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RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 7:38:45 PM

ChainedExistence

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Not sure why it matters unless there's going to be a " Pay the person with the most experience" contest, and if that's the case..I'd LOVE to see some ancient Dom cracking a victory whip on his equally ancient sub!( and if they are in black leather fetish wear...all the better ! hehe)
Experience is nice for some things (like safety in how to do certain activities)..but even so, a Dom's experience with another slave doesn't tell me that much about what he'd be like with me. Master likes to joke that he's the Andy Griffith Dom.- someone with a code of personal ethics, and a down home sensibility. Those are the qualities that led me to have faith in him- whether he'd had years of experiences or not.

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 4/12/2006 7:39:40 PM >

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Post #: 21

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 7:50:55 PM

pandora56

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Joined: 9/9/2005
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i once heard the definintion of humility as being "teachable". There are many so called "experienced" people in BDSM that are convinced they know everything and are therefore the most dangerous people in the world. Those that consider themselves infallible usually are not. If a newbie stuck with those with experience and wisdom, emphasis on the wisdom, they may show much more progress than someone who sat around online or reading books. Our lifestyle is experiential, not academic. i was once told by a friend that he considered me a better motorcyclist than most of the members of our club simply because i rode every day, all the time. i hadn't been riding as long as others, but in the time i had been riding i had put on more miles. But still mileage means little if the person remains closed to experiences and new learning.

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Post #: 22

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 8:35:03 PM

CERCKL

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quote:

In a recent post a person stated they have 33 years in the lifestyle and then when I looked at their profile it stated they were 43 years old. In doing the math it brought to mind this question, how do you measure experience?

OK, in the 'lifestyle' none...don't wear leather (against my chosen ethic beliefs...), never been to a munch, club, party...though might be attending my first one this weekend...as far as the sexual aspects of BDSM...no real toys to speak of, never qualified my behavior as such 'til recently, never been big on the vocabulary...behavior-wise? Well, that all depends on definitions...see other threads for that. Guess I'm not really dominant after all...well, I'll just find my vanilla cone and go home now...sorry lotus...

C

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Post #: 23

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 8:39:15 PM

PrinceSitri

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I don't know. What I do know is there is always someone with more experience than you, and always someone who knows more than you do. And the older I get the less I think I know!

Being awake all night really isn't good for me.

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Post #: 24

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 9:11:06 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

In a recent post a person stated they have 33 years in the lifestyle and then when I looked at their profile it stated they were 43 years old. In doing the math it brought to mind this question, how do you measure experience?

I have been actively involved in the lifestyle for a little more than a year. In that I mean, going to munches, meetings, workshops, play parties and building a strong M/s relationship. I have had numerous experiences with all these things in a short time of a year. Some have been around the lifestyle for many more years than I have and have participated in considerably less lifestyle activities than I have done. Some have been much more active than I have been in less time. So how do you measure experience and do you make a distinction between observational experience and active experience?

Knight's kyra

I don't give much credence to the claim of a girl's experience. For me, an open mind, a willing heart and a deep primality trumps such a subjective concept. When dealing with submissives, I prefer they have little to no experience; I prefer not having to undo.

Regarding the dominant, however, I do feel experience, background and skill is a valid concern for the wellbeing of the submissive.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 25

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 9:13:41 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
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I'm naughty, I'm skim reading this thread as it 5 in the morning over here.

None of the Dominants I have encountered has ANY experience - of me. And to me that's what matters. And conversely, to them, I am always a Virgin. How can it be any other way when you first meet someone?

Gah I got to stop reading these romantic novels...

< Message edited by PenelopePitstop -- 4/12/2006 9:16:34 PM >

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Post #: 26

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 9:22:49 PM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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Lets see... with over 20 years myself as a submissive... I don't have enough experiance to suit some... got enough for others... and not enough to yet others. Do I care who thinks what about my experiance? Nope... the only one it matters to is whom I give my submission to.

As to looking at the experiance of the one I might submit too. Well, depending on the conversations, the meet, the feel, the pull, perhaps a scene, (no one knows for sure till it happens if it happens). Guess I'll find out then. I prefer one to know some of what they want, and what they're doing. But experiance is something to this one that grows with time. More so with time together. I would rather have someone tell me they're still learning, than a blow hard know it all.

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Post #: 27

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 10:04:23 PM

enthralled

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
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I think that it's individualized (per se). What I'd consider to be 'experienced' would not nessessarily be the opinion of the next person and vice-versa. I have specific things I look for that some may find of no importance in thier own measurement of experience.
For instance, some consider me inexperienced because I've never accepted a collar; at the same time, I'm very experienced in edgeplay, attend workshops and demos on a regular basis, and am active within the BDSM Community in my area.
I believe that for the most part, people measure other's experience in looking at thier own.

Respectfully,
enthralled

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Post #: 28

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 11:37:42 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

None of it matters anyway. It is the person. Trust me.

Great post.

'nuff said.

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Post #: 29

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 11:39:17 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

You have to remember that each year spent on line is equal to 10 years of 'experience'. So, hmmm... 7, divide here.. , carry the 2, add in the actual r/t and subtract the time I boycotted the internet .. add in those two weeks, double for the camping trip ... and .. ok.. here we go..

I've been experienced in BDSM for 123 years!

Sheesh.. no wonder I'm so tired.

Celeste

Okay i burst out laughing at this one. LMAO!!

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 30

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/12/2006 11:57:38 PM

NickInSLC

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/9/2005
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I'm not entirely sure that experience is the best benchmark to use. I know people with 20 plus years who couldn't top a baked potato. Conversely, I know people with only a couple years of experience who are not only technically competent tops, but also really get the power exchange dynamic.

