RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpretation?

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RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 7:48:05 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
If we see a thread on CM about a hot wax enema, does this have anything to do with your local real life community? I am just failing to see the connection.

Well sure it could, especially if the guy wanting to do the hot wax enemas is the same guy who thinks there should be no rules at the local club and he wants to do it there.

Of course the entire issue becomes a lot more complicated when it comes to public play. It stands to reason that what people do in the privacy of their own homes isn't going to come under the scrutiny of others unless they choose to broadcast it.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 21

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 8:03:53 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I didn't see the other discussion, so this may be taking the conversation in a different direction than you intended.

I think there really are some folks out there who get Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok confused with their own interpretation. That comes across as them seeing it as Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But As Long As I Call It Kink, Anything And Everything I Do Is Ok. This is that messy little area where all of the other cute acronyms get thrown out the window because any act that someone can come up with is supposed to acceptable because the carte blanche excuse of "it's kink" comes out. Harming third parties? So what. It's kink. Lack integrity in the actions? So what. It's kink.

I don't think the concept of YKINMK was ever supposed to be viewed as that.

LP nails it

ive been doing the washing up trying to work out how forced anorexia has anything at all to do with BDSM - in a Ds or Ms context its surely more a question of someones power over another gone seriously off-wack - its along the lines of saying 'if i can beat you black and blue i can starve you to death too' - its that messy little area LP is talking about

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So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 22

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 8:06:02 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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To me it means I don't want to do it, nor do I find any merit in doing it, but if you want to do it, and it's not hurting any one, animal or human, go for it, But don't expect me to be all buddy buddy in kink aspects I don't share.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We've all heard it a million times over. Some feel that it dictates limitless acceptance. Some view it as express permission to do whatever the heck they want without regard to anyone else around them. Others take a more conservative view of it. I believe that it is often misunderstood and misused. What does it mean to you? I've been reading some interesting discussion on the topic and thought I would bring it here.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 8:11:07 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
If we see a thread on CM about a hot wax enema, does this have anything to do with your local real life community? I am just failing to see the connection.

Well sure it could, especially if the guy wanting to do the hot wax enemas is the same guy who thinks there should be no rules at the local club and he wants to do it there.

Of course the entire issue becomes a lot more complicated when it comes to public play. It stands to reason that what people do in the privacy of their own homes isn't going to come under the scrutiny of others unless they choose to broadcast it.

I think that inserting meat hooks into someone's skin so that you can suspend them is highly dangerous and it is just as risky as putting hot wax up someone's asshole... but I understand this is something that happens at many public play venues... so where the line is drawn is highly subjective

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(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 24

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 8:15:23 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I generally think of it like food. I don't want to eat Balut, tongue, or escargot and think the idea is a bit disgusting, but I don't try to stop anyone else from having them. If they want to eat puffer fish, I would warn them that the toxins are in a significant number of dishes, even when correctly prepared, and would advise against it. If a restaurant had a history of many people getting sick, I would suggest that they avoid it. I'd strongly suggest that they cook pork appropriately to avoid trichonosis, although it isn't as common as it has been in the past. Likewise, there are plenty of kinks that I'm not into at all, that I might even find disturbing, but wouldn't interfere with anyone else doing them. Some, I might even try with some modifications, such as verbal humiliation only during a role play scene, rather than at random. A very few things I think are intrinsically unacceptably dangerous for anyone to do, such as actual castration.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 25

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 8:39:28 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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~fast reply~

Hot wax enema? See, while I am all WTF, the MacGyver in me wants to figure out HOW!!

I do think that we have the right to our own fantasies. I have some pretty nasty stuff happening in my brain that IRL, well... let's not go there!

I think that we have the right to practice our kinks in a way that doesn't infringe on the rights of others, if we are in public. Blood play, etc should be CONTAINED so as not to harm anyone not in the scene. Keep your screaming down so you don't shut down the room. No matter what, IN PUBLIC WE ARE AFFECTING OTHERS. That's true in a bus station, it's true in a restaurant, it's true in a club. The YMINMK idea does not negate manners, courtesy, whatever you want to call it. Yes, you absolutely should be able to wear your diaper at the party. You should NOT be able to shit in it and share your stench to nauseate the crowd. And change it in private too, kthx.

