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RE: im confused now!! - 6/7/2010 6:44:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

20 years ago there wasnt the internet


Yes, there was. Smallish circle? Well here's a snapshot: http://www.leatherarchives.org/exhibits/deblase/timeline2.htm#1990

The thing the internet has done is allow heterosexuals to make a business out of parties and toys and slutty clothes and feel cool about what they want rather than stuck.

Dilution is a funny thing, it generally only means there's a higher concentration of something ELSE that just wasn't there before.

The debate about the pansexual/homosexual/heterosexual/leather scenes and how the internet has affected and cross-affected them is a great one- and it's not nearly as simple as "great back in the day, sucky now."

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 3:56:07 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

20 years ago there wasnt the internet


Yes, there was. Smallish circle? Well here's a snapshot: http://www.leatherarchives.org/exhibits/deblase/timeline2.htm#1990

The thing the internet has done is allow heterosexuals to make a business out of parties and toys and slutty clothes and feel cool about what they want rather than stuck.

Dilution is a funny thing, it generally only means there's a higher concentration of something ELSE that just wasn't there before.

The debate about the pansexual/homosexual/heterosexual/leather scenes and how the internet has affected and cross-affected them is a great one- and it's not nearly as simple as "great back in the day, sucky now."


ok, maybe in the states but i was in HK 20 years ago,  a city of gadgets and gismos a plenty - mobile phones were the size of bricks and my boyfriend of the time was gadget/gismo mad an electrical engineer as were all his friends and noone had personal computers then that i was aware of.  they were around but horribly expensive and most people couldnt afford them back then.

i agree that its wrong to diss progress and i do try not to - and honestly im not really dissing the people trying to access whatever they can and want to access at all, i was one of them too.

its the misconception that you cant have an intelligent relationship with a sub and still be caring and loving towards them.  it just seems to be rather prevalent.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 4:13:17 AM   
DCWoody


Posts: 1401
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		Both. Some dominants will want or think they want an unthinking objectified slave, some subbies fantasise about such. Most don't and most don't.
There is no one size fits all dominant or sub.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 7:35:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

its the misconception that you cant have an intelligent relationship with a sub and still be caring and loving towards them.  it just seems to be rather prevalent.


Completely agreed- I think part of the problem is this encouragement of protectors/mentors/trainers.  It perpetuates the idea that subs are weak flowers and doms are strong bullies and that's just reality which plays into their fantasies.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 7:42:34 AM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

its the misconception that you cant have an intelligent relationship with a sub and still be caring and loving towards them.  it just seems to be rather prevalent.


Completely agreed- I think part of the problem is this encouragement of protectors/mentors/trainers.  It perpetuates the idea that subs are weak flowers and doms are strong bullies and that's just reality which plays into their fantasies.



And sadly every day I turn around and there are asshats who prove that the protector/mentor/trainer asshats are right on the money.

There are people who are truely knowledgeable who are so bitter and tired that even though they are someone who could really educate someone they look just like the Asshat who all the protector/mentor/trainer asshats are talking about.

It's a Vicious Circle. And since the easier softer way, or just being a person and not some Marquis De Sade Reincarnate Douche is unacceptable to those who think their opinion matters all you have left is people bitching and being given reasons to bitch while those who are trying to stop the reasons for bitching only give way to more reasons to bitch.

Fuck it I think I'm just gunna become a Priest and be done with all the Controversy.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 9:17:23 AM   
LadySilver0523


Posts: 99
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I can only respond for myself and none other lally sweet lady. I am not terribly interested in micromanaging a slave (never had anything owner wise to do with subs, so they are a bit of a mystery to me). Any slave of mine will need more than a bit of brain, she will need to be able to act independently of me when completing tasks (if she screws up there are no fireworks, but rather a debrief to ascertain why and if I need to be clearer in some instructions). If she is in my personal collar, she will need to do personal service as a butler or "gentleman's gentleman would regarding my clothing and preping baths etc (lets leave the erotic aspect out). If I need her to she will be my uniformed chauffeur, armed body guard (esp if I am carrying cash or valuables and will be licensed as such after being specifically and comprehensively trained by me). She may need to operate plant or machinery if I need a hand in the workshop. She will need to do or learn to do therapeutic massage and she will need to be able to report to me her doings or other matters I may have her check out for me including anything which needs maintenance which I may not be aware of. All in all she will double as my AdC (Aide d'Comp) aka PA. With all this she will be a well trained slave.


