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RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 9:00:19 PM

akisha

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Well this is a very interesting topic. i started on this journey at around 16/17, so some would think i had lots of experience, but really my "in life" experience is quite limited. i do count my vanilla time as learning experiences as i learned what did not fullfill my desires. i learn more and more all the time about what i want and what i need. and i know there is tonnes more information and experiences out there that i want/need/desire to expereince and learn. i also know some things that i for sure know i don't want to do. But the grey area in between is vast.
i've read alot, talked to alot of ppl and had the joy of making some really good friends and having some pretty good experiences.
i look forward to each new experience with eagerness. i love to learn new things and to find out what does or does not work for me. being very open minded and willing to try things helps.
*smiles* i always thought i was a real wuss then discouvered i have a pretty high pain threshold. *grins*

Truthfully i would consider myself to be on the low side of experience but i have met some ppl who thought i was on the higher side of experience. i guess it depends on the experience of those you are with at the time. i rarely forget anything i've learned or read and that helps alot.
If we quit learning we quit living so i'll never feel i'm an expert *smiles*
Next thing on my list of want to do's... a play party, might not participate right away but i think the learning experience would be amazing. Somethings you just can visualize with out seeing it actually happening.

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RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/13/2006 11:19:31 PM

SweetPosession

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I've been playing casually since I was 15. I've been in a number of kinky relationships in the past few years and have had some really serious play recently. Particularly kind playmates have praised my skill, but I'd swear that was the endorphins talking. It was a good scene, sure, but I wouldn't call myself a good top. Maybe sometime far in the future, when I've played a whole lot longer than I have and actually feel like I know what I'm doing... Anyway, if someone asked me today how much experience I had I'd probably draw a blank. I have played with bondage, sensory deprivation, ass play, asphixiation, CBT, age play, hot and cold (fun stuff...), flogging, and half the things on that "interests" list. But I'm not "experienced" with any of them. I can perform them without causing serious harm to my partner and without making a scene go sour. Some people would say that demonstrates proficiency. I have no bloody clue.

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RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/14/2006 12:07:23 AM

bignipples2share

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I don't participate in munches or parties (only been to one munch). My experience is in the things that my partner and I liked, not in everything out there. Somethings were tried we decided not to incorporate it into our lives, others we did. So, I would say that over the course of 30 some odd years, (another partner for part of those years) I have some experience, in some things. People who are into way more than I would ever be, even if it's only a month, would have more experience than I would in many things. In that case, no matter how much 'experience' I have, it means nothing in those cases.
I agree, that it can go way back into childhood. My constantly stealing my Mom's super elastisized knee brace, so that I could wiggle into it (with extreeme difficulty) and cinch my waist grew into my facination with corsets today. So, my experience there would be, I like the look, the feel, and just about everything of having my waist cinched. Wearing one for a couple of hours once or twice a week vs 24/7 corseting and creating a permanant wasp waist is much different, yet it still is experience. So, it's all relative in how you view that experience.
After asking about experience, is not the next questions..but did you do it like this, and did you feel like that, and was it because you were pushing a limit, or did you learn from it. Again, there are going to be differences in the way you percieve that experience, no matter how long or how short it is.
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RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/14/2006 11:11:54 AM

Phoenixandnika

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From: Aberdeen Maryland
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I think the answer to this is very objective.

Like someone else I have to ask this.
If I was raised in an home where the lifestyle was openly practiced (not just the kink). Where I saw that power exchage, where I saw the expectations of both the dominate and submissive is that when my experience in the lifestyle began.

Or was it went to my first munch?

Or when I went to the first lifestyle club or dungeon?

Or when I took my first collar?

Or when someone labeled me a submissive or slave for the first time?

IF during that time I was in a "very vanilla" marriage and not active in the scene out of respect for my husband does that mean I am not experiencing or learning about the lifestyle, my needs, my wants and why they are there. Does my experience clock stop during that time?

I know what I feel is the answer to how much experience I have-ALL my life experiences affect me , teach me , make me who I am as a woman and as Phoenix slave. So in my mind I have 30 years of lifestyle experience. Now will people agree with that, probably not however again it is all perpective.

Nika{Phoenix}

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RE: Its all BS - 4/14/2006 12:53:23 PM

SusanofO

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Helpful reminder to measure it carefully (unless one wants to end up dead> Or really run through an emotional "wringer" - or run someone else through one).
Made me think about how I do it (or will in the future). I'd known and trusted the person who opened this world to me for months. It is a big "if" whether a person you think you know is going to know when to stop (especially if the other party is full of zeal and believes they are at the "jumping off place" as far as pushing themselves or being pushed).I'm curious about some things I read about that I may have only tried once (or not at all). I like to think I'll "just know" when I am ready and in large part I think that's true but need to remind myself it pays to think twice
(esp. for me right now). Plus, for me, I like to getting to know the person as a person first (still no guarantee of much in terms of "ultimate safety" I suppose). I do trust my gut (except not completely reliably at this point in time, and maybe for a month or two) but can get "carried away" (and like it).

How do I, personally, intend to evaluate things like "maturity" and someone else's "experience" level and not just write it off as "not that important right now" because I'm "really curious" about ____whatever?I trust myself. I trust other people (I like them, I really really do). But -
I may start another journal. It could help me.

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 4/14/2006 1:12:38 PM >

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Post #: 45

RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/14/2006 4:44:36 PM

RiotGirl

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quote:

So how do you measure experience and do you make a distinction between observational experience and active experience?

i suppose its the knowledge they have gained? How much, what of. What they know? The observational vs active, to me is just that. One is active and probably learned more and one is observation and probably has learned yes. But that isnt generally true. You just talk to ppl and figure it out, i suppose.

i've never consciously, or thought out measuring ppls experiences. It could be because generally the people i speak to have more experience then me and at times they have less and its easy to see. i have a ladder in my head and i just stick them on it.. with no clue as to why i stick them where i stick them. i just do.

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RE: How do you measure experience? - 4/14/2006 5:05:36 PM

refplace

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I think its cool that just about everyone ere equates experiance with active in the lifestyle and that means going to group functions and interacting with people and sessions rather then just when they first recognized an interest in it.

Rory

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