FirmhandKY
Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline
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The term "disappearing act" and how it is being used here seems to be a very negative thing - and often it is, or can be.
But sometimes, it's the only way to either slow down a relationship, or make a break. While I've never intentionally "pulled" a disappearing act i.e. total lack of communications with no explanation of why, I betcha that there are several people who THINK I have, both in cyber-space and in the real world.
In the real world, I haven't done anything close to what you'd describe as a dissapearing act since I was about 18 years old, and it was a "dating" relationship so I'm not sure it really applies.
On the 'net, over time, I've lost track of a fair number of people, generally due to smaller, and slower contacts over time, and often because of a hard drive or program failure where I'd lose all my contacts (ICQ was bad about this) or such.
But in the last three years or so, I've had a couple of situations where I've had someone think I've pulled a disappearing act.
One sticks out in my mind.
On another forum, I was a regular poster for several months, and one day saw a nick that got my attention, because it was cute, intelligent, and a play on words So I sent the person a PM, telling her that I liked it. No intent to do anything other than recognize another intelligent mind.
Turns out she was a submissive women about 2000 miles away from me, in another country. We ended up emailing back and forth, and then exchanged IM's and started chatting occasionally. She was a literate, smart and shy.
I convinced her to join the conversations on the forum there, and got her to open up, and analyze herself (she had a couple of websites with writings and poetry, but it was all emotion based, with little analytical thought about herself). I introduced her to several other women online who shared her interests, and gave her advice about dating.
We were friends, nothing more, with never any talk about making it more, although we once discussed the possiblities of meeting when I was near her for a business trip. We had specifically talked about our relationship, and that it was never to be anything more than "chat buddies" and "forum friends".
But over time she came to rely on me more and more. I couldn't get on the computer (and I'm on the computer a lot) without her "barging in" and starting a long conversation, even when my status said "Busy". I'd even tell her that I couldn't chat ... but she'd be back in 5 minutes. And then in 10 minutes. And then in 20 minutes.
Finally, I started to put myself on invisible whenever I got online, and only visible when I had time for her.
Then she started to say things to some of our mutual friends that indicated that she felt like I ... belonged to her, that "we" were an "item" ... warning them off. These were the very woman that I had introduced her too, and with whom I had long time 'net relationships with.
I tried talking with her about it several times, reinforcing that we were nothing more than friends, and wouldn't be anything more. That I had talked to her, and gave her advice as a friend, not as a mentor, not as a top, not as a Dom ...
It just got worse. Finally, I had to tell her that I was very busy on a couple of major projects (true) and that I wouldn't be around for a few months.
I kept getting long emails ... greeting cards of various types ... IMs to an absent person ... posts in the forum ... so I "disappeared" for about 6 months. No, not totally. I talked with my other friends occasionally, and I did post sometimes, although rarely. I'd respond to an occasional IM when I thought she might not be on.
Finally she sent me a long, hurtful email, telling me how hurt she was because I wasn't on everyday, that I had disappeared. That she didn't know what was going on ...
I just ignored it, until I heard from some of our mutual friends that she had gotten herself a Dom, and then I slowly returned.
Today, we occasionally chat (did last night, as a matter of fact), but I've no intention on even really being her friend anymore.
She would tell you that "I" disappeared. I would tell you that she didn't listen ... couldn't take a hint ... and had a less than firm grasp of reality.
But if she posted here, and talked about how someone she "loved" in her life "simply disappeared" ... too many of you would buy into it.
And be wrong.
FHky
_____________________________
Some people are just idiots.
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Disappearing acts - 
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RE: Disappearing acts - 
even tho ppl dont like it, i have done the "act" many times... ppl like me, we just have enuf or we feel we can no longer live as we are at that time, so we just pack up and go... 
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