Am I Too Picky?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Am I Too Picky?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Am I Too Picky?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Am I Too Picky? - 6/15/2010 9:03:35 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

lately, i have been getting a lot of requests from people claiming to be a submissive or slave for me to own them. its been a 3 scenario rotation of reactions. Half of the profiles have either no photo, or some sexually graphic picture, so when i ask for a face photo (#1) they refuse to give me one due to "privacy reasons", or if they give me one and i don't find them attractive (#2), they ask could they pay for a session. however, i make enough to the point where i do not need to take on everybody i meet as clients, so i won't play with somebody whom i am not attracted to(in addition to other compatibility factors)-free or paid. as for the 3rd reaction, when i say no to a paid session, they tend to offer me large amounts in hopes that i change my mind. when i don't, i get verbally bashed(i block at this point) about how i have no right to pick and choose who i want to play with, especially if i'm getting paid. is it wrong for me to be picky about who i deal with based on attraction in a business aspect?

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

Post #: 1

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/15/2010 9:15:36 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Attraction was not an element when I was a pro dom. I was not in any personal relationship with those men, I was there to engage in a business transaction.

I did choose based on whether we were a good *personality* match, and of course a kink match. I was picky as hell--most pro doms are! Why should you feel obligated to see someone who is rude, smelly, boring, or anything else that you find off putting?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/15/2010 9:22:27 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

What's the issue? You can say no to any relationships, paid or otherwise.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/15/2010 10:56:17 PM

DommeKeliDallas

Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

I always have to say hello to my "whisperer" Steven...
Last time I checked money is money.
but I was also the campaigner for "JUST SAY WHOA" for Dommes who didn't want to see old, pee-stained subbies in Dallas.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/15/2010 11:24:02 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

"money is money" sort of doesn't sit well with me. reason being with s-types with that philosophy is that they believe if they dropped a few hundred, i'll do any kink-related activity. for one example, i was contacted about doing some foot fetish and trampling. no big deal- until somewhere it turned into "step on my throat until i pass out" i didn't meet him, and i told him that its a bad idea to engage in something so dangerous-which is why i refused to do it. he promptly jacked up his offer to around $500 for it. still wouldnt do it- moral fiber wouldnt allow me no matter how much cash he threw at me.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to DommeKeliDallas)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/16/2010 12:00:38 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

choose who ya wanna deal with. your perogative.

end of story./

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/16/2010 5:07:43 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

"money is money" sort of doesn't sit well with me. reason being with s-types with that philosophy is that they believe if they dropped a few hundred, i'll do any kink-related activity. for one example, i was contacted about doing some foot fetish and trampling. no big deal- until somewhere it turned into "step on my throat until i pass out" i didn't meet him, and i told him that its a bad idea to engage in something so dangerous-which is why i refused to do it. he promptly jacked up his offer to around $500 for it. still wouldnt do it- moral fiber wouldnt allow me no matter how much cash he threw at me.

Sounds like it works for you, so what is the problem?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/16/2010 5:13:37 AM

LadyCimarron

Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline

There is no such thing as too picky. You know what you want and what you don't want. And just about every business I know reserves the right to refuse their services to anyone.

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/17/2010 12:15:10 PM

rob425

Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline

Play with who you want. As other people have said its not like you have to date everyone you see on the streets.

Granted I play as a switch I have experienced this on both ends my current dominant playpartner has been hit on by a creeper who insisted that since he was an unattached sub and she was currently not with any of her sub's she should play with him.

You are not picky! Infact you are in the best spot as a dominant female as you are in the kink minority you have your choosing of all the subs you want. Be picky and play with those you like. It will make your play that much more fun as well

(in reply to LadyCimarron)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/18/2010 5:05:02 AM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline

It's your business (either personal or professional) whom you allow into your life. Why should it seem picky? As you have seen in personal experience, meeting someone off the internet can be risky. Paid or not, if you can't get into it, you can't get into it. Don't let the bashing get to you. If you do, the jerks win.

_____________________________

Women and cats will do what they please. Men and dogs need to relax and get used to the idea.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/18/2010 10:35:46 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with being picky....There's lots of crazies out there....

Diane

(in reply to Ladynslave)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/18/2010 6:21:04 PM

Runabout

Posts: 5
Joined: 12/4/2009
Status: offline

Crazy to some is normal to others. That being said, if you aren't compatible with someone, then I see no reason why you can't say so. Far better to be considered picky than to be with someone you have no real connection with.

(in reply to DianeB269)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/18/2010 6:55:14 PM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

i understand what everybody is saying, but i do sometimes feel a bit bad to refuse my services. i never feel bad if the guy is giving off a creepy vibe or is a complete douche, but it sucks a bit if the person is really nice and sweet, but is 3 times my age, sloppy, overweight(weight really doesnt matter too much, but sometimes its a sign of not taking care of themselves), or is just generally unattractive to me. but i dont believe in doing things out of pity and i'll be sitting there and be generally uncomfortable and/or disgusted with them physically but thinking "oh, they are a real sweetheart." *sighs* its troublesome.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to Runabout)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/18/2010 7:00:44 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

You know... I have a friend who is a therapist. She works out of her house. She chooses who she will allow into her home / her world.

