RE: Journaling for subs

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SenseofBelonging -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/16/2006 9:51:31 AM)
i am required to journal in collarme...not only does She read it, it's open for anyone's perusal. i am brutally honest in my journal, though some days im far more loquacious than others. it's supposed to be a daily journal, but there are gaps for which i am punished.

juliaoceania -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/16/2006 12:43:00 PM)
I am not required at this time to write journals. I am required to watch movies or read books on a list he provides me with which is added to almost on a daily basis...smiles. I am to read/watch what he requests and if the movie or book has social significance I am to write about it and give it to him to see if I understood the points he wanted me to get from it. Not the same thing, but very fun and it gives him insight into how I view things.

impishlilhellcat -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/16/2006 4:35:06 PM)
I am required to keep a journal for Him. I actually have two journals one on yahell and one in LJ and the one in LJ is just for him. I'm conflicted about writing in journals. I love my yahell journal because i can write whatever, whenever, and however I feel and when I feel. People read it comment and it's all good. My journal I keep for him I like and hate both at the same time. It keeps him updated to the workings in my head and I can pretty much write anything there as long as I am respectful. I however have this habit and you can probably see from some of my posts of just typing my thoughts as they happen and come. Which can sometimes be construed the wrong way. I do like LA said hate it when he doesn't read them or comment, but I have learned as someone else said to drop it immediately and I have learned in the past that it isn't as big an issue as I make it out to be. My journal for him is my thoughts feelings and emotions and assignments. Sometimes I feel like I am failing at them without his input as often as I like but I do know that he learns things about me from them and I also know the journals aren't so much for me as they are for him. The reason I hate them so much is that I would much rather hash things out in person or over the phone and get the words straight from him instead of dealing with things in my journal. But I think lately we have been able to find a happy medium as long as I conduct myself in the proper manner. Edited to Add: He always reads both of my journals. I never know when, but he does read them.

feastie -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/16/2006 5:20:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn If your Master or Mistress requires you to keep a daily journal, is it private or does She read it? If it is private, how likely are you to actually do the journaling you are instructed to do? Are you more likely to just list the day's events, or do you find yourself expounding on your thoughts and feelings? If S/He reads your journal, how honest are you? Do you find that you edit your thoughts, not writing down what you don't want read by another? Or are you more likely to write down things that you have a problem with, in the hopes that in reading it, your M. would address it? I can't keep a required journal. I fail miserably. Not because I don't try, but because I simply cannot write on demand. Words just evaporate as if they'd never been there. If left to my own devices, I will write loads, perhaps not every day, but after perhaps turning a new idea over in my head for a day or two, perhaps why I reacted a certain way or something of that nature. I took a writing class a few years ago, and although I love to write, I struggled with the homework, because I feel that my words sound contrived when it is assigned. I am at my best when allowed to follow my heart and my head.

Aileen68 -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/16/2006 6:07:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn If your Master or Mistress requires you to keep a daily journal, is it private or does She read it? If it is private, how likely are you to actually do the journaling you are instructed to do? Are you more likely to just list the day's events, or do you find yourself expounding on your thoughts and feelings? If S/He reads your journal, how honest are you? Do you find that you edit your thoughts, not writing down what you don't want read by another? Or are you more likely to write down things that you have a problem with, in the hopes that in reading it, your M. would address it? I'm required to send an email every day. I'm also required to send pictures every Wednesday. He makes me tap into my creative side with the photography...although I'm not allowed to post them here. :( I journal on myspace whenever I feel like I need to, which he reads. I am brutally honest there and I'm allowed to write about anything I wish. He has access to that account. He also reads my posts along with my mail here. I am allowed no secrets from him. I write about anything and everything...sometimes bdsm related, sometimes not. It's whatever is on my mind.

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/17/2006 1:00:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn If your Master or Mistress requires you to keep a daily journal, is it private or does She read it? I don't currently have an S.O. Even if I did, that's something that I make clear is objectionable to me when I start a relationship - if I write, it's because I feel like writing, not because I've been "ordered" to do so. If I am "made" to write - my creative muse tends to go into hiding and get really snotty about allowing me to complete the assignment in any sort of timely fashion. This wasn't the case when I was doing writing assignments in school, whether at the public levels or while in college. Different type of situation there. quote: If it is private, how likely are you to actually do the journaling you are instructed to do? Are you more likely to just list the day's events, or do you find yourself expounding on your thoughts and feelings? IMO - a diary is a private matter, and No One's Business but my own. A private journal is no different than a diary. If some future partner decided he was going to order me to keep a diary, and it wasn't something that we'd agreed was off limits as an order, then yes - I would keep the diary, and expound on my thoughts/feelings/etc in it. I would probably also note, frequently, any resentment I felt about not being given a choice as to whether I was keeping a diary. quote: If S/He reads your journal, how honest are you? Do you find that you edit your thoughts, not writing down what you don't want read by another? Or are you more likely to write down things that you have a problem with, in the hopes that in reading it, your M. would address it? If he were to read my diary, we would be facing Issues over it unless I had specifically invited him to do so. If he told me up front to Expect him to read it, then no - I probably wouldn't be putting down a lot of things that go into my private diary. What he needs to know, or I want him to know that he doesn't Need to know, I'll tell him Without him having to read my private diary. Any resentment that I felt over being made to keep a diary would still be included, along with my resentment of his lack of trust that he felt the Need to read my private diary. If he doesn't trust me to bring problems that I'm having to him directly, then all the journaling in the world isn't going to solve that.

