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ranja -> RE: Boring Boyfriend... (6/13/2010 5:09:54 AM)
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Yes Des but i remain of the opinion that to call the op a “disrespectful- selfish- ego centered- do me sub” stinks and is totally uncalled for.
My Husband and I had discussions about sex… rows about sex… more talk about sex… I tried in my clumsy desperate way many times to explain that maybe we could be doing things better, different…
which he always took to mean that he did it wrong… bad mistake…
so then on top of that I did a lot of complaining about not getting enough…
Some men might respond desirable after a comment like "hey you suck ass in bed buddy” or something less blunt, but alas mine most definitely did not see any humor or challenge in it, or anything else I said or tried for that matter… What I would see as useful info he would take as criticism.
Eventually we hardly did it anymore so there was nothing to talk about anymore either…
it was a sore awful subject and when a sexy program came on tv unexpectedly as we sat watching… well… the embarrassment was near enough unbearable… neither of us could actually move anymore or even skip the channel…. It just was a big black hole…
I thought I had tried everything…
Rather depressed, frustrated and desperate I stumbled into cyberspace and was lucky enough to get some awesome advice and encouragement… (Thank you Master C)
When I felt that I had absolutely nothing left to lose, what I did to get my Husband’s attention about my desires was to ask him for permission to masturbate… and when he rather flummoxed said that was ok…
I dropped my jeans and got on with it there and then… it sounds rather a lot easier than it actually was…
From that day onwards I always ask for permission from Him if I want to pleasure myself…
Obviously, maybe even unfortunately this advice might not work for other people who have found themselves in a rut…
Also it was not the absolute total cure for what had become rather a big problem between us… we made other adjustments as well… it was however the turning point.
Even though I was manipulating haha, it taught me to be humble and to show myself honestly to Him.
And I suppose that is indeed exactly what some of the posters are trying to say
There is no way to tell someone to be more like this or that and expect the person to change.
Also men generally do not pick up on hints either… you might think by pulling his hair he might know you feel rather hot, but he might just think “ouch, that fucking hurts, what did she do that for?”
In my opinion men are not really good 'talkers' as women quite quickly tend to come across as 'nagging' to them
... however...
To get what you want you have to know what you want first and then you have to break it down into all the little pieces that you want. If you would like him to pull your hair then ask him if he would pull your hair please… (and take time to show him how you like it… handling hair confidently is an art)
If you want him to fuck you up the butt… well, carefully ask… start with a finger and you never know… he might be interested...
What ever it is, think about your questions then overcome or contain your embarrassment, and then ask nicely, politely and precisely for what it is that you want from your lover… maybe you have to ask several times… as sometimes a man might have to come to terms with maybe to him a shocking request and also there will be of course things he won’t be interested in… or he might simply be a bit lazy at times…
But in my experience… when you find the right way to go about it, most men are quite willing to help a lady, even the boring ones.
as a rule i would say: do not talk, but rather ask the right questions.
Also i do not buy the general opinion of most folks here that someone is either dominant or not... or submissive or not... that is like saying a person is good at sex or not... most of it is simply a skill that can be learned... and even liked when a taste for it develops.
Good luck.
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