RE: sadism V dominance

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: sadism V dominance

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: sadism V dominance

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/3/2010 4:19:30 AM

Ligeia72

Posts: 126
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

Yeah, I'm so not a Domme. I don't really identify as a Sadist or Masochist either. I just enjoy some Sadomasochistic practices. One of my play partners, who I was in a relationship with, used to want me to do the whole cliche'd Dominatrix stuff with him and mostly it just made me feel awkward. I loved spanking him, caning, flogging, wax play, being rough, etc, but when it came down to doing the whole 'You've been a bad boy, on your knees for punishment' stuff I'd just be cringing inside (and having great difficulty keeping a straight face).

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/3/2010 5:21:08 PM

MagisterCapto

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/28/2010
Status: offline

Using physical violence to achieve domination seems to lack sublety, no? I can see (read: feel) the appeal of a certain amount of pain, but would always consider it to be a 'kink' more or less, and therefore something that belongs to the bedroom, and is nowhere near as important, as the mental and sensual aspects, you know the whole 'relationship'-part of a d/s relationship.

(in reply to Ligeia72)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/3/2010 5:55:36 PM

Plasticine

Posts: 260
Joined: 6/9/2010
Status: offline

(fast reply)

There is an inherent sadism in the desire to control others, and there is an inherent masochism to the desire to be controlled. You cannot extricate sadism from dominance in my opinion. You can deny it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

I am an extremely vicious sadist. So vicious that I've realized the worst thing I can do to a masochist is to deny them pain. So by fully embracing total sadism I end up preferring a respectful loving dominance over a cheap physical forced submission. If you gain submission through trust and friendship bondage does not require physical restraint.

(in reply to MagisterCapto)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/3/2010 8:46:43 PM

Ligeia72

Posts: 126
Joined: 6/29/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagisterCapto

Using physical violence to achieve domination seems to lack sublety, no? I can see (read: feel) the appeal of a certain amount of pain, but would always consider it to be a 'kink' more or less, and therefore something that belongs to the bedroom, and is nowhere near as important, as the mental and sensual aspects, you know the whole 'relationship'-part of a d/s relationship.

I've never been in a D/s relationship, I don't practice the D's dynamic at all. If I was/did though, yes I could imagine the mental and sensual aspects would be a major part of it. It would be good if perhaps there was an option to choose 'Top' or 'Bottom' for a profile, rather than Dominant/Submissive. It might help guide those who are truly looking for a Dom(me) a little better in terms of finding somebody.

(in reply to MagisterCapto)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/3/2010 8:53:19 PM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
what comes first, how important is pain play to a Dominant and why. do you identify as a sadist or as a Dominant. was it youre desire to dominate or youre urge to explore BDSM with a consenting submissive that came first and are those two things so inextricably linked that its impossible to separate them.

Pain is one way to control, and therefore can be a part of the D/s dynamic. But pain can also be a purely sensory experience for the recipient. Sometimes I'm topping (providing her with yummy pain that makes her scream and cum) and sometimes I'm using pain to dominate her. For me, domination is the driving force, and pain is just one way to get there.

Whoever insinuated that pain is somehow violence should consult their dictionary. The two share some related concepts but are NOT at all the same thing.

< Message edited by wittynamehere -- 7/3/2010 8:54:00 PM >

_____________________________

I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/4/2010 1:57:06 AM

delicatelydirty

Posts: 126
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveAndDS

Sadism = Pain

Dominance = Obeying

I'm going to rough guess and say that 95% of people who say that their into this lifestyle don't have a clue what it's really about. If your into rough sex and spanking, that's great, but it doesn't mean that your into D/s.

No it means they are into BDSM which is what "this lifestyle" is.
Bondage and Discipline
Dominance and Submission
Sadism and Masochism
None are better higher or more special than another and they can exist separately within a relationship or some people incorporate all 3 or a combination of them.

But this lifestyle is not simply D/s ....

Most of the people I have played with or had relationships with have been domineering asshats with sadistic tendencies.
I have in all this time been with maybe 2 truly dominant men (who thankfully also happen to be sadists)... one of whom is my current partner, but the difference is quite noticeable especially in my reactions to them.

(in reply to LoveAndDS)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/4/2010 5:01:14 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

For years I was only a sadist. In fact, I made clear to potential playpartners that I was not particularly a dom. That's changed very recently. Currently, I am looking more for submission that masochism ... although I make it clear to any potential partner that I am a sadist, too. Being engaged in S&M play wouldn't be a strict condition of being involved with me at this point, although it would ease things obviously if we were compatible that way, too.

