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Real or ? - 4/10/2006 6:42:26 PM

looking4domme

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/4/2004
Status: offline

I am finding it difficult to find someone I have chemistry with that is beyond appearance or casual play.
In other words, finding someone to date, do things with and be in a D/s relationship.
Anyone else having this problem?

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RE: Real or ? - 4/10/2006 7:11:38 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Pretty much everyone who isn't just looking for a fling has this trouble - we did ... our boys both did ... most of our friends have ... most of the boys that we talked to still are ...

It's a part of life that everyone has to go through, vanilla or otherwise - some people are just luckier than others when it comes to how long they had to look.

(in reply to looking4domme)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/10/2006 7:48:02 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4domme

I am finding it difficult to find someone I have chemistry with that is beyond appearance or casual play.
In other words, finding someone to date, do things with and be in a D/s relationship.
Anyone else having this problem?

you will be writing a lot of letters i am sure. granted there are thousands of people on here and you would think that there is thousands that you woudl be compatible with but often times you will look far and wide before someone first fits your boundaries and second you both have a connection and finally you can both get together as you may have to go outside of your locality to find someone
good luck
r1

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RE: Real or ? - 4/10/2006 7:49:23 PM

sweetbbwsub31

Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline

Good things come to those who wait.

Don't settle for anything less that the Domme you are looking for.

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RE: Real or ? - 4/10/2006 7:58:22 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

As with a lot of things in life, you must give in order to recieve. If you want a smart, intelligent, articulate woman who will be interested in a real relationship, truly consider a major revamp of your profile. You must portray yourself as something desireable worth owning.17 words will just not do it. Also, add a picture. That will help a great deal.

Fire

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(in reply to looking4domme)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/11/2006 11:10:29 AM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

edited because my answer just sucked LOL

< Message edited by bignipples2share -- 4/11/2006 11:18:46 AM >

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RE: Real or ? - 4/11/2006 11:22:36 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

Try upping your profile. Some Dominant women left some good replies about profiles here: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=321417

(in reply to looking4domme)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/11/2006 12:00:08 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Dear TexasMa'am,

See above! I have been promoted to Dominant woman by fiat. See? Good things do come to those who wait, as one of my Dominant sisters said earlier.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Proprietrix)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/12/2006 3:21:31 AM

FLsubmalecd

Posts: 143
Status: offline

Good points made. But do Dominant women really write to a sub male if she finds him interesting? Or does she wait until he magically finds her to write to? Then the problem of geography comes into play. I can't find any Dommes in say a 100 mile radius of me. There's just to few Dommes. Then it seems the ones I do find are looking for a female sub or they are pros. And worse yet, just want to add to their stable of male subs. Now add that I am looking for more then just play, the field gets even narrower. It almost seems hopeless to find a Domme that wants love and devotion from jst one male sub.

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RE: Real or ? - 4/12/2006 6:45:03 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

But do Dominant women really write to a sub male if she finds him interesting?

Yes, we will.

Some things I look for are a well rounded, thoughtful profile. I do look for there to be some specific information on there, like if they are single, a bit about what they are looking for. I'll look to see if they are compatable with what I seek. I'll be looking for something that "speaks" to me. I'll have a look at what they post in the forums.

I'll even go up at events and start talking with subs ;-)

However, I do expect the sub to meet me halfway if he is interested - he needs to do a little pursuing of his own to show me he's interested and willing to make the effort.

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/13/2006 6:29:07 PM

MichMasochist

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I am finding it difficult to find someone I have chemistry with that is beyond appearance or casual play.
In other words, finding someone to date, do things with and be in a D/s relationship.
Anyone else having this problem?

Well I have some bad news. It's only fantasy and this is reality. Good luck in your quest because ladies expecting some for of gift or payment is all I've ever found.

quote:

Good points made. But do Dominant women really write to a sub male if she finds him interesting? Or does she wait until he magically finds her to write to? Then the problem of geography comes into play. I can't find any Dommes in say a 100 mile radius of me. There's just to few Dommes. Then it seems the ones I do find are looking for a female sub or they are pros. And worse yet, just want to add to their stable of male subs. Now add that I am looking for more then just play, the field gets even narrower. It almost seems hopeless to find a Domme that wants love and devotion from jst one male sub.