Does that make sense? "Back in the day" (quit that eyerollin', Erin!) I was told "Keep your eyes open, your mouth shut, and if you don't like what you see, walk away" A good piece of party etiquette.

Now, in terms of ACCEPTING everyone's kink.... as I said, we can all have our stuff. That does not mean I have to LIKE, appreciate, or even think your stuff is cool. I am NOT sorry, I don't have to be all PC about it, either!! Not too much squicks me, but what does, DOES! Criminy, when I think of some of the things that *I* enjoy doing, it would be purely nuts to expect the general run of folks to say Oh wow, let's do that! (would be FUN, though, just saying...)

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Post #: 26

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 9:14:38 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

I think it means "acceptance". Like all things, I don't use words like "limitless" in conjunction with humans. Maybe put in blunt terms, it means to me, "Grow the hell up and realize what is and is not any of your business"

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 27

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 9:20:56 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm just going to cut and past someone else's response to this that was already done on Fetlife because it sums up the issue for me...

mono_no_aware responded about 2 hours ago: It is, in my opinion, another way that was meant to say "To Each, There Own" Like everything else it's been bastardized by over use, watering down, and misuse. It has been used to justify poor behavior and ignored by those that are not comfortable with anything they don't like or understand. And it's no longer has the power to teach the community tolerance or acceptance. In my opinion :)

Posted so that the quote can be attributed.
boi

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 6/16/2010 9:21:10 AM >

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(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 28

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 9:24:54 AM

EclipseAbove

Posts: 220
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

I think very often the phrase is just a nonconfrontational way of saying "My kink is greater than your kink." Especially when it is delivered with a condescending tone. I think the concept of YKINMK is like freedom - as long as you don't impose on anyone else's freedom, you are free to do what you want. Personally, I've got anyone's back on whatever they want to do as long as it isn't imposing on anyone else. I may not join in, but I'll support you in being able to do it.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 29

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 12:46:34 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

From my POV it's fairly simple, there a lots and lots of things that are perfectly fine in the BDSM context that aren't of interest to me, and some that are a real turn off. In a discussion of the kink in question I might very well say "not my cuppa tea, but fill your boots" or I might say that I find a particular thing or scene to be absurd -> This isn't ever intended as a judgemental thing, it's just what I think.. I'm sure there are a few kinks in my list that others might not enjoy or find utterly silly.

There are some things -> forced anorexia being one of them that aren't just "not my cup of hippo", they're plain wrong, and I'll say so if asked.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 30

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 1:36:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Depends on whether or not it's followed by 'but it's okay'. With that it's no more than an agreement to disagree about the pleasurability of an activity. No different than arguing thin crust or deep dish for pizza. Personal taste only.

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(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 31

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 1:37:16 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
There are some things -> forced anorexia being one of them that aren't just "not my cup of hippo", they're plain wrong, and I'll say so if asked.

*nods* This and what LP said. In the end, I don't care whether someone calls something "kink" or not. At some point, my tolerance is exhausted.

What's fascinating is that this is no different than the far right moral majority types. So to them, being gay is an attack on the very foundations of love and marriage. Predictably, since they view it that way, they seek to stop gay marriage... exactly as I would seek to stop my favorite example, "barbecuing babies in your back yard". Oft-times what I think is missed is that people seem to think that whatever lines and boundaries they personally have are "normal" and "reasonable" and everyone else is wrong. The fact that I think gay marriage is fine doesn't make it fine. I happen to know it's NOT fine to other people and somehow we must, as a society, work out stuff like that.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 32

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 3:19:25 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
It means simply as long as everyone is consenting adults I have no opinion about their kink.

It cannot be said any plainer that this.

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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 33

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 3:27:37 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

For me it means that I may find what you do to be disgusting, immoral, boring, etc...but as long as your'e not involving me in any way and you're not one of my friends or my partner, then I don't really care what you do...just don't bring it near me and I won't get in your face about it.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 34

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 3:41:04 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i wouldnt say its limitless acceptance as such. i might see something and think Holy Shit thats sick - but i wouldnt say so and i wouldnt proffer my opinion (unless it involved kids or animals then i would) - id just apply that maxim - its their thing, not mine and id move swiftly on.

during extreme moments of boredom i have browsed through the pic galleries of some of the more extreme S&m sites and been seriously horrified and baffled as to how anyone could endure that sort of pain and at that level of intensity - but its all relative isnt it. someone could have witnessed a session i was in and from their level of acceptance it might have seemed completely out there and incomprehensible to them.

so long as it isnt abusing the unwitting i take the view that its their kink not mine and keep my opinions to myself.

