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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 5:08:30 AM

slavejali

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I'm gagging myself

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 5:25:45 AM

Elegant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NJSubGirl

Ok now i know im going to get heat from some of you but i need to know my role here..Im very new to this whole scene! Like two weeks into it so im still learning ALOT!! My master has a g/f at home where he lives. She's not into the lifestyle. He comes over a nite and I do as he says! I would never think of calling him out on this.... I know my role with him and Im ok with it but Im curious how this is going to work with him. And Is this a comman thing that goes on? A man having a g/f and a slave?

Two weeks and you have a 'Master'?

I think you have more than just infidelity, lying and cheating to worry about.

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 5:29:03 AM

MadamSadist

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I think you will find that many, many in the lifestyle have their vanilla lives as well as their BDSM lives. I am very fortunate in that my husband knows who and what I am and therefor I dont' have to sneak around behind his back. I also have several subs i see on a regular basis who are married or otherwise committed. Thankfully most of them have partners who know who and what they are and I have even talked with them about their spouse.

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 5:33:50 AM

LaTigresse

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I remember a quote from Bette Davis " If he is going to do it with you, he is going to do it to you."

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 5:37:57 AM

MadamShy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

well you sure know how to pick your first master eh? a liar and a cheat....good luck with him.

for once I agree with you

for the secret:

your place His place but what choice does the girlfriend that has NO knowledge have in Her place??? that is My consern .. yes its common as common as vanilla boyfriends cheating on there girlfriends ... they can just make BDSM a excuse... a poor excuse but still a excuse....

Mad at you .. No... disapointed ... yes ... subs are Not second rate .. you should find a Master that will Make you first rate ...and proud of you without being a secret...good luck darlin

< Message edited by MadamShy -- 4/11/2006 5:59:51 AM >

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 5:54:02 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
I think you have more than just infidelity, lying and cheating to worry about.

Yeah but she's already caught up into it, there's really very little hope of catching them and making them THINK for a moment at that point.

One can only hope the crash isn't really bad and that they don't either repeat the mistakes or get completely disillusioned.

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 5:54:57 AM

Jane2376

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A different part of this post struck me as a bit concerning.

"I would never think of calling him out on this.... I know my role with him and Im ok with it but Im curious how this is going to work with him."

Although I agree with you that you needn't "call him out" I do believe that communication is so important in a d/s relationship, and you should be able to bring up any concern you might have. If you don't feel that you can talk with him and let him know your concerns, then you have a much larger problem, IMO. But as far as the question at hand, I was 'the other woman' for a year and even though his wife knew about it, eventually I couldn't handle the not calling at certain times (it made her upset), and not being able to see him at holidays and weekends, and when I needed him. I think you'll know eventually if you can handle it or not, and that will be desicion time. Even though it might be easy for you to think you'll move on and leave him, you might find yourself, and him for that matter attatched, and being the catalyst for ending another relationship.

Best of Luck,
Jane

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 6:07:29 AM

FangsNfeet

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There are more than just a few men who keep mistresses on the side when envolved in a serious relationship. With what you're telling us, you sound like you're asking us what you should expect out of this affair.

Falling in love with this guy will drive you insane. He's not leaving her for you regardless of what he tells you. You can pretty much forget about being his next wife/girl friend. That is unless he has a suit case packed and he's knocking on your door because he was kicked out.

What's going to happen when he decided to stop seeing you? After all, he can't make time for you forever. His main relationship and family will continuiously take priority over you. You may easily be setting yourself up hopeing for something that will never happen and get hit with a reality that slams you right in the face.

So how is this going to work? You're going to be used and abused and then tossed out like an old sock when he's done with you. That's life for most 2nds on the side and it's what you should be prepared for.

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 6:34:35 AM

Jane2376

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

There are more than just a few men who keep mistresses on the side when envolved in a serious relationship. With what you're telling us, you sound like you're asking us what you should expect out of this affair.

Falling in love with this guy will drive you insane. He's not leaving her for you regardless of what he tells you. You can pretty much forget about being his next wife/girl friend. That is unless he has a suit case packed and he's knocking on your door because he was kicked out.

What's going to happen when he decided to stop seeing you? After all, he can't make time for you forever. His main relationship and family will continuiously take priority over you. You may easily be setting yourself up hopeing for something that will never happen and get hit with a reality that slams you right in the face.

