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i am new - 6/15/2010 9:17:09 PM   
NewbyOne


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		How do i set the limits with what i will do in a total power exchange relationship?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: i am new - 6/15/2010 9:25:46 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Wait a second!!!!!  That's like a neophyte swimmer asking what swimming stroke she should use for swimming across the Atlantic.

TPE is not for novices.  I recommend you start as a submissive, with as many limits as you feel comfortable with.  If things progress well, and you trust your Dom, then you might want to get into a Master/slave relationship.

So why the interest in TPE?  If a prospective Dom suggests it to a newbie, that's a huge red flag to me right away.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to NewbyOne)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: i am new - 6/15/2010 9:45:37 PM   
FelineFae


Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline 		Q- How much power do you hand over in total power exchange ?

A- All of it.

So before this happens, please know what you're getting into.


DarkSteven has given you great advice.

_____________________________

FelineFae
All right reserved by Chaos
: Disclaimer :
Do not expose FelineFae to direct sunlight.
FelineFae cannot spell in any language.
Granting of Fae-Wishes VOID where prohibitededed.
Individual results may vary.


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 12:07:48 AM   
lyinaboutitall


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		I am new myself and I have agree that I don't agree with jumping into something like that until you get your feet wet. Shop a little and see what people have to offer

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 12:10:48 AM   
TimrehIX


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/29/2009
Status: offline 		Every relationship is different event TPE relationships. My answer comes from my experiences and is in no way universal to all TPE relationships.

When you enter in to a TPE you surrender all power, so theoretically you abandon your limits. However in practice a sub/slave always has the option of leaving the relationship. A Dom(me)/Master has an interest in keeping you there. Desires and limits will(should) be discussed at the beginning of the TPE. If you are a sub keep in mind that only being ordered to do things you want to do is not the nature of TPE. Consider which of your limits are total deal breakers. Be frugal with your personal demand when entering in to a TPE but if they are important to you make sure they are expressed. If you want monogamy but your Dom wants to share you around, it is something that needs to be addressed at the very beginning. I find it is best to find a compromise. But it’s the Dom who gets final say. The only absolute decision you get is weather to stay or leave the relationship.

(in reply to NewbyOne)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 12:13:13 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what Steven said.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to TimrehIX)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 3:28:30 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		TPE isnt without negotiation at the outset - a time for the two of you to discuss things.  you must have some idea where youre personal limits lie - what pain limts you have, where youre ethics, morals and integrity sit.  youre not a newbie to life generally, apply what you know about youreself and how you feel you wish to be treated and then go and find youreself a Dominant who closely aligns to you.

i think its more a case of finding the right person for you who isnt going to push you too hard, too fast and expect too much from you to start with.  so find youreself an emotionally intelligent, responsible, caring person who would be happy to start slowly and gradually build it up to TPE.

... and ive just looked at youre profile - youre 36 so you really should have some idea what YOU the person want/feel/dont want/are repelled by/are intreagued with/wouldnt touch with a ten foot pole.  just putting 'im really new to this' is just asking for trouble, every predator on the site is going to pounce on you.  savvy up quick.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 6/16/2010 3:35:08 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 4:04:54 AM   
NewbyOne


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		Thank for the info, i will stop saying i am a newby.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 4:13:37 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
every predator on the site is going to pounce on you.  savvy up quick.


I haven't!  She's too far away...

*sobs*


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 4:20:08 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Your profile says you are very new to this. So how will not saying it change the reality of it?

If you haven't done enema play, how do you know if you will be able to tolerate it and thus if you need to look for someone who also isn't interested in this? Same for everything else. Not to mention you will discover that things that don't upset you in theory will cause bad emotional reactions when you try them. So what then?

Are you bisexual, and if so will you agree to have sex with women you neither like nor are attracted to? Same for men. Will you prostitute yourself to strangers in a bar as punishment? Will you try to get your sister to join you in bed? If you have a daughter, what will you do if asked to have her train as his sex slave? And all these are things that subs get asked to do. So think carefully and then even more carefully before you get into any sort of power exchange. And know the person you are submitting to even better.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to NewbyOne)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 4:26:45 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
every predator on the site is going to pounce on you.  savvy up quick.


I haven't!  She's too far away...

