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RE: Personal Information - 4/9/2006 5:26:29 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Ah Kenin, you always did have a way with the ladies

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RE: Personal Information - 4/9/2006 5:32:37 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
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To my mind, posting a picture of oneself shouldn't be a problem. I have heard every excuse under the sun, ie., "I live in the bible belt" (so do I, btw), "I can't because of my job." (I have a job too) and on and on...

Here's the thing...no one you know will be looking for your picture here and if they are...they have just as much to lose by being outted publically as you do.

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Post #: 22

RE: Personal Information - 4/9/2006 6:10:56 PM

ladychatterley

Posts: 132
Joined: 3/10/2006
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Personally, I won't ever post a picture--there are jobs where you really cannot have people know. Obviously, anyone who is prominent in their community could easily be recognized, and even people who are less prominent may have real reasons not to be identified. For example, a cop who posted a picture here would be found out soon and you can't convince me that information wouldn't spread like wildfire.
I'm quite paranoid, I know, but I have reasons to be that are based on life.
However, unless I reply to an e-mail with something like "Sorry--I'm only doing the NYC thing" I always include a photo. It is way too easy not to set up an e-mail account to not and I don't want to waste time with men that won't be attracted to me.
I'm not going to give out [email protected], but everyone can set up a hotmail account!
I think cell phone numbers are pretty safe to give out. I would never give my home phone number until I was willing to have someone know where I live, but I think it is darn hard to trace a cell number. And, fortunately, it is really easy to keep calls from ringing on cell phones if someone gets out of hand.
However, I get annoyed by men that want to know the neighborhood I live in--I mean, I specify the borough, but I'm, for some reason, really uncomfortable giving the neighborhood--that feels way to personal to me. (I do live in Manhattan, so saying "Upper West Side" or "Washington Heights" only narrows it down to a few hundred thousand people, but for some reason it really doesn't feel right to me.)

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Post #: 23

RE: Personal Information - 4/9/2006 6:35:53 PM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

Ah Kenin, you always did have a way with the ladies

I do appear to have a way with the ones that matter...

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RE: Personal Information - 4/9/2006 9:09:53 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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Wow such hostility in here!

And here i thought this was a post which asked a question about the importance of getting personal info right away. Huh.

i did not/would not give out my personal info until i was comfortable with someone. No problem with a yahoo email or IM account, but no phone number, no picture, not even a first name (mine is different). That was my choice. i owed no one anything. Fortunately the one who now owns me was not offended by that, and was able to effect me so quickly that it wasn't a long wait. Heh.

As for posting a picture. Sure, a collegue may be too embarrassed to out someone, but what of a wife of a colleague? What of a friend of a friend? What if i attend a party thrown by a collegue and another guest says "Hey I recognize you!" What of a friend's kid? What if someone has an 18 year old kid and doesn't want that kid seeing Mom or Dad on a BDSM site? The fact is, some people just want their privacy. That is their right.

As for giving my number out to someone at a party? i never did that. i took the man's number and did not give out my own. Again, that was my choice. For those that give their numbers out at parties, maybe they do so because they can actually SEE the person who will be calling, and in their presence, they have a feel for the person already.

i agree with MrD here, however...after a week or two, if the person is not giving a little, there is obviously no connection happening, and it may be time to move on.

i'll have to agree, you can't track someone down with an IP address unless there is a criminal investigation going on. Even then, i believe it depends on whether you have a static IP address or a dynamic IP address. If someone is claiming they tracked someone else by such means, they are either lying or they work for the FBI or the like and obtained that information illegally.

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RE: Personal Information - 4/9/2006 9:31:45 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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quote:

i'll have to agree, you can't track someone down with an IP address unless there is a criminal investigation going on. Even then, i believe it depends on whether you have a static IP address or a dynamic IP address. If someone is claiming they tracked someone else by such means, they are either lying or they work for the FBI or the like and obtained that information illegally.

