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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 7:45:05 AM

SocratesNot

Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
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quote:

Truth is not black and white. So by saying as long as you don't lie, you are not a fake is putting people in little boxes.

People lie all the time, sometimes they are innocuous little lies. Sometimes they are lies to protect people. None of this makes someone less authentic. It makes them human.

- LA

Of course that people always lie. I lie, you lie, everyone lies.
But I haven't meant such usual everyday lying.
I meant lies that are about fundamental things in relationship and lies that persist for years.
If you chronically lie that you like something, while you actually don't like it, you are fake.
These are kinds of lies, that I was referring to.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/28/2010 7:52:21 AM >

_____________________________

Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 41

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 7:51:29 AM

KYsissy

Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I said "no" to some fool on the other side of the country who wants a keyholder, when I make it clear that I want locals, and have no interest in chastity. Voila, I am FAKE!

This made me laugh!!!

What an idiot. Next time give an address, any address, tell him to lock himself up and send the key.

< Message edited by KYsissy -- 5/28/2010 7:55:09 AM >

_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 42

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 7:57:54 AM

pdv99

Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

People are just people. We are all different to each other, and that's good. Unless you've got cloning to work, every one of us is interested, aroused or excited by slightly different things. BDSM is just an umbrella label for a wide range of interests, tastes, lifestyles and business propositions, so there is no right or wrong, better or worse ways to do it.

The only fakes are people who pretend on the outside to be something that they do not feel on the inside - and half the time those individuals may not even realise it themselves.
You may get off on physical expressions of power, red magic, and that's fine; but for me, the important thing is what goes on inside people's heads - physical action is just one way of getting there. And in a general sense I'd assert that ideas can have at least as big an impact on the world as physical action - try ideas like religious faith, stock market confidence, communism, the concept of nuclear physics..or even TCP/IP - a clever idea that enabled me to read your wise words.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 43

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:00:20 AM

SocratesNot

Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
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quote:

The only fakes are people who pretend on the outside to be something that they do not feel on the inside - and half the time those individuals may not even realise it themselves.
You may get off on physical expressions of power, red magic, and that's fine; but for me, the important thing is what goes on inside people's heads - physical action is just one way of getting there. And in a general sense I'd assert that ideas can have at least as big an impact on the world as physical action - try ideas like religious faith, stock market confidence, communism, the concept of nuclear physics..or even TCP/IP - a clever idea that enabled me to read your wise words.

Exactly!

_____________________________

Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

(in reply to pdv99)

Post #: 44

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:05:28 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Pssssst.
Truth of the matter is, topping and bottoming have a lot more connection to BDSM than many M/s dynamics do.

Amen!

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 45

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:10:57 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: afkarr
I'll let you in on a little helpful tidbit, SN- the "lifestyle" crowd tends to view those of us in the kinky sex crowd, i.e. "bedroom" Doms and subs- as not quite as "real" as them

How deliciously ironic since, from my standpoint it's the "bedroom" crowd that is more real than me... at least more "really into BDSM". I'm also going to guess that you bedroom types don't often get shunned and ostracized by BDSM'ers.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to afkarr)

Post #: 46

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:36:59 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

SocratesNot,

quote:

Nothing of these things make you any less real BDSM-er. Nothing of these things make you "fake".

I have never bought into that idea. I believe it is merely a different choice.

quote:

You don't have to push yourself to uncomfortable territories just in order to prove that you are not fake.

Unfortunately this happens. Not only in the sub vs. slave arguments but amongst slaves as well. Not in terms of what's fake per se, but the notion that anything less than perfect is bad. It is based on a idea that has been heavily promoted that may be more fantastical or idealistic in nature. I don't believe it is impossible, but I do believe attainment is greatly influenced by ones makeup and a lot of things that are rarely pinpointed.

Now the pendulum has swung and there's another form being shown. Where good is viewed with contempt or suspicion and being real (i.e. human) is now in vogue. Once upon a time dissidence was denounced and alternatives were sought instead. But I've witnessed the reverse. Sometimes it's lauded and considered a part of the kneel. That line of thinking baffles the heck out of me but I accept it's true for some.

quote:

So what are your thoughts about some things being "fake" and some "real"?

