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something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/11/2006 12:30:09 PM

slo18

Posts: 125
Status: offline

my soul now bared befor u
as my body lay unclothed
trusting deeply in your touch
yet fearing the unknown
knowing you'll be gentle yet
rough when needs demand
desireing the lovers touch
of your strong hand
wishing to obey you waiting for your comand
giveing my body heart and soul
over compleatly at your demand

here I stand befor you
pleading with my eyes
my voice longs to beg
but is silinced by my pride
my wrists lay bare of the ties
my body so desires
yet around my ankle
a chain of silvian fire
can I lay my pride aside
and befor my desire
or do I silince this voice
that burns in side like fire?
"Master?" my voice the merest whisper

and now the question. does he stay or does he go?

_____________________________

if god and the adorer call, tell them my prophet shall call their prophet, for I am in meetings verily till the end of time.

Post #: 1

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/11/2006 1:34:46 PM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

He goes. In in the silence of your dark reverie, you say ...

fergus

(in reply to slo18)

Post #: 2

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/11/2006 3:00:59 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

The world does not need anymore bad BDSM poetry. Please. Stop. Now.

L

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to slo18)

Post #: 3

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/11/2006 3:24:56 PM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

Shoot me please!

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 4

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/11/2006 3:39:50 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

pleading with my eyes

Someone needs a blindfold.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 5

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/11/2006 7:25:05 PM

slo18

Posts: 125
Status: offline

since I am not the auther i will take no offence, it was in fact writen by a 17 year old girl that I tutor. I sinserly thought that there were people here who would enjoy it. since it is aparent that I am wrong I will refrain from posting any more of her work. all she wanted was feed back. personaly I found the form and the rythem to be very good, and thought it was promising for such a young writer. and dont ask what I tutor her in it sure as hell isnt spelling

_____________________________

if god and the adorer call, tell them my prophet shall call their prophet, for I am in meetings verily till the end of time.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/11/2006 11:10:15 PM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

Ill be the odd one out and say I liked it. But we are all allowed our own opinions.

_____________________________

owned by painarranger

I am His loyal slave

(in reply to slo18)

Post #: 7

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 3:05:14 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

and you told her you were going to post it on an adult site that caters to BDSM? Had any teacher of My unmentionable done something like that, they would be in the principal's office so fast their head would be spinning. IMHO, the poetry is soso but the decision to post it here was not good judgement.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to slo18)

Post #: 8

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 3:14:46 AM

PrinceSitri

Posts: 99
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProtagonistLily

The world does not need anymore bad BDSM poetry. Please. Stop. Now.

L

Actually it's not that bad, although the adjective 'silvan' makes no sense in the given context.

_____________________________

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Post #: 9

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 8:27:49 AM

murmur

Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline

one advice i would give her is to make less spelling mistakes...
whether it's a good poem or not is not my point as it's not a poetry contest here and i dont care, but a good poem always becomes a bad one when the attention of the reader is more concentrated on the spelling mistakes rather then on the rythm, the images/metaphors, the musicality (etc) of the poem.

(in reply to PrinceSitri)

Post #: 10

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 10:49:29 AM

slo18

Posts: 125
Status: offline

I said tutor, not teacher. meaning she goes to class and comes home and I help her with her homework. I did not tell her I posted it on an adults only bdsm site. I asked her if I could share the poem, and she said share it with who ever I wanted as long as she go to hear if anyone liked. the desicion to post it where ever I decide to post it is not poor judgment, your assumption that I told this child where I posted it was a incorect. I will tell her that it got mixed reviews and to look up the word silvan. and to spell cheak. thank u for the advice to pass along.

< Message edited by slo18 -- 4/12/2006 10:58:17 AM >

_____________________________

if god and the adorer call, tell them my prophet shall call their prophet, for I am in meetings verily till the end of time.

(in reply to slo18)

Post #: 11

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 12:24:34 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slo18

I said tutor, not teacher. meaning she goes to class and comes home and I help her with her homework. I did not tell her I posted it on an adults only bdsm site. I asked her if I could share the poem, and she said share it with who ever I wanted as long as she go to hear if anyone liked. the desicion to post it where ever I decide to post it is not poor judgment, your assumption that I told this child where I posted it was a incorect. I will tell her that it got mixed reviews and to look up the word silvan. and to spell cheak. thank u for the advice to pass along.

