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ORIGINAL: gungadin09
i'm sorry if i'm offending anyone; if i seem ignorant or disrespectful. i don't mean to make light of the situation or my responsibilities as a sub. i would welcome any feedback. (i obviously don't know what i'm doing...)
Thanks for reading.

pam

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Do you want a relationship where every detailis worked out in advance, with clear rules and guidelines that must be followed absolutely? Do you want firm guidance and a sense of protection and someone looking out for your well-being? Do you want someone to just spank your ass and fuck you hard on a regular basis? Do you want someone who visibly cares for you and lavishes you with attention? Do you want someone aloof and cruel who issues you stern directives? Do you want someone in your life? Do you want to be in someone else's life? Do you want to be instrumental in helping someone achieve their hopes and dreams? Do you want someone who will lay out a clear path for how you can achieve yours? Do you want someone who will gently show you what's out there and guide you through the options? What combination of traits and set of relationship dynamics makes you feel comfortable?

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ORIGINAL: warlock1935

Collars do mean a lot of different things. What you were offered was a "Velcro Collar" - easy on, easy off. Most of the experienced Doms I know are very slow to collar a submissive; to us, it's a very serious thing indeed. Personally, I've used a rule that I don't award a collar until I'm sure A) that we're in a serious, long term relationship, which means after the "Honeymoon Period" has worn off, and B) I'm sure she's committed to the relationship and willing to be trained and work hard at her submission. The second is a bit of a big deal, as I'm D/s, High Protocol, and work towards Total Surrender. I do use a play collar routinely, but that's just an attachment point for bondage and leashes. I also use a Party Collar, which just keeps the clueless wannabes and Poachers off my submissive or slave. Thus far I haven't collared a submissive, only slaves.
A very good Dom I know has had good luck with doing short, one or two week 24/7 sessions to get his submissive used to M/s. For this purpose, he uses a collar which serves to remind the submissive of the dynamics, and when removed allows her to resume her more accustomed level of submission. I've done similar things to give inexperienced submissives a day or two a week of Low Protocol rest periods from the stringencies and strictness of High Protocol training.
The comment from another poster that "Doms" who try to collar submissives and put them on contract right off are usually insecure, inexperienced people. Now, I do know good Doms who do use the Collar Of Consideration successfully; they award it to a submissive who's submission is deep and who's devoted and working hard on her training. It can be a good way to recognize a submissive for her dedication and determination to achieve a full Collar. Contracts can be useful to provide the Dom and Submissive a clear road map to where they want to go, and to define their roles and duties so as to minimize the gray areas and particularly for me, to give a new slave a clear idea of what I expect of her in her training; and of course, to give her a clear picture of how she can expect to be treated and what my duties toward her are.

I'm going to be working out and defining what I call the "Suburban Sue" mentality; that's the Vanilla training and indoctrination all of us, and particularly submissives, are immersed in. It's subtle and largely hard to define because it's so omnipresent, like air. It shows up in inappropriate comments, the unconscious feeling that we're equals, that it's OK to fail to accept the Master's word as final, that sort of thing. I think a clear description is a real aid to a submissive, particularly a new one; especially since so many Doms are talented, but go vanilla after about a year or so. While they are usually pretty good at it, being prone to lapse into Vanilla makes them hard to see the Vanilla attitudes in their subs. And as I found out to my sorrow, those attitudes can be very damaging to a D/s relationship.

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

Based in part on several conversations I've had with new sub/slaves  on skype over the last 36 hours triggered by this thread; some youngsters (based solely on time/age in BDSM) have the opinion that Dominants are some Godlike figures whose commands must be obeyed without question. I'm now about to piss on everyone's porridge, wheeties, rice bubbles or cornflakes and state that we are not Gods or Goddesses. Nor are we Godlike figures, Godlings, but we are very human (some more arsehole or animal than most), with all the human frailties and failings as the rest of humanity. If you cut us we bleed, feed us we shit, water us and we pee, starve us we fart and get mighty pissed off. WE ARE FUCKING HUMAN! We make mistakes and screw the pooch as well as anyone else. We differ only in that we have a propensity to dominate and lead. Now I don't give a flying fruit bat how many times the current CM philosopher wonder duo want to cut this they can not alter the core element of this statement. Unless you are formally (or informally) collared and have verbally or in writing agreed to obey a Dominant you are NOT his or her property and you are within your rights to tell anyone who tries to make demands of you, commands you or tells you that you are not a "real twu sub/slave" to go and fuck themselves.

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Maybe there should be "colors" for collars, like there are for karate belts. You could have the "thinking about a relationship" collar, the "getting serious" collar, and the "i'm Your slave" collar...

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ORIGINAL: gungadin09

Maybe there should be "colors" for collars, like there are for karate belts. You could have the "thinking about a relationship" collar, the "getting serious" collar, and the "i'm Your slave" collar...

LOL,
pam

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At first i didn't feel attracted to Him, or even that submissive, but i tried. i really did try. i admired Him. i liked talking to Him. But He never felt like more than a friend. After a couple of months we broke up, just like any other couple. It was as if the collar and the contract had meant nothing; as if when i promised my whole life to Him it was just a joke. i feel really guilty about this. i felt like i was breaking my word. i would have preferred to put off the collar and contract until i felt more strongly towards Him, but it wasn't my decision.