RE: Submissive with a slightly 'nilla husband--what to do???

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RE: Submissive with a slightly 'nilla husband--what to ... - 6/21/2010 6:06:10 AM

Simone79

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Joined: 6/18/2010
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I just wanted to provide a brief update and thank those who suggested that I just be more open with my husband. I was and he responded in surprising (and amazing!) ways. Still have to see what will happen from here, but I am much more hopeful--he definitely stripped the word "demoralized" from my vocabulary!

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RE: Submissive with a slightly 'nilla husband--what to ... - 6/21/2010 6:14:38 AM

DarkSteven

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Excellent!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Submissive with a slightly 'nilla husband--what to ... - 6/21/2010 6:21:43 AM

MASTERLIX

Posts: 79
Joined: 7/4/2007
From: SIR LIX OF ATLANTA
Status: offline

From what I have read, it seems "Simone79" is basically interested in the BDSM play and not D/s part of BDSM. I may be wrong, but that is what I am reading. This is rather important because while it may be easy to get her husband to participate in some BDSM play stuff, she cannot make him a lifestyle DOMINANT if it isn't in him.

SL

(in reply to Simone79)

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RE: Submissive with a slightly 'nilla husband--what to ... - 6/21/2010 7:10:58 AM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
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Congrats Simone! I wish you and your husband the best!

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

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RE: Submissive with a slightly 'nilla husband--what to ... - 6/21/2010 5:31:32 PM

Simone79

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/18/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX

From what I have read, it seems "Simone79" is basically interested in the BDSM play and not D/s part of BDSM. I may be wrong, but that is what I am reading. This is rather important because while it may be easy to get her husband to participate in some BDSM play stuff, she cannot make him a lifestyle DOMINANT if it isn't in him.

SL

You are slightly on point with your assertion--I don't know if I could do a 24/7 D/s lifestyle due to the profession I'm in. Then again, maybe that's because I truly don't understand all of this just yet. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on myself lately and I know that I want more than just some random kinky fun; there is something deeper to this that I've only recently allowed myself to admit. There have been many times in my life that I recognized it, but I quickly pushed it away without thinking about it further. I'm just now accepting that it's not freakish if I want to hand over control to someone I love and trust. I won't go into the specifics of my self exploration, but I realized that I was at war with myself for some time and finally admitting this has been completely and utterly liberating. But it also scared the crap out of me and has caused some cognitive dissonance, which is why my first post was perhaps a bit high strung.

In response to your main point though, I don't know how much my husband can give me regarding a "lifestyle" and I think I can be okay with that. Knowing that our future doesn't have to be completely vanilla though is reassuring and exciting. Then again, during our talk this weekend he said something to the effect of maybe having to talk to/learn from another dom. I didn't suggest it--he did--so maybe I've completely underestimated him in all of this.

I've taken to heart many of the things others shared here, especially the recommendation that I be more patient and less demanding. It took a swift kick in the pants by total strangers here to make me realize that I perhaps wasn't doing either of those things. It was a bit like being doused in cold water, but definitely needed.

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RE: Submissive with a slightly 'nilla husband--what to ... - 6/21/2010 10:39:00 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Simone79
In response to your main point though, I don't know how much my husband can give me regarding a "lifestyle" and I think I can be okay with that. Knowing that our future doesn't have to be completely vanilla though is reassuring and exciting. Then again, during our talk this weekend he said something to the effect of maybe having to talk to/learn from another dom. I didn't suggest it--he did--so maybe I've completely underestimated him in all of this.

Well, I'm glad you got some good success Simone. Three cheers for honest and forthright communication.

Just so you know, I disagree with Masterlix's statement. If your husband and you become interested in 24/7 stuff, you should absolutely not underestimate him nor should you assume that there is some secret BDSM dominant gene that he needs to have to succeed.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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