You are a tutor, still seen as a mentor, guide, you posted something from a minor on an adult website---IMHO you don't have the right to post it anywhere you please when you cross over the sense of decency and respect for privacy--you would IMHO been better served to send it in email to your friends rather than expose the work to a site like this. I can assure you that that work has by now been replicated, changed, stolen and who knows what else..what will she say when someone finds it on this site and asks her about it? I'm sorry I stick with bad judgement.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 4/12/2006 12:25:38 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to slo18)

Post #: 12

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 12:42:07 PM

Chsnutmare

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

If you look past the errors, simply read beyond the words... it is moving,
even more so considering the age of the poet. We are all to often harsh and and quick to point out others mistakes, trying pointing that finger at yourself next time you feel you need to criticize someones personal thoughts and feelings.

just a thought

humbly
chsnutmare

_____________________________

~The pain is what makes the pleasure bearable~ chsnutmare

~Bound by love, Released by pain, Masters gentle touch and I will never be the same~
chsnutmare

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 13

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 12:43:14 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

This is just wrong on so many levels. She's a minor, so for you to even allow her to give you such a work to parade around adult BDSM websites is irresponsible AT BEST. How did a 17 year old girl know it was cool to give this work to YOU? Huh? What the fuck is it that you are 'tutoring' her at anyway? Aside from the atrocious spelling which is suspiciously similar in so many ways to your own, to ask for feedback from adults to give to this CHILD on THIS topic is way beyond poor judgment.

You should be ashamed, and the mods need to pull this piece down.

Pfft.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 14

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 12:49:00 PM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

This is just wrong on so many levels. She's a minor, so for you to even allow her to give you such a work to parade around adult BDSM websites is irresponsible AT BEST. How did a 17 year old girl know it was cool to give this work to YOU? Huh? What the fuck is it that you are 'tutoring' her at anyway? Aside from the atrocious spelling which is suspiciously similar in so many ways to your own, to ask for feedback from adults to give to this CHILD on THIS topic is way beyond poor judgment.

You should be ashamed, and the mods need to pull this piece down.

Pfft.

Celeste

I thought much as you did, Celeste. I had to sit on my fingers to stop from venting. It also occurred to me why a 25 yr old was encouraging such poems from a 17 yr old. I'm going out on a limb here. I think the OP is the author personally. -shrug-

At any rate, yes. I do believe the thread should be removed because the OP is claiming it was written by a minor and posted here without the minor's consent or knowledge.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 15

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 12:49:27 PM

PrinceSitri

Posts: 99
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Aside from the atrocious spelling which is suspiciously similar in so many ways to your own

Celeste

Which is the crucial point. IMO she wrote it herself.

_____________________________

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Albert Einstein

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 16

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 12:51:18 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Read My post again---I did not criticize the thoughts and feelings, I criticized that the work of a minor was posted on an Adult website---huge difference.

And I will always criticize others when their bad judgement involves a minor.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 4/12/2006 12:52:32 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Chsnutmare)

Post #: 17

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 12:53:18 PM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

I really have to agree with most here. I am an ex-teacher. I would not EVER put a minors work on a site of this nature. There are websites for that kind of thing. It will be taken out of context by others and as stated before, will show up elsewhere. You are a tutor, with that comes responsibilty and good judgement. Neither was used in this way..Sorry, I call it like I see it..I wasn't impressed with the work..

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 1:09:11 PM

Chsnutmare

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

My post wasnt directed at any one person, please don't be offended. I didnt say i agreed with the situation only that, the words written were moving, and maybe ALL of us could take a step back be a bit kinder to each other.

humbly
chsnutmare

_____________________________

~The pain is what makes the pleasure bearable~ chsnutmare

~Bound by love, Released by pain, Masters gentle touch and I will never be the same~
chsnutmare

(in reply to sultryvoice)

Post #: 19

RE: something I thought u would enjoy. and a Q - 4/12/2006 1:12:11 PM

MsSophie

Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline

Give the girl a break! She may not be the next Nobel Prize winner, but it shows some guts to post a poem on a site like this, knowing that you risk people giving negative chritique on something as heartfelt as poetry. Not terribly strange if you later on try to back out of it with your pride intact.

Personally I have read many far worse pieces, some of them from published authors.

< Message edited by MsSophie -- 4/12/2006 1:13:19 PM >

(in reply to PrinceSitri)

Post #: 20

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