So how is this going to work? You're going to be used and abused and then tossed out like an old sock when he's done with you. That's life for most 2nds on the side and it's what you should be prepared for.

I just have to add that even though it is highly unlikely for him to leave his wife or girlfriend for you, it does happen, it happened to me. Especially if he comes to realize that vanilla just isn't what he wants / needs, and / or there are other pre-existing problems that push their relationship over the edge. So although I believe FangsNFeet is correct a majority of the time, and I certainly wouldn't hold my breath for this if I were you, it does happen.

Jane

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 7:21:37 AM

babyblues

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i'm curious...i know several submissives who have struggled for years with the steps involved in becoming a slave - the complete giving up of one's self to another is not an easy thing to do....how have you reached such a deep committed place so easily and quickly? or....do you even know what's involved in a Master/slave relationship?

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 7:29:53 AM

Arpig

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quote:

for once I agree with you

Never thought you'd see the day eh?

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 7:42:43 AM

MadamShy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

for once I agree with you

Never thought you'd see the day eh?

Shhhhhhhhhh ... I have read Many of your posts and agree with most .. but since I have NO sex with My paid clients .. I don't think I am a whore LOL ... thats the only one I disagreed with ...

catch you in Private Emails to futher this talk lol

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 8:45:41 AM

valeca

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
I think you have more than just infidelity, lying and cheating to worry about.

Yeah but she's already caught up into it, there's really very little hope of catching them and making them THINK for a moment at that point.

One can only hope the crash isn't really bad and that they don't either repeat the mistakes or get completely disillusioned.

I think you're both right. Two weeks of experience isn't really enough to make informed choices...at least not in this circumstance, but it's hard to get anything through to those involved.

You're really going to have a hard time getting any sympathy when you're set aside, or find out he has others. What goes around, comes around.

That's coming from someone who's been there--6 years worth. The excitement wears off and reality sets in..hopefully for you sooner, rather than later.

Fangs gave the best advice to your OP. Prepare for the fall that's coming. That's what you can expect from being his secret.

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 9:04:52 AM

kajira4aMaster

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be careful sister!! sub drop sucks

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 9:32:50 AM

candyslave

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Secrets are fun... but the truth will always rise and slap you in the face... be ready when it happens and have tough skin... and good luck, enjoy, have fun, make the most of every moment in your life... just always think ab your consequences and feelings in the future... take care of yourself bc he won't in the end, i promise you that much...

affairs have no honor... and in a lifestyle where we embrace kink... we need to remember honor... me too.. i think we all do.

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 9:49:21 AM

petcerina

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i second Arpig's comment. i am very much against others cheating almost to the point to where when i found someone that was, i almost stopped being friends with them. Where will the relationship go? No where. It will be just like it is right now.

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 9:55:49 AM

PainfulWays

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you do what you gotta do.... if your partner abandons you in the lifestyle.. and decides he know longer wants to play... are you no longer a sub or dom... masochist or sadist...

i don't do vanilla sex.... or eat vanilla ice cream... and i'm not denying i am a masochist and a sexual creature... you do what you have to do... those that judge too harshly may find themselves in a similar situation and have to answer just that...

this is a kink site you know...

vanilla is cream and spice is life... where exactly is your kink life?

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 10:08:28 AM

LadyMorgynn

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You forgot the "adulterer" part. The whole thing about this lifestyle is that it is supposed to be CONSENTUAL. So where in all this is the wife consenting? Just because he calls himself a Dom doesn't make what he's doing anything other than what it is... cheating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

well you sure know how to pick your first master eh? a liar and a cheat....good luck with him.

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 4/11/2006 10:09:32 AM >

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 10:15:35 AM

LadyMorgynn

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You're his piece on the side.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NJSubGirl
Ok now i know im going to get heat from some of you but i need to know my role here..

Yes, it's very common for adulterers to have a mistress on the side

quote:

ORIGINAL: NJSubGirl
And Is this a comman thing that goes on? A man having a g/f and a slave?

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RE: Being my masters secret - 4/11/2006 10:33:56 AM

Kinkypupper

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It is common and in my opinion its wrong.
Honesty and complete trust is paramount in this lifestyle.
At least tho he is honest with you. ( or we can hope so)but be aware that since he is dishonest with his "significant" other it will in all probability slide your direction someday..
Phil

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