I used to work for a major ISP, so here is the actual deal on IP addresses being used to track somebody down.
Every IP address is logged to the account to which it is assigned by your ISP, as well as to which network interface it is assigned to, so if you log onto your computer with my user name & password, it will be logged as me by my ISP, not yours, and my name and address is what the ISP will have on record.
Now as to accessing those records, in Canada it would take a specific court order for the ISP to reveal it. I suspect it would be similar in most places as far as people accessing the info.
And as far as an ISP employee getting that info, they would have to actually work with the DNS and Authentification servers, as the information is not available elsewhere, and access to those servers is strictly limited and controlled, not to protect your privacy, but because if anything goes wrong with them, the ISP is offline, and the clients will be calling to scream and demand money back, etc. So it would be a pretty difficult thing to accomplish, however not impossible.
If you were indeed tracked down by your IP address and harrassed, I would talk to your ISP, since they are in fact going to want to fire the bugger's ass ASAP.

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RE: Personal Information - 4/10/2006 3:32:54 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
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I willl give my email address, but not my phone no. until I know them a little better, or at least feel comfortable chatting with them online. I will even tell them my first name is they ask.

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RE: Personal Information - 4/10/2006 5:06:32 PM

MzPam

Posts: 59
Joined: 7/21/2004
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I always use My first name, when I do give a phone number it is always My cell, which even the bill does not come to the house, so theres alittle added protection. I keep photo's to a reasonabley new state like with in say the last year,for some reason I hate taking pics lol. I am lucky as I said earlier in a post My parents knew/know, and My children know, now when they were younger, under 18, W/we tried to not let them know much about it, yeah right lol It was interesting when the kids lived at home and they would invite their friends over, but then at that time nothing was out and obvious, it was just watching what was said, like boy calling Me Mistress those things.
I can understand with some peoples jobs they have to be careful, I wouldnt want My boys boss or another employees knowing, but then if they are looking on a site where W/we are with a pic well they were obviously interested in some part of the lifestyle.
I agree with the one remark if the person after a week or two don't give atleast alittle info on themselves then it might be time to move on. I try does not always happen, but try to meet for coffee or tea if they are local, or talk on the phone with in the first week, at this point to Me it is ok if the block their number, but after that then I will not allow it as I tell them you have My name and a number I expect the same
These sub/slaves that come to town and give their hotel and room number, lol I flat ask them just how crazy they are, if W/we havent been talking but a couple times, they don't know Me I could be a really bad person, which I am NOT lol but they don't know that

Each of us uses O/our own judgement on when is ok to give more info and I don't think critisising one for being different is a good thing, wasting time though is :) and if W/we use past experiences to make these judgements on when, well that is alittle different W/we are not all the same and W/we are NOT all bad or crazy, so use your gut feelings. I have talked to a few that I thought were ok and seemed really nice and after meeting for coffee have actually left before I was done with the first cup and made sure they didn't follow Me. It happens, but if you want someone to know you then you have to open up alittle.
Ok this is WAY longer then I ment it to be so be SSC :)

Mz Pam

Oh and BTW Kenin you gotta way with Me darlin :)~ W/we can't always please everyone

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RE: Personal Information - 4/10/2006 8:59:57 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

i did not/would not give out my personal info until i was comfortable with someone. No problem with a yahoo email or IM account, but no phone number, no picture, not even a first name (mine is different). That was my choice. i owed no one anything. Fortunately the one who now owns me was not offended by that, and was able to effect me so quickly that it wasn't a long wait. Heh.

I also am the same, I see no reason to give out my name (mine is also different and I've not met or heard of anyone else with my name...ever )

quote:

As for posting a picture. Sure, a collegue may be too embarrassed to out someone, but what of a wife of a colleague? What of a friend of a friend? What if i attend a party thrown by a collegue and another guest says "Hey I recognize you!" What of a friend's kid? What if someone has an 18 year old kid and doesn't want that kid seeing Mom or Dad on a BDSM site? The fact is, some people just want their privacy. That is their right.

