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PeonForHer -> RE: married subs finding Dommes to serve (6/25/2010 11:13:38 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
But those gay folks that are trying to "change" KNEW THAT THEY WERE GAY! They didn't wake up one day, look around, and say, For heaven's sake, I married I female!
As a person who has spent half her life being approached by married men who were "in denial" or "didn't know", it's an argument that I call bullshit on. You knew you had leanings/urges. You CHOSE to not act on them from the first. So did they, for whatever reason.
A lady in my ceramics class told us that her sister's high school sweetie JUST came out---after 25 yrs of het marriage, and grown children. He didn't want to have the het life anymore, so he and he wife are amicably splitting. Kids are graduated from high school, all are content. That man was gay when he was a teenager. He CHOSE the het life, because he wanted a family, and now he is doing the honourable thing and following his true self in plain sight.
Lady Hib, I think the way you state this is too black and white. You're allowing no shades of grey. The phrase 'true self' carries an assumption that cracks apart as soon as you look closely at it, for a start. Firstly, people come to know more and more about how to connect with their 'true self', if they work at it and do the right things with their minds, as they go through life. Secondly, one's 'true self' changes.
Also, I'm not considering those hypothetical people who claim never, before the age of (say) 50, to have had even an inkling that they were gay, bi, submissive, or dominant (bearing in mind that I do know femdoms who've had vanilla marriages). Though I'd keep an open to the possibility of its existence, I find that pretty implausible, too.
The movement for 'eliminating the homosexual impulse' seems to 'work best' for bisexuals, so I've heard. All that really happens, apparently, is that by whatever method, they re-learn how to suppress urges towards the same sex. They have enough heterosexual impulses left in them to keep things going with their partners, though. With men and women who have urges towards dominance or submission, I should imagine that such an urge feels as though it should be easier to suppress. That would especially be true if such people are 'bi' in the sense of being able to enjoy both vanilla and D/s urges - as, for instance, am I.
At the same time, there is a feeling - bolstered by a very strong set of orthodox beliefs about psychology - that one can eventually get rid of such urges altogether. But you don't need any psychology textbook to grasp the most fundamental psychological principle of all, here. This is that people learn to put up with less than they want. They'll put up with partners who aren't right for them in all sorts of even very basic ways. They'll swap blissful-but-unrealistic for pleasant (or even only 'bearable')-but-real. That may work for year after year - till they suddenly come across the possibility of that old bliss being realisable, again.
You say, 'As a person who has spent half her life being approached by married men who were "in denial" or "didn't know", it's an argument that I call bullshit on.' In a sense, 'bullshit' is dead right. But what kind of bullshit are we talking about? Bullshitting can be a potent thing, if it's done minute-by-minute, every day, for year after year, to oneself.
Lastly, I'm going to re-emphasise (because I've just seen your 'I don't like men' comment on another thread [;)]) - this isn't just a male phenomenon, it applies to at least two femdoms that I know, too. These two have had miserable vanilla partnerships only to 'burst out' as femdoms in their thirties even - in one case - in her late forties. I'm saying that just in case anyone's on a search here for 'new reasons for us all to accept that men are nasty' - bear in mind that such supposed reasons could be used for bashing certain femdoms, as well.
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