I was never encouraged to harbor those ideas. Nor do I engage with men that feel the same. It is difficult to decipher what is real or fake. I'm always on the outside looking in. At best I'm taking a lucky guess based on observations and personal experiences. But I'll never be in their head. My self worth isn't defined by other peoples opinions. I cannot shape or influence a mindset that doesn't wish to be impacted.

In terms of personal expression on the Internet, I do so by choice. I don't seek validation from others when sharing opinions or beliefs nor am I offended when they disagree. I respect their right to do so and accept ownership of my choice for self-exposure. I cannot control their response nor will I attempt to do so. Criticism and all that follows can only affect me if I permit it.

The notion of expending energy debating who's real or fake or subjecting myself to the same suggests my time isn't well spent. I am not on the kneel to him and she is not involved with me. Neither aspect are part of my reality. And that's where my interests rest.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 47

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:49:34 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyrain
That is a pretty big leap you make Red regarding SN's comment that fear has anything to do with his comment.

Take a look at his other OP's. I wasn't judging based on this comment alone. Do you really think I would have asked the mods to call me a "Horny Net Geek" if I thought there was any legitimacy to calling someone's BDSM practice "fake?" It was a tossup between "Horny Net Geek" and "Fake Dom," and I went with the former.

I agree with afkarr too.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rubyrain)

Post #: 48

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 9:38:41 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Guess what? No one cares if you agree.

I hope that free's you

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 49

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 3:01:31 PM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyrain
That is a pretty big leap you make Red regarding SN's comment that fear has anything to do with his comment.

Take a look at his other OP's. I wasn't judging based on this comment alone. Do you really think I would have asked the mods to call me a "Horny Net Geek" if I thought there was any legitimacy to calling someone's BDSM practice "fake?" It was a tossup between "Horny Net Geek" and "Fake Dom," and I went with the former.

I agree with afkarr too.

So......does that mean you aren't a fake dom? *dives behind the sofa*

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 50

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 4:31:16 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i dont believe anyone is saying those things are fake or less or more or anything else -

but it does get fake when you make youreself out to be something/someone youre not and try winging it - wastes time, emotion and energy all round.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 51

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:14:30 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I don't recall seeing anyone accusing bottoms, do-me subs, masochists, or switches as being "fake" per se, but people frequently say that isn't what they are looking for, and otherwise criticise them. If someone isn't into D/s, but is heavily into S/M or bondage, they sometimes are referred to as "vanilla." Tops aren't criticised as frequently, but they are occasionally teased for being "service tops."

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 52

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:27:59 PM

SocratesNot

Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I don't recall seeing anyone accusing bottoms, do-me subs, masochists, or switches as being "fake" per se, but people frequently say that isn't what they are looking for, and otherwise criticise them. If someone isn't into D/s, but is heavily into S/M or bondage, they sometimes are referred to as "vanilla." Tops aren't criticised as frequently, but they are occasionally teased for being "service tops."

I think that all such criticism should stop. After all, BDSM isn't just about D/s and M/s.
I would respect very much someone who openly stated in their profile that they are just into kinky games.

quote:

If someone isn't into D/s, but is heavily into S/M or bondage, they sometimes are referred to as "vanilla."

What the fuck has S/M to do with vanilla???
And when it comes to bondage, for me it's the hottest part of BDSM.

_____________________________

Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 53

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 8:42:29 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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It doesn't make sense to me either. I've had a few arguments with people here who've called people vanilla when they were kinky but only into S/M. IMHO, being suspended 15' in the air, or having bruises and welts for two weeks from the cane, and so forth, isn't at all vanilla.

I'm not ready to look for a relationship yet, but once I do, D/s role or BDSM orientation will be relatively unimportant to me, much like height and ethnicity. How well they treat their ex-girlfriend, the waiter/waitress, how well they get along with my friends, which vanilla interests we share, their integrity, trustworthiness, personality, ethics, and so forth are all much more important. If D/s is a requirement for them, we need to have compatible D/s or M/s chemistry and philosophy/views on power exchange.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 5/28/2010 8:45:28 PM >

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 54

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/28/2010 9:47:28 PM

Frankseas

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

Hey some one help me out here please? Is this thread real or Fake? Cant figure it out yet? Oh wait have to go Answer more lottery E-mails from Ghana!!