Aye. Aye and Aye again. I agree in principle. There are some things which leave me questioning the sanity of others but then I see things through my eyes and process them through what I laughingly refer to as my brain and experience. Some things too I would want to know more, a whole lot more before I formed an opinion other then: "Not my cup of tea, no thanks".

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

A few examples that I've run across in the last 24 hours...just for perspective...

A guy who thinks that there should be NO rules or protocols at parties and clubs. Adults should be treated like adults and be free to practice whatever kinks they wish, however they wish.

Forced anorexia.

Hot wax enemas.

the first i guess is possible but it would have to be with hard core folk not fluffy-pants people like me

anorexia is a death sentance so far as im concerned and falls into the 'Are you Fucking Nuts' category - id probably shoot my mouth off to be honest - anyone who agreed to forced anorexia would have to be either unclued up about the health ramifications or incapable of making a sensible decision. therefore if they came here and asked id have to say something.

hot wax enema - wowy ouch!! - again a health issue - if they know what theyre doing i guess youd just leave them to it - but i wouldnt be queing up.

when you come up with specifics like that i start to see what you mean - hard not to have an opinion and voice it.

Again I agree. I would probably choose to either avoid or seriously limit any contact with extreemists as in my experience (noty in BDSM) extreemists are not the most mentally stable people on the planet.

BTW lally, I like your fluffy-pants sooooo cute.

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(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 35

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 3:59:27 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
For me it means that I may find what you do to be disgusting, immoral, boring, etc...but as long as your'e not involving me in any way and you're not one of my friends or my partner, then I don't really care what you do...just don't bring it near me and I won't get in your face about it.

What you just said is rather key to how I react about it.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 36

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:04:09 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

......I would probably choose to either avoid or seriously limit any contact with extreemists as in my experience (noty in BDSM) extreemists are not the most mentally stable people on the planet.

I this is the main point where people start screaming others are being judgemental, which really isn't the case. Most of us around here find things like human toilets to be of the "extreme" variety. We will make jokes, we will openly admit we find it gross and don't want anything to do with it. But most of us also readily tell those involved, "have at it, get your jollies."

When you reach the REAL extremists, the people who want someone to kill them, those that want to force anorexia on someone else or have it forced on them, we do step out of the realm of "edge play," or being extreme and into the realm of people not being entirely mentally stable in some way. Typically, when the mentally healthy and reasonably intelligent are confronted with such things, we recognize that it isn't a situation of "your kink isn't my kink," but rather a situation where, for whatever reason, the people involved have lost the ability to make rational decisions about things.

At that point, whether one simply turns and walks away or makes some effort to guide the person towards appropriate help says more about the observer than the actor.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 37

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:35:46 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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I see it more as a request from others/myself.

Your kink is not my kink...it's a simple request for tolerance.

Just because I like something, does not mean that another will like or even understand it. That's ok with me. The same goes in reverse. Just because someone else does something that I don't like or understand, does not automatically make it wrong.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 38

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:38:40 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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Tolerance is great, but there's just somethings we shouldn't be tolerating, beyond the whole ykinmk however that probably falls out side of ykinmk realm and more into common sense and legalities and stuff.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I see it more as a request from others/myself.

Your kink is not my kink...it's a simple request for tolerance.

Just because I like something, does not mean that another will like or even understand it. That's ok with me. The same goes in reverse. Just because someone else does something that I don't like or understand, does not automatically make it wrong.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 6/16/2010 6:42:39 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 39

RE: Your kink is not my kink....what is your interpreta... - 6/16/2010 6:40:49 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Tolerance is great, but there's just somethings we shouldn't be tolerating, beyond the whole ykinmk.
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I see it more as a request from others/myself.

Your kink is not my kink...it's a simple request for tolerance.

Just because I like something, does not mean that another will like or even understand it. That's ok with me. The same goes in reverse. Just because someone else does something that I don't like or understand, does not automatically make it wrong.

Your response does not even deserve to be considered. If you have to bring such a question into being, then perhaps you should reconsider those who you are conversing with.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 40

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