the tools you could want or need (IQ), but they're no use if you don't know how to use them effectively (intelligence).







_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 1:59:33 AM   
Loki45


Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline
I've never let any of it stop me. My basic rule is to not censor myself for others' whims. I will say what I'm going to say and they will do what they're going to do. One does not affect the other.

_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 3:39:00 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline
Could be any of these reasons combined with simply wanting to have their say regardless of the consequences. Add in boredom, insomnia, too much alcohol or caffeine, nicotine or other substances and boomm!



quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic
Why the urge among some, (and there is one in particular I'd much like to hear from) to go directly into the unwinnable fight? Is it the glory of leaving a memorable train wreck? Mindless rejection of authority? Sheer brattiness?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 5:44:49 AM   
Louve00


Posts: 1674
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I think some get caught up in the conviction that they must have the last word and that they are completely correct, if they say it loudly enough everyone will agree.


I think its this.  Although, I do think some people just live for an argument, whether its a good one or a bad one.


_____________________________

For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance, as though they were realities and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are. - Niccolo Machiavelli

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 6:23:34 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Louve00

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I think some get caught up in the conviction that they must have the last word and that they are completely correct, if they say it loudly enough everyone will agree.


I think its this.  Although, I do think some people just live for an argument, whether its a good one or a bad one.



There are a few here (in these forums and even already in this short thread) who tend to stay at the party a bit too long. I usually say my peace and then move on. It's very rare that I come back for a second helping. I just don't have the desire or energy or motivation for these multi-page pissing contests that ensue here so often. I know when I am right. The need to convince others of same is a character flaw that somehow eluded my DNA.




_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to Louve00)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 6:38:27 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline
They are weak...They have never learned self-control...They should have been spanked as a child...They seem to believe that what they have to say is original and profound when mostly it is mindless blabber. I know, I’m one of them.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 6:40:59 AM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Since I am quite sure that this thread is referring to me



Umm. No. Who the hell are you?

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.


(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 6:42:59 AM   
Louve00


Posts: 1674
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus



There are a few here (in these forums and even already in this short thread) who tend to stay at the party a bit too long. I usually say my peace and then move on. It's very rare that I come back for a second helping. I just don't have the desire or energy or motivation for these multi-page pissing contests that ensue here so often. I know when I am right. The need to convince others of same is a character flaw that somehow eluded my DNA.





Agreed.  I "try" to say my peace and then move on.  Sometimes its not taken in a very "peaceful" way if you get my drift, and I feel a need to elaborate or re-express myself.  But once I realize its not getting anywhere I usually bow out.  Or once the insults start, I'll pull back too.  I am not saying I don't get mad or frustrated at some of whats being said.  But sometimes, like you said, you have to know when its time to leave the party.


_____________________________

For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance, as though they were realities and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are. - Niccolo Machiavelli

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 6:44:48 AM   
OrpheusAgonistes


Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline
I don't think there's any one right answer (every dysfunction is a unique snowflake of unique uniqueness), and there have been several good perspectives offered.  I'd just like to add that I think this style of posting can be a strategy that is just effective enough just often enough that some people tend to repeat it over and over.

If someone plays the clumsy contrarian over a long enough time line, they not only attract attention but they attract allies.  I think this generally happens in whatever private messaging/mailing system a given site offers.  Very few regular posters are going to come out and openly befriend someone who is behaving like a cad, but for various reasons some regulars are usually pretty intrigued and entertained by the flopsweat and pratfalls. They'll contact the contrarian, start talking to him/her, and find out that s/he is actually not so bad.  Just socially retarded, or at least clumsy in how they present themselves online.  After that, occasionally the poster will turn things around and develop some semblance of savoir faire.  By the same token, the poster will occasionally turn out to be a hopeless case who burns through every trace of good will and flames out spectacularly.  All part of the internet's rich pageant.

As an attention seeking strategy, the kamikaze guts-and-gore style contrarianism is phenomenally effective.  If the person has any kind of interpersonal skills during the inevitable private approach of a couple of regs, it can also sometimes be effective as a means of networking.   Basically if someone has anything at all going for them, it's very likely that one or two board regulars will manage to suss it out and help the poster to fit in.  It's a pattern I've seen repeated often enough to recognize by now.  Sometimes it's for the best, as the problem poster will occasionally turn out to be a pretty okay person with interesting insights.

Notes:  I don't think everyone who tries this strategy is aware consciously of what they're doing.  In fact, I'd guess that very few are. It's more likely that they have been rewarded once or twice, sporadically, for  their flailing and through intermittent reinforcement have become conditioned to behave this way and hope for the best. 

Also, I'm not saying the strategy is a good one.  Most of the time it seems to fail miserably.  But under the right circumstances, it sometimes pays off and those payoffs encourage, virtually guarantee, the behavior in the future on other boards in other places.

In the words of the Ben Folds Five:

You suck me in
It sucks, it works



_____________________________

What I cannot create, I do not understand.--Feynman

Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

(in reply to TheHeretic)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The urge to self-destruct. - 5/25/2010 8:12:08 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
FR

I'm not quite sure how to take the concept of contrarianism, as it may apply to me. Of course there are some people who will not change their minds on certain subjects, and I certainly am one.

However if you read me, you'll see that sometimes I'll present my case, and follow it with points from what might be termed the opposition. I do this to just let it be known, I already know that, don't bother as I am not convinced, no reason in repeating it. Or actually in some cases I really do have some doubt, and I don't claim to know everything.

And then there are many people you will never convince of certain things. That's why I don't bother bringing up gun control debates. Those who want to disarm the Citizens are clearly brainwashed IMO, and I just don't have the time to fight that. They think I am brainwashed but if in their physical venue I could present a set of circumstances that would change their mind in a hurry, but there is no way in hell they could do likewise to me. Needless to say though, they will not be conviced by words on the screen. Even the words of a noted psychiatrist who writes for JFPO would not suffice, and that article was very good.

Then there are some who will never be convinced of anything. One of the best things to do is to be able to detect such people and simply not waste your time. I can think of a few.

Just my two cents.

[BTW, does anyone know the Alt+XXXX code for the cents sign ? Screw character map and clipboard, I mean the easy way]

T

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> The urge to self-destruct. Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.111