You'd be surprised what people can do with your picture and what little information you give them, or don't, as they can just make it up. I've gone to websites where pictures are used, without consent in a manner that the giver never intended, agreed to, or really had a part in the actions which the poster is saying.

quote:

As for giving my number out to someone at a party? i never did that. i took the man's number and did not give out my own. Again, that was my choice. For those that give their numbers out at parties, maybe they do so because they can actually SEE the person who will be calling, and in their presence, they have a feel for the person already.

I don't give my number out then either. I do agree that those who do are basing their decision on who they're actually seeing in front of them, vs. some words typed in an email.

quote:

i agree with MrD here, however...after a week or two, if the person is not giving a little, there is obviously no connection happening, and it may be time to move on.

I personally take as long as I take until I feel comfortable, sometimes it's sooner, sometimes much later. It just depends. If they don't have the patience to wait until I'm comfortable, then we are both better off for them to move on.
I had typed out many of the ways that your cell number (even unlisted) and your picture can be used in so many ways that you don't agree to, but decided to delete it. There is no reason for me to post in an open forum for those who already try to cause problems, to empower them with knowledge and more ways to wreck havoc.
I also hate to take pictures and the one I use is from a couple of years ago. I do have more current ones, but they actually make me look better than I actually look in person and the older picture looks closer to how I look now than any picture I've taken since. Don't ask me why because I sure can't explain it...good lighting? lol
To me, I'd prefer to get comfortable with the person I'm talking with, then send the picture, ask if they're still interested then set up a meeting. The picture is basically for verification and identification for meeting.

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RE: Personal Information - 4/11/2006 1:59:07 PM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
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Cyberstalking Laws: http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/laws/index.shtml

From the lede of the site:

"This list consists of current and pending (in green) cyberstalking-related United States federal and state laws, as well as those states that do not have laws yet and related laws from other countries. Currently, there are 45 cyberstalking (and related) laws on the books. New Mexico has a pending bill. There are still four states (Idaho, Nebraska, New Jersey, Utah) and D.C. with absolutely no statutes regarding these crimes."

Some more good info:

In the April 11th issue of WinXPNews, there is an article about cyber-staking. It hasn't yet shown up on their archives, but when it does, it should be available at: http://www.wxpnews.com/issues.cfm

Extract:

Bills have also been introduced in Congress to make cyberstalking a federal offense, due to the interstate nature of Internet communications. In January 2006, a new Violence Against Women Act was signed into law that amends the federal telecommunications harassment laws in the Communications Act of 1934. The new law makes it a federal crime (punishable by two years in prison and large fines) to anonymously annoy another person using any device or software that can be used to originate telecommunications or other types of communications that are transmitted, in whole or in part, by the Internet.

If you've ever been the victim of harassment, this sounds like a good thing - but it has engendered a lot of controversy. Some legal experts argue that this will stifle freedom of speech on the Internet, making it illegal to post "annoying" or "offensive" criticism of a politician on a blog. There is indeed a difference between being offensive and harassing or stalking: someone who flames you on a mailing list is being offensive; someone who sends you dozens of hate mails privately is harassing. The new law doesn't seem to distinguish between the two.

***

FHky

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RE: Personal Information - 4/11/2006 2:12:29 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Hey, I can trace you by your email addy...........

Oh, wait a minute I know your name and where you live....thats how I did it.

try this ip anyone 10.10.95.1 good luck folks, girls get extra points for finding me from that

LOLOLOL. Indeed, SK.

Ron

By the way, your email addy is only loosely related to your ip addy (usually). But if you fill out your full profile Name, Address, Telephone Number Sex Age and so on on yahoo or msn or microsoft wallet or whatever that scum is on a windows personal computer............well, that aint looking it up from an addy.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 4/11/2006 2:15:12 PM >

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RE: Personal Information - 4/12/2006 12:04:15 AM

acctonthelook

Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
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Hi DaddysLapGirl,

(Sorry this is long, I did not expect to say so much)

I do agree that you should maintain your street smarts. I 'personally' give a little too. I feel very comfortable giving IM or email address and I have a picture on my profile. No, I don't give my home phone, address stuff that specific.

