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I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/11/2006 11:13:47 PM

Arpig

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Bet that topic caught your eye

I was exchanging emails with a lovely Domina on the other side, and this topic came up...and I decided to post my little rant for everybody's amusement and consideration.

I have a question for all the dominant women on here....what is with the word "Domme"?

I dislike the word "Domme", I dislike it intensely. It has no real legitimacy, and it looks silly as well. I object to the trend of inventing superfluous words when there are already perfectly good words in existance.

I find that most of the time there is no need to differentiate the gender of a dominant partner in most discussions (just as the gender of a submissive or slave is not usually specified...hmmmm...sub and subbe perhaps?). So for most purposes the word Dominant is perfectly good. And for those occaisions where it is important to specify the dominant as female, there are already two perfectly good words to choose from, both of which are real words, and both of which look and sound better, and are recognizable when spoken (how is Domme pronounced anyway...dom-may?...sounds like a dish soap to me):

1. Dominatrix (you have your choice of plurals...dominatrixes or dominatrices)

2. Domina (this is actually an archaic term used to designate a woman who held a barony in her own right, so it is analagous to a male dominant calling himself "Lord", Domina Such-and-such = Lord This-and-that).

Now before you all jump on me with quotes from other threads where I have used the term....I admit that I do find myself using the term...what can I say I am lazy at times, however I hereby resolve to do my best to never use the term again, and I hope the rest of the Collarme crowd will follow suit (Dreamer...nothing but a dreamer).

There! I have posted my first official rant on here...and I feel much better.

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/11/2006 11:18:26 PM

MadamShy

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oh you called Me lovely ... and a Domina ... Im a Baroness... I guess LOL

shhhhhhh don't tell them Im a Pro .... and you enjoy My conversation... see how good I am .. I didn't even charge you LOL .

errr you called Me lovely ... I think I should be scared -winks-

Oh .. I hate Domme also... and how is it pronounced properly .. Dom Me... or Dom May?

< Message edited by MadamShy -- 4/11/2006 11:19:25 PM >

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/11/2006 11:19:17 PM

TeeGO

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Good point. Pronounce it Dahm. But your right, there really isn't any reason to not just say Dom when refering to a Female Dom. Can't say I'll join your rebellion, habits are hard to break. But we'll see.

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/11/2006 11:29:58 PM

Real0ne

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since most (dommes) like to hear it pronounced dommay without much of a second thought i assumed it was a french version but being from ontario you would probly know if it was.

i too hate the way words get flippantly tossed around as it only serves to confuse imo

One thing however to remember tho is that many words do end up in the dictionary as "common useage" words only because society uses it that way during a certain period or snapshot of our social evolution.

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/11/2006 11:31:49 PM

ServiceNTucson

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Bet that topic caught your eye

I was exchanging emails with a lovely Domina on the other side, and this topic came up...and I decided to post my little rant for everybody's amusement and consideration.

I have a question for all the dominant women on here....what is with the word "Domme"?

I dislike the word "Domme", I dislike it intensely. It has no real legitimacy, and it looks silly as well. I object to the trend of inventing superfluous words when there are already perfectly good words in existance.

I find that most of the time there is no need to differentiate the gender of a dominant partner in most discussions (just as the gender of a submissive or slave is not usually specified...hmmmm...sub and subbe perhaps?). So for most purposes the word Dominant is perfectly good. And for those occaisions where it is important to specify the dominant as female, there are already two perfectly good words to choose from, both of which are real words, and both of which look and sound better, and are recognizable when spoken (how is Domme pronounced anyway...dom-may?...sounds like a dish soap to me):

1. Dominatrix (you have your choice of plurals...dominatrixes or dominatrices)

2. Domina (this is actually an archaic term used to designate a woman who held a barony in her own right, so it is analagous to a male dominant calling himself "Lord", Domina Such-and-such = Lord This-and-that).

