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InvisibleBlack -> RE: Why is it distant Dom's always insist on giving... (6/5/2010 3:58:05 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hisasset
Can someone give me some insight, as i am told, "you do it because i said so" when i ask.
This thread has spun all over the place, which it always does when someone pushes the "how edgy do you consider okay" question out into the public. Personally, it's your life, it's your relationship, it's your dynamic - as long as you're not intruding on anyone else and you're both happy with it, it's really none of my business.
However, I think your question has some validity since it sounds like you're not happy with it. I think there are a couple of points that people of whatever age or experience seem to stumble through as they explore the whole M/s - D/s - whatever dynamic.
A) Being Dominant does not automatically make someone sane, intelligent, all-knowing, stable, capable, rational or good relationship material. Some Doms are brilliant. Some Doms are idiots. Some Doms are caring. Some Doms are cruel. Some are on bizarre power trips. Some are dangerous. Just because someone enjoys giving orders doesn't mean those orders are worth obeying.
B) Because you're submissive doesn't mean that your life still isn't your responsibility. Yes, you can turn the decision-making over to someone else. YOU still chose who that someone else is. "I was just obeying orders" didn't work at Nuremberg and it won't work for you either. If your Dom tells you to hold up a liquor store and you do, you are committing a felony. If your Dom tells you to stick your arm in a jet turbine and you do it, losing your arm is your own fault. If you're going to submit so intensely that all freedom of choice is going to be removed from your life and given to someone else - then who that someone is is the single most important decision in your life. Maybe you should get to know that person really well before devoting yourself to them in that way.
C) Submission doesn't have to be an immediate all or nothing. You can submit in stages. As your relationship develops, as you learn and grow, and you draw closer to each other all aspects of your relationship should be improving. You should be communicating better, trusting each other more, developing a better understanding of each other and enjoying every new discovery about the person you're with. You can start with some kink and some very broad limits on what you'll submit to and expand what you're doing over time until the level of trust and togetherness is so intense that nothing is beyond the pale.
I've seen a number of cases where the need to submit was so strong in someone that they would dive into an extreme relationship with the first person who came along who seemed generally acceptable. This typically ends extremely poorly.
Likewise, I've known a number of Doms whose entire purpose in the Dominance side of things was to stoke the mad fire of their ego by making someone do the most senseless or extreme things they could think of, which every time they succeeded only made them think up more things in an endless cycle until something snapped.
Neither of these is the genesis of a good relationship. Find someone you like and who likes you and enjoy yourself together.
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