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Rochsub2009 -> RE: Glory to "fake" BDSM-ers (5/29/2010 2:08:46 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: afkarr
I'll let you in on a little helpful tidbit, SN- the "lifestyle" crowd tends to view those of us in the kinky sex crowd, i.e. "bedroom" Doms and subs- as not quite as "real" as them, we just "players" and the ever so popular "fakes". It's just the way it is. The only thing that really matters is whether your relationship dynamics are working for you and your partner. If the opinions of others don't directly impact you, ignore them.
Exactly!! There are many threads on here where someone has stated that "financial Dommes" aren't "real" Dommes. There's a thread going on right now debating the terms "slave" and "master", and what they really mean. Many believe that on-line relationships aren't "real". Some believe that any D/s relationship that doesn't stick to "old guard protocols" isn't real. Some believe that if a sub/slave has requirements of their Dom/Domme, then they are actually merely a bottom. And if you do a search on this site, you'll find many threads that insist that there is no such thing as a "service sub" even though i have served in that role on many occasions.
So i think we can conclude a few things.
-First of all, there is no such thing as the "BDSM community". If there is, then i want my membership card. But until someone can tell me what the qualifications are, then i'll continue to insist that it doesn't exist. There's just a bunch of kinky individuals out there doing there own thing. And nobody else should care what they're doing.
-There is no universally accepted definition for any role within BDSM. Find a role, and you'll be able to find someone who will argue that someone else's interpretation of that role is "fake"
-There are no "kink police". So if what you are doing works for you, keep doing it, even if it violates someone else's definition of how it "should" be done.
Frankly, that's the problem that i have with the approach that you seem to be taking to your quest for BDSM understanding, SocratesNot. You seem to desire universal BDSM truths, and they don't exist. If you accepted that simple premise, it would eliminate 90% of the questions that you have asked thus far.
Go find somebody to play with, and then do some of the things that you've fantasized about. Don't worry about the "right" way to do anything. Whatever feels good to you is the "right" way. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks. If it gets your rocks off, then it's good. As undignified as that may sound, that's really all any of us are doing; trying to get our freak on. So if i might make a suggestion, stop thinking about BDSM so much, and go "get ur freak on" (apologies to Missy Elliott).
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