Now before you all jump on me with quotes from other threads where I have used the term....I admit that I do find myself using the term...what can I say I am lazy at times, however I hereby resolve to do my best to never use the term again, and I hope the rest of the Collarme crowd will follow suit (Dreamer...nothing but a dreamer).

There! I have posted my first official rant on here...and I feel much better.

I have to agree with you about the word "Domme," Arpig. It's artificial and unnecessary.

Actually, a better analogy to a male dominant calling himself "Lord Such and Such" would be "Lady Such and Such."

Because of the vanilla connotations, I also have to admit that I'm not very fond of the title, "Mistress."

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/11/2006 11:54:40 PM

Lordandmaster

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I think there's a fairly broad CM consensus that the word "domme" is stupid. Are we going to say "toppe" and "bottomme" too?

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 4/11/2006 11:55:49 PM >

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/11/2006 11:55:57 PM

Arpig

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Thanks all for the replies....and yes L&M it does seem that way doesn't it.

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 12:02:02 AM

BlkTallFullfig

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As far as I know, most fem doms don't prefer it pronounced Dom-may. For me, that would be the straw to force me to never use it or allow it used to describe me again... I always think dummy when I hear dommay.
French would not pronounce it dommay unless there was an accent on the e, and there isn't (even understanding Domme is not part of the lexicon, I've never seen it spelled where I would think to pronounce it dommay). M

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 12:05:12 AM

Real0ne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think there's a fairly broad CM consensus that the word "domme" is stupid. Are we going to say "toppe" and "bottomme" too?

LOLOL g1 LM!

i think its everyones way or splitting the hair, self definition, an attempt at separating themselves as a particular version of dom in a word that requires no further description, right or wrong.

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"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

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Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 1:29:11 AM

MsSophie

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From: Stockholm, Sweden
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Maybe the main problem is the labeling? I, personally, don't like the term either but feel a bit lost in what I should call myself. If I had it my way I would be called a "woman-who-likes-disciplining-men-but-get-turned-on-by-having-a-daddy-looking-after-my-needs".

Bit of a mouthful, though...

(in reply to Real0ne)

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 4:14:11 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

since most (dommes) like to hear it pronounced dommay without much of a second thought i assumed it was a french version but being from ontario you would probly know if it was.

I absolutely HATE "dommay", I'm a female dominant, my husband and I are co-dominants rather then Dom/me or is it Dom/Domme? I never know.... Domina sounds so much better to me.

quote:

I think there's a fairly broad CM consensus that the word "domme" is stupid. Are we going to say "toppe" and "bottomme" too?

I think we should and see how far it flys.. lmao I particularly like the "bottomme"..lol

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 4:24:29 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
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From: Stockton, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think there's a fairly broad CM consensus that the word "domme" is stupid. Are we going to say "toppe" and "bottomme" too?

I don't remember voting for this. I use domme all the time, and the women I know have zero problem with it whatsoever. If there's a problem, it's EXTREMELY localized and personal.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 4:26:58 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

I don't remember voting for this. I use domme all the time, and the women I know have zero problem with it whatsoever. If there's a problem, it's EXTREMELY localized and personal.

I don't have a problem with the word domme, I have a problem with pronouncing it "dommay". I don't know, it just sounds kind of childish to me, almost like "mommie"...

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 4:41:50 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
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quote:

Maybe the main problem is the labeling? I, personally, don't like the term either but feel a bit lost in what I should call myself.

I think this statement hits the nail on the head.
I've used "Dom" to describe myself, and been asked if I identify male.
I've used "Mistress" and been asked if I only take slaves and not subs.
I tend to use the word "Lady" a lot, but it's usually not connotated with Dominance as much as its connotated with gender.
"Dominatrix" portrays a stereotype I don't fit (or agree with).
And "Domina" is a bit too aristocratic for my down-to-earth attitude.

