RE: Need some ideas

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LadyAngelika -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 4:47:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: divi Isn't there a book out there .. 365 things to do to a sub divi, I have that book in my mind ;-) - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 4:50:31 PM)
quote: OP: what will make life interesting to you, as a dominant, is your ability to plumb your depths of selfishness. For my money, the first thing a new dominant has to learn is how to be selfish. Get to grips with that, and everything else will follow. You will never run out of ideas, once you've found that particular well. Interesting perspective Peon. I'm not saying that I'm not a little bit selfish, but I wouldn't say it's the core of my dominance or of my sadism. - LA

PeonForHer -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 4:56:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Interesting perspective Peon. I'm not saying that I'm not a little bit selfish, but I wouldn't say it's the core of my dominance or of my sadism. - LA In the whole world of BDSM, LA, the one thing I consider I'm an expert on is catching women who are on the cusp of the vanilla and the D/s world. Mind, I'm not talking about women who knew that they were dominant from the time they were in their cradles, but women who realised that they were dominant only when they fully realised that there were submissive males around who actually wanted what they, deep down, had always wanted. And, yes - I still do think that the key thing is that such women learn how to be selfish. Vanilla women don't even know where to start with that, in my experience. They just haven't had the right upbringing for it.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 4:58:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan Yeah, Catwoman did it for me too. Except I wanted to be her when I grew up. Say it with me...Julie Newmar is a goddess. [;)] I've just googled Julie Newmar . . . . Really odd. I don't remember her at all, though she's ultra-sexy and, I think, she post-dated Eartha Kitt, who's utterly etched on my memory. No, no...Eartha Kitt was the third Catwoman. Julie Newmar was the first. If you thought Eartha was great, you should see Julie. quote: Anyway, that's enough of this banter. The thread's become interesting and friendly - which is usually a good sign that it's gone off-topic. Hmm, you might have a point. But the power dynamics and inherent sadism of superheroes/villains are at least in the vicinity of the topic so it could be worse.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 6:21:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Why would you run out of ideas? You're just starting and probably haven't even put the ideas that you already have into practice. From those ideas spur other ideas. Places where you read things related to BDSM will give you ideas. If you're interested in watching other people play, that will give you ideas. Reading published material will give you ideas. Seeing something in a movie will give you ideas....... *Personal quirk of Mine. I really* don't understand people who run out of ideas*. This irks me too, LadyPact. Its rather obvious that the people who come here with this problem are invariably 'nillas who are doing kink/ D/s etc. to meet their partner's needs. They're not feelin' it because its just not them. I think its lovely to want to please your partner, but you've got to be able to be your authentic self, at the same time. If you've just started and already you're worried about running out of ideas, you're doing it wrong. You're not being yourself. You wouldn't run out of ideas about how to be your true self, right OP? So, be yourself. Kinky sex, or D/s or whatever, is not necessary for everyone. A perfectly vanilla existence can be gloriously, beautifully, deeply satisfying, fulfilling and pleasurable, if its done right. Live the life you were born for. Be who you* are, and become who you want to become. Not what someone else wishes you were.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 6:36:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming Its rather obvious that the people who come here with this problem are invariably 'nillas who are doing kink/ D/s etc. to meet their partner's needs. They're not feelin' it because its just not them... ...I think its lovely to want to please your partner, but you've got to be able to be your authentic self, at the same time. If you've just started and already you're worried about running out of ideas, you're doing it wrong. I think you're being unfair. I say this out of experience; I remember being worried about running out of ideas, and I'm still here a pretty long time later. I'm not too fond of your statement that being a little nervous about something that actually turned out not to happen meant I was 'doing it wrong'. It might not have been a problem for you but that doesn't mean that anyone who did struggle with it is automatically vanilla. Sometimes when you (generic) start out wiitwd is scary, and I feel like we lose sight of that. The OP isn't coming here saying 'I've tried this and I've run out of ideas', she's saying 'I'm afraid of running out of ideas and I haven't tried this yet'. There's a massive difference. One is a lazy complaint that I'd be inclined to agree with you about, and one is just a nervous person not sure where they are yet.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 6:40:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming This irks me too, LadyPact. Its rather obvious that the people who come here with this problem are invariably 'nillas who are doing kink/ D/s etc. to meet their partner's needs. They're not feelin' it because its just not them. I think that is pretty faulty logic. And I'm going to go on a limb and say I don't think it is what LadyPact implied. Contrary to popular belief, not all kinky people are creative. Probably not as many as we think. probably not even most if I base myself on what I've observed. If you look through profile pictures here and profiles, I see very few that are creative, that distinguish themselves from the rest. There are the usual poses, the usual text. The creative ones are rather vocal/public and those are the ones who stand out, but we shouldn't assume this of everyone. We shouldn't assume that the more creative ones are the better ones or the more "real" ones either. quote: I think its lovely to want to please your partner, but you've got to be able to be your authentic self, at the same time. If you've just started and already you're worried about running out of ideas, you're doing it wrong. You're not being yourself. You wouldn't run out of ideas about how to be your true self, right OP? So, be yourself. I agree about wanting to be our authentic selves and sometimes it takes time to find our voices. It took me a while actually, but the journey I took to find it was very valuable. quote: Kinky sex, or D/s or whatever, is not necessary for everyone. A perfectly vanilla existence can be gloriously, beautifully, deeply satisfying, fulfilling and pleasurable, if its done right. Live the life you were born for. Be who you are, and become who you want to become. Not what someone else wishes you were. And if the OP is here, it is because they are exploring kink. - LA