I've found that people really like to talk about themselves. (it's my second favorite hobby) All we have to do is listen. A few of them are really smart, but most are fulla shit. It's usually pretty easy to tell.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 31

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 4:08:51 AM

LeatherBentOne

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Joined: 9/27/2005
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BitaTruble,

Fantastic response and what an excellent sense of humor you have. Love it.

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Post #: 32

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 1:58:03 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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I am "new" I suppose - any way some might view things.
I can remember thinking I had "tendencies" in a submissive direction since I was 10 year old (that age is the earliest I can remember having fantasies. They were about a boy I had a huge crush on in the 4th grade catch me as I was fainting and carrying me to safety under a tree outside in the Springtime. Fantasies continued through high school but I never acted on anything until I was an adult and just two years ago.

I stumbled on the Dungeon net website (I really wasn't looking for it, so maybe that in itself was a gift - I was researching something else and this came up in a list of topics online and I just to see what that site was about. I started reading all of the topic headings there and one led to this one. When I told someone that they laughed (maybe they didn't believe I "stumbled on it"- but it came up when I was researching something for work - I called it up because I was bired with what I was working on and intrigued and figured i take a"fifteen minute break" (he) and do some 'light reading and perusing" on the web. Well I gave it a second look and it's almost uncanny it happened when I think about it now) - my curiopsity has been piqued for two years now and I'm no less fascinated than I was the first day I started "looking ionto it" - I more interessted than ever.

Dungeon.net had references for books and articles to read (as does Collar.me)and I read at least two hundred of them; sometimes I just read people's personal web-pages listed on those sites - because their perpectives were pretty interesting to me about 'roles and proclivities' - and I thought it was fascinating and related to so much of what I read. I read about Masters, Mistresses, slaves and submissives male and female) Doms, Dommes Tvs, cross-dressing, fetishes, gay and lesbian subs and slaves, and on and on - I learned a lot (always more to know and it's been two years and I still love all the reading). I read stories and creative writing on those web pages, too. Some were really well written and creative.

After about 9 months of reading (I was dealing w/personal events that put my desire to do it sooner on "hold") - I went to three muches in my area and met someone and had ten "scenes" with that person over the course of a year, and we were also freinds and talked over the phone and they gave me books to read and we did "vanilla" things too.It helped I suppose that they had about 6 years of active interest (because I certainly had none).

There is a so-called "club" in my home town but it's in a pretty scary part of town and I drove past it but haven't had the nerve to walk in alone and am not sure I want to do that (maybe if I go back to a munch I'll meet some who know what else is in my town as far as "meeting places". I don't know many locally (two). I think people are all unique and knowing somone as a person is probably at least as important as knowing their experience level. Experienced is nice. Willing is nice, too. I suppose some day I'll be more of both. - Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/13/2006 2:10:26 PM >

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Post #: 33

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 4:51:56 PM

MstrFury

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well Kyra....a low bow to you and my hat off to Knight....your time with him and the teaching he's given reflects well in the questions you bring to the posts...

KoM...good job as not only an intense thinker...but leaving a great reflection of yourself in your charges.....again..well done...

Fury

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 34

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 5:05:24 PM

saltygoodness27

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I would define any desire or reading I did before actually stepping into the community as "an interest". A lot of us can see a trend, if we look back to our childhood. I'd say that was a "tendency". If you were applying for a job, even if you had a degree in a subject, you still have no experience if you haven't actively put your knowledge to the test.

Fire

I really like this description. I laught every time some tells me they were born submissive/dominant. They might have been born with the tendencies, but that does not experience make.
Having a tendency towards the dramatic does not mean you're an actor:-)

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Post #: 35

Its all BS - 4/13/2006 5:59:15 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
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There are many great posts here and anyone who is stressing experience has none. Just like a guy with a big cock doesn't mean he is a good fuck.

I like what someone said about not having any experience with "me" which kind of sums a lot of it up. This is the same BS that goes with labels, everyone who is worried about them is always using the "best" one for themselves and denigrating the rest.

I saw that as a Dominant of the oldest of European houses who began his training in the womb...

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Post #: 36

RE: Its all BS - 4/13/2006 6:36:41 PM

DelightMachine

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"I have measured my life in coffee spoons."

Sorry, best I can do tonight.

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Post #: 37

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 6:44:23 PM

KnightofMists

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Thank you.. I am fortunate... . I did not create this precious diamond.. I only cleaned it off alittle.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 38

RE: Its all BS - 4/13/2006 6:56:30 PM

EvilGeoff

Posts: 523
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Hmmmm... how to measure experience? Good question. Not sure I have a good answer. At least not a serious one. I need to ponder on this a bit....

Okay, pondering done.

I measure experience in terms of longevity, activity, character, and capability. Someone with a lot of time doing something has a lot of experience. But their character may be such that I will discount their years of experience because of their immaturity and childish behavior. They might swing a flogger with the best of them, but if they can't balance their budget or tie their own shoelaces, they aren't terribly capable.

Online, anyone can claim eleventy-seven years of experience. Doesn't mean jack diddley squat. They can claim to be a dom or sub, a Master or slave. I can claim to be a life long celtic druid, prove me wrong! But face to face, flesh to flesh, where flogger meets ass, where command meets obedience, where integrity and honesty meet trust... There is where you measure experience.

Measure it carefully, you probably do not want to have your body or heart injured by the inexperience (or immaturity) of your partner.

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to DelightMachine)

Post #: 39

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 7:41:39 PM

Arpig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

None of it matters anyway. It is the person. Trust me.

That's pretty much how I see it.

...hey I was in a vanilla marriage for 13 years, does that count as experience as a sub?

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Post #: 40

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