I despise the pronunciation of Domme as "Dommay". I don't know if people started doing that because it made them feel high class or because they mispronounced it one day and it caught on. I've heard some say it's French. I'm no expert at French, but from what I've learned about the language, it would be properly pronounced "Dom". (Personally, I blame the internet.)

If I had my druthers, we'd all be using the word "Matriarch" instead.

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 5:15:07 AM

ProperMaleMaid

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Littlesarbonn: Domme, perhaps a little research on how the word was coined, when, where why and by whom...would bring a clearer picture as to its intended meaning and how rapidly its deviated from that.

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 5:33:50 AM

MstrssPassion

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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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you answered your own question...

quote:

I have a question for all the dominant women on here....what is with the word "Domme"?
<snip>
I admit that I do find myself using the term...what can I say I am lazy at times

I never heard the term domme (dom or dom-may, doesn't mean a hill of beans to me how it is pronounced) or saw it spelled until I met the internet crowd. It was so prevailing that I picked it up & used it so that I could effectively communicate with others. Just like in any situation when one attempts to communicate with others.. you have to pick up on the language/lingo.

I identify as a dominant woman. I have referred to myself descriptively as a sensual sadist. When writing it is far easier to write domme & it is recognized as a term that identifies one as a dominant female... so there you go, we save a few keystrokes. As to understanding who I am & how I am... no one word will express this & in the same context... no two words will clearly define me.

edited to add:
It was suggested that some research may clear this up...
Well I did a couple of googles & I found this.

http://lauragoodwin.org/labels.htm

Try as we might, it seems there really isn't going to be an globally acceptable term. Even her suggestion of "Dame" causes me to react like fingernails across the blackboard.
That term was widely used in what I perceived as a derogatory fashion & reminds me of the old black & white movies during the Bogart era... I completely DO NOT IDENTIFY with those helpless fragile waif types portrayed in these movies. Shriek & faint & duck behind their man for protection.... EWWWWWWWWWWW!

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/12/2006 5:49:13 AM >

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 6:08:38 AM

Oumae

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This is a topic that comes up quite regularly and it seems to be something that bothers you more that side of the Atlantic. It's a term, easy to type and distinctive so can't say it bothers me, we pronounce it the same as Dom here unless we are messing about so it is used mainly to distinguish gender on line and as I'm quite happy being a female I don't mind that.

Oumae

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 6:20:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
I think there's a fairly broad CM consensus that the word "domme" is stupid. Are we going to say "toppe" and "bottomme" too?

Except for the fact that people use it constantly on the boards.

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 6:25:37 AM

subrob1967

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I use Domme (pronounced Dom) to denote gender, and thats it. I prefer Domme over Dom personally, because I can't see myself submitting to a champagne, or a fat actor who thinks he's funny, but really isn't.

I'd rather see Domme on my screen than, T/this C/crap.

< Message edited by subrob1967 -- 4/12/2006 6:26:48 AM >

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RE: I have a problem with "Dommes" - 4/12/2006 6:26:19 AM

LadyMorgynn

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Personally, I cringe when I hear "Dom-may." To me, "Dominatrix" smacks of the professional, and brings to mind instantly a picture of a cover model variety woman dressed in latex and heels and 5 pounds of makeup and boobs that are clearly unreal, brandishing a crop or whip in a sadistic and uncaring manner (note I said *and* uncaring... I know some sadists who are wonderfully caring).... well, I'm sure you get the picture. It smacks to me of "top" not dominant. But that's just what the word association means to me, I'm not saying that is true for the rest of the population :) Dom/Domme may be short for Dominant (and thusly Dominatrix), but I still find it a more comfortable fit than Dominatrix, especially as I am not a sadist.

I particularly like "Domina." It has a nice old-world, Latin kind of sound to it... hardly surprising because it's probably of Latin origin, LOL!... and it sounds very stately and wise and graceful. I sang in Catholic choir in my youth and retain my fondness for Gregorian chants and the Messiah, and probably the word taps into that well of memory-associated emotion :)

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