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bringing the new gf in. - 5/25/2010 11:31:38 PM

domcypher

Posts: 61
Joined: 2/2/2009
From: Tampa, FL
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Alright fellas, I need some advice. In my last relationship, the BDSM just sort of happened. We both had our interests, and fell into it. I'm with a new girl now, that I adore. Shes awesome, sexy and the sex is amazing. I'm planning on introducing her to BDSM, shes currently not into the lifestyle, to the best of my knowledge. She has been away for two weeks and comes home on friday. I'm looking for some advice and ideas on how to ease her into things, without sending her running for the hills. She is kinky, just not KINKY.

So far I have a blindfold and some cuffs planned for her. I've been thinking about wax play but thought that may be a bit much for her first go round. so I'm keeping the sensation play to ice and spanking. She is very into exhibitionism so I plan to stand her, blindfolded and cuffed in front of the sliding glass door (with the blinds closed), but pull a little psychological trick and make her think the blinds are open, then turn on all the lights so she feels nice and exposed, even though she isn't. after that i'm a little stumped. Orgasm control maybe.

any ideas would be great! Thanks so much.

Post #: 1

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/25/2010 11:43:28 PM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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Personally, I think if you're trying to ease her into it, I'd start with one thing.. (the blindfold, and maybe a verbal command to keep her hands where you place them) rather than doing all you've described at once.

If someone had done what you've said to me when I was a virgin to all this, it would have sent me running and screaming away...

YMMV.

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Post #: 2

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 12:43:49 AM

domcypher

Posts: 61
Joined: 2/2/2009
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

hmm. I see your point on the blindfold and no cuffs, but I feel she'd be alright with the rest. She definitely gets turned on by the idea of being watched. Obviously I'll let her know before hand that she can stop any time. I'm confident she'll be ok with most of it. good call on the cuffs though. save that for next time ;)

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Post #: 3

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 12:57:38 AM

crazyml

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Joined: 7/3/2007
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Hello there,

My number one piece of advice has to be to talk to her, not us.

Here's my suggestion, fwiw - You don't have to set up a formal focus group to find out what things she'd really like - talk to her while you're nailing her.. say some filthy things to her and see how she reacts.

If she likes exhibitionism, ask her how she'd feel wearing a dress so short everyone can see her panties, if she likes that then throw in the idea of everyone seeing that she's not in any...

I've done this before and discovered all sorts of things about seemingly vanilla gals.

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Post #: 4

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 3:33:36 AM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

- talk to her while you're nailing her..

swoons....the last of the true romantics

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Post #: 5

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 4:12:26 AM

domcypher

Posts: 61
Joined: 2/2/2009
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Crazy, first, thanks for the response. I have indeed talked to her while "nailing" her, as you so elegantly put it ;) She definitely likes the dirty talk (slut etc). Haven't gone as far as to call her a cum dumpster or anything yet lol, but thats not really my style anyway. Like the skirt idea, definitely something i'll broach with her at some point. I'm trying to think of (for lack of a better word) tame things I can do in the home to slowly introduce her to BDSM. My goal is to get her to a point where she will research on her own and bring ideas to me of what she wants to try. Obviously I don't want to force anything on her... yet ;) I care about her first and foremost.

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 6

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 5:46:20 AM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domcypher

Alright fellas, I need some advice. In my last relationship, the BDSM just sort of happened. We both had our interests, and fell into it. I'm with a new girl now, that I adore. Shes awesome, sexy and the sex is amazing. I'm planning on introducing her to BDSM, shes currently not into the lifestyle, to the best of my knowledge. She has been away for two weeks and comes home on friday. I'm looking for some advice and ideas on how to ease her into things, without sending her running for the hills. She is kinky, just not KINKY.

So far I have a blindfold and some cuffs planned for her. I've been thinking about wax play but thought that may be a bit much for her first go round. so I'm keeping the sensation play to ice and spanking. She is very into exhibitionism so I plan to stand her, blindfolded and cuffed in front of the sliding glass door (with the blinds closed), but pull a little psychological trick and make her think the blinds are open, then turn on all the lights so she feels nice and exposed, even though she isn't. after that i'm a little stumped. Orgasm control maybe.

any ideas would be great! Thanks so much.

I suggest you sit down with her and have a conversation about it all before you bring out the hand cuffs.

(in reply to domcypher)

Post #: 7

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 6:27:53 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GraciousLady
I suggest you sit down with her and have a conversation about it all before you bring out the hand cuffs.

I don't know about a big sit-down talk being necessary, especially if you've been with her long enough to build up some trust. Before I discovered BDSM, I would have been GRATEFUL for someone to bust out some handcuffs and do what the OP is describing without any preamble . . . but I know some women would be scared shitless.

OP, you know her better than we do and if you think she'll be ok with all this, why not take her to the point you've described and then whisper in her ear, "Tell me what you want"?

_____________________________

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(in reply to GraciousLady)

Post #: 8

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 8:23:04 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: GraciousLady
I suggest you sit down with her and have a conversation about it all before you bring out the hand cuffs.

I don't know about a big sit-down talk being necessary, especially if you've been with her long enough to build up some trust. Before I discovered BDSM, I would have been GRATEFUL for someone to bust out some handcuffs and do what the OP is describing without any preamble . . . but I know some women would be scared shitless.

OP, you know her better than we do and if you think she'll be ok with all this, why not take her to the point you've described and then whisper in her ear, "Tell me what you want"?

but make it sound more like an order than a request..

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Post #: 9

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 8:35:34 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Talk to her honestly and openly. Because she deserves someone who thinks she's amazing as is, not someone who thinks she might be better if only she catered to your fetishes. Just as you should be with someone you are compatible with, so should she. And in future have this talk before you have sex, not after you've gotten another notch on the bedpost.