Oh my Sir... But you are turning me on... *sighs softly if not aloud, at least to her self* I'm sure this is by NO means your intentions, but... Mmm.... I know how to do most of that stuff any ways aside from the armed body guard part which I'm half way there any how beings that I grew up hunting and fishing with my mother and father. I know how to use pistols and 22s as well as 30/30s and 30 aut (??) 6's. *smiles* And wearing armor would be nothing for me as I'm accustomed to packing around 100 plus pounds of stuff on my shoulders/back. So yeah. I'm also into message/aroma therapy, tarrot, ruines, oracal decks, and so much more. I took wood shop when I was in school and remember very well how to use a lathe, a planner, a band saw, a sander, ect. I remember all the safty percautions ect. As well as knowning how to weld, how to tig weld and the list goes on and on. LOL I know it sounds as if I'm propositioning you, but as most know that have read my posts as of late, I am with someone. But, we do have a free and open relationship and I'm sure that if you were at all interested, being a "buttler" or some other form of service-maid could be arranged at some point in the not to distant future. ;) If you'd like, you may look me up and wirte me an e-mail via the e-mail service on here. Or, if you would like, you can write me and we can exchange actual e-mail(s) and messenger names for MSN or Yahoo. Both of which I have. *smiles polietely*
 
I hope you have a wonderful day and that I see you around again sometime.
 
Many bright and warm blessings,
 
Silver

_____________________________

Um... What's going on??... Am I ALWAYS the last to know??

Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely

The means justifes the ends ... Not the other way around


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 9:21:19 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan



Fuck it I think I'm just gunna become a Priest and be done with all the Controversy.

QSM[/font]



You do realize that means no sex right?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 9:37:28 AM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3


quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan



Fuck it I think I'm just gunna become a Priest and be done with all the Controversy.

QSM




You do realize that means no sex right?



Ummm.... If this is true how come they keep ending up in the news? It seems to me that they are having SOOOOO MUCH sex that it is becoming an issue

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 5:18:11 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3


quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan



Fuck it I think I'm just gunna become a Priest and be done with all the Controversy.

QSM[/font]



You do realize that means no sex right?


NO! Only if you are a Roman Catholic Priest is sex forbidden. I'm a Priest and have an interesting and full sex life too.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: im confused now!! - 6/8/2010 6:43:04 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
Really, sometimes a spanking is just a spanking. It's ok for it to not mean anything.


*wild applause*

OK, I don't do the SM thing. But honestly, I often feel blessed by the simplicity of what Carol and I have. We don't spend a lot of time dissecting the difference between submission and subservience and surrender and just plain washing the dishes. I kind of like it that she just wants to make me happy... period... it's not that complex.

While I very much approve of introspection, I do feel that it sometimes goes way the hell too far among sub circles.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: im confused now!! - 6/9/2010 7:49:04 PM   
DommeKeliDallas


Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		I am a  COMFORT  Domme...as long as you keep me comfortable, I'll be your Domme.

Mutual respect is KEY to ANY relationship...vanilla or D/s.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: im confused now!! - 6/9/2010 11:25:53 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Lol... In spite of all my questions and attempts to understand things, that's pretty much how I see things once you're past the getting to know each other stage and decide to progress into a relationship.

It's important to me that I understand a potential partners motivations for the things they want to do and have done... I like the kink and need it to be part of what we do but I also need to know that the mind set behind it is positive for me...after that we just are and the labels don't have any meaning to me.

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'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: im confused now!! - 6/11/2010 9:33:48 AM   
DommeKeliDallas


Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
A man with a wallet and a brain is better than a  man with a brain alone.

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: im confused now!! - 6/11/2010 9:43:55 AM   
DommeKeliDallas


Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Lol... In spite of all my questions and attempts to understand things, that's pretty much how I see things once you're past the getting to know each other stage and decide to progress into a relationship.

It's important to me that I understand a potential partners motivations for the things they want to do and have done... I like the kink and need it to be part of what we do but I also need to know that the mind set behind it is positive for me...after that we just are and the labels don't have any meaning to me.