I'm not ashamed of my interest in bdsm. It's who I am. Anyone viewing the site is looking into it for their own reasons and many I'm sure would never even bring it up to cause a problem. Just think, they would also have to explain...lol.

One thing I can say for sure...My faith in God must be astronomical! Everyday I put my faith in him to guide me down the right path and protect me where I need protection.

I have seen so many news casts, word of mouth stories, seeing my dad one nite and less than 24 hrs later he was gone. Same situation with a girl I grew up with who lost her brother.

We just never know when it's our time, what is in store for our growth. Bad things happen and no matter what controls, paranoia (sp?), safe guards, constant stress looking over our shoulders - It's simply going to happen if it's suppose to happen. Sometimes we all learn a lesson in life because something happened to another.

Some ppl would argue that they can control their own destiny. Well what I'd like to see is someone control their end and we'll see how far they get. We can't control others actions, only our own.

I refuse to live my life in fear. Everything and Everyone has a reason for connecting to one another. We all bounce lessons off of one another throughout our lives.

Try to give just a little...You just may find happiness without having to give the whole pie. You may be cutting off a person who just may have been good for you, but you will never know because of that fear. I did that, re: a OP I did on Sadist? Understanding needed? I got wonderful feedback and now in a much better place. I have the information or knowledge to make a positive decision vs. just saying NO. I was at 1st saying No, just out of my own fears and what I didn't know. Ignorance is not bliss for me.

Good Luck and Yes stay Safe, but you don't have to cut your nose off either. (( smiles and hugs ))

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RE: Personal Information - 4/18/2006 9:02:15 AM

Dustee

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/18/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cariad

quote:

I have to agree with MrDiscipline here. I see nothing wrong with someone asking me, or me asking them, for certain information right off the bat. Granted, telephone numbers and home addresses are priveledged information and take a bit more time to come to, but email addresses, photos, etc...no big deal there.

girl disagrees with both of you, only because she gave out her an email addy with no information on it but the Dom who started attacking her verbally via the email account soon found her offline and started stalking her.

if one is computer savy (sp) they can take your ip addy which fyi does show up in emails and do a search on you that way, find you and start stalking you.

personally girl will not give an email addy, her yahoo or msn nicks until she has exchanged a few emails here as for a pic well girl's profile has several on it although there are no full body pics because girl hasn't had someone come in and help her take any, however hopefully that will soon change.

ok girl is done with her rant here as she knows it will be attacked as her other posts have been in other forums, but alas she knows we are all entitled to our own opinion.

by the way girl was trained in Gor and this is why she posts using girl or this girl, she just wanted to get that out there afore someone asked why she posts this way.

Blessed Be

Good post.

You can't always find out exactly who someone is or where they live from their IP address, but at minimum you can usually get their city. Also, if you don't like the way they respond to you, you can cause them trouble by writing their ISP and claiming all sorts of outrageous lies about them (such as they sent you kiddie porn). Often ISP's don't investigate these complaints very carefully, they just delete the user account to save potential trouble. I recommend the use of anonymous proxy software to get around that difficulty.

A dom recently asked, in his second email to me, when we were still very much at the early stages of exploring comptibilitiy, not anything about my ideas or attitudes, but instead for my first name, my profession, and my home city. I immediate googled what he asked for and in the first two search responses came up with my full name, lol. I then googled my full name and guess what I found? My physical address and phone number, who I work for, organizations I belong to, names of family members, all sorts of vulnerable and sensitive information that everybody wants a relative stranger on the internet to know, right? He also pressed to go to non-collarme email. The combination coming so early in our correspondence, when my profile makes it clear I am very concerned about privacy, was too much for my personal sense of safety. I'm looking for some pretty hardcore things that require a lot of trust to engage in. I got the impression he just wanted to ID me. Remember, stalking and harassment aren't the only negative consequence of a stranger knowing your real identity. There's also various forms of blackmail, spoofing (pretending to be you), unwanted publcity, etc. Doms have as much to fear/lose from this as subs.

