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Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 6:59:53 AM

teachmeliz

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/28/2010
Status: offline

Hi my name is Liz, I am beginning to explore this need in me to be dominated by a real "MAN'. I have some meetings set up which I hope might lead to being fulfilled. Can I please ask the question, how do I approach the man who may dominate me. I feel I should be myself, which is very much in control in my real life. But, then again, I don't want to be. I want him to be happy with me and see how submissive I can be. Or, on the other hand should I show him how open I am to anything he can dish up and be a naughty girl and tongue him at first site.

< Message edited by teachmeliz -- 5/29/2010 7:10:17 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 7:15:20 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

Can I please ask the question, how do I approach the man who may dominate me. I feel I should be myself, which is very much in control in my real life

you answered your own question very well. You are not a passive doormat, so don't try to be.

Best of luck on your journey and welcome to CM!

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to teachmeliz)

Post #: 2

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 7:21:08 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Yes, "tongue him" the first time you see him, by all means.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 3

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 7:32:03 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Level! Behave!

One of the most difficult things about realizing one's interest in something like this can be the desire to go all out, live in the fantasy that has been created in your head. While you can do that and have a couple fabulous one night stands (do be safe if that is the route you choose), if your goal is to have something more, then slow and steady is the way.

I would recommend sticking around the message boards a bit. For new folks (esp sub women) the attention can be misleading. There are a LOT of domineering men or just plain horny men who want sex. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't ring my personal bell. The people on the forums generally tend to be folks that are fairly well rounded (some more round than others - *wink) and tend to talk this kind of thing through. It might help you get some perspective.

Since you just joined, I suggest you wait a few weeks before responding seriously to anyone on the c-mail side of things. You are like catnip for the alley toms over there. New, wanting to learn. Your nickname alone screams "take advantage of me".

Good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 4

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 7:32:40 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Yes, "tongue him" the first time you see him, by all means.

oh Lordie...i missed that.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 5

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 7:47:19 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums

This is a link to local events in Melbourne

Chains is a good event to start out with and they have a dinner beforehand that you can attend to make it less daunting. If you let them know at the door they can also arrange for someone to show you around and introduce you to some of the people

I would suggest doing what YOU feel comfortable with, not doing what someone else tells you you should do, even if they say they are a dom.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to teachmeliz)

Post #: 6

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 8:48:44 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Hello, OP!

You do not need to prove to anyone how sub you are, and will get taken advantage of if you try.

At your first meeting, you need to gauge how good a fit the two of you are. Do you genuinely like him? Is he the sort of man you could see yourself being with, out in public, doing vanilla things? Then and ONLY then... could you see yourself submitting to him?

This will eliminate 90% of the men you would meet here. And good riddance to them.

And if the tonguing idea came from you, shame on you. If it came from him, don't meet him.

Lastly, make sure that the man is actually available and not taken.

Edited to add; OP, I thought about this and don't think you're ready to meet yet. You're too eager and easy to take advantage of. Follow my girlfriend wanders' suggestion and just meet people just to meet them and see that they're no better or worse than nonkinksters first.

Your goal is not to submit. It's to find someone to whom you can submit. Don't just submit to anyone!

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 5/29/2010 9:06:10 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 7

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 9:03:22 AM

teachmeliz

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/28/2010
Status: offline

Thank you all for helping me see things clearly. Though I haven't found that all men love me just for me, I will take that position if I feel something real could come out of meeting the right man

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 9:14:39 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Liz feel free to contact me, I might be going to the next Chains in a couple of weeks time and would be happy to meet you there so you are not on your own.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to teachmeliz)

Post #: 9

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 1:13:07 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Liz, I'm still pretty new. The best thing I did was hang out here in the forums and learn by reading, that honestly gave me a great background in things. I pretty much figured out what I wanted that way and got a feel for how to navigate in a new world. It is overwhelming at first- or it was for me. The best thing I can tell you is to be yourself, don't try to fill a role- don't try to 'be' a submissive woman, just be you. You need to see if you fit with him and if things work that way before adding the other stuff.

We've all had our moments, especially in the beginning, of going too fast and wanting it all and making a mistake or two. It's ok to slow down in order to make a good decision. When I was looking I told prospective men that we were only meeting as friends until I got a better feel for how I wanted to proceed and then I had to hold them to that. I would carefully explain that I had to make a good decision for myself after all and then I would try to maintain a certain amount of distance so I could look at things objectively. After all, the guys are going to push lol. But you don't have to do it their way...not in the beginning. No one is looking out for you at that point except for yourself so do a good job of it

Oh, and btw...welcome!

(in reply to teachmeliz)

Post #: 10

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 1:19:08 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmeliz

Thank you all for helping me see things clearly. Though I haven't found that all men love me just for me, I will take that position if I feel something real could come out of meeting the right man

Yes, well trying to please "all the men" would be a mistake. You see there are many that aren't right for you, some of them that hit my mail box I'm pretty confident aren't right for anyone

. Don't romanticize it, it's not any different than vanilla dating. Look for someone that fits you and meets your needs. Be who you are. Anyone that says you are submissive enough because you're doing that is just a goofball living in fantasyland.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to teachmeliz)

Post #: 11

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 5:15:51 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Wanders is Stevens girlfriend?

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 12

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 5:22:10 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Wanders is Stevens girlfriend?

Absolutely. But break it to her gently - she doesn't know about it quite yet.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 13

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 5:23:40 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Ohhhhhhhhhh Wanders!!!

STEVEN SAYS YOU'RE HIS GIRLFRIEND!

Like that?

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 14

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 8:53:41 PM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

laughs....damn I am? Hmmmmm so how come it is sunday lunchtime and I am sitting at home wishing I had someone to hug me damnit.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 15

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 9:12:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Because you live in the wrong place. If you lived in Colorado, it would be Saturday evening, and I would be "hugging" you. If that's what you want to call it...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 16

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 9:46:55 PM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

hmmm that sounds tempting since it would mean the weekend goes for longer and I would be having a long weekend damnit

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 17

RE: Teach me how to be submissive - 5/29/2010 10:43:48 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hugging? We call it going to town, but ok.

To Liz:
As you can see, we are a bunch of sassy, strong, passionate women. I think it is fair to say we all adore Steven (and a bunch of the other D-type guys and gals on this site). While we may or may not be able to be "involved" with these folks, we do treat them with affection and dare I say a bit of lust? They are respected because they are smart, interesting, have mastered their own lives, and now they are able to pay attention to what else is important (us

).

There are a lot of folks on this site who have met each other and are friends. If you stick around, I'm betting you will be one of them. And if you do go to that event with the lovely Wanders, do give her a big ole squeeze for me and remind her that The Phillipines are 1. not far from Australia. 2. good for vacation in August. and 3. the place to be to meet the sweet as 3.14 sunshine this year.

Darling, don't give up the goods (the goods being your submissive behavior) to someone not worthy. This is just like any other kind of dating but with a little twist to it.

And remember, as my tagline says.... this is supposed to be fun, dangit!

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 18

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