missalice -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/17/2006 1:17:50 AM)
This is very interesting feedback for me, myself.... rants a little about her pet's writings My recent pet was allowed to write whenever he wished.... in a single notebook... But I would occasionally give him assignments as requirements, ranging from creative "write a script involving Person 1 and Dominant Female 2 in a setting involving a hospital" .... to introspective ... "list 40 things I don't know about you." ..... I would, in general, read his journal whenever I saw he had written in it... and if he had something important to share with me, I would find the journal left open on my coffee table or floor (always an obvious hint, for he usually kept my house quite neat.) I was always careful to read his journals and would occasionally write a foot note or a question in the margins for him.... My impression was that he really enjoyed, particularly, the assignments I gave him.. Do any of you have assignments to write about? How does that work out? What sort of assignments do you get? And now, I'm off to worry about Klingon Love Poetry, thanks to hizgeorgiapeach....

cheekysmile -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/17/2006 3:19:39 PM)
not replying to anyone spacific but saw the title and thought omg i so have to give my input..... when i was with Jewel Ma'am, She required me to write a journal, Shje even set up a site on MSN specially for me, She was the manager and i was a co manager of the site so i could make alterations specifically to make the site look more personal to me......anyways when i was first told to ohhh i so kicked up a fuss....Ma'am had a hard time because one i had to rember wat happened that day, then the fact of putting thoughts to words which to me was the hardest, i felt it was a waste of time and really made it hard work....it was a task and half for me, but when it came to the time i had made a big step forward, She would show me through the work i had done, a reference to the past as it were, it showed me the good things that had happened as well as the bad and how much i had actually grown... the most important thing is i could not say it never happened as it was all there in writing.... now i still use my journal abiet not daily but i put in the lil snippets of my ongoing life..... ok i first hated journalling but now i see the point of it....... also She wrote answers to my posts when She thought it best.....it was another way of comunicating with Her, with out interupting daily stuff. cheeky

kickinchick -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/17/2006 3:44:01 PM)
my journal sez the same thing every day....."I hate, I mean I love Fastlane." sneaks around the corner and whispers....."he's a sadistic bastard, but that's not going in the journal. He'll read it!" giggles

jonathan -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/20/2006 6:30:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn If your Master or Mistress requires you to keep a daily journal, is it private or does She read it? If it is private, how likely are you to actually do the journaling you are instructed to do? Are you more likely to just list the day's events, or do you find yourself expounding on your thoughts and feelings? If S/He reads your journal, how honest are you? Do you find that you edit your thoughts, not writing down what you don't want read by another? Or are you more likely to write down things that you have a problem with, in the hopes that in reading it, your M. would address it? It is my experience that having the submissve keep a daily journal is a very effective means of communication, of breaking down barriers, and of deepening the relationship. The Dominant must read the journal on a regular basis, otherwise it is useless as a tool to develop the submissive. Possibly have the submissive read the entries to Them as the starting point for a discussion of the progress of the relationship. This last procedure can also help assure that the submissive is being completely open and honest when posting entries. Honesty and open communication are mandatory in genuine M/s relationships, otherwise it's just personal fantasy fulfillment/play. If things should progress to very long term, and/or permanence and real time, it gives both a 'scrapbook' to look back on and see how things developed. Any Dominant that does not admit that a special submissve influenced them is just kidding themselves. Having that kind of real time record of how the bond happened is good for both. Since i started serious pursuit 13 years ago, i have always been required to keep a journal, usually written in a blank book, lately online at LiveJournal. For me, at least, being required to produce the written word, with pen & ink or online, forces me to reflect and consider what i feel, knowing that She is going to see or hear it and question me about it. The most important thing about a journal is possession and privacy. The submissive must understand that it is the one possession that they have and will not be taken away or used against them. Journaling has been a success for me.

