Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Why it works for us...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Why it works for us... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 5:22:11 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I consider the relationship which I share with Himself to be successful in that we are happy together much more often than we are sad, we have always had and continue to maintain passion for one another, we sync together on all the major life issues and most of the minor ones as well with just enough diversity to keep things interesting on a discussion level and we communicate well with each other. That's not to say that there are not days, weeks even months that go by where things are not tough for both of us but that is, generally, the result of external influences. We weather storms, usually together but sometimes just plodding through as best we can separately as well. We are not attached at the hip and I don't believe either of us would truly fall apart in a crisis of any proportion so even when we seem to spend a lot more time muddling then stepping lively, we have always looked for the smallest light at the end of long dark tunnels as a guide to get through. For 15 years that has worked for us.

One of the main things we have going for us is that our relationship allows us to breath freely, comfortable in ourselves and with each other. Without oxygen, there can be no fire so that breathing thing is really important on a variety of levels. It keeps the passion alive and prevents boredom and complacency from setting in. We share opinions without digging holes so deep there is no escape from them and the lack of holes all around us keeps the ruts at bay as well. Not always, but, usually. We take what works, rid ourselves of what is detrimental and we believe in each other and that helps each of us to bring out the best in each other without losing sight of the realities and what we still need to work on.

We started off with a power based dynamic so avoided some of the pitfalls that others may have when trying to determine whether or not they would be accepted not for what they do, but for who they are and he recognized me, past the walls, past the masks.. me as I recognized him. I have, in life, always thought that love was lust that happens to last. I'm still not sure if I love him or just continue to lust after him.. maybe in another 15 years or so, I'll have my answer. Right now, I still feel like a newlywed .. and, yes, this was prompted by an upcoming anniversary so let me say to Himself..

Sir, you still rock my world. Engaging in this M/s dynamic with you allows me to breath like no other life I have ever known. I appreciate you, the power you have, the authority you wield with such care, the laughter we share and holding my hand in the dark or letting my hand go when you think it's best and I appreciate that you will allow me to hold your hand when the dark scares you and that you let me comfort you when you need it. I love that sometimes I am your target and sometimes you are my fleshy flogger because we both know that the kink stuff is important to us and even as we age we still engage and have found ways to hurdle obstacles and break down barriers that might have stopped us cold were we not together.

I really love that you still love to beat my ass.

So, those are some of the reasons that our relationship works. Please feel free to share your own stories of success in M/s or D/s. I would love to read them.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 5:31:31 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		That's beautiful, thanks for sharing and congratulations to you both on your upcoming anniversary.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 6:44:31 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Congratulations, Celeste and welcome back to the boards.

One of the fundamental reasons that it works for us is that we get to be who we are in this relationship; there is no pretending to be something that we are not. We also do what is best for our relationship and the individual is secondary to what is best for the whole. That is one of our core principles - do what is best for the family.

There are probably a hundred other little reasons that explain why the three of us work together, but the concept of `we three are one`is the foundation.

Our best to you and your family.

Knight`s Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 6:51:08 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
One of the fundamental reasons that it works for us is that we get to be who we are in this relationship; there is no pretending to be something that we are not. We also do what is best for our relationship and the individual is secondary to what is best for the whole. That is one of our core principles - do what is best for the family.

There are probably a hundred other little reasons that explain why the three of us work together, but the concept of `we three are one`is the foundation.

This :)

I actually think more in terms of the borg collective than I do classical BDSM M/s stuff. It is all about "US". Neither Carol nor I are relevant. What matters is US.

And yes, there are probably a million other tiny little reasons that we sync so well. :)

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 6:53:30 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I can only say I hope in 15 years I'll be able to express the same.  14 to go but at this rate, things look good.

It really is good (and refreshing) to see you back here, my friend. 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 7:00:43 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story!