LadyAngelika -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 6:41:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika Interesting perspective Peon. I'm not saying that I'm not a little bit selfish, but I wouldn't say it's the core of my dominance or of my sadism. - LA In the whole world of BDSM, LA, the one thing I consider I'm an expert on is catching women who are on the cusp of the vanilla and the D/s world. Mind, I'm not talking about women who knew that they were dominant from the time they were in their cradles, but women who realised that they were dominant only when they fully realised that there were submissive males around who actually wanted what they, deep down, had always wanted. And, yes - I still do think that the key thing is that such women learn how to be selfish. Vanilla women don't even know where to start with that, in my experience. They just haven't had the right upbringing for it. And then she becomes a Domme with experience and she realises it's not all about being selfish ;-) - LA

blackpearl81 -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 6:55:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Why would you run out of ideas? You're just starting and probably haven't even put the ideas that you already have into practice. From those ideas spur other ideas. Places where you read things related to BDSM will give you ideas. If you're interested in watching other people play, that will give you ideas. Reading published material will give you ideas. Seeing something in a movie will give you ideas....... Personal quirk of Mine. I really don't understand people who run out of ideas. ^^ Truer words were never spoken.

PeonForHer -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 7:21:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika And then she becomes a Domme with experience and she realises it's not all about being selfish ;-) - LA Yes - I absolutely agree with that.

subinchico -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 8:36:15 PM)
My attempt to help the OP,,,,I say stiletto's (~100 pairs), trampling, cruelty that instills terror.

mysteryshopper -> RE: Need some ideas (5/25/2010 9:29:35 PM)
Despite being the submissive one, I think of a lot of the ideas, maybe half. However, don't worry about running out of ideas, think about how much you enjoy being with the person and get off on that. But also, pick a genre. Humiliation, role play, resistance play, restrains, whatever.

ReginaMirus -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 12:04:03 AM)
QUICK REPLY, NOT RESPONDING DIRECTLY TO ANYONE We all were new, once. I don't think the error here with the OP is that she's lazy or trying to pretend that she's something she's not, it's just that she's inexperienced. I do know that had I came here looking for the same advice as a new domme (as I most assuredly would have asked the same questions and had the same misgivings when I was starting out), I would have been HORRIFIED at a few of the responses this poor girl is getting right now. I don't know about anyone else, but when I started out, I had my typical, young "do-me" boy that I really liked and wanted to keep around. But sadly I really hadn't a CLUE what to do with him. He was absolutely no help whatsoever, either. Now I know there are others out there that declare that they're all so "NATURALLY DOMME" and purportedly bestowed with their self-declared mind-blowing skillsets from birth...the rest of the handful that are brave enough to even try their hand topside are full of self-doubt, apprehension and fear of losing their newly found penny. Those that weren't bestowed with "the gift" quickly learn that there's a damned near next to 0 learning curve, and not much in the arena of "domme training" that wouldn't cost one a small fortune to acquire. It's just a shame that newbies (especially young, aspiring dommes) are met with such hostility. I hate seeing it. It's like a velociraptor convention, sometimes.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 12:32:23 AM)
Regina, I've flicked back through the thread and actually there are a lot of positive resources here, and a lot of people expressing sympathy-I'd say they far outweigh any negatives. (And I love your new pic...)

ReginaMirus -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 1:08:32 AM)
Aw, thanks hon! [:D] Yes, I agree that the positive comments outweigh the negative. It's just a shame that the negative even exist though, especially for a fellow newbie sister. But who am I to say, eh? I'm as guilty as any for getting my own licks in, but would like to think that most of mine are well deserved.