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RE: Personal Information - 4/18/2006 9:11:22 AM

Dustee

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

Cariad,

Please read the mail I sent you. I think you're way off base if you think someone actually tracked you down by just doing an IP trace on an e-mail you sent. I gave at least a partial explanation for my reasoning in the message I sent you on the "other side".

The following situation is an exception to that rule: you own your own domain, you email from that domain and you do not know about or have not purchased domain ID insurance (i.e. blanking the domain owner's personal info. from appearing when someone does an IP lookup). Such a person can easily be tracked down with an IP trace. A talented hacker might be able to 'suss out someone even if they aren't in that situation. There are many ways to IP search.

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Post #: 34

RE: Personal Information - 4/18/2006 9:23:25 AM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline

quote:

I wish you gentlemen would be more cognizant of the why we ladies need to remain safe and discreet until we feel comfortable with you.

Wish away, they're still going to ask!

quote:

Many of you ask for personal information within the first correspondence and when we do not give it to you, we're accused of not being 'real' whatever that means.

So if you know you're 'real' (whatever that means) ... why let someone's opinion- someone who you'll never meet, do not have an interest in, never plan on being with- bother you?

quote:

Quite honestly, if you're just seeking a quick hookup that very evening most likely you're not for me anyway

Makes the above point.

I dont see a thing wrong with requesting a picture. I agree that it helps to let them know you're not a 16 year old. I knew someone that took it a step further and had them send a picture with thier finger up thier nose (or something like that) because she'd been burned on getting pics that were ten freakin years old. And lets face it, as much as we like to preach that we're not shallow, we ARE and girls do the same thing as guys do .. it's not a lifestyle thing, it's called being human!
Plus, since your profile 'cant be found', you really have nothing to worry about eh? <smiles>

Respectfully,
enthralled

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RE: Personal Information - 4/18/2006 5:39:05 PM

FirmhandKY

Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustee

A dom recently asked, in his second email to me, when we were still very much at the early stages of exploring comptibilitiy, not anything about my ideas or attitudes, but instead for my first name, my profession, and my home city. I immediate googled what he asked for and in the first two search responses came up with my full name, lol. I then googled my full name and guess what I found? My physical address and phone number, who I work for, organizations I belong to, names of family members, all sorts of vulnerable and sensitive information that everybody wants a relative stranger on the internet to know, right? He also pressed to go to non-collarme email. The combination coming so early in our correspondence, when my profile makes it clear I am very concerned about privacy, was too much for my personal sense of safety. I'm looking for some pretty hardcore things that require a lot of trust to engage in. I got the impression he just wanted to ID me. Remember, stalking and harassment aren't the only negative consequence of a stranger knowing your real identity. There's also various forms of blackmail, spoofing (pretending to be you), unwanted publcity, etc. Doms have as much to fear/lose from this as subs.

Well, when I look at your profile, it seems to be a big blank, and one that was started today. So are your concerns so intense that you deleted your old, and started a new one?

I find your concern about a first name and a city as being a bit over the top. No, not necessarily invalid, if you live in a small town where there is only one or two women with your first name.

I expect women to be cautious, and when they aren't with me it sends up warning signals. But there is a difference between cautious and obsessive.

I don't like addressing someone by their "nick" after we have at least opened a conversation. You don't want to give him your actual first name? Fine. Tell him "Just call me Susan." or whatever. After a while, if you are comfortable, then "confess" your real first name. If you have had bad experiences before, he will understand, and not feel like you were deceiving him just because you could.

Don't want to tell him you city? Fine. At least tell him what part of the state you are in. If you don't tell him anything, what is it, exactly, that you have to talk about? Your bdsm desires? For many women, if that is the only and/or main topic of convesation at the beginning of the "get acquainted" state, that in itself is a red flag.

So what do you leave the man to talk with you about? He pretty much loses any way he goes, doesn't he?

You sure you are actually looking for a relationship?

FHky

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