RE: The lightspeed of online interaction

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: The lightspeed of online interaction

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/15/2010 11:29:41 PM

Searchin4What

Posts: 16
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I have met many people off cm, and I'm extremely aware that online chemistry and r/l chemistry are two very different things. Although I'm happy to meet fairly quickly (within a week or so), I make it clear that there'll be no play or sex until I decide, and that might take weeks or months. That often weeds out those who are interested more in what's between my legs rather than what's between my ears.

It's been my experience that a lot of women here are terrified of meeting someone from online. I've run the range of coffee shops, safe calls, etc., which are fine but I've also had women ask for my full name, address, and two references.

I understand it, I do. I've never been a woman who's 5-2 and 100 pounds soaking wet, nor have I gotten catcalls and stares from construction workers. I'm me. I've had a life filled with enough physical violence to make me aware of how different people view the world.

But this is a site for meeting. I want to meet. I engage in dialogue with some who do not wish it, and if that's understood, that's fine. I can handle waiting a while, but from personal experience (personal scars?) I know that it's better to meet sooner.

This has changed course from where I thought it would go.

And for the record, I get that meeting is not a promise of ANYTHING. I'm not sure how the idea goes that meeting implies a willingness to put out...but I have to fight that idea.

(in reply to myotherself)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/16/2010 12:11:50 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Searchin4What

Side note: I've learned that in the first few emails with a woman, it's best to ask a question, so as to give her something to talk about. This gets old, very fast, especially if there's only a sentence or less that they answer with.

Is all that because of the volume of mail that women can get? It's not worth it to put more thought into responses?

Or is that a topic for a different thread?

Um, no...I don't see this as needing a new thread or even as a separate topic. It's on the lightspeed of online interaction...and...I lose interest at lightspeed if I write to someone who gifts me with a sentence fragment and considers that their letter.

As anyone can tell from my usual epic postings that I like to communicate...and if someone can't keep up with me then we are incompatible and I can't stay interested. (Yes, some have worn their fingers into nubbins typing to me...and our r/t friendship and togetherness time was very...compatible.)

For me, it has never been about the volume of the mail but the quality. To my knowledge, I've always answered anyone who has written me politely, and I have also given warning to some to either behave or be blocked. (As I explained in my profile, this is not the first time I've been here.)

I haven't felt the need to use filters, so yes, at one time I got hundreds of letters weekly just like all the other women here.

quote:

I think that's the difference in online and r/l. Online, people seem to move faster, for fear that one of the 100 other guys she's talking with will take her away.

In actual time, it seems like I'm moving fast, but considering all the dozens of hours of quality time... When I was vanilla, I was with someone for 4 years without communicating as much as I do by letters and chat. In writing, I say things I'd be too distracted to even think about if I were vanilla dating. (How much talking actually gets done when two people go out on a date to a movie, lol.)

All this reminds me of how much I want to see a particular someone RIGHT NOW, darn it. But not until his cold has run it's course. In the meantime, listening to his snuffly voice over the phone is kinda cute.
......................................................................................................
Edited to avoid double posting.

quote:

And for the record, I get that meeting is not a promise of ANYTHING. I'm not sure how the idea goes that meeting implies a willingness to put out...but I have to fight that idea.

If that thought were only on a bumper sticker... I got really sick of dating years ago because most (notice I didn't say all) men behaved like I owed payment in sex for that cheeseburger or coffee or slice of pizza.

For a while I wondered if it was because I'm blonde (something I heard spouted on tv; boink the blondes but marry brunettes). Now I prefer to torture guys with "forcing" them to get to know me first.
.................................................................................................

If I say anything that someone finds rude or annoying, then I apologise, but I want some slack cut for me cuz I am trying to ride out this frenzy state I'm in.

(Yes, that's also my lefthanded way of saying sorry about the lemmings comment, it was in poor taste.)

I think I finally "get it" why guys go to watch bash-crash-smash blood-flying-everywhere sports now.