*sobs*



youre a cuddly bear predator, we like cuddly bears, its the scaley, slippery ones i was referring to

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 4:31:07 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		if you want help with youre profile write to me on the other side and ill try and give you some pointers.

and by the way, you can learn alot from a persons photo and profile name.  if theyre looking all daft with some stupid aggressive expression -PASS - if theyre calling themselves UberDomAlmighty or SirFucksAlot - PASS.  if they approach you with a comment along the lines of 'every time i write to you i want you to kneel' - PASS

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 4:39:40 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Your profile says you are very new to this. So how will not saying it change the reality of it?

If you haven't done enema play, how do you know if you will be able to tolerate it and thus if you need to look for someone who also isn't interested in this? Same for everything else. Not to mention you will discover that things that don't upset you in theory will cause bad emotional reactions when you try them. So what then?

.


the thing with that is that youre not going to know alot of things until you try them - no one does - coming up with a long list of things you 'think' you wont like will put alot of people off.  my approach was very much along the lines that ill try most things at least once and reserve judgement.  at the very start i had an absolute fear of whips, canes, anything that resembled a weapon in fact - ive learnt that i can tolerate them.

as for just having one line on her profile saying 'im really new to this' is like painting a bullseye on youre arse and hanging youreself over the nearest wall for any passerby to take a swipe.  its almost like saying 'im a total victim come and take me'.  i agree you need to flag up youre newness but you need to temper that newness with a switched on, savvyed up profile that tells asshats she's not here to take pot shots at.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 8:13:33 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		TPE that is rather a lot to start off with. Like others why don't you start out as a sub. To jump righ in with both feet does not seem wise.

As for your hard limits we cannot tell you that. Things you will not or cannot bring yourself to do. Things you are not sure of can be a soft limit those can be pushed. Those are you personal preferences. Some erople don't mind and some love to be shared, but for me not being shared is a hard limit. Some people like being used as a toliet for me that is a hard limit. Over time you limits may change. Somethings i had as soft limits have been pushed and somre i don't have anymore. So your limits are your own.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 9:49:35 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewbyOne
How do i set the limits with what i will do in a total power exchange relationship?
My own personal opinion is that you don't... not up front and not later. So what that means is that if the guy you're with inspires thoughts of "limits" then you're with the wrong man.

Honestly, this question makes all the "train wreck" flags in my head pop up and wave. Like Dark Steven, I'd like to know why you're so fascinated with TPE.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to NewbyOne)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 11:04:25 AM   
PrimalConsonance


Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewbyOne

Thank for the info, i will stop saying i am a newby.


But...your name says it all...and aren't YOU a newby?  Just observing...and submission (crawling), before TPE (running).  Take some time.


_____________________________

AKA: CNJDom (types in black) and roselaure (types in Red)


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss


(in reply to NewbyOne)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 5:13:22 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		You have to:

Join your local community
Attend numerous munches
Find a protector
Accept a mentor

Only then will you be able to comprehend your limits and be able to discuss them.

Otherwise you'll be visited by an officer of the Division of Internet Created Kink Services and placed under house arrest.

Be careful out there.




_____________________________



(in reply to NewbyOne)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: i am new - 6/16/2010 5:36:22 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewbyOne

How do i set the limits with what i will do in a total power exchange relationship?


I would suggest you not worry right now about what your limits are but concentrate on those things which are not limits and which you feel comfortable or excited about. Just a few things because starting small is a fine thing to do. For example, you might like blindfolds and light spanking so just say that and that the rest may be explored in time. Find someone who is equally comfortable with *your* comfort levels and see where things lead. What it outlandish today may become a *must* have for you tomorrow but there is no rush, no hurry and no horses to race. If someone asks you about your limits, it is perfectly fine to say.. "I'm not sure but I am interested or intrigued by ABC and hope to find someone that won't push XYZ on me before I'm ready."

Hope that helps!

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to NewbyOne)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: i am new - 6/17/2010 2:39:40 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		she's removed her profile - prolly a good thing - or she's been gobbled up - hopefully she's gone off to think things through a bit more. 

< Message edited by lally2 -- 6/17/2010 2:40:09 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: i am new - 6/17/2010 3:30:22 AM   
SirNomdeplume


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/15/2010
Status: offline 		I believe that limits are about trust. Example you say not this and once you are bund its up to the master to do or not do. I agree on what was said earlier. Concentrate what you enjoy. fiind a master that enjoys doing what you enjoy. If you have amaster who rnjoys what you do not then there will be aproblem, and the problem will probly be your! You then will probly be looking for a new master!

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 20
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