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 7:11:06 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

How beautifully stated Bita. I hope MasterK and I are still going strong in another 10 years.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 10:55:58 PM   
reynardfox


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline 		It works for us because the passions we have and have had, would be too wild and destructive to survive the industrial tedium of what people think of as a normal life. We will go through a typical day of earning a living and being parents with three children feeding on the time and energy we have and then we find ourselves alone. Then I find my teenage love, there for me, available for the burning seduction and intense physical need for sensation I have had for her for thirty odd years.
The relationship is ageless, inexhaustible, all consuming and overpowering.
I have to hold her down, tie her down, bind her, savour her, taste her, devour her, use her, violate her, practically absorb her, I need to wring every last possible consession of erotic submission out of her, to take her that little tiny bit further down each and every new area that opens itself. I become a lover, an obsessive monster, a torturer, a tireless inquisitor, I have to know every little last sensation and thought she is having, how everything feels, what it means to her, what I mean to her. Then I can enjoy her submitting to me, playing my games, accepting the darker side of me inside herself, relishing relinquishing her control to me and revelling in the holiday from being in charge of herself.
Her haughty arrogance, her cold impassivity, her sheer strength of character, her intelligence and her lust all bind to her like  a pair of strong legs around my hips pulling me into her. There are rooms inside her that I will never ever see, whole lifetimes of concepts that flit by like clouds. One lifetime is just not enough. Every single day and moment could not be anything other than a token gesture to the way she makes me feel.
I watch men and women fawn and grovel to her, seeing something of what I see, accepting the sides of herself that she shows them, knowing that what I get from her is completely different. We enjoy the joint activities of predation, the chasing, the hunting the wooing, the seduction, and then to share the submission of others to each other, to see in the eyes of the predator and the prey as one and feeling that both are there to share the experience.
Feeling her join in the submission of another woman to me, to combine herself with them to be just another pussy, just another mouth, just another chained pet, yet knowing that she owns me, like no one ever could, that's a thrill.
I watch her seduce another man, binding him in her own charming web, bewitching him till he gives up his own free will to her, then being tamed and drained and charmed into fulfilling her whims and pleasures and feel all the pride of the man with the falcon, the lion watching his mate.
It works because she fills my every waking thought. It works because we are Master and Slave, and that makes us more equal and more like twin souls that we could be otherwise. A psychic friend of mine once told me that she saw us, while sleeping  in the image of  a pair of lovers sleeping side by side, but with our spirits wrapped and coiled around each other like a pair of snakes.
You think we would calm down after thirty five years together? Not a bit of it, one day this will kill us.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 11:06:19 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Ive been very "lucky" in life and love I don't "get" the ppl that have the urge to share their "story" with a bunch of strangers?? To my way of thinking it's like inviting total strangers to your wedding. Looking for a little understanding here

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to reynardfox)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 11:12:03 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Ive been very "lucky" in life and love I don't "get" the ppl that have the urge to share their "story" with a bunch of strangers?? To my way of thinking it's like inviting total strangers to your wedding. Looking for a little understanding here

BadOne


I'm guessing because many of us aren't strangers to her...and because it's really cool to see a "feel good" piece out here instead of yet another doom and gloomer, and because maybe something someone says about making long term relationships work will trigger someone else in their long term relationship.

And, yanno, cuz it's a discussion board.  So we discuss stuff here. 


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 11:29:44 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Ive been very "lucky" in life and love I don't "get" the ppl that have the urge to share their "story" with a bunch of strangers?? To my way of thinking it's like inviting total strangers to your wedding. Looking for a little understanding here

BadOne


Because it gives those of us still looking encouragment and hope that what we're looking for is more then just a fantasy.

I've spent most of my adult life in vanilla relationships keying into the fantasies of my partners, becoming their ideal mate. The core of me remains the same but my demeanor, style and interests reflect his desires.

Only one man has ever seen past what I became for him to see who I was, what my needs were. The rest were quite happy to live in the fantasy until I left and they couldn't understand why.

So when I read something like this that so clearly states my own desires and needs, I realize it is possible and that I'm not selfish or alone in my need to be seen.

Thank you Bita for such a lovely and encouraging post.

