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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 9:13:34 AM

domincalifornia

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You hear people say this type of thing in all situations -- he's a "fake" BDSMer, he's not a "real" Lakers fan. And generally the person only means, "That other people is fake or not real because he does things differently than me or have a different viewpoint than me."

People try to put labels on others to control or minimize them. People accept these labels if they are unsure of what they want or they're unconfident.

It's just all a mindgame, and I want to part of it. There is generally not a right or wrong way to most things. There are many ways which are equally reasonable, and it's up to everyone to find the right way for them.

If you're the type of person who uses the phrase "fake BDSM," you're probably just a bully.

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 9:17:32 AM

mnottertail

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vQpW9XRiyM

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 10:33:21 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pdv99
And in a general sense I'd assert that ideas can have at least as big an impact on the world as physical action - try ideas like religious faith, stock market confidence, communism, the concept of nuclear physics..or even TCP/IP - a clever idea that enabled me to read your wise words.

I missed this before, but figured I'd come back and point this out:

Of all the videorecorded Turing Award lectures so far, the best, as far as I'm concerned, has been the one in which Cerf and Kahn discussed the process by which they created TCP/IP. They took ideas, applied them to actual systems they were building, made a ton of mistakes, and came up with something that has survived for quite a while. They were also both clear that they don't think TCP/IP is sufficient for the needs of the future, and they were particularly concerned that the web is increasingly controlled by monopolistic interests. Why? Because they thought they were successful because no one cared what they did. Nowadays, someone might have a wonderful idea, but if it doesn't fit into the business plan of big telecom, it's never going to go anywhere.

Nuclear physics proceeded forward by people wtf-ing over experiments like the photoelectric effect one, and having to come up with reasons to predict the world was the way it was. In no sense was that a sit-in-the-mountains guruistic process. Your appeal to the principles of Communism is the wackiest of all, because Marx's critique of both Feuerbach and the Erfurt Program was that they, in different ways, were not connected to the materialism of history as he understood it.

Seriously. If you post random shit on the internet you learned in philosophy class, people will call you fake, and be right about it.

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 11:45:55 AM

porcelaine

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Kana,

quote:

The one thing I know for sure is that I don't want to be laying in my deathbed with a head full of "I wish I woulda," or if "I only had", or man, "I wish I had asked her out," or "Why didn't I ever got off my computer and actually kiss a live girl?"

Now there is something that terrifies me.

Some people live an entire lifetime and never discover that. It's pretty darned sad.

~porcelaine

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 2:08:46 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: afkarr

I'll let you in on a little helpful tidbit, SN- the "lifestyle" crowd tends to view those of us in the kinky sex crowd, i.e. "bedroom" Doms and subs- as not quite as "real" as them, we just "players" and the ever so popular "fakes". It's just the way it is. The only thing that really matters is whether your relationship dynamics are working for you and your partner. If the opinions of others don't directly impact you, ignore them.

Exactly!! There are many threads on here where someone has stated that "financial Dommes" aren't "real" Dommes. There's a thread going on right now debating the terms "slave" and "master", and what they really mean. Many believe that on-line relationships aren't "real". Some believe that any D/s relationship that doesn't stick to "old guard protocols" isn't real. Some believe that if a sub/slave has requirements of their Dom/Domme, then they are actually merely a bottom. And if you do a search on this site, you'll find many threads that insist that there is no such thing as a "service sub" even though i have served in that role on many occasions.

So i think we can conclude a few things.
-First of all, there is no such thing as the "BDSM community". If there is, then i want my membership card. But until someone can tell me what the qualifications are, then i'll continue to insist that it doesn't exist. There's just a bunch of kinky individuals out there doing there own thing. And nobody else should care what they're doing.

-There is no universally accepted definition for any role within BDSM. Find a role, and you'll be able to find someone who will argue that someone else's interpretation of that role is "fake"

-There are no "kink police". So if what you are doing works for you, keep doing it, even if it violates someone else's definition of how it "should" be done.

Frankly, that's the problem that i have with the approach that you seem to be taking to your quest for BDSM understanding, SocratesNot. You seem to desire universal BDSM truths, and they don't exist. If you accepted that simple premise, it would eliminate 90% of the questions that you have asked thus far.

Go find somebody to play with, and then do some of the things that you've fantasized about. Don't worry about the "right" way to do anything. Whatever feels good to you is the "right" way. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks. If it gets your rocks off, then it's good. As undignified as that may sound, that's really all any of us are doing; trying to get our freak on. So if i might make a suggestion, stop thinking about BDSM so much, and go "get ur freak on" (apologies to Missy Elliott).

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/29/2010 2:46:11 PM >

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 2:54:37 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Actually, when it comes to human relationships and sexuality, there is no concept of fake. Such concept does not exist.

Whew! What a relief. i was certain my girlfriend was faking her orgasms to avoid hurting my feelings. But now that i know there is no such thing as fake when it comes to human relationships and sexuality, then the only other conclusion i can draw is that i am the GREATEST LOVER ON EARTH!! Oh yeah!!

Thanks, SN. My ego needed that. ;-)

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 2:58:03 PM

VaguelyCurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

My ego needed that. ;-)

I disagree.

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 3:06:42 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

My ego needed that. ;-)

I disagree.

You're so cute.

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RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers - 5/29/2010 7:36:25 PM

MissBeautiful2U

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I think you make a valid point regarding kink has many different varieties... I've seen it referred to as wiitwd (what it is that we do) and that makes sense to me but just doesn't carry the connotation for me that the words bdsm or s/m do. Perhaps someday it might.

In regards to "fake" to me it is deceit. I think "fake" is a good term to apply to someone who pretends to want one thing and truly wants another. In the past I have chosen to play with people who were looking just for casual play with maybe only the depth of an online friendship otherwise-- and will probably do so again in the future. Currently those that I interact with mean more to me than that, but less than a traditional "relationship." I have come across many "fakes" who I've caught lying about something silly or another. The sad thing is that had they been honest with me from the start, I would have enjoyed playing with them, but the one thing I cannot have in my relationships is deceit... and if I detect it, I am not going to stick around, particularly for a casual play partner.

I think the word "fake" carries a slightly different connotation that "deceit" but that they often go hand in hand.

Miss Robin

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