ray64 -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/22/2006 2:50:04 AM)
My Mistress does ask me to write a journal when possible ( not always due to travel and time demands of my job). She set it up so that i am free to express any concerns or how i might feel about things. Its a safe zone. i can write about any anxiety or worries i may have or if i don't feel that Her command or decision was fair. Sometimes i just ramble about things when i am away from her and other times its a place to vent frustrations. My job requires a lot of interaction with the public ( i drive for a living) and its real easy to get aggrivated and frustrated. My journal is set up so that if She feels that some discussion is needed then the topic is open. Its also a way for Her to know if i'm getting that "boxed in Feeling" or overwhelmed. i have one that is public and one that i do direct through E-Mail. Both are subject to dicussion and review. It also alows Her to see my state of mind ie; am i in a very or overly negative frame and i usually get a phone call over that. i am actually very gratefull for it. If i am not sure how to ask something i just write it out or ramble on about it and She has yet to not understand what i was trying to convey. i have found my journal extremely helpful and, though i wasn't a big fan of it at first, i now think that any slave or sub that doesn't use or have one is really missing out. Any Dom/Domme that uses one is a step up from those that do not as the relationship is immensly stronger especially if used as a safe Zone (one where comments can be made and feeling expressesd or explored without fear of punisment or making Mistress/Master angry or upset). It really helps you to understand your own thoughts or anxiety's. It's value really goes beyond words even though it is made up of words. Its a tool and a priceless one.

denika -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/23/2006 12:48:02 PM)
I've kept a personal journal since I was a teenager, it's intresting to look back and read them from time to time. Writing is just something I do, not for any specific person other than for myself. There are times where it is easier to put what I need to say down on paper or in an email, this way the words can flow and I can make sure what I am trying to say is getting across. More than once I've handed Rob a note and sat quietly while he has read it. I would be a bit frightened if anyone wanted to read my journals while I was still alive, bit embarrasing actually since I write in it with complete abandon. I firmly beleive in putting things down on paper but some things are best left unknown, especially if I am having a bad day s it just feels better sometimes to get it out. On a personal note, my Mom died recently we were very close, years ago she started a journal for me. It had been tucked away and forgotten but when my Step-father found it and gave it to me, to read her words and have an insight into some of her feelings was a gift I can't even begin to explain.Not to mention a little haunting since written there on the very first page was the very poem I read at her funeral but penned eleven years earleir and the note "celebrate my life!!" written in large letters underneath. denika

doubleLeo -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/23/2006 2:49:53 PM)
Journals are very practical..but in terms of actual criteria, I think that depends on the persons involved. I mean, if your Dom takes very little interest in what you have to say vocally, I am not so sure that a journal will change their interests. On the other hand, some people are much more visual that audient, and writing is actually a better way for them to absorb and hear your thoughts. Some people, of course, are better writers than others.. and If I knew my Dom was to read it, I would probably write a first draft, and then write up the real deal. Unless of course, he objected to this censorship. Then again, if he objected to this editing, then that would also speak volumes to me about why he reads my journals. My Dom asked me to keep a journal, but very informally.. most things that I would write about, we just discuss openly. So its a moot point. dL

Evanesce -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/23/2006 3:14:14 PM)
I used to keep a journal. Wrote in it several times a week, in fact. It was filled with my concerns, emotions, thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and daily life, and it was one of my favorite things to do. It was always available to the one who, at the time owned me, and I never hid anything or curbed my expression. That all came to a screeching halt when the brainiac thought it would be a good idea to "punish" me by "making me" write in my journal. See, it had been almost a week since my last entry. He decided this wasn't good enough, and that I needed to be writing a minimum of four paragraphs a day. What was once one of my greatest joys became an agonizing chore, as I struggled to find enough inane babble to fill four paragraphs every day. I've not kept a journal since then. I do have a blog online, though. I think I last visited it in April. And my CM journal gets some little comment about once a month. Nothing of any consequence, though, and it's still just another chore. [&o]

SpankMuhButt -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/24/2006 4:23:39 PM)
I kept a diary from elementry school till HS. and one day I came home from school to my room trashed. My mom always claimed i was sneaky (pffftt) she thought i was doing drugs or so she said (which i never did) so she trashed my room and found my diary and read it. One night i was drunk and gave a guy a handjob.........i babbled on and on about this in my diary, and my mom went ballistic and punished me. i was 17 i remember this brawl like it was yesterday. i also remember arguing she could not punish me for what she read in my diary. she said she damn well could and did. i remember my dad comming home and him asking why i was punished and my mother told him she read my diary (mind you she was/is so uptight i got a little thrill wondering how she was gonna tell him what the main reason for my punishment was) "well hun your daughter jerked off some guy lol" but she told him i was sneaking out to bars. i was also quite thankful at that point she didnt give him details....this was my daddy lol. Till this day now (me and mom are the best of friends now) I feel she had no right to read it and she feels as my mother it was her right.................and to a point I agree. i dont think i shouldve been punished for giving a handjob though lol. so till this day writting for me is a fear. and I have been givin assignments by my current Dom in the beginning but nothing lately and i am thankful to some extent cause it really is a fear to have to put things into words...but then there is also this part of me that wonders why that we met now are there no more assignments..........ahhh well we shall see. and that in itself is another issue lol

