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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

~FR~ based on the OP:

Hi lally,
Here's what it is for me. It is about feeling comfortable following. If I'm not with someone at least as smart as I am, I just can't see myself feeling comfortable following them because I can't trust their judgment. If I know they are not looking at the whole thing, they can't see the whole picture or the salient parts, then I can't be a follower. It just doesn't compute in my head.

That's about the only "feeling" I get. It's about feeling safe, feeling comfortable, and knowing the other person is worthy of my trust.

(I don't meen to sound arrogant or snotty. I just know this is my experience).

By the way, I feel the same way at work which can be a serious problem. I've had some really not-bright supervisors.

that sucks!! - its why i went self employed in the end - too many arseholes getting management positions they really werent equipped to handle - whats with that anyway

Best,
sunshine

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ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

 In my experience, submission is the way I relate in certain kinds of relationships. Yes, I can choose to submit to anyone I care to, in theory - it's more a matter of if they evoke the desire in my to relate to them that way. There needs to be both the desire on his part to dominate, and the desire on my part to return that with submission, for the dynamic to go anywhere mutually enjoyable. Being submissive to a vanilla guy will not turn him dom, and if I don't get along well with a dom, there's no way I'm submitting to him.

So, a lot of feeling submissive comes down to how I feel towards a man. If I like, respect, and he feels the desire to dominate me, I "feel submissive" towards him. It can be a constant state in relation to him once the relationship is established. Feelings ebb and flow as a matter of course, but I can feel a certain way towards a man in general sense, just as I can love someone yet feel anger, sadness, amusement, joy, or any number of other emotions in relation to them while my overall feelings towards them are ones of love.

I recognize that there are folks who are submissive towards everyone; men, women, children, pets, even assertive houseplants.... ( )- that's who they are. But, that's not fundamentally who I am, and trying to be that way just leads me resenting people who have done nothing to earn my resentment. Even though I'm not a dominant person in social situations ( more of a loner, really - if the choice is lead or follow, I choose "other" ), for the vast majority of relationships, I prefer interacting on a broadly egalitarian basis. Only for relationships that are romantic, sexual, or whatever else you want to call the "mating impulse" relationships one forms, do I prefer to interact on D/s lines.

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ORIGINAL: lally2

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ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

.My point is that while i am deeply slave-wired and submissive, i don't always count on the "feeling" in order to perform acts of submission.  Sometimes you have to just do as you're told no matter how you feel about it as a slave, and let the feelings sort themselves out.

 -

so we're in the relationship and it isnt always about feeling, much of the time it is about responding, reacting to the Dominant - those feelings cant honeymoon you through every day and every hour of every day.

so to 'feel' more submissive toward youre dominant is a moot expectation - you either are or youre not - actions speak louder than words at this point and doing is stronger than feeling.

the feeling that got you into the relationship in the first place is there but it isnt what motivates or drives, the feeling is there and comes through but it isnt about being 'more' submissive or even of 'being' submissive - the feeling is now the feeling of being owned (or however we term it for ourselves) to the guy sitting there, sprawled over the sofa, paying us no attention whatsoever, and all we want to do is crawl all over him.

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ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

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ORIGINAL: lally2
.Yes....le sigh.....hopefully again soon. 

................ sigh..............

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

For Carol, "submissive" is just her default state. I think of it like breathing. Unless there is smoke in the air or some other problem, we don't normally think about breathing. Carol's like that with submitting -- not just in regard me, but as a default worldview. Unless there is something happening which is preventing the submitting, then it doesn't feel like anything. If such a thing is happening, then it's not the submission she's feeling, but the awkwardness of not being able to.

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is it a feeling or is it a responsive reaction to being with someone who rings that bell in you.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine
And this is how it feels...

It's torrential. A volcanic eruption that unsettles, challenges, and creates an internal tug-o-war that is maddening and liberating all at once. I'm exposed, naked, and unable to hide. I can't stop if I wanted to and running is pointless. The magnetic draw is too hard to resist. I'm captured. I know it. I feel it. And it used to freak me out and turn me on all at once.

It is markedly different from the first expression. He's touching that inner place and engaging the slave in her most sensitive parts. Eventually the churning ceases and I settle down. My mind shifts and the nervousness has abated. The questions lessen and stillness takes hold. In the silence I hear him and respond in turn. My movements are in response to his. Deference has begun and I look to and consider him in all things. The mental strongholds have fallen and I'm eager to please and do as he wishes. Ego, shame, fear, and all impediments are beginning to move aside. His presence grows and he nurtures that place in a way that no other can. A conscious awareness has taken root. It infects and alters my behavior and perspective.

~porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

Boy you woman folk sure are big on using a lot of words. That is one of the things that really pisses me off about the whole lot of youz.

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ORIGINAL: heartcream

Do not lump us all together with these sorts of blankie statements. I do pick up on how women as a whole piss you off but seriously we are not all the same.

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

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ORIGINAL: heartcream

Do not lump us all together with these sorts of blankie statements. I do pick up on how women as a whole piss you off but seriously we are not all the same.

I don't know....being all lumped together would be fun...if it was a fleshpile gropefest. Just saying

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance



I don't know....being all lumped together would be fun...if it was a fleshpile gropefest. Just saying

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ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
My point is that while i am deeply slave-wired and submissive, i don't always count on the "feeling" in order to perform acts of submission.  Sometimes you have to just do as you're told no matter how you feel about it as a slave, and let the feelings sort themselves out.

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However, I wouldn't make that commitment to someone who I didn't react to with submissive feelings. To me, basing a power dynamic on obedience and even wanting to please them would not make it submission, and calling it that would be an outright, knowing lie.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine
Bingo! I think quite a few confuse compliance and submission. They are not one in the same.

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to you. To ME, this statement makes me shudder. Much as I like you, if I were looking at you as a potential slave and you said that to me, at a bare minimum I'd be thinking, "Oh sheez, lots of work to be done here." Not that my way is any righter than yours, of course, but since you wrote your comment so assertively and I so violently disagree with it, I thought I'd point it out.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

leadership527,

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to you. To ME, this statement makes me shudder. Much as I like you, if I were looking at you as a potential slave and you said that to me, at a bare minimum I'd be thinking, "Oh sheez, lots of work to be done here." Not that my way is any righter than yours, of course, but since you wrote your comment so assertively and I so violently disagree with it, I thought I'd point it out.

With all due respect there are a lot of people that have feel good ideas about submission. In fact, in their mind it means doing things that come easy with very little discomfort involved. Perhaps you draw a different association - rightly so - but the proliferation of threads about this very issue - which usually entails a barrage of complaints about what he wants them to do - that they are ambivalent about or have no intention of doing might suggest there is something more.

Being compliant doesn't make me submissive if you've never encroached on my comfort zone. And it doesn't mean you're asking the ridiculous either. But there is a noticeable yielding where his directive takes precedence over what I might prefer in a given situation. I am neither the first slave to think this way (and I've conversed with quite a few) and I'm positive I won't be the last.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

But there is a noticeable yielding where his directive takes precedence over what I might prefer in a given situation. I am neither the first slave to think this way (and I've conversed with quite a few) and I'm positive I won't be the last.

~porcelaine