undergroundsea
Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: khem
When it comes down to it, I feel like I have remarkably little in common with the men that have pursued me - although they seem to go to great lengths to hide this fact. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
Some of this behavior may come from the difficulty of finding a domme and the fear of not being able to find another opportunity. I do not intend to justify the behavior but rather explain what might be creating it.
quote:
For the men here, how do you navigate wanting to be pleasing and open (and obedient) with the reality of your desires?
I am not sure I understand the question. I think what you are asking is how does a submissive balance being pleasing and adapting to preferences of the domme with what one likes himself.
I am grateful that I have opportunities constantly arise and do not have the desperation one might have if that was not the case. So if there is too much distance in the respective wants, I conclude incompatibility.
Beyond that, I see shades of grey for a relationship, which might be more common in men since they can compartmentalize relationships. I am open to shades of grey of relationships and experiences: a romantic D/s relationship, play-only, more. Thus, if I meet someone and they do not strike me as LTR material, I am still open to proceeding to see what possibilities exist. The shades of grey of relationships also require shades of grey of compatibility. The commonality required for a broader relationship or a romantic relationship is greater than that required for a play relationship. Thus, I might overlook or deemphasize lack of type of commonality that might be important for an LTR but not for a play only relationship. If a domme is looking specifically for an LTR, she might ask a prospect what different types of relationships he seeks, and which type he envisions with her. She might ask him to describe what his vision is of the relationship--describe an evening, a day, or a week together. She might ask questions to bring attention to matters he might be overlooking if he is focused on fantasy only. For instance, she might ask about Thanksgiving, or company parties (do you envision a domme accompanying you over Thanksgiving or to a company party?), which will bring attention to how much the two have in common and whether they have common social interests and circles to spend time in vanilla conditions.
quote:
Also, does anyone have advice for dealing with submissive men who have little to no real life experience. It seems like I am incapable of breaking through their misconceptions about D/s relationships
If you are able to give a specific example of a misconception, I might be able to answer more towards that specific case. In general, I think an approach similar to the Thanksgiving example above might help (to ask questions that bring attention to reality and other components of self).
I will add that self discovery is a dynamic process. Even after years of experience I wonder how much more there is to discover, and how my wants will be influenced by those that are unmet. For instance, my D/s component alone has a slave heart but I identify as a submissive to balance it out with other components of self. The more a part remains unfed (the slave heart), the more vocal it becomes, which can lead to a shift in wants. Here, there is little one can do beyond seeking experience and reflecting to see how complete or not the experience feels.
Cheers,
Sea
|
Fantasy Versus Reality?? - 
Profile
.gif){kind=avatar}
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread