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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 6:45:56 AM

cpK69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentcat

I was wondering if online D/s relationship is only what guys do.

I’ve seen both males and females profiles requesting online relationships, mostly D types though. It is possible that is only because it is usually D types that message me, and I don’t do a lot of profile scouting.

As for myself, I'm a sensual-being; theres only so many senses being used when using the internet. Not my thing.

Kim

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 6:47:26 AM

ReginaMirus

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Most women don't "do" the online thing, unless there's something in it for them. As in cash. Or gifts.

If you want any online action, your best bet would probably be to suck it up, be a submissive for a year or so, and proposition a online prodomme. That's about the best you're gonna get right now.

Or I suppose you could entice a young submissive with cash for online domination. Ya never know, it might just work.

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 7:40:20 AM

switch2please

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Really? Offer cash? You don't think that might offend someone...?!
I would block someone immediately if they tried to pull that crap with me.

So cynical we are!
I'm not usually the token optimist but it is possible to find someone online. The potential of a real relationship with a genuine Dom - even if you're still learning - can be incentive enough. It's not easy to find someone out of the fake/flake category, but it is possible and it's not too difficult to cull the chaff. You may need to spend the time before you move learning about the lifestyle, but once in the UK there is a scene and many more opportunities to meet someone in person. Even if you don't find a submissive, you can certainly start building friendships via this site with people in the area you plan on relocating to.

OP - you have more patience with unnecessary criticism than I do, or at least the common sense not to share your frustration over rude comments. Age aside, you are more articulate than most users of this site already (luckily we know most of them won't be reproducing...haha). For posting on forums I value honesty over sympathy, but I've never been one to pretend to agree just to fit in.
Good luck!

*edited to fix typo*

< Message edited by switch2please -- 6/4/2010 7:41:54 AM >

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 8:00:46 AM

ReginaMirus

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Cash, insulting? To a pro, it's not.

And let's face it. At 18, the odds of anyone taking him seriously as a practised dom are pretty slim (not all of course, but quite a few). Not meant as a criticism, just the cold, hard facts. No harm in practicing, everyone has to start somewhere. But if he wants to engage in some action and not have to wait a year until he can get to the real time scene, he's going to have to be a bit open in his approach.

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 8:07:41 AM

Andalusite

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I know some people who started out online/in LDRs, but with the intention of meeting face to face when they had the opportunity. Personally, I'd only be interested in cyberBDSM if it were with someone I already was involved with in person. There just isn't any chemistry, sexual or power exchange, with someone who I've never touched.

I used to be very shy and a little awkward socially in large groups, or when public speaking, especially if I didn't know anyone. Now, I'm usually a social butterfly in most circumstances. Shyness in women can be viewed as charming in submissives and/or women, sometimes, but it's not generally thought of as a dominant trait. Regardless of D/s, I think it's worth putting the effort in to put yourself out there and connect with other people. Starting in your ordinary vanilla life is best, in small groups, or just starting conversations with strangers in coffee shops or other such public places. When you are friendly, people tend to respond well.

I respect your choice not to lead someone on into thinking there is a potential for more if you will only be in the UK for a year. Will it be as a foreign exchange student? I'd assume a full degree would take longer. While you are in the UK, you can check out some of the groups, and perhaps take classes or explore the possibility of more casual play, but I agree that it is important not to lead anyone on.

ReginaMirus, I agree with switch2please that anyone taking your advice should only do that if the person is advertising in their profile or website as a pro. I was furious at a submissive who contacted me and wanted me to exchange cyberdomming for online shopping.

eta: Syrox, he's in Lithuania, there aren't any local groups or munches. He's planning to move to the UK next year, where he will be able to go to them.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 6/4/2010 8:14:07 AM >

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 8:12:39 AM

Syrox

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Hell it is even difficult for a 37 year old mostly inexperienced Dom. being 18 has a whole load of other things making you even more disadvantaged. but persevere, learn and read, thats about the best thing short of finding your local groups and munches that can really help the OP at the moment.

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 8:34:37 AM

switch2please

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In his profile the OP states within the first couple lines that he will not pay tribute so this is a pointless digression, but thank you for clarifying, Andalusite - clearly cash wouldn't be insulting to a pro, but unless it's clearly stated that the profile IS for a professional, such an offer is disrespectful and tactless.

ETA: ReginaMirus, your suggestion to seek a prodomme is a valid option if he were only seeking online play - my comment about unnecessary criticism wasn't directed at you. Sorry for any confusion!

< Message edited by switch2please -- 6/4/2010 8:37:08 AM >

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 11:49:59 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentcat
I was wondering if online D/s relationship is only what guys do.

No, it's not just guys. Take a quick tour of SecondLife and you'll see there are WAY more online female subs than male doms.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 6/4/2010 11:50:18 AM >

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 12:43:44 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

You aren't comprehending what I'm saying ..a profile without a sympathetic presence here on the board and you may as well be wanking off to porn and not have bothered registering at all.

I'm sorry but I'd have to disagree and I've been on CollarMe for awhile. The men I've conversed with from the message board each noticed me first not the reverse. Some discovered me through the things I wrote or from my original profile. To suggest to the OP that the only way to garner attention is through the public forum is woefully shortsighted.

People notice things that catch their eye. I've had men contact me when I didn't have more than a quote in my profile. And with all due respect what's a sympathetic presence? Just because someone presents themselves in that fashion doesn't mean that's who they are outside of the Internet.

The OP needs to be himself and explore all options that allow him to form connections. For some participation in the message board is neither desired or a possibility. I'm well aware that they are able to find relationships without doing so. I most certainly did in the past before this site ever came into existence. Best of luck to you in your endeavors.

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 1:03:17 PM

lizi

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There is another aspect that hasn't been mentioned yet and that is for the men here it is a numbers game. There are more men than women. The women can be more picky and maybe they choose real life over cyber. Maybe it seems that online is a male thing because it's the only way a guy can get some contact. You mentioned seeing many sub males seeking online....there aren't many female Dommes, certainly not enough to pair them off with all of the sub males that are seeking.

I'd also go along with the idea that DS put forth that a lot of the men are here to cheat- statistically more men cheat then women. And as he said, it's easier to cheat online. Online is a way for these men to get their rocks off without physical contact and they could feel that they are still honoring their marriage vows if there is not skin to skin contact.

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 1:04:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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They aren't all having relationshps with other guys- no the cyber relationship is just as encouraged by females as males.

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 1:28:34 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentcat

I asked a question here, is online BDSM a guy thing?

Somehow this has turned out to be a lecture about friendship and being honest. if you want to talk about me, send me a PM.

Stop flailing and act secure in yourself. This is kinda painful.

He's right Red. He came here looking for an answer about online gender differences and got his shit jumped about everything.

OP, I think this thread makes one thing clear. Your fear that you aren't a group person may be unfounded as far as the boards here. You've expressed your opinion well here. Stick around, you may learn something.

As far as the online thing goes, try SecondLife, as Jeff (leadership) points out, you may have more luck there than cam chat rooms and maybe less age stigma. Dunno.

Welcome to the boards, for what it's worth.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 6/4/2010 1:37:10 PM >

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/4/2010 7:45:15 PM

SirPumpy

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I think "Online" is a generational thing.

Im in my mid 40's, the sexual aspect of play is not important to me and when I started exploring my "dark side" there were no mobile phones and the internet was in its infancy so I clubbed and got involved in real life.

This cost me time, money and effort plus I had to be careful of how I approached things because I was surrounded by other kinksters who had definite opinions of "How things should be done" and would set me straight indirectly or directly.

So you learn fast and observe "How things are done" and you mind your P's and Q's while developing your Style and finding your niche.

The lifestyle is a journey, it never ends, you change it and it changes you.
Some things come naturally and some things you have to work your arse off to achieve and above all you HAVE to WANT it.

I am to this day Greatfull for the help and kindness I was shown, the lessons learned and the Bois and Grrls, Dom/mes and subs who helped me find my path in this and this is why COMMUNITY is important.

You must want it, work towards it, find it and embrace it.
Then you must learn and absorb, perhaps switching to live both sides and gain perspective.

You cannot do this exclusively online although Mobile/Cell phones help and the internet is great there are checks, balances and the human touch missing when you work online.

And people lie and deceive when they have a keyboard to hide behind.

So I firmly believe its a generational thing for both guys and girls.

SP

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RE: Is online a guy thing? - 6/5/2010 1:58:17 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentcat

I was wondering if online D/s relationship is only what guys do. I have seen many male profiles who said they would like to do online submission, but I've seen fairly little girl profiles who said they would like to submit online. I assume girls are more private and afraid that the dom could just take pictures and post them everywhere or something? I really don't know, so I'm asking for your opinion.

Even though this thread ended up being about how you can meet people in the real world, etc... I thought I would point out something....

Perhaps many of these men that seek online only have a wife.... just an idea

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