Also importantly, she decides who is too much work or someone she just doesn't like. It's your time. Use it as you wish.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/19/2010 4:18:47 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

NEVER feel badly about saying NO. There are a lot of other pro dominants for them to choose from, if you have the slightest feeling of "this isn't working" then turn them down. Even more so if they want something that you just don't do.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/20/2010 3:21:16 AM

MissAsylum

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

i can be a giant mush ball inside...sometimes i can't help it. *semi-off topic* i was once bullied by somebody who kept telling me to lower my prices and in an attempt to make me feel bad(i'm only guessing) he said- "there are a lot of other girls around here that are way hotter than you for cheaper and can do it better." i told him that he should go see one of those prettier, cheaper, more skilled ladies and quit harrassing me about it. but the entire time, i kept thinking he was referencing a street walker that he could get downtown. lol

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/20/2010 5:56:16 AM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Attraction was not an element when I was a pro dom. I was not in any personal relationship with those men, I was there to engage in a business transaction.

I did choose based on whether we were a good *personality* match, and of course a kink match. I was picky as hell--most pro doms are! Why should you feel obligated to see someone who is rude, smelly, boring, or anything else that you find off putting?

Whilst attraction was not much of an element in my pro sub time either I do understand your point as I had one particular client (he looked like that bold creature from lord of the rings in the forest...dont know its name as I don't watch it but he was just physically pretty much my worst nightmare despite that he was a nice person as such). He met me twice and who was very keen on me but I just could not get over it to do anything with him...at the second meeting I pulled myself together harder but he then made the mistake to wait far too long as about 5am is not a time where I am much in a mood...so I do know that at certain times it can be tough but he was the only exception where I really felt the struggle, the other ones I could tolerate.

However, I also went via pesonalities when I could afford to do so, so if someone did put me off then I told him forget about it. I also had at least one person who tried to pull the card that I wouldnt have the choice as getting paid for it so I told him to try to enforce it when he thinks that this would be the case...I advertised on an independent escort page and nobody could force me to meet anyone, it was up to me and nobody else. Also had funny clowns who demanded quite a big discount (which I sometimes - not often - agreed to when I already had booked a place) but then expected to still get as much service as people who pay the whole fee, in regards to how much time and effort I put in into preparing myself with dressing up and whatever...*shake my head*...

Therefore it is up to you, after all you need to feel comfortable, otherwise, what is the point?

I would see it that way, if they react that way, then it was obviously better not to have met them in the first place.

I had once a guy who sounded nice on the phone but on one occasion, after I had a rather unpleasant experience from one client already, he seems to have forgotten to switch off his phone or he wanted to cause that effect, I heared metallic noises from him on my voicebox which made me rather nervous as I didn't know for sure if that is noises from a wheelchair, from a gun or something which has nothing to do with me at all...needless to say I stopped any contact with him...better safe than sorry. Or another person who was nice as such but at times appeared as if he is in a different mental stage, kind of as if he stands beside himself at times whilst talking to me and he was extremely turned on from the marks I had at one time from my C-Dom after my first caning, which he addressed during the second meeting with him...when he tried to date me the 3rd time I left that page for good in regards to actually meeting people...him I would have never ever trusted to be tied up, he was just creeeeeeeeeepy.

So trust your gut feelings and your taste what you want, it is up to you whom to meet and whom not

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/20/2010 6:07:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The only thing I would like to add is that sometimes you can be turned off by a photo but have a chemistry in real life. As well as the opposite scenario, of course. But it's your choice who to take as clients. Besides, if it feels bad to you, then you wouldn't be able to have it be an effective session. Better to turn them down than take money for something you can only go through the motions with.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/23/2010 6:48:05 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Can you really give anyone you don't really want to be with a fair shake? I know I can't. I've tried with people I was just dating and people in the scene. When they have traveled to meet you and put out money, it seems wrong to say...ummmm no thanks, but pushing through it then saying no thanks to seeing them again can't be better. It is harder when they are nice guys, but i think the nice guys deserve to find someone who really cares too.

As for being a professional, in any human service field there will be people who you mesh with and those that push every button you have and you might not even know why. It is best for them to have someone else to work with. They deserve a counselor, case manager, etc who can give them their all. It doesn't make you bad that you feel differently about different people, it just makes you human.

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I Too Picky? - 6/25/2010 10:26:45 AM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

lately, i have been getting a lot of requests from people claiming to be a submissive or slave for me to own them. its been a 3 scenario rotation of reactions. Half of the profiles have either no photo, or some sexually graphic picture, so when i ask for a face photo (#1) they refuse to give me one due to "privacy reasons", or if they give me one and i don't find them attractive (#2), they ask could they pay for a session. however, i make enough to the point where i do not need to take on everybody i meet as clients, so i won't play with somebody whom i am not attracted to(in addition to other compatibility factors)-free or paid. as for the 3rd reaction, when i say no to a paid session, they tend to offer me large amounts in hopes that i change my mind. when i don't, i get verbally bashed(i block at this point) about how i have no right to pick and choose who i want to play with, especially if i'm getting paid. is it wrong for me to be picky about who i deal with based on attraction in a business aspect?

To think is to say no. —Émile Auguste Chartier

(Sometimes)

I can relate, especially where you use the term lately. It sometimes seems "online BDSM" has become a dumping ground for the toss-backs. Social networks allow a lazy form of communication with relatively passive interest, not only in an individual, but in the lifestyle pursuits that supposedly connect people—and considering how much of a mainstream trend "fetish" has become and continues to be, the dysfunction is only increasing. The bar for your personal selectivity probably hasn't increased much; it's just that the quality of the crop of late has lessened to such a degree that you are rejecting nearly 100% of would-be "slaves" based on your standards. Never lower your standards, I say. The once every year or two gem is worth the wait. Even from a business perspective, that philosophy holds.

_____________________________

Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to MissAsylum)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Am I Too Picky?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094