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 6/16/2010 1:05:55 AM >

(in reply to Searchin4What)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/16/2010 1:40:49 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Just to see if I am understanding you.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Searchin4What

I've noticed this in my own relationships in the past, and I've seen it in womens' profiles here.

I'm not sure if it happens to men too, as my profile browsing is mostly limited to female submissives in my area.

This site is ostensibly for those who wish to make a connection with another, be it online or in-person, depending on needs. But it sure seems like people are in a hurry to make those connections, to be 'under protection' or 'linked to' or whatever phrasing the couple feels is appropriate.

Perhaps it's just that I've noticed it more, or it's a statistical blip, but I'm curious about the community's thoughts.

Personally, I'm not willing to go very fast. I've made that mistake and was disillusioned for a while, because of the unrealistic expectations I put on the other person. If I'm talking to a woman here, and she's been on the site for a week, and tells me she's under the protection of another as of ten minutes ago...good for them.

I don't understand the need to go fast. Is it just because we love that connection when it happens? Romeo and Juliet at work? Is it because of this site's mediums of interaction, where we only get part of someone's personality and not necessarily the whole picture?

Maybe when it's not 3 am I'll be able to think about it more clearly, but for now, think or flame away.

is about how long do you wait before collaring/train/protect someone (with or without meeting in real life)?

and this.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Searchin4What
It's been my experience that a lot of women here are terrified of meeting someone from online. I've run the range of coffee shops, safe calls, etc., which are fine but I've also had women ask for my full name, address, and two references.

...............snipped.............

But this is a site for meeting. I want to meet. I engage in dialogue with some who do not wish it, and if that's understood, that's fine. I can handle waiting a while, but from personal experience (personal scars?) I know that it's better to meet sooner.

is about how long do you wait until you meet someone?

And I confess to being much less rigorous in my security checks before meeting someone these days, I am happy for a first name and a recent photo of them and an undertaking by them that they will not roll their eyes when I order a soy decaf latte

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Searchin4What)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/16/2010 3:47:35 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

This just made me grin and say... "yes, back when *I* was a baby vampire

quote:

Many are so hungry...like new baby vampires that are crazed for their first feeding.

FR:

I don't think everyone is necessarily here to find "someone". Many of us are here to hang out with friends and to have discussions.

As for the lightning speed - it goes away. (Hopefully).

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/16/2010 9:35:10 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

That is just the thing, sometimes in my experience people wanna stretch out talking over the internet into months and months.... I don't have that sort of patience. Life is short. I think people should move at their own pace... and that might not be my pace.

As such I suppose I do not pay attention to how fast or how slow others move...

It's delaying the inevitable in my opinion. But for some, it's all about having a familiar stranger in their inbox. Count me out.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/16/2010 5:59:02 PM

Searchin4What

Posts: 16
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

That is just the thing, sometimes in my experience people wanna stretch out talking over the internet into months and months.... I don't have that sort of patience. Life is short. I think people should move at their own pace... and that might not be my pace.

As such I suppose I do not pay attention to how fast or how slow others move...

It's delaying the inevitable in my opinion. But for some, it's all about having a familiar stranger in their inbox. Count me out.

~porcelaine

Emphasis is added.

I do notice it. I notice it when after a couple of weeks of being here, a woman's profile goes from "I'm new, looking to learn and talk" to "Now owned forever by Lord MasterDom."

I suppose if the connection's there, it's there. I'm not part of it.

I also suppose that my confusion and annoyance ias partly out of jealousy. She seemed nice in our emails, but apparently, someone who moves faster did so and snagged her.

C'est la vie.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/16/2010 7:10:03 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I'm one of the lightening speed people. I want to meet quickly if there seems to be an attraction. I need to know if there is a potential for a relationship - and i can only tell that from meeting real time. -
Bad spelling and grammar annoys me , so there are people that if i don't meet them quickly i would dismiss. and i may lose a good potential partner.

anyway - one vote here for meeting quickly.

(in reply to Searchin4What)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: The lightspeed of online interaction - 6/16/2010 7:31:32 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

It seems like some people change partners as often and as casually as they change their underwear!