_____________________________

_______________________________________________
"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
_______________________________________________

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/4/2010 8:57:06 AM

Mesmerist

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/1/2010
Status: offline

I have to agree with Plasticine here

quote:

There is an inherent sadism in the desire to control others, and there is an inherent masochism to the desire to be controlled. You cannot extricate sadism from dominance in my opinion. You can deny it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

Personally, Dominance has always been there. Sadism was abhorrent and something I wouldn't allow to surface as I couldn't get my mind around masochism. D/s is much more integral for me due to the mental aspect, but Sadism is something I do enjoy.

Wittynamehere:

quote:

Whoever insinuated that pain is somehow violence should consult their dictionary. The two share some related concepts but are NOT at all the same thing.

Thank you for stating this.

(in reply to Manawyddan)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/7/2010 9:51:12 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Plasticine
There is an inherent sadism in the desire to control others, and there is an inherent masochism to the desire to be controlled. You cannot extricate sadism from dominance in my opinion. You can deny it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

Really? I find this statement consistent with other things you have written, but it doesn't reflect my personal reality. What about benevolent leadership? Personally, I find that WAY too many things seem to get wrapped up under the banners of dominance and submission. Then again, when I refer to those terms I'm referring to social dominance and submission, not sexual. For me, it is as simple as who's giving the orders and who's receiving them.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Plasticine)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/7/2010 11:06:34 AM

Plasticine

Posts: 260
Joined: 6/9/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Plasticine
There is an inherent sadism in the desire to control others, and there is an inherent masochism to the desire to be controlled. You cannot extricate sadism from dominance in my opinion. You can deny it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there.

Really? I find this statement consistent with other things you have written, but it doesn't reflect my personal reality. What about benevolent leadership? Personally, I find that WAY too many things seem to get wrapped up under the banners of dominance and submission. Then again, when I refer to those terms I'm referring to social dominance and submission, not sexual. For me, it is as simple as who's giving the orders and who's receiving them.

I agree with you and I also am not speaking sexually, but I would suggest that sadism is far more prevalent than one might imagine. I gave the example in another thread of the film Borat (and other works of Sascha Baron Cohen). While it is widely considered "comedy" it is in fact sadistic performance art humiliation. People love cruelty as long as you don't make them admit it.

(in reply to leadership527)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/8/2010 5:42:52 AM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

I am somewhat hoping my Master will choose to post in this thread (playful hint hint nudge since he usually reads his slave's posts!). This is because my Master self-identifies to me as both a Dominant and a Sadist.

I definitely see the difference, however, and think that even if Master were not a sadist, he would still be a dominant. Most of our relationship does not hinge on any sort of pain dynamic, though there is ALWAYS the essence of his control. He is usually rather gentle with me, actually, in our day to day interactions. He does enjoy his open palm on my ass at random moments, just to hear me squeak and see me jump, but most of the time it is a dynamic based on complete surrender of my power to him. I kneel to him, I carry out his mundane orders, I dress as he wants me to do so, he has final say in all things though he does always want my input as well.

It is only sometimes during play that Master truly wants to pull out a sadistic toy of some sort (we will be experimenting with a crop during my next visit, as I've never had one used on me before) and turn my pale skin deep red, mark me to enjoy the sight of it. It isn't even all the time in play that he wishes this. Most of the time it is enough for us that he can simply choose to take me whenever he likes that adds the spice.

This topic is giving me a fair amount to think about, as I've never really considered that a sadist and a dominant could be two entirely different things. I'm still fairly new to the lifestyle, however, so it's not hard to do that, lol.

< Message edited by HisEvelyn -- 7/8/2010 5:45:40 AM >

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: sadism V dominance - 7/8/2010 3:01:15 PM

CuteDomCouple

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

I'm much more of a dom then I am a sadist -- and DesFIP has a huge part of it correct. the little things about control -- where some one stands, what they bring you being picking to make sure it's correct, finding appropriate punishments and rewards -- these things are ultimately rather boring, and unless are are in fact really interested in the minutia it's a lot like watching someone else play a video game.

That said -- the trappings of bdsm -- the floggers and canes and what not, are a large part of the aesthetic that the community uses to set it self apart.

I treat my vanilla lovers exactly the same way that I treat my kinky ones. I'm always in control. The difference is really a matter of scale -- do i push you around, or do I slap you around, everything safe sane consensual and at the right level.

Since my vanilla lovers keep coming back and a good chunk of them don't become "kinky", it makes sense that the SM part is used as a social differentiator.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Profile

Post #: 52