Most woman automatically take the traditionally submissive role when it comes to initiating social contact. Even the dommes. So you'll have to do the searching and writing. Often, you will even hafta top from the bottom should you get so lucky as to find someone.

(in reply to looking4domme)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/13/2006 6:31:40 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Where are you looking? Just on the internet that is riddled with wankers and players? Are you actually displaying your level of commitment by going out to events, BDSM groups and munches, showing interest and learning, and still running into the same thing?

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Ms World Leather 2004
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"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to looking4domme)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/13/2006 6:34:24 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

Yes we do write if we find something of interest.

No, we don't wait. I don't wait for anyone or anything. I take initiative and go after what it is that I desire.

I take it you've not socialized with many fem doms to presume that we'd just sit waiting like delicate little flowers for you boys??

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

But do Dominant women really write to a sub male if she finds him interesting? Or does she wait until he magically finds her to write to?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/13/2006 6:46:34 PM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MichMasochist

quote:

I am finding it difficult to find someone I have chemistry with that is beyond appearance or casual play. In other words, finding someone to date, do things with and be in a D/s relationship.
Anyone else having this problem?

Well I have some bad news. It's only fantasy and this is reality. Good luck in your quest because ladies expecting some for of gift or payment is all I've ever found.

Oh my gosh. Are you kidding? I think there's a pretty heavy consensus that the Dominant Ladies, who are searching, are absolutely looking for more than casual play.
I don't know how the other ladies feel about the gift/money thing, but from what I've seen and feel, most of us are perfectly happy supporting ourselves financially and simply want a sub that can contribute to the household. I think that's normal in any shared household. No one should be free loading off the other(s).
I never require gifts. Sure, gifts are nice, but lots of people give each other gifts even outside the lifestyle in familial and vanilla settings. (But then to me, a very nice gift is something that says "Hey I thought of you while I was out today Ma'am." not a friggin diamond ring or something. I consider a pack of cigarettes and a Diet Mountain Dew a wonderful gift.)
For me, it's just a matter of waiting until the right one(s) come along who think above the waistline. It has nothing to do with money.

(in reply to MichMasochist)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/13/2006 6:50:57 PM

WyrdRich

Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: looking4domme
In other words, finding someone to date, do things with and be in a D/s relationship.
Anyone else having this problem?

       You've gotta get out there. Find a group within reach and GO. And then keep going. I know people who have had great success on-line but not many.

     Don't be afraid to put your desires on the table from the beginning. What's the point in finding a D/s relationship if it is just as barren of what you want as the last vanilla thing that didn't work? That isn't topping from the bottom, it's finding compatability.

     Good Luck and if it ain't right, RUN.

(in reply to looking4domme)

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RE: Real or ? - 4/13/2006 7:09:52 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

Good points made. But do Dominant women really write to a sub male if she finds him interesting? Or does she wait until he magically finds her to write to? Then the problem of geography comes into play. I can't find any Dommes in say a 100 mile radius of me. There's just to few Dommes. Then it seems the ones I do find are looking for a female sub or they are pros. And worse yet, just want to add to their stable of male subs. Now add that I am looking for more then just play, the field gets even narrower. It almost seems hopeless to find a Domme that wants love and devotion from jst one male sub.

I often write when I see an interesting profile or a picture I find attractive even if its just ot say "nice profile" or to offer a suggestion like if I lived in your area I'd want to know a bit more about you.

But I never say that I am interested in someone if they are not within my general geographical area and currently I wouldn't even say that since I'm not actively looking.

I just think a friendly "I saw your profile and its interesting" might make people feel a bit better about their day. So far I've gotten only friendly replies when I do that and no one has mistaken my notes to be interest in a relationship.

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(in reply to FLsubmalecd)

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