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Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:10:19 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		I am petrified. I get my collar on sunday, I am not prepared for the questions, i know they will be endless. I go to a college with 28k students, and have not seen ONE with a collar.

How do I explain myself w/o coming off insane, how do i tell FAMILY?@?@?

can people share theis coming out experiences with me?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:16:32 AM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		What we have done for our slaves who need some disgression when wearing their collar is to find something that is stylish adn would normally be worn as as jewelry. We usually find a nice chain choker and add a small I.D. disk in the shape of a heart or something else that is attractive and we have it inscribed with the slaves initials and then the phrase "belongs to W.V." the W is for Wild adn the V is for ladyV my wife. One slave made up a cute little name for the initials that she tells people that ask who the initilas are for. This is just one way to be discreet yet also be able to wear your collar all the time. I hope this helps.

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:17:54 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		that would be dandy, but i have been chosen a very prominent collar. i dont want to hide who i am.

(in reply to wild1cfl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:19:55 AM   
SirCumsSlut


Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

I am petrified. I get my collar on sunday, I am not prepared for the questions, i know they will be endless. I go to a college with 28k students, and have not seen ONE with a collar.

How do I explain myself w/o coming off insane, how do i tell FAMILY?@?@?

can people share theis coming out experiences with me?


Have a question.........Has your Master told you that you must explain this to people??  In other words, has He said that you mut wear your collar all day everyday????  If He has not, then there is no reason for you to explain to anyone.  If He has, then you need to sit down and ask His advice on how to handle "coming out"....
 
In my case, Sir explains to people we know, that He is dominant, and that i leave all decisions to him........no one questions that way.........as to family, have never told my family, but they know, they don't want to know, but they do, and they think i am a fool......that is why i do not deal with my family unless absolutely necessary, and even then although i do not wear my "collar" every day, (actually I do.........it is my past, present and future necklace and no one knows what it truly stands for) i always carry myself to represent my Sir, whether he is with me or not
 
So again, discuss this with your Master and heed His advice

_____________________________

Peace
His slut


"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:19:56 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		also, how do i get rid of that lil vanilla cone over there??

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:20:09 AM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Then be prepared to answer the questions as you will be asked by many.

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:21:08 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		First off, have you talked about this with your dom?  Collars are only accessories, they don't mean the relationship is or is not what it is.  It might not be the right choice for you both right now. 

Secondly, fashion collars or necklaces are often used- things that no one would ever look twice at.

However, when I was in college I wore a big black leather collar with two rows of studs and a big Oring every day.  Hardly anyone asked anything.  When they did, I would tailor my response to fit the person and their interest level.  Most often the answer would be "It's just something I think is cool to wear."

If they wanted more and I felt it was right, I might go into it being a symbol of a relationship I have. 

My friends all knew because I don't believe I can be friends with someone and not have them know about such an important part of myself.

As far as family, I stuck with the "just something I like to wear" routine.  They don't need any more than that if you aren't ready to come out to them, and you're old enough to wear whatever the heck comes into your head.

Plus, you're in college, they can write it off as some crazy college phase.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:22:08 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		I am only allowed to remove it during sleep or shower. He has said i can never leave the house w/o it. i have asked him what to say but He wasnt specific with His advice, was prolly somewhere like "who the fuck cares, everyone already knows were freaks"

(in reply to SirCumsSlut)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:22:44 AM   
SirCumsSlut


Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

that would be dandy, but i have been chosen a very prominent collar. i dont want to hide who i am.


You do not have to hide who you are....whether it be a collar or a necklace, in your heart you know who you are and to hell with what anyone else thinks.......
 
If you do wear the collar that has been chosen for you, wear it proudly and explain to NO ONE, as it is none of their concern

_____________________________

Peace
His slut


"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:23:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
I am only allowed to remove it during sleep or shower. He has said i can never leave the house w/o it. i have asked him what to say but He wasnt specific with His advice, was prolly somewhere like "who the fuck cares, everyone already knows were freaks"

Wow that wasn't very useful or sensitive advice.  Can't wait until you bring him home for dinner with mom.  Is he going to make you kneel on the floor at dinner and just tell her "Hey I'm a freak, get over it!"

Hate to think what will happen when you need advice on something that REALLY impacts your life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:24:01 AM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

also, how do i get rid of that lil vanilla cone over there??






By posting more in the forums.


(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:25:08 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		for U/us O/our collar isnt accesory, it is a symbol of O/our devotion to O/our decision.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:28:38 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
for U/us O/our collar isnt accesory, it is a symbol of O/our devotion to O/our decision.

What's with the sudden switch to the annoying slashy talk?

It's an accessory.  Yes, it's a great big symbol of who you are and your relationship.  But in the end, it's an accessory.  You'd still be who you are if it were tossed away tomorrow.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:30:47 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		i know, it was a tad insensitive, but i can understand His point, i think He was trying to fathom to me that it doesnt matter what i say really, i am who i am. thats how i took it at least.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:32:30 AM   
nursemary


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		LA.. you're not very nice sometimes..

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:32:57 AM   
SirCumsSlut


Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i know, it was a tad insensitive, but i can understand His point, i think He was trying to fathom to me that it doesnt matter what i say really, i am who i am. thats how i took it at least.


As I said before, no need to explain, as it is no one's business but your Master's and yours.....

_____________________________

Peace
His slut


"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:33:32 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
... i dont want to hide who i am.


then don't.  if anyone asks, tell them who you are and exactly what the collar signifies.  be it friends, family or acquaintances.  just be prepared for the variety of responses (shock, amusement, horror, apathy, etc.)and the potential follow-up questions (like, "why?" and "have you seen a therapist?").

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:34:02 AM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

i know, it was a tad insensitive, but i can understand His point, i think He was trying to fathom to me that it doesnt matter what i say really, i am who i am. thats how i took it at least.





You are right, it does not matter to anyone else but you and your master why you wear the collar. It really is nothing more than a material object that is a symbol for what you have in your relationship with him.

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:34:47 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		oh its usually what i do when referencing the relationship. i zoned out in my first post though and typed as if i would regularly. sorry it annoys you.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Coming out [as a sub] - 4/10/2006 7:38:00 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Anything that you weren't born with is an accessory. We do develop emotional attachments and put symbologies towards those accessories but they still are just that, an accessory.

We have to live in this world, we have to work and go to school and do various things throughout our day....if our accessories dont fit the atmosphere we are in, why wear them? What do we have to prove to others? "Im a slave cuz I have this big fat black collar around my neck?"

We arent the clothes we wear, your commitment is an inner agreement, it doesnt have to be paraded in inappropriate situations. You are probably not going to like this response, but it's the facts as I see it.

Master didnt give me a public collar for 18 months and then it was a simple pendant and chain, does it mean less because it isnt blatantly advertising our relationship? I also have about 3 other private collars at home, including a dog collar we bought at the supermarket cuz I adored the color *grin*

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to mixielicous)
Profile   Post #: 20
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