something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q

something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (Full Version)

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slo18 -> something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/11/2006 12:30:09 PM)
my soul now bared befor u as my body lay unclothed trusting deeply in your touch yet fearing the unknown knowing you'll be gentle yet rough when needs demand desireing the lovers touch of your strong hand wishing to obey you waiting for your comand giveing my body heart and soul over compleatly at your demand here I stand befor you pleading with my eyes my voice longs to beg but is silinced by my pride my wrists lay bare of the ties my body so desires yet around my ankle a chain of silvian fire can I lay my pride aside and befor my desire or do I silince this voice that burns in side like fire? "Master?" my voice the merest whisper and now the question. does he stay or does he go?

fergus -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/11/2006 1:34:46 PM)
He goes. In in the silence of your dark reverie, you say ... fergus

ProtagonistLily -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/11/2006 3:00:59 PM)
The world does not need anymore bad BDSM poetry. Please. Stop. Now. L

meatcleaver -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/11/2006 3:24:56 PM)
Shoot me please!

KatyLied -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/11/2006 3:39:50 PM)
quote: pleading with my eyes Someone needs a blindfold.

slo18 -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/11/2006 7:25:05 PM)
since I am not the auther i will take no offence, it was in fact writen by a 17 year old girl that I tutor. I sinserly thought that there were people here who would enjoy it. since it is aparent that I am wrong I will refrain from posting any more of her work. all she wanted was feed back. personaly I found the form and the rythem to be very good, and thought it was promising for such a young writer. and dont ask what I tutor her in it sure as hell isnt spelling

Sub03 -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/11/2006 11:10:15 PM)
Ill be the odd one out and say I liked it. But we are all allowed our own opinions.

MHOO314 -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 3:05:14 AM)
and you told her you were going to post it on an adult site that caters to BDSM? Had any teacher of My unmentionable done something like that, they would be in the principal's office so fast their head would be spinning. IMHO, the poetry is soso but the decision to post it here was not good judgement.

PrinceSitri -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 3:14:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily The world does not need anymore bad BDSM poetry. Please. Stop. Now. L Actually it's not that bad, although the adjective 'silvan' makes no sense in the given context.

murmur -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 8:27:49 AM)
one advice i would give her is to make less spelling mistakes... whether it's a good poem or not is not my point as it's not a poetry contest here and i dont care, but a good poem always becomes a bad one when the attention of the reader is more concentrated on the spelling mistakes rather then on the rythm, the images/metaphors, the musicality (etc) of the poem.

slo18 -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 10:49:29 AM)
I said tutor, not teacher. meaning she goes to class and comes home and I help her with her homework. I did not tell her I posted it on an adults only bdsm site. I asked her if I could share the poem, and she said share it with who ever I wanted as long as she go to hear if anyone liked. the desicion to post it where ever I decide to post it is not poor judgment, your assumption that I told this child where I posted it was a incorect. I will tell her that it got mixed reviews and to look up the word silvan. and to spell cheak. thank u for the advice to pass along.

MHOO314 -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 12:24:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slo18 I said tutor, not teacher. meaning she goes to class and comes home and I help her with her homework. I did not tell her I posted it on an adults only bdsm site. I asked her if I could share the poem, and she said share it with who ever I wanted as long as she go to hear if anyone liked. the desicion to post it where ever I decide to post it is not poor judgment, your assumption that I told this child where I posted it was a incorect. I will tell her that it got mixed reviews and to look up the word silvan. and to spell cheak. thank u for the advice to pass along. You are a tutor, still seen as a mentor, guide, you posted something from a minor on an adult website---IMHO you don't have the right to post it anywhere you please when you cross over the sense of decency and respect for privacy--you would IMHO been better served to send it in email to your friends rather than expose the work to a site like this. I can assure you that that work has by now been replicated, changed, stolen and who knows what else..what will she say when someone finds it on this site and asks her about it? I'm sorry I stick with bad judgement.

Chsnutmare -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 12:42:07 PM)
If you look past the errors, simply read beyond the words... it is moving, even more so considering the age of the poet. We are all to often harsh and and quick to point out others mistakes, trying pointing that finger at yourself next time you feel you need to criticize someones personal thoughts and feelings. just a thought humbly chsnutmare

BitaTruble -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 12:43:14 PM)
This is just wrong on so many levels. She's a minor, so for you to even allow her to give you such a work to parade around adult BDSM websites is irresponsible AT BEST. How did a 17 year old girl know it was cool to give this work to YOU? Huh? What the fuck is it that you are 'tutoring' her at anyway? Aside from the atrocious spelling which is suspiciously similar in so many ways to your own, to ask for feedback from adults to give to this CHILD on THIS topic is way beyond poor judgment. You should be ashamed, and the mods need to pull this piece down. Pfft. Celeste

wytchywoman -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 12:49:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble This is just wrong on so many levels. She's a minor, so for you to even allow her to give you such a work to parade around adult BDSM websites is irresponsible AT BEST. How did a 17 year old girl know it was cool to give this work to YOU? Huh? What the fuck is it that you are 'tutoring' her at anyway? Aside from the atrocious spelling which is suspiciously similar in so many ways to your own, to ask for feedback from adults to give to this CHILD on THIS topic is way beyond poor judgment. You should be ashamed, and the mods need to pull this piece down. Pfft. Celeste I thought much as you did, Celeste. I had to sit on my fingers to stop from venting. It also occurred to me why a 25 yr old was encouraging such poems from a 17 yr old. I'm going out on a limb here. I think the OP is the author personally. -shrug- At any rate, yes. I do believe the thread should be removed because the OP is claiming it was written by a minor and posted here without the minor's consent or knowledge.

PrinceSitri -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 12:49:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Aside from the atrocious spelling which is suspiciously similar in so many ways to your own Celeste Which is the crucial point. IMO she wrote it herself.

MHOO314 -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 12:51:18 PM)
Read My post again---*I did not criticize the thoughts and feelings,* I criticized that the work of a minor was posted on an Adult website---huge difference. And I will always criticize others when their bad judgement involves a minor.

sultryvoice -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 12:53:18 PM)
I really have to agree with most here. I am an ex-teacher. I would not EVER put a minors work on a site of this nature. There are websites for that kind of thing. It will be taken out of context by others and as stated before, will show up elsewhere. You are a tutor, with that comes responsibilty and good judgement. Neither was used in this way..Sorry, I call it like I see it..I wasn't impressed with the work.. Respectfully, sultry

Chsnutmare -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 1:09:11 PM)
My post wasnt directed at any one person, please don't be offended. I didnt say i agreed with the situation only that, the words written were moving, and maybe ALL of us could take a step back be a bit kinder to each other. humbly chsnutmare

MsSophie -> RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q (4/12/2006 1:12:11 PM)
Give the girl a break! She may not be the next Nobel Prize winner, but it shows some guts to post a poem on a site like this, knowing that you risk people giving negative chritique on something as heartfelt as poetry. Not terribly strange if you later on try to back out of it with your pride intact. Personally I have read many far worse pieces, some of them from published authors.

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