alovelypet -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/25/2006 12:33:16 PM)
i've kept a journal since the age of 12...i'm now 43. It was an easy transition for me to start keeping one about being a slave. my Master requires me to journal every day. my norm used to be 3-4 times a week. Master does read my journal. i thought it would be hard to be honest with my feelings knowing that He would read it. But once i start writing, i forget everything else and just let the feelings flow. It is nice to go back several years and see how i've changed and evolved. Or to go back and read what i wrote when i was 13 and thought my world would end because a certain boy didn't like me.

joyinslavery -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/25/2006 9:32:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mixielicous ...anyone here is free to go look at it, on LJ, same screename. mixielicous, what is LJ? It's been referrenced twice in this thread so my curiosity is piqued. Sorry for the derail on a great topic...

lanwolf -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/28/2006 2:57:02 PM)
i am bad with jurnaling, if i have to write one due to my reltaionship then yes i do and have always had to no matter Who i have been with. While the journals were for my journy and a way to look back and reflect about the road i have followed and where it has lead me. Its a great tool to look at what has worked what has not worked what i have learned and where i have gotten to. The Ones that i have been with have always looked at the journal and gone over the entries and i have had days where i wanted to leave things out or change the entery because i know They will read it but i have been blessed by the fact that All but One never used the enteries against me. Instead if there was an issue or problem brought up that They felt had to be addresses then They would address it otherwise what was writen was my thoughts and feelings about situations. There was One that would take all enteries tht seemed negative as an attack against her and she would use them to start fights eventually i got punished more for not writing then anything else because i did nt want anymore fights about the enteries. All that being said i think there a good and usefull tool and really should keep it up even though i am at the moment not with One

JessieMe -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/28/2006 3:22:40 PM)
I am not required to journal, however, I have been given 'writing assignments" on different subjects as Master comes up with a particular area He wants to learn about me. I am always honest.. one time even to the point of making a realization that I had not had before about myself and veering off the subject into the feeling of discovery over my own realization. <did that sentence even make sense??> Anyways.. my "assignments" are usually about as often as once or twice a week. There are times however, that I may come up with something I have thought of about myself that I just want to share with Master and will write up an email for Him to read at His leisure. We do it as emails simply because I know.. once I send it .. I cannot edit it.. It keeps me from "changing my mind".

afeathr -> RE: Journaling for subs (6/28/2006 10:10:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SpankMuhButt I kept a diary from elementry school till HS. and one day I came home from school to my room trashed. My mom always claimed i was sneaky (pffftt) she thought i was doing drugs or so she said (which i never did) so she trashed my room and found my diary and read it. One night i was drunk and gave a guy a handjob.........i babbled on and on about this in my diary, and my mom went ballistic and punished me. i was 17 i remember this brawl like it was yesterday. i also remember arguing she could not punish me for what she read in my diary. she said she damn well could and did. i remember my dad comming home and him asking why i was punished and my mother told him she read my diary (mind you she was/is so uptight i got a little thrill wondering how she was gonna tell him what the main reason for my punishment was) "well hun your daughter jerked off some guy lol" but she told him i was sneaking out to bars. i was also quite thankful at that point she didnt give him details....this was my daddy lol. Till this day now (me and mom are the best of friends now) I feel she had no right to read it and she feels as my mother it was her right.................and to a point I agree. i dont think i shouldve been punished for giving a handjob though lol. so till this day writting for me is a fear. and I have been givin assignments by my current Dom in the beginning but nothing lately and i am thankful to some extent cause it really is a fear to have to put things into words...but then there is also this part of me that wonders why that we met now are there no more assignments..........ahhh well we shall see. and that in itself is another issue lol This same thing happened to me when I was about 14 (well, not the jerking off part, but the mom reading the diary part - though there was some sex involvement included) and I also got punished for what I wrote in the journal hence I have had a really hard time keeping one since then. I have also not forgiven my mother (well, in the grand sense) for her violation of my privacy. I find it hard to reveal my inner most thoughts to anyone... and trust has been a huge issue for me for many years. My Dom does not require me to keep a journal, and truthfully I am kind of bummed about that, but in other ways I am glad. I can protect myself a little longer until I see where this relationship is going to take me in my trek.

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