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 55

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 1:53:27 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

This thread is so ironic when compared to all your others SN you have been forcing a division all the time but because you now feel people are not being inclusive of you then you need to have a bit of a rant. Its sweet really because I expect you didn't even realise it. In relation to what you have said I agree, If a kid goes and plays football on the village green and another kid goes and plays every night for the local team the depth of it doesn't suddenly mean the other isn't playing football.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 56

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 2:30:32 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Does it perhaps mean that the first kid should stop lecturing the second kid about how 'dangerous' and 'unhealthy' it is or whatever to play football at team level, though?

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Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

Post #: 57

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 3:18:21 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Does it perhaps mean that the first kid should stop lecturing the second kid about how 'dangerous' and 'unhealthy' it is or whatever to play football at team level, though?

It means that the first kid should shut up and play football on the village green, I mean it would be rather strange if the first kid spent all his time talking about the politics of the football club that he a) isnt a member of and B) has no intention of playing for indeed it could be that the first kid spends so much time talking about the club that he forgets to go and play football on the village green and therefore is no longer a football player just a kid with a massive chip on his shoulder...I think I have exhausted that analogy.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 58

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 4:54:51 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

"So what are your thoughts about some things being "fake" and some "real"?"

My thoughts?

Easy.
I'm real. She's real. Her screams are real, the eyes ping ponging madly in her head when I approach with a handful of needles are real, the sweat that rolls down her back when we play is real, the warmth of her face on my knee as she kneels contented, secure and happy is real, as are the pains we have shared together, the days and years and memories, as is the absolute adoration we have for each other.

WTF would I care what the rest of the wing nut world does?

~Grins~
Besides, ya'll a bunch o'lunatics anyhow.

Purely as a side note. There have been a lot of recent posts about others, what we think re others, or how others feel about certain things or why they do or don't do certain things. I just wanna mention that a long time ago I found it was a whole lot healthier, as well as easier, far less stressful and a slew of other such positive things, to stop trying to change the world, which is gonna be what its gonna be regardless, and instead work on changing me and mine, which is something I had control over.
Funny thing-As I changed, my perspective changed and as my perspective changed, my perception of the world changed as well.

Life is short, I don't waste my time engaging in mental masturbation-why should I when I could be out having the experience, which is a far more powerful (and real, lets not forget that) sensation/lesson/learning/growth process? Life is a thing that must be lived to be truly savored, it is not an equation to be studied, a text to be mastered or an experiment in a petri dish to study under a microscope.
What others do is none of my affair, nor is what they call/label/limit themselves and are or pretend to be. Hey, if it makes them happy...terrific. And if not, well, that's on them. I take what I value (and I can learn something from everyone I meet, even, especially, if it's how NOT to do something. Often the most powerful example can be a negative one.) and leave the rest.
So sure, whatever anyone wants to call BDSM is BDSM-to that person. And that's super cool. Matter of fact, it's one of the things I've always liked best about TTTWD-there are no rules, it's totally wide open (legal disclaimer, as long as both parties are of legal age and consent-and don't even begin to think of bringing up the consent/non consent debate on me here.).
What never fails to amaze me are people-I mean c'mon, nothing is better/funnier/more ridiculous/absurd/inane than watching someone whose fetish is, say, watersports and wearing diapers, (Or tying people up and whipping them, or forced sex play or role play or 100,000 strange, kinky and bizaare other things that we do) sit in judgement of someone else and what they do or do not do. It's just so bloody ridiculous-it blows my mind.

Kana's mantras (Hey, that rhymes!).

Get out. Be. Do.
Find a slave. Get in her head. Find out why she ticks. Interact. Share lives. Love.
Learn life by living it.
Mistakes will be made, people will get hurt, sometimes they move on, that's life. Hopefully we learn, grow, try and do/be better next time. Rinse. Repeat, ad nauseum.
The one thing I know for sure is that I don't want to be laying in my deathbed with a head full of "I wish I woulda," or if "I only had", or man, "I wish I had asked her out," or "Why didn't I ever got off my computer and actually kiss a live girl?"

Now there is something that terrifies me.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 59

RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 8:27:10 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
As I changed, my perspective changed and as my perspective changed, my perception of the world changed as well.

I cannot count the times that I have done exactly this throughout my life. I have also learned to change myself by first changing my perspective.

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 60

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