LadyPact -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 6:27:35 AM)
Let's back up the truck a minute. I've expressed this on the boards before. When I say that I don't get why people run out of ideas, I mean it in a way that someone who is excellent at numbers doesn't get people that aren't good at math. Logically, not everybody is good at math and while I can appreciate why some people would struggle doing calculations, I don't have to, so I don't process the concept of the challenge the same way. At the same time, there are people who think they're not good at math, then they sit down and work out a few equations. Something happens in their head and suddenly it all makes sense now. Almost wondering why they didn't see it before. Part of this is, folks just don't realize the wealth of information that is at their disposal. There are now more books on BDSM than ever before. Take a look at how many munch groups have started up in the last ten years. There are events that draw hundreds, if not thousands of kinky folks to one location specifically to learn more about all this. On the internet, you can find out information about any kink that could possibly pop into your head. I'm talking about the good stuff. Not the fantasy crap. There's a wealth of information out there. All of it about kink. When you think about how vast it all is, doesn't it excite you, just a little bit? It isn't just about creativity. It's also about a sense of adventure. They go hand in hand sometimes. What if I tie this rope in just this way or what kind of sensation is that going to have? I wonder if it would be fun to use that thing over there? Oh, I like that reaction, let's do it again. Nah, that didn't tickle My power trip, let's try something else. What do I want him to feel? What can he do to make Me happy? Wow! Controling him just this way is hot. I'll bet there's more. What's next? And when you look at it like that, doesn't one thing put some image in your mind that connects to something else, that connects to something else? Didn't some kind of mental picture come into your head that did something for you? Take that idea and make it your own. It will lead to more ideas, I promise.

PeonForHer -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 10:19:52 AM)
It isn't just about creativity. It's also about a sense of adventure. I think that sense of adventure's exactly it, LP. The ideas for kinky things to do are out there, easily to be found - what's lacking is the motivation to find them. Except, I don't think it's a case of that motivation not existing so much as it being suppressed, having a lid clamped down on it. On this board, one of the commonest complaints levelled at subs is that they're not 'real' or 'true' because their kinks are self-centred - directed at their own fun, with the domme being merely a 'tool' to provide that fun. The great irony, for me, is that those women who are interested, but haven't yet stepped into dominating, make exactly the opposite mistake. That is, they haven't quite grasped that they need to be more self-centred. As was pointed out, that's the starting point - they needn't stay that way. But they absolutely do need to know what 'indulging oneself' means, first, before they move on. That sense must be solidly in place. The ideas for kinky activities are worthless otherwise - they'll be just 'acts' and 'performances' otherwise, lacking the spark, and the fun. No-one has a sense of adventure without that sense of fun behind it. Or, at any rate, that's my little hypothesis for today. [;)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 10:22:22 AM)
Yanno, Peon, I really like you. [:)]

PeonForHer -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 10:23:36 AM)
Thank you, Lady Hib. Blush :-)

AAkasha -> RE: Need some ideas (5/26/2010 11:29:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: skullcandy Hey there! I'm pretty new to being a domme although I do have a submissive guy. I do enjoy being dominant and have a few ideas but Im worried about running out of new ideas and it becoming a bit repetitive. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas they could share with me. Keep in mind that when it comes to submissive men and kinky acts, there's no such thing as "too repetitive" - as long as you aren't bored. The thing that kills the fun and intensity of any S&M is when the femdom is "bored," so it's more about keeping YOURSELF amused and excited. If you start competing against your own ideals and trying to come up with "new" or "exciting" or "limit pushing," you will burn yourself out in short order and start feeling like you can never do enough. Back up, slow down and remember that the success of Femdom BDSM / Kink / S&m, in the mind of MOST submissive men, is measured by "how much the femdom is enjoying it." You can hand him a silver platter of all his kinky dreams but if you do it with a lackluster, burnt out attitude, he won't enjoy it much. At the same time, you can deliver fetishes at the top of YOUR list (and maybe the middle of his) and it rocks your world, gets you hot, makes you feel nasty and evil and cruel and lovely, and he'll be swooning and replaying it in his head for days. All of a sudden, your fun fetishes are at the top of the list. What do most sub guys want and melt over? A lady who is honestly enjoying his surrender. So do what you love, and don't worry about keeping it "fresh" on his behalf. The nature of fetishes is that no matter how many times we do them, they still rock our world. I still do the same S&m games I did in High School on any given night, because the simple sound of the click of the handcuffs and his intake of breath make me wet. Repetitive? Maybe. But if it still gets the juices flowing, why not. Akasha

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