Rule of thumb: If you can't talk to her about sex, you shouldn't be having it.

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Post #: 10

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 8:45:07 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I probably wouldn't have done anything if my boyfriend introduced it as kinky. Yet, I spent 2 weeks shackled to a hotel bed, was bent over a picnic table and spanked, stripped, picked up and left on the back porch, and countless other adventures by the time I was 26. None of that was kink to me, they were just fun fabulous sexual times with the man I was involved with, and trusted enough to know I would probably like it.

If he had told me he was kinky, into bdsm, was sadistic, ect. more than likely I would have not gotten involved in the first place. For me, if it is fun, if you really like having her in your life, make it enjoyable and stop trying to give it a name.

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Post #: 11

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 8:52:38 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
I don't know about a big sit-down talk being necessary, especially if you've been with her long enough to build up some trust. Before I discovered BDSM, I would have been GRATEFUL for someone to bust out some handcuffs and do what the OP is describing without any preamble . . . but I know some women would be scared shitless.

OP, you know her better than we do and if you think she'll be ok with all this, why not take her to the point you've described and then whisper in her ear, "Tell me what you want"?

but make it sound more like an order than a request..

Oh, definitely.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 12

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 10:28:16 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

- talk to her while you're nailing her..

swoons....the last of the true romantics

Damnnnnnnnn That is precisly what I was thinking. After I shoot my spouge <Man gravy> all over myself... One of my better lines is... " Lap it up like a good bitch"

BadOne

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Post #: 13

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 12:28:42 PM

Syrox

Posts: 260
Joined: 5/13/2010
Status: offline

My gut feeling is that if you are having to ask us it means you have your own doubts and therefore you should probably scale back a little.

or you could simply use loose cuffs so that she COULD escape at any moment and see what her reactions are as you slowly turn the kink up.

She may run. but equally she may then have a think and decide she likes it... only you and her really know... build the trust but at her pace not yours.

Edited for Typos

< Message edited by Syrox -- 5/26/2010 1:03:26 PM >

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Post #: 14

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 12:49:43 PM

warlock1935

Posts: 66
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I agree with others - talk to her. I usually do something, and have them talk to me about it afterward. Personally, when I'm at your stage of training girls who don't have any experience, I would start with telling them to take their clothes, slide over my lap, and giving them a lengthy, but mild spanking. A blindfold can add to that.
If she's coming back on an airline, I usually have them kneel for me on the concourse. I ask them if they're mine, stroke their face, then let them get up and into the car. The whole thing only takes a few seconds, and while people notice, no one's ever said anything negative while I do it with her. And these are girls who AREN'T natural exhibitionists.
~~Warlock

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Post #: 15

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 4:35:32 PM

domcypher

Posts: 61
Joined: 2/2/2009
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Wow, thanks for the responses! I'll address a couple things.
First and foremost I think Missokyst pretty much hit that nail on the head. That's precisely what I'm aiming for with this first go round. Just a hot sexy night that maybe pushes what she's experienced sexually. I feel like if I sit her down and tell her what I plan/like, it will make her uneasy. Whereas in the heat of the moment she will be a lot more receptive to new things (based on my experience with her). She trusts me. She knows I wouldn't ever put her in harms way... well... maybe a little ;) I'd like this to be a gradual thing, slowly working in more kinks. She has kinky tendencies, she just needs someone to dig them out, which I have touched on in previous posts.

Syrox, thanks for your thoughts! It is not that I have doubts, truth is I'm just at a loss for ideas to try with someone that, to the best of my knowledge, has no previous experience. I am used to a certain level of kink, that is a little too intense for someone with no experience. so I'm looking for some toned down approaches to BDSM, stuff that could be perceived as just kinky sex. Make sense? Warlock, thanks but thats a little much for now.

LucyL, thats pretty much my plan right now. I'll check in with her often, for sure. She'll enjoy it if I just surprise her with it. I don't think a sit down is necessary either.

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Post #: 16

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 4:36:21 PM

sunshinemiss

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There's been something that's been bothering me about this thread, and I figured what it is. It's the cuffs. Some folks really get freaked by bondage. And frankly even if they like bondage, sometimes they don't like cuffs (they can hurt in a not good way). If a guy pulled those out (or a gal for that matter), I would totally lose my mojo and we'd be headed for the bright lights, turn off the music, and let's be real talk. If he pulled out some pretty scarves or better yet some of his neckties, well that might be a different story.

Yes... of course talking to her... (always the answer).

Best,
sunshine

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Post #: 17

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 5:30:55 PM

Missokyst

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Yeah, I am going to agree with Sunshinemiss here. It took me about 6 months of dating Steve to allow him to use cuffs on me. That was well after the spankings, the paddles, and even the rough rip off my clothing, sex. Early on though, he did tell me to hold on to the rope around the headboard and not to let go.

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Post #: 18

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 5:38:15 PM

January

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Hi,

I vote for the wax play. Starting with an all-body oil massage and ending with sex. Ooops. Sorry. You weren't asking for what I'd want?

January

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Post #: 19

RE: bringing the new gf in. - 5/26/2010 7:16:31 PM

domcypher

Posts: 61
Joined: 2/2/2009
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

There's been something that's been bothering me about this thread, and I figured what it is. It's the cuffs. Some folks really get freaked by bondage.

Sunshine, Yes, I've already decided to not use the cuffs. I had thought about using a necktie, but I can't bring myself to put my $150 ties through that! lol. Lame I know. they're very soft and would probably feel quite nice though. we'll see. I had thought about wax play, one of the first things I thought of actually. I just don't think shes ready for that yet. gonna stick with the ice for now.

Thanks.

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Post #: 20

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