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Elisabella -> RE: Pat Robertson’s advice to woman whose husband flirts: Make yourself more attractive and‘don’t hassle (6/13/2010 5:46:53 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SirAldwyn
Besides where in the role of a women/men being submissive does it say they have to tolerate flirting by their martial partner unless it is something that has been discussed and within the boundaries of their relationship. I think the mistake Robertson makes is treating every martial relationship with the boundaries he has set in his own. Cause most of us are not that nuts
Personally I agree that the guy's freaking nuts (isn't he the one who said Haiti sold their souls to the devil?) but I don't think it's necessarily bad advice, nor do I think it's about "submission" in any form I've heard of.
The advice as I read it basically boils down to "guys want pretty girls to find them attractive, he's not going to cheat on you and your best bet to lower his flirting with other girls is to make yourself the main pretty girl who finds him attractive." And I think that's pretty solid advice.
Common alternatives are getting upset, demanding he stop, threatening to take him to marriage counseling, talking about it ad nauseum, etc...all of which will make her seem less attractive and the other women seem more attractive.
My own advice to her would be to make herself seem more attractive, as well as being a bit flirty herself with other guys, so that her husband feels like her attention is something to fight for. I don't think it's really going to be possible to make her husband stop being flirty, he's a guy first of all and second of all if it's in his personality to be that way it's not going to change - it's ingrained. Playing into it, making herself the pretty girl he focuses on, will probably do more to help the situation than trying to force him to stop.
The thing is, you say "nowhere does it say you have to tolerate this unless it's in the bounds of your relationship" but to be honest that would make her have to gamble - either make him stop or leave the relationship. Is leaving the relationship better than learning to tolerate it? That, only she can decide...it's not an abstract "you don't have to tolerate this" view, it's a "is this intolerable enough to leave" view.
And yes I'm addressing this from her perspective, because she's the one who asked. You could just as easily ask the guy if it's worth losing the relationship over, but he's not the one who would leave the relationship over it, she would. So if she's not willing to leave, whether he's willing to lose the relationship over it is irrelevant.
Also - she called into his show, and asked for his advice. So it's not wrong for him to answer from his own perspective ("this is what I would recommend") rather than in an abstract "some people would do this some people would do that" because she could have gotten that from any magazine, she specifically sought out that guy's opinion so she was obviously interested in his take on relationships.
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