< Message edited by jbcurious -- 6/2/2010 11:34:39 PM >

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/2/2010 11:34:09 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Ive been very "lucky" in life and love I don't "get" the ppl that have the urge to share their "story" with a bunch of strangers?? To my way of thinking it's like inviting total strangers to your wedding. Looking for a little understanding here
And, for me, who is not currently looking, I like reading and hearing about other people's love and happiness. It reminds me of my own.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 12:16:05 AM   
Hawkwindblues


Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline 		Let me at first congratulate both of you to such a beautiful, deep and constant love, my best wishes for your anniversary and the time to come.

Secondly, BitaTruble, let me thank you for such touching words, which brought tears to my eyes and let me realize again that all love is the same kind of love. You gave me with the praise of your love the moments to pause and linger on the love Michael and i share, which is corelike the same, although we do not have the power dynamic.

Thirdly let me praise your style and way with words.

HWK

_____________________________

After 10 years with the handle ZenDragoness it is time for a change.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 12:21:53 AM   
Hawkwindblues


Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Ive been very "lucky" in life and love I don't "get" the ppl that have the urge to share their "story" with a bunch of strangers?? To my way of thinking it's like inviting total strangers to your wedding. Looking for a little understanding here
And, for me, who is not currently looking, I like reading and hearing about other people's love and happiness. It reminds me of my own.


And i state since a lot of years: Every love enriches the world and therefore i love to feel, see, read, smell and savour other peoples loves and happiness, because is it like sinuswave going back and forth, is it feeding and culminating.

_____________________________

After 10 years with the handle ZenDragoness it is time for a change.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 12:46:00 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Ive been very "lucky" in life and love I don't "get" the ppl that have the urge to share their "story" with a bunch of strangers?? To my way of thinking it's like inviting total strangers to your wedding. Looking for a little understanding here

BadOne


NuevaVida who posted above was my date at my daughters wedding. We've shared a bed and giggled together at my dad's house and I love her dearly. Kyra up there recently helped me through a dark patch, something for which I'm very grateful. Leadership, whom I haven't met toes-to-toes but would certainly like to, has a unique way of thinking that I find engaging and thoughtful. Jb, new and curious brings back memories of my own start in alternative lifestyle living, Hawk aka Zen has been a long time and favored poster and her words have always moved me, Laurell almost always makes me think and I appreciate her intellect a great deal and GraciousLady .. I have never seen her do anything but live up to her chosen screenname. I could go on with many of the posters on this board, some who posted to this thread others who have not and will not but they don't *feel* like strangers to me and I would be proud to have many of them at my wedding.

You've been lucky in life and love.. you just shared a part of your story. You didn't need to add that bit in and had you left it out it would not have changed the context of your post .. but you did add it. Think about what made you add that bit in and maybe you will gain the understanding you seek.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 12:52:37 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Dear Celeste,
It is wonderful to see your love and your brilliance and your joy and passion.

Thank you for sharing it.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 1:07:09 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

I really love that you still love to beat my ass.


I liked that best.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 1:25:20 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Wonderful post Bita. Its heartwarming to read Kyra's, Leaderships and Raynards posts too.
I often want to shout from the hill tops about our happiness. People are always commenting on how we shine together.
Sharing happiness is the most natural thing in the world when your truly happy. Sharing happiness gives hope to those who are still looking.

I often think about what it is that makes our lives together feel so perfect. This lifestyle has allowed us into a deeper place together. It has allowed us to reach in and touch one anothers soul. I love the words Raynard used, 'a pair of lovers sleeping side by side, but with our spirits wrapped and coiled around each other like a pair of snakes' because this very much describes us too. Wonderful words Raynard...ty

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 3:01:18 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Celeste, that was wonderful. With luck Neets and I may enjoy a similar feeling in another five years especially as the last ten years has been a joy and I'm still very much in love with her. What works for Neets and I, is that our whole relationship is based on a firm friendship from which grew love (the lust was there). We are still best friends with absolute trust in each other. It just didn't happen we worked and still work jolly hard to keep the fires burning. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why it works for us... - 6/3/2010 3:57:11 AM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		That is so beautiful. You're a lucky pair!

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Why it works for us... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.090