This is IT!
This is EXACTLY how women feel about the scene here, guys.
This amazing woman has just given it to you...MOTIVATION and the mindset behind why you want what you want....and if it is POSITIVE for HER
There are TWO people here.
Thank you, jbcurious.

< Message edited by DommeKeliDallas -- 6/11/2010 9:45:40 AM >

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: im confused now!! - 6/11/2010 9:54:35 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

While I very much approve of introspection, I do feel that it sometimes goes way the hell too far among sub circles.


Make that both circles in all honesty. I had the same thought when viewing the DomSpace thread at the other place. I don't have a subspace of my own and now I need to worry about his dominant one as well? I sat here quietly wondering why we simply couldn't accept he likes to hit me and when he does I enjoy it even when it hurts. Maybe doing that decreases the specialness or mystique of the act. Who knows.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: im confused now!! - 6/11/2010 10:12:18 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
Really, sometimes a spanking is just a spanking. It's ok for it to not mean anything.


*wild applause*

OK, I don't do the SM thing. But honestly, I often feel blessed by the simplicity of what Carol and I have. We don't spend a lot of time dissecting the difference between submission and subservience and surrender and just plain washing the dishes. I kind of like it that she just wants to make me happy... period... it's not that complex.

While I very much approve of introspection, I do feel that it sometimes goes way the hell too far among sub circles.


i totally agree. What we do really doesn't have to be that complex.

i'm introspective and spiritual by nature - but that's my journey of submission. Yes, i'm a writer and everything else - i can write and think quite prolifically - but i have no expectation upon any prospective or future Owner of mine that he read and digest and discuss with me everything that i write. If he wants to and enjoys it, great, but otherwise really, i just need him to Own and Master me the way that suits his wants and needs.

i tend to be a bit "tough love" in my writings and postings at times because of this - and i'm always encouraging other submissive women to get out of their own heads and onto their knees. A submissive woman can over-think things to death - when what she really needs to do is just keep moving forward, do as she's told, and get past whatever it is she's spinning about.


_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: im confused now!! - 6/11/2010 10:23:48 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i tend to be a bit "tough love" in my writings and postings at times because of this - and i'm always encouraging other submissive women to get out of their own heads and onto their knees. A submissive woman can over-think things to death - when what she really needs to do is just keep moving forward, do as she's told, and get past whatever it is she's spinning about.


Tough love requires responsibility and that isn't in vogue at present. I don't know what's in the air. But the proliferation of helplessness is really baffling. It incites a victim mindset that does little to inspire change or betterment for the one in question. I've never seen more kum-ba-yahish hand holding for supposedly adult persons in my entire existence. Sometimes a simple "knock it off" is all that's required.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: im confused now!! - 6/11/2010 10:32:53 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Exactly porcelaine - and there's a need on the submissive's part to take responsibility and to want to move forward to get out of the "hand holding" as you call it.

i've actually in my head half-jokingly realized that there's such a thing as a "wallowing fetish" - submissives who just want to spend time wallowing in how difficult it is to submit, and the struggling, and the gnashing of teeth over every slightly challenging command or activity that their Doms give them - it's as if they enjoy that wallowing on some level. i think they really do, truly i do.

But the joy isn't in the wallowing - it's in the letting go, and in the simply being present and in pleasureable service to another. And that's really a simple thing.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: im confused now!! - 6/11/2010 11:23:21 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Exactly porcelaine - and there's a need on the submissive's part to take responsibility and to want to move forward to get out of the "hand holding" as you call it.


I avoid people like that for a lot of reasons. Most importantly they aren't adding positively to my mindset. Not when I want to shush them with the nearest object.

quote:

i've actually in my head half-jokingly realized that there's such a thing as a "wallowing fetish" - submissives who just want to spend time wallowing in how difficult it is to submit, and the struggling, and the gnashing of teeth over every slightly challenging command or activity that their Doms give them - it's as if they enjoy that wallowing on some level. i think they really do, truly i do.


Whereas I'm looking at the guy that chose and her thinking what's the matter with you? I think the idea is inviting and that is well represented on both sides of the whip. I see the same with TPE.

quote:

But the joy isn't in the wallowing - it's in the letting go, and in the simply being present and in pleasureable service to another. And that's really a simple thing.


Only if the desire resonates from within. I think it's much rarer than most admit.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 59
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